Forgiven Much

I just got through posting a new devotion about the sinful woman who anointed Jesus' feet at the Pharisee's house. It got me thinking about my own life. I have been both the Pharisee and the sinful woman. When I was a teenager I had a list of things I was told not to do and didn't do. Of course, there were plenty of things on God's list that I was plowing right through, but in my immature tunnel vision I focused on the "big things" that would make me look good and pure in everyone else's eyes. And then after several years of pridefully, loudly, publicly swearing I would never do such-and-such, the Lord (graciously) allowed my will power to fail me. And I had to take a hard look at the depths of my own sinfulness. I learned that given the right circumstance, my flesh is capable of absolutely anything.

Almost ten years after that particular struggle, my profound grief over the fall has been eclipsed by grief over my self-righteousness and pride. I was given four years at my high school to flaunt the love and grace of Christ, to show Christ in me - the hope of glory. Instead, what I flaunted before many of my classmates was will-worship, arrogance, and hypocrisy. My heart breaks when I think about things said, thought, and even prayed during that time. But God was merciful not to leave me as I was. I'm so thankful that there is hope for both the Pharisee and the sinful woman. As my mom says in today's devotion, He can take the broken cistern in that 17-year-old Pharisee's heart, and in that 18-year-old sinful woman's heart - both of whom He deeply and gloriously forgave - and create a wellspring of love for Him.