So Long Insecurity Week Seven!
OK. You guys were hilarious yesterday. Honestly, I had to write a number of your quirks down so I'd remember on particularly bizarre occasions that I'm not alone in my psychoses. I have a number of other quirks that I either forgot to share or felt best to keep in the family vault. In the words of the Psalmist David (my particular obsession right now), I could have gotten much more undignified than that.
I am still amused and mystified by one of the earliest ones from a Siesta that shared, "I don't have a middle name - just an initial 'M'." With my wild imagination and hopeless romanticism, as a child I probably would have made up a story about my mother having named me after her own mother who was a famous movie star with a name starting with the letter "M," who'd had to keep the pregnancy a secret and release her for adoption or else she would have broken her MGM contract but called for her on her very death bed, confessed the truth, professed her love, and gave her jewels...OR she might have named me after a secret agent (no, a double agent is better!) with a name beginning with "M" who she discovered after efforts of trained operatives failed when she accidentally intercepted a Sears catalog with a clandestine envelope tucked carefully into the bathrobe section when she knew she must book an immediate flight to Paris to perform a citizen's arrest with a sharpened letter-opener only to throw her hand over her mouth in astonishment for there before her stood her mirror image, the twin sister she never knew she had but, alas, she was sworn to secrecy...
Uh hum. Sorry. I forgot you were there.
What are we doing here? Oh, yes! Week Seven of So Long Insecurity! Your discussions were so great last week! I'm hoping these next two chapters will also offer us a few good items to talk about. Your assignment this week is to read CHAPTERS 12 and 13 and answer the following questions. (You will NOT want to miss Chapter 12. It's what the guys on the survey had to say about women's insecurities. Don't wait too long in the week to read Chapter 13 either. It's a little lengthier.)
1. Based on Chapter 12, name one "I already knew that" moment and one "that's new to me" moment, if either applies.
2. Based on Chapter 13, how does a weak will play into our insecurity?
I am looking so forward to your answers! Let's recommit to our journey together even if you've already read the whole book. Jump in here and discuss it with us and let's see several hundred more comments this time. In the spirit of 2 Corinthians 8:11, "Now finish the work, so that your eager willingness to do it may be matched by your completion of it." Translation? Let's finish strong!
You are a delight to serve. I may mess around with you but make no mistake. I take this role very seriously. May Christ Jesus, our One and Only Deliverer, reveal Himself afresh to you this week with resurrection power and relentless affection. He is so worthy. And, He, Beloved, is our security.
posted by Beth @ 8:00 AM
193 Comments
193 Comments:
Sorry, Cant resist this....
Beth, when Are you going to write a novel for all of us?
Heidi
Awesome insight in Chapter 12.
I already knew that men are turned off deep down inside with insecure women and deep down inside want to share their lives with a secure woman they can respect.
It was new to me that a guy that sees a women showing cleavage or dressing immodest would immediately think that she is insecure. The thought didn't occur to me that they would think like this because in our society it seems that most of them consider that sexy. But I guess not all of them do huh? Encouraging!
Jariza
33
married
Alburtis, PA
I think you may be on to something with those stories Beth! Welcome to Tucson! I think we're going to have a beautiful couple of days for you! Off to read my book!!! Excited about tomorrow and Saturday! Enjoy us crazy desert rats!
Julie B,
You got it, Tucson!
HAHAHA MamaBeth you are funny!
I love you so much!
Hey, don't think we will forget about the Spiderman picture, we'll be expecting to see it soon...
:)
I'm the "M" girl and your story was much more interesting than the truth, Beth . . . my mom (Marcia) and both grandmas (Muriel & Marjorie) have names that start with M. So, you were on the right track but with lots more exciting details. Then, years later I ended up with a mother-in-law whose name starts with M too, but (obviously!) they didn't know that would be the case when they named me . . . but God did!
I met you at the SMT Celebration in January and have been riding high on that wonderful trip since then. Thanks for being such a blessing!
Love,
Shana
I knew a person who had no middle name, but he joined the Army, and the Army says you have to have a middle name, so he picked Joe, which went on his official Army records, and went by his first name plus the middle name of Joe I guess for the rest of his life! A true story! I don't know if the military still has this rule; that was 40 years ago.
I have never shared anything on this post yet but this week I could hardly wait! I DID IT!!!!
My ex decided it was time for me to meet "the other woman" without telling me. During his regular Tuesday night pick up, she was with him. My first reaction was shock of course, then I started shaking! Immediately I said to myself, "You can not take it away from me!" I gathered enough strength to walk over, introduce myself and shake her hand. I even think my hands were steady even though I was shaking inside! After they left, I continued to reassure myself that my dignity was not there's to take! It took me about 5 minutes to calm down but it worked! When they came back, she did not get out of the car. I was able to handle the situation without acting stupid, held my head up high and kept my dignity!
Thank you Beth!
Ann
38
Single
Rockwall, TX
1.What I already knew was that men see 'cleavage' as insecurity but I wonder if they pursue those women because they know they are an easy catch?
What was new to me was, at the beginning of the Chapter you talk about women that are out to pursue and break a committed man. I know those women are out there but it made me think how we wives need to be on guard and not ignore any 'red flags' we may have or, especially, flags our husbands may have about other women. We should not take this lightly because Satan is out there roaming like a lion ready to devour marriages. Thank you Lord the Holy Spirit gives us 'red flags'!
2.We must have the will to pull ourselves out of our insecurities. It's by God's power we can do it but he has to have something to work with.
oops!
Pam
40s
Florida
Our "So Long Insecurity" group has been meeting every Thursday night to discuss the prior week's homework, so tonight we are talking about Chapters 10 & 11. Guess what my inspirational calendar says for today?
"It is impossible for that man to despair who remembers that his Helper is omnipotent." HA! Omnipotent!!!! I loved it!! :)
Way to go Ann of TX!
Praise the Lord for Victories over Insecurity!
Beth, you absolutely crack me up! Thanks for making this so much fun as well as profound. I tell my daughters that doing Bible study with you reminds me "that a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down in the most delightful way"! I forgot to tell you in my 10 quirky things that I can quote every line from Mary Poppins, The Sound of Music and Top Gun. How's that for odd?I I don't just chase rabbit trails, I jump clean in the hole! Perhaps I'm in good company. OK, OK. Off to read.
Kathy B
oops. Forgot to tell you: there's a lady in Bible study with a 3yr old son named H. Yep, just H. Her explaination: there were several dear relatives they wanted to name him after and they only common denominator was they started with the letter H. I told her she's just cool enough to pull that off.
This has been brought to you by the letter H.
I am unfortunately not responding to the questions. I just bought my book yesterday and thought I'd check out the blog, sad to see that I was a few weeks late in joining, however am still reading and will follow behind all of you. I read 5 chapters already yesterday. a little nervous to proceed, stripping away my insecurities will reveal a person I may not know!! How intriguing though. I am sooo ready! I'm 35, a wife and mom of 4 amazing kids. Even though I feel God has shaped me through these experiences, there is so much more room for growth.
Chapter 12 did not hold any surprises for me. Chapter 13 was amazing...its our choice. Taking every thought captive applying God's truth, consistently. LOVE HIS WORD and how it is alive and changing me! Thanks for writing this book Beth. This healing from insecurity has been a standing desire/prayer for me for a long time. God has used many things, His Word, people and situations to heal me but it has never been complete...till now where I am understanding the how, and choosing to walk it out daily.
I have just started reading the book, but so far am learning a ton! Places where I have already been healed, and places my heart still needs it.I look forward to reading back over the blog to see the responses you all have shared.
Blessings
Andrea
I just want to say to Ann from TX Praise the Lord!!!! That was a HUGE test of your security in Christ and you did it and kept your dignity. Way to go girl!
First of all, I loved your hilarious version of why the Siesta had a middle name with the initial M. That was so very creative. You should write a mystery!
As to the questions:
1. I admit that I was shocked to know that men are on to us! I figured we were hiding it pretty good. Wow. I guess not! I was also surprised at what I haven't found in the book yet...what about when your man seems a little too friendly with some women? That sends me into insecurity orbit. Why do they have to give a full frontal hug to some women? Why do some flirt? It's not with all women, but I can tell when he likes one. Am I over sensitive? Is it just me? Men could do alot to help their women not be insecure.
2. I think a weak will is instrumental to our insecurity.
We've got to hold onto Jesus and pray in those situations adn fight it with the sword of truth.
married
40
1. I knew but I did not know THEY knew -- page 233, cleavage -- the exposing of it screams I am insecure, I am afraid all I have to offer you is physical. (to them too??!)
2. Weak wills say 'yes' when the heart really would like to say 'no' and the more we say 'yes' when we want to say 'no', the easier it is to say 'yes' and the harder to say 'no'.
Kathie
Satsuma, Alabama
58
I've been stuck at the prayer--but I AM going to get through, I just have to take the time to do it right. :) I'm still hanging in here though!
Praise the LORD! Ann of Texas: Girl! I clapped my hands in praise to our LORD when I read what He has done in you and that YOU, Girlfriend, LET HIM DO IT!!
Thank you! You have blessed us with your COURAGE! (yesterday's Wednesdays with Beth)
Holy Hugs, Kathie
Writing from the blackberry, but just had to chime in and say I had a feeling that you would love that person's comment about their middle name;)
Catching up, writing in the p. Journal then off to so long insecurity land.
I think you may have a future in fiction! :)
1. I never thought about the fact that when we are doing the "sizing each other up" thing, we aren't putting anything past our men. They ARE onto us. And they don't like it. (And we really don't either. Do we?)
2. A weak will can end up looking like that cartoon, imaginary "devil" sitting on your shoulder. At least it does for me. I am held hostage (sometimes) to someone from my past whose voice rings in my head like this. It's critical, harsh, judgmental, and downright mean. And it really is all in my head. She made me feel insecure as a girl, and that voice makes me insecure as a grown woman, simply because I'm too weak willed in this area.
I need to say something to this "voice":
"You may have had an unhealthy control over me when I was young, but you don't get to have that control over me as an adult. I REFUSE TO HAND OVER MY SECURITY IN CHRIST TO YOU. He set me free from your grasp.He tells me something different than what you say. Now get lost."
Wow. Those words I just typed may not mean anything to you, but doggone it they were FREEING to me! I'm practically typing standing up! YES!!!!!
Thank you Beth! And your imagination kills me.....I'm laughing so hard. The only thing that comes to mind is the quote from Steel Magnolias..."you are too twisted for color tv!" (and I mean that SO lovingly! hee hee)
Becky
Owasso OK
40's
married
Ann from Rockwall, I am so stinkin' proud of you I can hardly stand it. I can't think of many set-ups for insecurity more powerful than the one you faced in Christ VICTORIOUSLY.
All in favor of Beth writing a MYSTERY NOVEL say "I"......or how about "M!"
; )
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1. My "I already knew moment" was that women seem most insecure in the area of appearance. From my teen years to even my 30's I often changed outfits several times before attending certain events and activities, always self-critical of myself in the mirrow for various absurd reasons!
My "that's new to me moment" was when women are around other women they look for reasons to not get along rather than get along. That truth astounded me when I realized how often I do that myself.
2. A weak will plays into our security by enabling us to be doormats, victims of emotional predators, and stunts or hinders our spiritual growth as the enemy sneaks in our insecure relationships and devours every ounce of our self worth.
I loved this chapter, just yesterday I lost a friendship because I made the choice to not be insecure in her company when a topic arose. This chapter helped me determine I would put some boundaries up between us at the risk of losing her. I am fine with that and proved to me that that relationship was lasting only when I remained insecure--no thanks, bad friend!!
Eva
49
married(25 yrs.)
Knoxville, TN
I feel so bad that I haven't posted the last few weeks. The enemy has really been doing a number on me...I'm all of a sudden busy at work, distracted at home, can't sleep well, etc. ...telling me that I'm not worthy to participate.
I have been keeping up with the reading and mediatating the questions, just haven't had the courage to post.
So, my book is not with me here at work, BUT I will spend some time tonight with my book in hand and will post further.
Thanks Beth for your ministry.
Valerie
Louisville, KY
40s, Married
Im with Missknitsalot - write a story!!!! You are bananas Beth - and bananas is a great thing!
Peace out Siesta Mama -
Siesta OC <><
1A. From past experience, I already knew insecurities do not attract. I have made myself gag when I have had fits of insecurity. My insecurities certainly repelled my husband too.
1B. I am surprised by how perceptive men can be. I didn't think they realized women who dress provocatively were insecure.
2. In Christ, we have victory. We must choose to strengthen ourselves in him and choose to be more than what we have been. I believe the most important step in the process of becoming secure is the decision to not allow ourselves to spin out of control emotionally, but to deliberately stand on the Word. We must arm ourselves with the truth of scripture, strengthen our will and resolve to see the lies of insecurity for what they are, and allow God to make us into the women we always were meant to be.
It isn't an easy road, but it must be traveled to find freedom from living an insecure life. I praise God for all the work he has done for me and with me in my life and am beyond thankful that he is still at work and will continue to be until he takes me home! I have a long way to go but have come so far.
Tammy
45, Married
Lusby, MD
1. Chapter 12:
I already knew that men are repelled by open displays of female insecurity.
Had NOT realized that a "telltale sign that a woman is feeling insecure is incessant talking." I definitely do realize it now that I think about it, and it will definitely make me think twice next time I catch myself going on and on!
2. Chapter 13-A weak will keeps us from making good choices, even in the best of circumstances, much less under stress. I liked the statement you made, "In the breaking of every habit, someone wills it first and feels it later." It reminds me of what my long-time pastor, now pastor "emeritus" used to say: "If you do right, you'll eventually feel right."
I need to remind myself that I can choose not to let anything make me feel insecure!!
Kathy
48
married 28+ years
Mansfield, TX
way to go Ann from TX
Hi Beth-I wrote an answer to Week 6 a little after 3 pm yesterday and don't see it listed.....this is the second time I've missed seeing my comment.....am I doing something incorrectly when I send it???? My comment about your family pics made it through......YEECH-my insecurities are showing!
Not sure how to start except to say I am really wondering where this book is going. I am not reading ahead because I do not want knowledge of what is coming to affect how I answer questions now.
I originally bought the book just so I could take part in the blog study; just because it sounded like a fun thing to do. I have always known that I had some low self esteem issues, but I wasn't really looking for a solution to them, I am pretty used to having them and do not feel they incapacitate me.
I have really had my eyes opened to the suffering of others through reading their comments. I have also been made aware that I am acting in ways that show I have more insecurities than I thought (pride, control issues)and now I constantly catch myself realizing I am insecure at the moment, when I would not have recognized that before doing this study. I am not sure yet that this is a good thing. Ignorance was bliss.
On a positive note, I have enjoyed feeling "clothed with dignity and strength" from time to time.
The last few chapters seem more focused on men and their problems and perceptions instead of on helping me figure out what to do to eliminate my own insecurities, hence my question about where this study is going. I genuinely prayed the prayer, but I in no way feel I am rid of my insecurities, I just feel more acutely aware of them. As to today's questions, I never considered that men really even perceived us as insecure as a group. I was surprised to see they think clevage equals insecurity. I always figured the ladies that felt like they needed to show it were just flirts, or had bought into the mind set the media has given them - they think all normal people should appear "sexy", including talking, joking and singing about sex constantly. Movies, tv shows of every type and best selling novels have taught them that this is the norm,(along with constant put-down humor and bullying) so they think it is natural to dress and act this way.
As to the second question, I really can't answer because I am not sure I understand the question. I tried reading what other people answered, but I am still not clear on what is meant. Do you mean how does a man's weak will (addictions to pornography, etc) make us more insecure? Or do you mean how does my weak will (let the men in my life run over me, which, by the way, I do not think I do)make me more insecure? I guess I am just not getting it here. Sorry.
To end on a light note because I hate that all my answers sound like downers, I really am getting a laugh out of reading the top 10 lists from yesterday. Thanks for the fun day!!
married
50's
texas
I am new to this,will get the book this week.
Blessings
Beatriz
55
married
Maimi, FL
Ann from Rockwall, I hope you can hear all of Siestaville applauding you.
WOW Ann from TX! You GO girlie!! What an awesome testimony for all of us. Thanks for sharing with the group! God ROCKS and so do YOU!
Tina
H-town, TX
to anomymous whose comments are not appearing - I was having the same problem and here is what I discovered: during the time it took for you to type the comment, the word verification changed, so your comment never made it off your computer screen.
To verify this is happening and to correct the problem, when you click "publish" there should be a new message at the very top of the comment page stating your comment is now being reviewed, or something like that. (You may have had to click the "do you want to see insecure items" screen first if that pops up on your computer). If the message is not there, scroll down under your comment to the word verification and see if there is a red message under it telling you that you entered it wrong, and a new word is now there for you to enter. Just enter the new word and click "publish" again, and this time it should work.
Ann from Rockwall....
That is strength and dignity in action, girl!
Just as I thought. Read chapter 5and yes that's me and that's me also, oh and yes that describes me. Uuugghh. maybe there is more work here than I thought. Despite my history and less than desirable family life, I know I ended up doing better than I should have. Could have curled up a long time ago and called it quits, however my savior had such grand plans for me. Humbling and heartbreaking to even murmur that thought, but I am so grateful that he considers me worth saving and worth holding on to. I am here today only because of his gentle arms holding me in the pit of the worst and now it is time for me to shine for him. i have been saved for 13 years now, and bogged down with my amazing life, but now it is time for that next step in worshipping him with my life, cleaning up a little more, dealing with issues instead of busying myself away from them. thank you God for Beth's ability and boldness.
1. I already knew that men are turned off by insecure women. I did not realize that they are on to us or that incessant talking is an indicator of insecurity. I could be the poster child for that one!
Will post my answer to the 2nd question after I read chapter 13.
Praying for an awesome weekend in Tuscon!
Joan
Portage, MI
40's
Married
Katie
48...no 49! Today is my birthday!
1. I already knew that men did not like needy histerical women but I did not know that they saw clevage as insecurity. I am so proud of them for that!
2. It takes a strong will to go through what Ann, 38, single, Rockwall, TX went through with meeting her ex's new woman. Now that's what Beth is talking about! Nuff said.
Ann from Rockwall - I love it when the study and the Faith...meet the flesh and bones and reality of our lives. The walking it out is different and sometimes scary, but oh the victory.
I am so proud of you! you go girl!
1. great chapter. Nothing really jumped out as new new to me...
Yes, the twenty three year old was sterotyping but I don't think he isn't getting out enough, he's probably hanging around the wrong places. Years and years ago when I used to bartend, I could have found myself saying the same thing after watching all that went on night after night and listening to people's stories. ( and just to clarify, I am not accusing him of hanging around in bars...just an example..)
I do have to say that I was really taken with the man who said "a woman's insecurites could be drastically reduced if men would love like Jesus did."
Just so beautiful.
2. For me this has been such a profound thing for me to get through... A weak will. To finally stand firmly in faith, believing that I am who God says I am. Absolutely life changing and saving...
I know this question is for ch.13 but at the end of ch.12 on page 238you wrote..."The only definitive and enduring motivation for a true transformation in our security will be God Himself. The Creator of heaven and earth assigned us dignity and immeasurable value, and only when we finally accept those inalienable truths will we discover authentic security."
And yes, the truth shall set us free! Amen!
Chapter 13 in general was very powerful to me and helpful, especially toward the end.
Love and Blessings to all the Siestas. Praying for you all.
Michelle
Vermont
40's married
Jennifer
30's
Married
Mpls, MN
1) Already know that Guys don't like overly insecure women and it turns them off and I guess I never thought about our insecurities becoming like a second nature to us. It will make me take a step back and think about how I react to things.
2) If we are weak willed or have a weak will we are more easily fooled into the lies we have believed, but if we trust God and His love for us and carry his spirit in us then though His strength we can overcome the lies we believe about ourselves.
To Anonymous at 11:54 -
I just want to say that you're not alone. I'm thinking of you and am grateful for your honesty and willingness to "put it out there."
You are loved <3
Chapter 12 was interesting, but didn't really give me any new information, but that's fine, because chapter 13 was amazing.
It is so true that we often blame our behavior on our feelings, and it's such a cop out! I think feelings are important, but we give them way too much power. but like you said, we can't just suppress our insecure feelings when they crop up and hope they go away, we need to express them, just in a healthier way. I'm still working on what that means for me, and I imagine it'll take a while, since once kind of has to be in an insecure state to practice them.
I'm easily intimidated by doing new things, especially if there's anyone else around. I'm afraid i'll look like an idiot or fail, so I just don't try, and rob myself and others of so much joy. I'm going to start taking your advice about asking what a secure person would do/say, and try my best to follow through. Tall order, but I'm going to try my best.
I have seen what a weak will can do to a woman and those around her, and it's never pretty. It makes me angry for her to think of the hole she's allowing herself to be dug into just because she can't or won't stand up for herself. But it has to be the woman's decision to want out. I've tried in vain to convince someone to change her ways only to be handed a bunch of fearful excuses and told to mind my business. What to do??? Sigh.
I praise God every day for my husband. just by loving, encouraging, and gentle prodding he has pushed me beyond some of my insecurities to a place where I don't feel I need his approval for everything, and am becoming more independent emotionally. Thank God that it's never too late to change!!!
Sister Lynn
30s
Clyde, MO
1. Deep down I knew that men (or even other women) aren't attracted by our insecurities. There was a time once that I hope I can recover when I really did walk in freedom with Christ and people really were drawn to me. It is the best personality enhancer ever!
2. You really need a strong resolve to be free of insecurities because you have WILL yourself to place all that faith in Christ who is our security.
I wanted to respond to Anonymous at 11:54 wondering where this whole thing is going. I wanted to let you know to hang in there because just like our Lord is faithful to us, Beth is the same way. I have only been privledged to do 2 or 3 of her Bible Studies but each time I was completely amazed and floored at the places she brought me. Please hang tight - like you, I am not reading ahead. I am so excited to find out what she does.
Love you Beth!!
Rene
40's
Married
Claremore OK
I havent read ch. 13 yet & will be posting when I do.
Just wanted to inform you that I was on the phone with 2 hrs. for tech support so I could hear 30min. lesson on oneplace. Still can't hear it from any of my computers. Tech. support said there must be something wrong with the website. Tried to find number or email with no luck.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE check it out. I'm missing the lessons soooooooo much. Thanks.
I had to jump in here real quick. I was just listening to Steven Curtis Chapman's newest album "Beauty Will Rise", and the song entitled "Faithful" has the most amazing words. He says in the song, "I will DECLARE IT to my heart, You are faithful!" Another verse says "I am CHOOSING to believe, You're faithful." I've been stuck on those particular phrases today, and how much of an active participant I must be when my feelings don't go along with what I KNOW, or what I want to believe about God, myself or my circumstances.
I am so far behind but I promise to catch up and post for every week I promise
Lori
PI Maine
Ann From Rockwall, YOU and your STRENGTH and DIGNITY ROCK!!!!!
Beth, YOU MAKE ME LAUGH, Girlfriend!
Love, love, loved the Top 10 yesterday, still going through those...I feel SO close to all my siestas now, we ALL have SO much in common, and then again, not so much, lol! Seriously, the top 10 from yesterday and your story today you have made me belly laugh from way down deep...I'm with Missknitsalot and everyone else, we want a novel, you crazy girl, you!
1. K...so the cleavage thing: totally knew! the incessant talker, knew, but seriously need the reminder EACH and EVERY day!! To the point that last Friday I was second in line to meet you at the B&N on Northwest Hwy and I CLAMMED UP and BARELY said a WORD to you, bc I was so paranoid I would look insecure if I said too much...LOL, seriously! And I'd just spent an hour or two with sweet new friends having a ball taking turns talking!!!!
2. Ann of Rockwall totally summed up the answer by her example, LOVE her!!!
You should write a book Beth !!!!
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32, married
Indiana
Cleavage -- yep, knew that one. I used to show my goods, and while I did it in the name of being attractive and sexy, it's really b/c I liked the attention I was afraid I wouldn't get otherwise. That's insecurity.
What I didn't know? Just how much they really do like us for who we are. It's difficult to believe sometimes -- especially in the aging/looks department. But okay, if they say so . . . :)
Ch 13 -- My own power isn't enough. Not surprising! We can positively think until we're blue in the face, but if we're not replacing lies with God's truth, and relying on His spirit, it's just a house of cards.
BTW, I'm in the last chapter of your Esther study, Beth. And I read today Psalm 16:5 LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup. You have made my lot SECURE!! Woo hoooooo!
Lovin' how this is working together!
my "Aha!" moment was discovering how much we women size one another up. I never really realized I did that, but now that it has been pointed out, I catch myself doing it. And my husband even caught me at it the other day! We were in a restaurant and he said he could tell when a girl walked in because my eyes would follow her, but they wouldn't follow a guy. I guess I'm more concerned with comparing myself and finding faults in other girls than in reminding myself to have a strong will in the promises of God!!
Today I listened to Anne Graham-Lotz describe Heaven as high walls...a place where you can feel secure...And hell...as a bottomless pit...full of INSECURITY. Wow!
You can hear her message on focus on the family.
1. I hope I'm not being overly negative about this, but the insight into how men realize women's insecurities didn't do much to give me a better impression of men, or of human nature in general for that matter. All it tells me is that men know exactly the level of hurt they are causing when they intentionally put a women down either verbally or through rejection. And, yes, women can be vicious and NOT ALL men are alike, but I think perhaps it might be time to realize that there are some mean boys who are just as knowing and deliberate as the mean girls.
I congratulate Ann from TX for handling a tough situation with dignity. My sister has an ex-husband just like that, and all I can say is that I want to be like my big sister when I grow up. She's handled the whole thing with such class. But that raises the question - Now that we know that men are not so clueless after all, how does that change the way we deal with them?
2. I think will is important because we have to choose how to see ourselves. We have to choose whether we will trust our feelings about ourselves, or trust what God's Word tells us. In my case, that's two different things.
Single,
34,
Somewhere South
Robin
40's/married
Irving, TX
Ann From Rockwall, YOU and your STRENGTH and DIGNITY ROCK!!!!!
Beth, YOU MAKE ME LAUGH, Girlfriend!
Love, love, loved the Top 10 yesterday, still going through those...I feel SO close to all my siestas now, we ALL have SO much in common, and then again, not so much, lol! Seriously, the top 10 from yesterday and your story today you have made me belly laugh from way down deep...I'm with Missknitsalot and everyone else, we want a novel, you crazy girl, you!
1. K...so the cleavage thing: totally knew! the incessant talker, knew, but seriously need the reminder EACH and EVERY day!! To the point that last Friday I was second in line to meet you at the B&N on Northwest Hwy and I CLAMMED UP and BARELY said a WORD to you, bc I was so paranoid I would look insecure if I said too much...LOL, seriously! And I'd just spent an hour or two with sweet new friends having a ball taking turns talking!!!!
2. Ann of Rockwall totally summed up the answer by her example, LOVE her!!!
I already knew that our appearance issues are our number one insecurity.
It's news to me that incessant talking is an indication of insecurity!
Also news to me that the more skin we show the more insecure we are.
We must be strong willed about what God strongly wills and make a deliberate choice to will it before we feel it.
These are the homework answers, but since I am an incessant talker (grin) I must say how funny your wandering wonderings were about the "M". I agree you should write a totally fiction book just for laughs. And I knew a man who had just initials for both his first and middle names. In the army they insisted no initials. He wrote "R"(only) and "B"(only) on his form. Sure enough he was forever more listed as Ronly Bonly Barnes!!!! Now that's funny, huh?
The more skin the more the insecurity was a surprise.I always figured you needed to be secure to show alot of skin.I don't do it.
Knew men liked secure women.
I don't like conflict. I will stand up to someone if necessary but I don't like it.
Donna
WNC
Im newly "widowed", and as far as Chapter 13 goes, and how a "weak will" plays into my insecurities...well, lets just say, If I don't wakeup each and every morning, "intentionally" putting the Lord FIRST in my life, and "choosing" to let the Lord have "His way" throughout my day,
the insecurities that I am dealing with right now, would completely consume me. And there are many! I can "choose" to start my day "secure" in my Fathers hands, or wakeup depressed and vulnerable. Satan would like nothing better than to destroy me and my children with this trama. I MUST BE ACTIVE and on guard daily, with this gift of the "power of the will", that we've all been given from the Lord, to exercise as we please. It ALWAYS boils down to HOW I CHOOSE TO EXERCISE THIS FREE WILL (either choosing my own will or Gods will) and then, HOW I WILL REACT to the difficulties in this life, because of that choice. And the trials will come! I choose to be happy and at peace.
Phil. 4:13 "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me"!
Thanks for listening to me ramble...
1. Already knew showing off your
body was sign of insecurity. Been there, done that. Now I cover myself up, and don't want men to look at me AT ALL!!!!
Didn't know that babbling was sign
of insecurity, just thought maybe
somebody is hyper. I shut up b/c
of insecurity!
2. Weak wills leave the door open for the enemy to cause us to walk in lies & not truths! Wills strengthened by the Holy Spirit can walk securely & with confidence!
Yes, Ann of Texas. WAY TO GO!
Firstly, Mama Siesta, you make me laugh! I love you and THANK YOU for that! :)
Sarah
30's, single
Dallas, TX
1) I guess I already knew that women being insecure about their appearance would be the number one thing guys would say, since it's pretty much the number one insecurity! HOWEVER, (maybe it's because I'm single and haven't dated much and generally am just not around men much) - I had no idea that men think women showing too much skin is a sign of insecurity. I actually find this encouraging. I am a very modest dresser and some well-meaning friends have tried to change that. I know there's a balance to everything, but I'm glad to know that at least SOME men don't require lots of skin showing to notice/be attracted to a woman. :)
2) Most people that know me would say that I am a strong-willed person. But after reading this chapter (13), I realize that I am very weak-willed when it comes to myself and thoughts and actions concerning me. ESPECIALLY when it comes to the whole downward spiral--what a relief and encouragement when you explained how we can spiral up! I need to exercise my choosing muscles - meaning, choosing to not allow my sadness or depression or fear to lead to a loss of security. I never thought of it that way before...as you said, I'm one of those that has ALWAYS linked the bad feelings with insecurity and now I know I don't have to!
Bless you, Mama Siesta, for following the Lord's leading and writing this book. Goodness knows it wasn't easy but wow was it needed (and appreciated!) Even by those of us (like me) that thought we weren't insecure!!! :)
Way to go, Ann from Rockwall! God's strength is in you for sure!!
Many blessings,
Bobbie
It looks like we all learned the same thing. Men think women showing skin shows insecurity.
I guess I find it kind of ironic though. If you are insecure, why aren't you insecure about showing off your body? For me, that was one of my biggest insecurities so I hid it best I could. I was skinny and so I dressed in layers and wore padded bras to fake a shape. It was only after I gained some weight in my 20's that I stopped being so insecure about my body. Funny now that I'm in my 30's I'd like to take a few curves away!
I will not let anyone take away my security. I like how you say to think like a secure person. So next time I'm going to ask myself what would a secure person do in this situation? And repeat as many times as necessary until it becomes second nature!
Ann from Rockwall - -
Thank you for posting that! I've been that other woman, (now step-mom) and I just want to say.. if you think you were nervous.. So was she.
And even though you don't know it, you've opened my eyes greatly!
April
oh gosh.. I have been trying to catch up for weeks. First my book was late, then I tried to catch up on my reading .. it seemed I was always a chapter behind. Maybe we need a remedial group. oh well I'm back here tagging along.
Beth and girls,
PLEASE READ.
This afternoon as I was getting ready to "lead" a small group of young ladies in Breaking Free I looked back. I looked back to my workbook from the first time I "took" Breaking Free in 2006. I glanced at the paraphrasing of Psalm 119:92 and then was curious of how I paraphrased it today. Remember I had not read this for four years. I was amazed beyond amazed. I still can not get over it...
2006
"If I had not found strength in your word I would have died from a broken heart."
2010 (word for word!!!!! No LIE!!)
"If I had not found joy in your word I would have died from a broken heart."
Can you believe it! Four years later the exact sentence EXCEPT I have so much more than just strength to face one more day... I have JOY!
It would take a year to tell you how much your ministry has changed my life. So I will leave it with a simple thank you. Thank you for answering the call so that so many of us can be set Free.
Sincerely,
Melissa@sprouls.net
Tamara
Kelowna, BC, Canada
late 20s
single
1) When I read the comment from the guy whose wife changes her outfit 5 times before going out his conclusion that women face insecurity all the time so it becomes second nature, I found myself going: I already knew that.
A "that's new to me" moment was when I read that men see showing more skin as a sign of insecurity. I probably would have vehemently denied that one if someone just said it to me, but staring at it in black and white on the page I had to acknowledge it's truth - especially in my own life. The more insecure I am in a situation, the more I will try to dress cute or in fashion and that means less clothing, not more.
2) A weak will plays into our insecurity because when we realize the lies that we believe that make us insecure we often have to decidce to have a different response than our emotional response is. We have to choose to think differently before we emotionally respond differently. And, if we have a weak will we won't be putting the effort in to change our response and will continue to follow our emotional response of insecurity.
1. knew guys picked up on our insecurities, they play off of them- come to our "rescue" and hook us in for the kill.
2. if we were stronger and more secure with ourselves they, men, wouldn't have anything to feed off.
30's
separated
Raleigh, NC
1)New to me is how we size ourselves up to other women. I do it sad to say now I know why.
Already knew showing too much skin was a sign of insecurities.
2) I guess for me a weak will is like having no back bone and being bent over so many times by others and not being able to stand alone, if that makes any sense.
Cassie
20's married
Bishop,Ca
Janice
60"s widow
Lake Forest
These are answers for Chps 10 and 11.
1. Even though I know I shouldn't, I've tended to view men as gods. I'm usually in awe of them and want to be accepted by them. My Father died when I was 5, so he couldn't be anything except perfect in my head. I believe that is why I lean in that direction.
2. The differences in insecurities has to do with understanding. I never understood why the men in my life withdrew. I couldn't figure them out. Now I see they are running away while women want to get physically,mentally,and emotionally closer.
3. I just love the way Beth used the Chiastic structure (I learned this literary term in the Esther Bible study)to show why we must leave omniscience to God the Father. "We pry because we are insecure and then we are insecure because we pry."I can recall so many instances when I had that experience. I don't do that anymore.
I turn it all over to God.
Can't sleep with sinus infection, so I'm reading more SLI. I am realizing that this message is SOO true. We have our reasons for insecurity (my mother said I have...) (my diagnosis is...)and we choose to believe ? May the sweet spring rain of the Holy Spirit wash away the pain and prepare the hard ground in our hearts to grow as we receive His Word.
Did I tell you Beth, how much I love you?
Kels
Good Morning Siesta's and Beth,
I have been watching Wednesdays with Beth on Life Today with James and Betty Robinson and I have to tell you, I can not wait for the DVD's "A Beautiful Mind"! They have to be coming soon!
I have yet to answer the SLI questions for this week though I read the two chapters over again. I am an underliner and highlighter and note taker on the pages on which I am reading that make a point to my heart and mind. I often write out prayers that come to mind in my reading.
Those who borrow my books often get more than what they barginned for...
Beth I am writing because I want to tell you that the Lord has been using your material to speak to me! I woke up praying Lord, let me deborah cecila barrett hipp with you manifesting yourself through me...this is a big thing for me!
Thank you
Deborah
Kristi
Rogersville Tn
Married
Now 40s
1. "that's a new moment": Men are repelled by open displays of female insecurity. I always thought men loved female insecurity. It would give them the chance to dominate. I really thought this because I feel a lot of men are the cause of female insecurities. I think in some casses this on purpose. I guess maybe it is unknowingly and they don't like the end results.
2.This chapter was amazing for me. I think I've highlighted something on every page.
A weak will causes me to give into my insecurities. I have go before God every morning asking for His strenght. "In Christ you are so much stronger than you think you are". This couldn't me more true and has been the story of my life.
I am amazed every day that God knows everything about me and still chooses to forgive me, help me and even use me for His service.
I know I can't fight my insecurities without God's strength. When I think I have, they come creeping back up. I know every ounce of my strength comes from God. He will help me thorugh this just as He has everything else in my life.
Phillipians 4:13 I can do all thing through Christ who strengthens me. Something I quote every day. And can eaisly add that I can do nothing without Him.
Praise God for His love, grace, and mercy.
I can't answer the questions quite yet, but I just have to say that several times recently I felt the old insecurity creeping up in a social situation. SO, I stated to myself slowly, "She is clothed with STRENGTH and DIGNITY." I could feel the Holy Spirit right along side of me! :)
Just finished reading chapter 11 and couldn't wait until I finished all my reading to comment.
I knew all the signs of insecurity. I just have to look in my past, in the mirror and in my makeup drawer but to hear it from a man really brought it home for me. I really didn't give them credit for being able to figure us out. Am I driving my husband crazy?
I am so looking forward to what you promise, Beth, in the next few chapters how we can stop sizing each other up. That might be the road to stop driving men crazy too.
I'm going back to reading now.
Sharon
San Antonio
40's
married
Sorry I meant I just finished Chapter 12 not 11. I'm on to 13!
Way to go, Ann in TX! What a tough situation to be thrust into and you handled it beautifully!
You are an amazing example.
Missy
Leanne
28
Married
Mississippi
1) I already knew that men didn't want to give their hearts to insecure women. I was surprised to see that insecure women show more skin and dress less modest. The more I think about it I can see it. I always thought men wanted women to dress like that to look sexy. I thought I was insecure because I have never dressed that way. I see now that I am secure enough in my marriage that I don't have to dress like that.
2) A weak will cause me to give into my insecurities. I have to choose to be secure and know that I have God's strength in me to be secure.
I already knew men had caught on that women try to impress and compete with other women- my grown sons had "outed" this insight long ago.
I think at this age I was aware of these impressions from men.
I have been very "longwinded" but THANK YOU for Chapter 13- it includes topics that are not discussed enough with our young women and with those of us who have experienced similar issues.
Beth, as an "older" siesta, I URGE anyone considering dating, relationship or marriage to read chapter 13 carefully and maybe several times. If she identifies or recognizes any of these patterns, seek Godly counseling ASAP. Oh, how I wish I had had these insights 40 years ago.
I greatly appreciate you reminding us that our "power to choose" to take the insecurity "bait" or not is Key.
My Lenten devotion this morning was titled "Interior Freedom"- it paralled page 243 beautifully. "There is no commandment that says we have to be upset by the way other people treat us, we can enjoy our freedom as human beings and refuse to react in the same old way." Father Thomas Keating
God CAN tend to insecurity. I'm TOTALLY convinced that the Spirit of Christ's resurrection power is the only answer to our deepest insecurities.
I think Paul sums it up for me when he said " I do the things I do not want to do"- my will fails me in my area/areas of greatest stronghold- the underlying issue/wound/trauma behind any of my insecurities blindsides my intention/will and I have often done the very thing that keeps my insecurities alive and well.
I've just started to study the Overeaters Anonymous literature and it is amazingly helpful and insightful regarding my 48 year struggle with compulsive overeating. I've tried EVERY other avenue to break this stronghold- I believe that only our Lord himself can heal me in this area - Not my will but yours be done, Lord-
I also have lived with an emotional predator(he is not aware of his abuse, it is so deep seeded)- I didn't recognize the severity of the issue because there is a generational pattern that "looked" normal.Simply recognizing the verbal aggression for what it is- has given me a new perspective. I'm not sure exactly how God wants to solve this issue in my life after so many years. I have asked God to release me but the process is still underway.
As Beth directs, if you are not married, "do not marry an emotional predator" and if you are not sure what that looks like, get help FAST!
Lots of Love and blessings to you and yours- there is no way for us to express how much we appreciate your ministry- What a blessing you are to women, Beth Moore. I do not have a younger sister, however,since you are my Sister in Christ, I can just adore and celebrate the direction you have taken in your life and ministry. A 60 yr. Old, Appreciative Siesta
This is a little off topic but I have read so many posts about struggles with divorce and infidelity that after ready Ann from Rockwall’s post, I have decided to share. As I have said before, my husband had an affair while I was pregnant and informed me when my son was 6 days old that he was in love with someone else. I was willing to forgive him and wanted to save our marriage but he left for good 6 months later. I was devastated and if there was a stronger word I could think of then devastated I would use it.
But this is what I wanted to share. When my son was around 4 we were watching Cinderella and he made a comment completely on his own that what “she really needed was to get rid of that step-mother”. In an instant God spoke to me that no matter how much this situation was not of my choosing that one day my son would have a step-mother and for his sake he HAD to think this was a good thing. I told him that not all step-mothers were like that and I started to pray that whoever came in to my ex’s life would love my son as her own.
My ex did remarry about a year later (not the one he had the affair with thank goodness) and it killed me but I was always positive about her and never said anything to my son or my ex about her. She has been very good to him and I thank God for that.
But let me tell you what God did for ME…The step mother started coming to everything…school stuff, practices, games…everything. My son was playing on a new soccer team in 1st grade and there the 3 of us would sit. Me just still trying to adjust. My ex chatting away and his new wife saying a little here and there. At the end of the season one of the Mom’s that I became friends with told me that all the Moms thought that I was the NEW wife and she was the ex. It seems that my ex and I got along so well that she seemed like the outsider. Not in a flirtatious or inappropriate way but that we seemed to be partners.
Not long after that I had several teachers and PTA Moms tell me they had never seen two divorced people get along better trying to parent their kids. I was floored every time it happened. Despite my devastation from my divorce, God gave me the strength to do the right thing for my son and we are all better off because of it. I so needed to hear that.
Today my son is 13 and we all still sit together at school programs, concerts and awards assemblies…my ex, his wife, me and my boyfriend…sometimes I sit by her and sometimes I sit by him. If you ever think that you can’t do it because it is just too hard, just know that God can do it. He did it for me and He will do it for you.
I usually read myself to sleep, but SLI keeps me up...either laughing or reading to my husband or just intrigued.....I keep begging my husband to tell me how he responded to the post, but he swears he can't remember. I wonder how many of us cheatedand read their response.
One thing that made me sad when I was reading the men's insecurities to my husband is that he told me that he can't find men strong in faith to bond with.
1. Already suspected that the more revealing the attire a woman chooses to wear in public, the greater the insecurity she carries within herself. Didn't know the guys had strongly considered that possibility as well.
2. A weak will makes it more difficult to take captive one's thoughts, to determine to fix the mind on what is "true, good & right." (The path of least resistance seems to be that which follows feelings and emotions only. That's a train wreck waiting to happen.)
Bertie
50's
Married
Houston
Great story, Heidi A. Bravo! You and Ann both impress the socks off of me. God, indeed, is our strength. And you testify to that in an undeniable way. You're living proof (no pun intended :)) that Nothing is impossible with our God.
Love to you,
Kathy B
1.) I knew this information already, but I didn't really realize that guys knew it too.
2.) A weak will enables someone else to steal our God-given security. We have to remember who we are in Christ.
Quoting from your book, "We must call on Him to fight our battles for us and through us and to stand us on steady feet in a confidence only He can supply. We must ask Him to bring forth the women in us that we didn't even know we were - women of substance and confidence..."
Kristin
AL
30's
Married
Amby
Lake Stevens Wa
37yrs old
married w/ 2 teenagers & 1 college student!
I would say the moment I already knew from chapter 12 is when my husband tells me how beautiful I am(he really means it!)HOWEVER I still doubt or question the words and allow myself to feel insecure at times depending on how I am viewing myself at that particular moment, not so fair to him!
Really couldn't connect with an answer for chapter 13's question but I must say that the begining of this chapter was by far one of my favorites! I felt soo empowered and pumped up with some of the "self-talk" that I wrote out note cards to post in my home office as daily reads and reminders!I love that I am constantly teaching my teens about choices & how through this book God is reminding me that I too must practice what I preach!
The already "knew moment that" self-condemnation makes you feel more insecure. I guess I knew that because I have been in the place where you spiral down.
A "weak will" keeps you from making changes and makes you more insecure. It also keeps God from helping us and doing His will.
I liked what you said:
You can hurt my feelings, but you cannot have my security.
You critize me and may be right, but you do not get to damage my security.
You might embarrass me, but I refuse to let it fall on me so that it smothers my security.
You my be intimidating and threatening, but I rufuse to hand over my security.
Then you told the story of a woman who had cancer and her breast removed. Now that is power, she kept her security. If God can work in this lady's life_I pray I can trust Him with my security too.
It is a continuing process for His glory.
I have always seen the duplicity in the men who complain about our attention to weight issues. My husband tells me, over and over, (and I think he means it) that my weight doesn't bother him. At the same time, if a lady he doesn't know does something he doesn't like he will refer to her as "fat"--sometimes with some other adjectives and nouns thrown in. . .I realize this is a problem he has but I allow my insecurities to fall prey to his comments.
1a. I never really considered that men get insecure. Since many of them don’t actively talk about their feelings, it was news to me that they are actually insecure too.
1b. I already knew that women tend to compare themselves to other women and look for reasons not to get along rather than get along. I wish that wouldn’t happen so often.
2. If we are weak willed, then we will allow worldly influences to guide us. Being pulled in many directions ultimately leads to insecurity because it is impossible to please everyone and because we have lost our identity. If we maintain the strength to set healthy boundaries, be aware of our convictions, and know who we are in Christ, then we will be secure. A long time ago, someone told me that your thoughts create your emotions. If our thoughts are healthy, then our emotions will be positive and secure. But, if our thoughts are negative, then our emotions will be negative and insecure.
1. I already knew that the “all lust and zero literature” romance novels can cause great damage. They caused great damage to me as a young woman and skewed my expectations of what men should act like in a relationship. I once heard a Christian women’s speaker even refer to them as “emotional pornography” which shocked me, but that also gave me the determination to break my secret addiction to them.
My “that’s new to me” moment was that showing more skin shows more insecurity.
2. As I was praying through Ch 9 on Monday of this week, the Lord gave me a feeling of peace, relief, and welcome that grew steadily with every new page. It seemed like He was as excited as I was to be saying “So Long” to the bad friend of insecurity. I still don’t completely understand the full meaning of the “welcome”, but I know that was the word I was sensing from Him.
Now since Monday I have experienced 4 MAJOR tests on my security in just 3 days, any one of which would have normally sent me into an emotional meltdown of catastrophic proportions. At first, I could feel the “weak will” kicking in, and that old familiar feeling of being powerless. But each time I have whipped out my Bible verses tucked in the back cover of my book and have made a choice to claim and believe truth. I AM CLOTHED IN STRENGTH AND DIGNITY! However, after the 4th test in 3 days, I started feeling discouraged and wondering if the fight will always be this relentless.
But then this morning I started reading Ch 13 and realized that what the enemy is meaning for harm, God is meaning for good! Sisters, each time we react in a new way to old triggers, we are spiraling UP! (pg 241) Now I am praising and thanking the Lord for all of these wonderful opportunities to spiral up in such a fast whirl. Get me back up to the fresh air, Lord!!!!
Note to Ann of Rockwall, Tx (MARCH 25, 2010 8:44 AM) - I felt such a kinship to you this week and I rejoice with your new God-given confidence! What a precious gift God gave you to allow you such a big “spiral up”!!
Laura
40’s / single
Spearfish, SD
It's me again... The one who talked about the razor blades and giving them to my girlfriend last week in an act of surrender. Well, I just have to update you all!!!
My 2 sweetest friends decided we needed to get together and "celebrate" this step I have taken and to help "cement it" in my heart and mind. So, we did. On Thursday, 3/25/2010, we took a walk, dug a hole at the edge of a wooded area, and buried those razor blades. Buried them!! We then stood in a circle, holding hands and tissues, and my friends prayed over me. Then!! (I couldn't believe this move!) One friend pulled a small container of OIL out of her pocket!! Yes, and they prayed and anointed me with the "oil of Joy" right there in the back of an open field with the PA turnpike about 100 yards away, trucks honking, the whole bit!! I soaked the front of my shirt with all my tears (and my runny nose) and when I tried to speak, I had such a lump in my throat, all I could squeak out was "I'm in such AWE!!" That the God of all creation would take the time to mend my broken soul!! Praise God! May my lips never cease to thank Him!
We walked the mile back to the house singing "The trees of the field will clap their hands... as you go out with joy!" Then we laughed at ourselves as we shared our lists of 10 things you wouldn't ordinarily know about us... It was great!
This morning, I came across this verse... 2 Thess. 3:5 (NLT) "May the Lord bring you into an ever deeper understanding of the love of God and the endurance that comes from Christ." Need I say more?!
Kristi
Philadelphia
1. I already knew that, "Men are repelled by open displays of female insecurity." Not only repelled, but sometimes just scared to death!
2. The truth written on top of page 253, "So often when we women claim that we don't know what to do, the truth is, we do know what we need to do. We're just scared to do it," was addressing pornography. But it has such broader application. Sometimes I'm just too emotionally close to a situation to be able to be objective. I have learned to ask myself--what advice would I give to another person in this situation? Somehow that helps me to separate my emotional bias.
Terri
Grand Rapids, MI
50's and married
To Heidi A.-
Bless your heart for how you have persevered through such difficult circumstances with your husband's new wife. (Gee, that doesn't sound quite right, does it?!) I am also a step-mom and can relate to how life tosses us around in a way that only God can make use of...
Last Thanksgiving, I made dinner for my husband's ex-wife's parents!!! I'm not kidding! And it was a blessed day!
1) I never realized that men even cared about our insecurities, or were on to us. I think part of that is that I tended to hide my insecurities. I was the one who got quiet.
2) A weak will kept me from being secure because I just chalked it up to, "that's just the way I am." There's nothing I can do about it. It wasn't until I was in a situation and, I believe God allowed it to be very exaggerated, that I desired a will to change. I believe God put that there for me and I thank Him every day. Because with His strength and will I never would have received His healing.
Tamara
Highlands Ranch, CO
Married
30's
I think I am the most unaware woman on the face of the earth. I did not know that skin exposure was out of insecurity, I just thought those woman loved the attention and wanted more. I did not know most woman size each other up.. I haven't that I'm aware of, but probably have been on the receiving side and totally unaware - maybe blissfully too/ maybe needed to understand the game more?.
I totally loved page 230 "We as men have failed to assure women they are God's most beautiful creation. A woman's insecurities could be drastically reduced if men would love as Jesus did (does)".
As for ch 13. I think our weak wills keeps us down, and it allows the lies from the enemy to flourish and think we are unable to do anything about the situation we find ourselves in.
Thankfully we do have a choice and a great God who has provided us truth, and a sweet teacher who has brought this truth to us in her loving book.
As she said "When we decide to be strong willed about what God strongly Wills, that, beloved, is the epitome of empowerment."
Beth you are a wonder to this woman and thankful to know you through your works for our Lord.
Diana
44
Surrey, BC Canada
1. I've finished the book and Chapter 12 was the only chapter I didn't highlight or underline a single thing. No suprises.
2. A weak will makes me think it is easier to do nothing; too hard to fight; to high to climb. I could have acccomplished so much more than I have if I'd not given in to that weak will.
Nancy/40s/SC/married
1. I was struck with one of the insecurities that guys see in us--an obsession with what people think. That's me, though I hadn't chalked it up to insecurity yet. It was good to see myself through the eyes of my man, and to realize how much my insecurity must drive him crazy. I have a hard time making decisions without worrying about what everyone else will think. I don't want to be that person anymore. And I'm sure he doesn't want me to be either.
2. To root out our insecurities, we need to decide to change the way we think which will in turn change the way we act, (and feel). If we are too weak willed to put forth the effort to do this, we will remain where we are, living in insecurity. I loved what you taught though Beth, about how we need supernatural strength for this; we cannot do it on our own. But as we believe Him to do in and through us what we know we could not do on our own, His strength will shine through in our weakness. "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Cor. 12:9
Terri
Married
40's
Seattle, WA
1. Already knew- men know our appearances are our biggest area of insecurities.
That's new to me- Men love us exactly the way we are? Even though my husband tells me this I needed to hear it from others to really believe it to be true I guess.
2. Being weak willed makes us believe that something that hurts us emotionally can take our security from us. We have the power, who have Jesus as our Savior to be what God created us to be!
Chapter 13 was very powerful to me in ways I wish didn't need to be. I sure underlined a lot of this chapter, and wrote several scriptures in my spiral from this week!
Thanks so much Beth. I love my Siestas who are sharing their victories and struggles with us! Especially Ann & Heidi,you are living it out girls!! Way to go!
Lisa
40's married
Edinburg, TX
Hey, still waiting to read this book because right now I am doing your Daniel study and it hits a lot of the same things for me. I was a tenured teacher who was forced to resign over a parent complaint and some stories from children in my class that were not true. Talk about feeling insecure-it felt like half of my heart was ripped out and now I have spent 4 months trying to figure out what God wants me to do next. The great thing is He has given me strength to face the ones who did this to me and I have shown them Christ's smiling face every time- I know a non believer could not have that God strength, so I am so thankful for you and your ministry-it is helping me get through a trial in my life-thanks so much!
Rene
Married
40’s
Claremore OK
We have an issue with cleavage in our house. We don’t have any so when I sent my children out into the world I think it caused major psychological damage. Ok, a little overdramatic but being a sub-A I was always fascinated with cleavage and never once thought of it as a sign of insecurity. It made my now 18 year old remark “that lady is squishy” when at the age of 6 or 7 she was hugged by a buxom woman. My current 5 year old said to me just the other day that a new worker at her day care “has a line right there” pointing to her chest. Maybe I should hand her a book (the worker, not my daughter). However, what if she is proud of her line? This is where it gets tricky for me. Although I may be insecure about my hair’s inability to have a ‘do’, I still like it. I put root boost in and blow it dry in the morning and enjoy running my hands through it. Am I insecure because I style my hair like a woman who shows her cleavage or is there a measure of how much is too much. I don’t wear makeup so maybe I am partially secure since I know so many women who wouldn’t be caught dead without it.
I think too much.
A weak will makes us unable to confront someone the right way – through Christ. Now here’s a weird one. I never cared that my husband looked at porn. I just thought all guys did. I had been introduced to it at a very young age so have lots of hang ups about it but figured it was my problem. Once I quit that nonsense, I just never looked back. My husband eventually quit as well. HOWEVER, because I harped, nagged, criticized, begged was sarcastic, mean and evil about his beer consumption – it hasn’t gone away. My weak will kept making me fall of the wagon. This answer didn’t come out the way I started it so once again, I thank God for showing me something that I had not considered before.
Theresa
50 something
Married
Alabama
1. I already knew that men...my man...find women more attractive by their securities. A woman can be secure without being a woman who is overbearing. She can find balance.
I did not know that women were thought to be insecure by showing cleavage or by dressing skimpy. In my mind, a woman has to be pretty darn secure of herself and her appearance by showing "skin". Either that or she thinks she has to use her body in that way in order to be noticed...ohhhhhhhh...duh!
2. There was a time that my weakness allowed me to participate in a dangerous situation. I had fun, it felt good, I was beautiful and attractive...but I was weak and insecure in my "real" self. Thanks be to God, church, Bible study and prayer I have myself...my "real" self back.
Hi, Elaine! On emotional predators and 2 Timothy 3, I was making the point that the people who worm their ways into the lives of weak-willed women would be the specialist's answer to emotional predators. (We can say spiritual but the specialist would have said emotional.) The shoe fits on all sorts of feet.
Note the reference to "they are the kind" in the beginning of V.6. Who are "they" but those he's just described? The wording joins the preceding characteristics (boastful, proud, abusive, brutal, etc) to the ones who could gain control over weak-willed women. Also notice that she is swayed by "all kinds of evil desires." Not just wrong doctrine or inadequate knowledge. The only way to gain control over a woman "loaded down with sins" wouldn't be to skew her doctrine. That's not what the portion is implying. Certainly, it is one way but far from the only way. Also notice way Jannes and Jambres are described with "depraved minds." That's a serious term used elsewhere in Scripture for more than a false teaching.
From Genesis to Revelation a person would have nothing to gain by being weak-willed. We are not to be self-willed, of course, but, remember, in the book we are talking about being strong willed about GOD'S will.
Daniel "resolved" not to defile himself in Daniel 1:8. He exercised his will so that ungodly men could not gain control over him. Every time we're told to "set our minds" (on things above, for instance), we are exercising our minds/wills so nothing and no one ungodly can take control over us.
If the concept I based on 2 Timothy 3 was inconsistent with how we are called to live in the whole counsel of Scripture, it would be inappropriate but I believe that it is in keeping with Godly behavior.
An Old Testament Scripture that admonishes women not to be weak-willed is Ezekiel 16:30 -
"How weak-willed you are, declares the Sovereign Lord, when you do all these things, acting like a brazen prostitute!"
I hope that helps!
I'm honored to serve you, Sister!
Becky
Brentwood TN
40's
Married
1. I don't think I read any thing I actually already knew, if so...I fogot it.
'That's new to me' I didn't know that when women showed off their cleavage and more they were insecure. I thought you had to pretty secure to show off your stuff.
2. A weak will plays a big part when you are not a secure person. You wind up doing things you really do not want to do. Giving in, not standing up for yourself or your rights as person, and not resisting the evil one when he comes at you with his evil tricks.
I no like insecurity. :0[
1.I already knew that men are oddly in tune with our insecurities and frustrated to no end. My man, for example, tells me I look gorgeous in each of the 7 outfits I put on in the morning, but has learned to at least leave the room before rolling his eyes :)
My new to me moment was at the end of the chapter when you said that our insecurities are good for nothing "except to open our hearts and minds to the healing, securing strength of Christ." Praise God for turning something so ugly (uh, dude's quote at the bottom of 231 hit me square in the face) and turns it into something for His glory!
2. A weak will takes away every ounce of God given confidence, strength, security, and dignity, wraps it into a crumpled package and delivers it to the front door of the enemy. Personally, I know my weak will has kept me from truly believing that I can survive the things that trigger my insecurity - instead of coming out on the other side with dignity, I climbed deeper in the pit, alone. Praise God for the work He's done in my life already!
Blaire
30s
Topeka, KS
Married
1. I already knew about men see that women are most insecure about their appearance.
A "that's new to me" moment would be that a telltale sign of insecurity is incessant talking. THAT IS ME! I had no idea! Very big lightbulb.
2. Some people can prey on people with weak wills. If we have a weak will, we will be more likely to choose to let something rob us of security. We need to have a strong will, that chooses to believe that nothing can take away our dignity or security.
1. I already knew that men knew that women are insecure about their appearance & talk too much when they are nervous. I didn't realize we were so obvious about how we compare ourselves to every other woman in the room.
2. I think we have to have a strong will to stand on and believe the promises that God says about us, and to not let anything else derail who we know we are in Christ. In the middle of reading chapter 13 I was thinking, "Wait, what even does it mean to be secure?" I went back to the definition of insecurity, and figured security was its opposite, so I need to remember that security is knowing that I am a person of worth and value b/c of Christ, and that my emotions are valid. Sometimes I think satan (yes, little "s", the middle finger of grammar for fellow "Stuff Christians Like" blog followers) uses that confusion in me--what even is security?? Oh, yeah.
Single
40's (Barely)
O'Fallon, MO
A weak will .....
It plays into our insecurity, because we are living out of the lies we have believed for so long. I'm not enough...
not smart enough
not pretty enough
not ______ enough
It's hard work, like going to the gym, but little by little as we tell ourself the Truth, we become stronger, we see who we really are. It totally presses us into the Heart of the Father. This Woman is complete, accepted and Loved by Christ!
Mmmm, what a resting place for a weary heart.
Pam
50ish
Rochester, MN
1a. I already knew men were on to us and turned off by our insecurity because my husband tells me so. The men seemed to focus in on cleavage and excessive talking, but I do think insecurity shows itself in both directions, as some other Siestas have stated. Although guilty at times of filling awkward silence, I generally get quiet when I feel insecure. And I feel insecure about getting in a swim suit in front of others or wearing anything too low, so I cover up. Bless his soul, my husband says he (and most men) would rather I be 20 lbs overweight and confident in a swimsuit than "scrawny," insecure, and covered up. I'm not quite convinced about the 20 lbs part.
1b. What really struck me in Chapter 12 is what one gentleman said about us on page 236: "...Insecure women ask a lot of 'Am I?' questions... 'Am I beautiful? Am I loved? Am I a good mom?'
WHOA!!! That small but powerful question – AM I? – stands in direct contrast to all that Jesus is: the great I AM! What a deadly reversal of words. It's just flooring me to see it so starkly. Because I'm created in God's image, I should be throwing off the "Am I?" and embracing His "I AM-ness" - claiming and believing all that He says I am in Christ: I am chosen. I am loved. I am forgiven. I am redeemed. I am clothed with strength and dignity. I am strong even when weak. I am filled in incomparably great power. I am called for a purpose. Faith and belief vs. Doubt, questioning, and wavering. Stunning.
2. How does a weak will play into our insecurity? I believe it's huge. I keep thinking of what God asked Abel in Genesis 4:6b-7a, “Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted?” These aren’t on the same level as the subject matter of Chapter 13, but they continue to course through my mind: If I "eat the bread of idleness" and don’t therefore stay on top of housework, I become far more insecure about my housekeeping abilities and the state of my house. It goes back to my will. Am I going to obey the call to “be busy at home” (Titus 2:5), or will I give in to idleness born of a weak will and become downcast about myself and my home? The same is true with healthy eating and exercise. ...And I believe the principle also applies to exercising my will to claim security in Christ. Will I avoid the pain of the struggle to be free and strong and effective in Christ, or will I do what is right and fight the good fight? I want to fight the fight.
Oops! Here's my info:
Linda
St. Paul
Married
40s
I pray you have a good night's sleep, Beth. And I pray God will come in power and greatly bless you and the women you're speaking to in Tuscon this weekend. But if you don't sleep well, know I'll be praying for you when I wake up in the middle of the night. I'll consider myself in very good company. :)
"They seem easily intimidated, whether by physical beauty, character status, or whatever makes them feel that the other woman has more going for her, and a barrier goes up"-I think I did know that, but I am now more cognizant of it; others comparing themselves to me...I'm thinking, please don't!! God has made you unique and blessed you too!:) "Overwelmingly,...women seemed most insecure in the area of appearance"-didn't know that the men noticed we did that soo much! Yikes. The Lord is working with me on this...when he says I'm pretty, believe him and take the compliment without dissing myself in front of my man! (telling myself to QUIT IT!:)
A weak will is going to result in compromise and sin; the enemy is going to capitalize on it. God can infuse strength into our will!:) Ps. 29:11 Power made perfect in weakness? Always promised a way out! 1 Cor. 10:13 Lord, I want that way out! Spiritually minded!!!! life and peace:)
Blessings to you tonight:), ((HUGS)), Love in HIM,
katiegfromtennessee
I already new that guys hated the insecure-ness - yes it's a word :) - in women. My husband hates when I am and says I'm beautiful and I should be confident in myself. I was not surprised by any of it.
A weak will gives in... it's not strong and the person just remains insecure. They give others control of their security.
Loving it Beth!!!!
I am single now for 10 years. I have raised 3 awesome kids, pretty much on my own despite two bad marriages with abusive men. I learned in those relationships that men can be used by the evil one to convince you that you are worthless. Of course, if you are already insecure, it is much easier for him to make you believe His lies.
My question for myself is: will I allow myself to fall into that trap again, should I ever be fortunate enough to find a Christian man to have a relationship with? Your book is helping me to work through this particular insecure part of myself.
The mental attacks, the mind games, all by the evil one contribute greatly to insecurities.
But how does a person let someone, a man, know you are interested in him without displaying all your insecurities??
So, I may have gotten my kids raised, but God is not finished with me yet. And I gave the kids back to Him when they turned 18, and it's a daily process to leave them with Him.
Beth, thank you for your book, it is and has been such a help. Thanks for this blog where we can put it out there for discussion.
Featherweight in NM, 50, single
I'm another late-starter, but needing to comment on how timely this is...
I am an over 50 gal who for the second time in two years has had my position eliminated due to the economy. I thought I had my insecurities under control, but am realizing how my current situation is bringing them back up.
Many of us are in the same situation - overqualified for this, but don't have quite the right experience for that... that is, when we are fortunate enough to get a response. I've been so incapacitated for the last two weeks that I have not been able to write a good cover letter. No more, thank you Beth... you have helped me regain my strength and dignity.
Life can be difficult, but God remains strong, and He is doing a new work in me - and I'm beginning to perceive it!
Glenda
To Glenda – March 27 12:54 am:
I am so glad that this book is helping you through a difficult time! I also wanted to encourage you to keep believing that God is good. I have been going through very similar circumstances and for me it is really exposing my false beliefs because my identity and self-acceptance were more connected to my success at work than I realized. It doesn’t sound like you are doing this, but as the months stretched on I also started doubting the goodness of God. God has been using this time to replace those false beliefs with truth about the Character and nature of God and my identity in Christ.
Here are some verses that I have put on notecards and memorized over the last 18 months: Zeph. 3:17, Deut 32:4, Job 1:22, Psalm 112:4, Prov 15:16, Isaiah 41:10, Colossians 3:1-4, Hebrews 10:35-37, Phil 4:19-20. They may not all help because you may not be struggling with the same heart issues as me, but I pray that some of them will be a blessing to you!
Laura
40’s / Single
Spearfish, SD
I bet it will be a novel about duck hunting with a handsome man you may know! Couldn't resist:)
I have to agree with a previous post, I had no idea men perceived women who dressed immodestly as insecure. I personally would feel insecure if I dressed that way. I do agree that men prefer a woman that is independent. I grew up in an abusive home, my husband I credit with saving me. He did not allow me to be insecure. He built me up so that I could rise above the past and become the person God wanted me to be.(regardless of what men think, they all still look at these women but when I think about it they are seeking attention which an insecure person would do)
c. 50ish, married, midwest
1. as women, we place to high value on looks related to ourselves and men. We've all know physically beautiful people whose internal ugliness mitigated whatever external appeal they may have.
A new realization for me was that if husbands and wives would regularly acknowledge, verbally, the others virtues.........maybe everyone could just relax, feel secure in their spouse's affirmation and get on to more important things.
2.being weak willed allows others to run over you. i liked the paragraph that says you can hurt my feelings, criticize me, embarrass me, threaten me, or intimidate me,,,,,it may hurt,,,but you cannot have my security.......it's mine to keep. we can do this girls.
To Linda from St. Paul-I was also struck by the great I AM contrast. You phrased it so well.
For me, I am well aware of our insecurites and how we show them.
Sadly, it was obvious I still had some when I did react over one man's quote "It gets quite tiring from men who, as we get older, just love you for exactly the way you are. Can you not understand that?" If my man had said that to me, no doubt I would have missed the point entirely. I would have likely said, "As you get older??!" and I would've likely had something to say about the frustration "Can you not understand that?" line. I would've missed the whole foundation of his point.
A weak will: Let me use this opening as a Word of Testimony. Trying not to go into any specifics, I know without a doubt that it was my weak will that caused me to miss out on the true depth of the love of Jesus for so many years. I just could not approach Him to release the pain and shame I felt and consequently could not fully claim His love for me. This is the Lord that I had known, loved and served all of my life. As He pleaded with me and assured me that He took it (upon Himself), I fully surrendered every area to His sovereignty. Clearly, my life has never been the same. I truly do feel that nothing can separate us from the love that is in Christ Jesus. He is long- suffering siestas and forever faithful. Of all the things we learn from this journey, know that we can trust Him with our most intimate details. He IS our strong tower. Praise His Name!
Nashville
39
Married
Wow-this so fits with session 10 of Breaking Free, Beth. I put the stake in the ground, friend. I am thankful for you. I really am. thank you! I am so glad I bought session 10 to watch at home (since I missed study that day). It will be one I re-watch. Love you! Holly
PS Praying for your strength, for your body and health this day.
40, married in Louisiana
1. It didn't surprise me that men know women are insecure about their appearance, however, I don't agree that all men think we are beautiful no matter what we wear or how much make-up we have on. My husband is a case in point. He likes a well-dressed woman. I feel so stressed out when dressing for church or a dinner out, because I can feel his eyes on me and his judgment. I have felt so "controlled" by his wishes, that I've gone the other extreme and pretty much refused to dress up hardly at all. Yikes. However, with the help of Chapter 13, I think I can start moving beyond it! For starters, I can separate this issue from my security and deal with my feelings about it as a separate issue.
2. A weak will just spirals us downward, as Beth talked about on page 240. I love how she says that we have to act like a secure person first; then, the feelings follow. It reminds me of the advice to do something you're afraid of and it will raise your confidence. By DOING something secure, we will FEEL secure. I am ready to try this out asap!
1. When I first met my husband he said he was attracted to me because I wasn't as "needy" as other women he had dated in the past. Initially I took this as a compliment. I apparently knew how to "hold it together". Uh, wrong! I just took what he said the wrong way. I think what he meant was just what your book said... insecurities do not attract, they repel!
2. A weak will will in fact get you nowhere. 3 years ago the Lord led me out of anorexia nervosa. He led me but he also gave me a will to choose to get out and to stop what I was doign with his power. It's similar with an insecurity. As I've recently caught myself listening to lies or insecurities I just have to say "stop!" "trust God and just stop" "that is a lie" "you can grieve over that because it hurt, but they can't have your security" "stop"!
Beth, I have to tell you that tonight I have been asked to talk about finding my identity in Christ with a bunch of high school girls in our youth group. Wow, what timing! I actually just finished your book about 3 weeks ago because I couldn't stop. I have since been reviewing it so that I don't miss a thing God has for me! I am so excited to share with them the insight God has given me through you and the huge impact it has had on me over the past couple of months! Thank you!
Sarah Vint
Married
20's
Ames, IA
This doesn't exactly answer the questions this week. I just read Chapter 13 yesterday. It was too close to my reality. I would appreciate it if anyone could pray for me and my husband. He doesn't see pornography as an addition to him. It doesn't think it is harming our marriage. I am going to try to find a local counselor next week. Until then I am just trying to keep going. I have been concernded for years about this problem. I have Chrons Disease and being under stress tends to make it so much worse. I don't really have a close friend I can turn to for prayer so I am asking for yours. Thanks
Anonymous
Texas
40s
I wasn't totally surprised by chapter 12. One thing that did stand out for me though was the guy that suggested that insecure women ask a lot of "Am I" questions. (Am I beautiful? Am I loved? Am I a good mom?)
Um...guilty.
Chapter 13 was put to good use this week. I found myself in an argument with my husband. He was saying one thing when all of a sudden my insecurities started to flare up. All I could hear was "You're not enough!"
But, as soon as I realized what I doing, I very quickly said to myself- don't you DARE give your security away.
I was so excited, that right in the middle of our argument I started to laugh!
:)
Here's to learning and APPLYING :)
Heather
Pottstown, PA
20's
Divorced/Engaged
1) I already knew about men knowing women are insecure about their appearance. It's new to me that by women showing cleavage and dressing immodestly, that men would think she is insecure. I would have thought most men would enjoy the view and think more about pleasing themselves with their eyes.
2) If we don't choose to be strong and stand up against the things that cause us to be insecure, we will never be able to heal. We need to draw strength from the Holy Spirit and allow Him to give us the strength and power to overcome insecurity. I loved the statements Beth gave for examples when faced with an insecure moment.
Sharen
Flowery Branch,GA
50's
Single
It was interesting to read Chapter 12 and see female insecurities through the eyes of men. One of the points brought out in the chapter that I already knew was that women are most insecure about their appearance. That was a bit of a "dah" for me because I fit that mold. But one of the things that made me stop and ponder was that insecurities, when they are vividly displayed, turn men off.
The question for Chapter 13 on why having a weak will plays into insecurities is that people posessing a weak will are less prone to fight and more prone to choose the easy way and not fight against insecurities. What I was thinking though is that this is against God's plan and that not fighting against insecurities plays into Satan's hands. (note, I am typing this with a bandaged finger so please excuse any misspellings).
1. I was pretty much aware of the majority of things the guys said. My husband says pretty similar things with regard to insecurity in women. But, it still amazes me that I know how men think about it, but I remain insecure...
2. Weak wills are key to insecurity. Oftentimes, we say "yes" to something/someone that we would rather be saying "no" to. I've noticed in my own life that it can often lead down a path to insecurity.
Aubrey
26
Married
Hinsdale, IL
I hope you all have an imagination like Beth! As Anne in Green Gables said, if you dont--"oh how much you miss!" I love your imagination Beth!
The already knew that moment is being insecure about how we look and about sizing up each other.
The That's New to Me moment is about showing insecurity by dressing immodestly.
A weak will plays into our insecurity by not letting us stop being insecure. We may want to change but we are unable to change. We end up spiraling down instead of up.
Meme
Virginia
Single
To Laura (#6986) from Glenda:
Thank you for your encouragement, and the scriptures... Zeph 3:17 was one of my first index cards, and is one I cling to! The other ones will be added to my collection...
I do know that God is good, actually amazing - though the enemy tries to convince me otherwise... Micah 7:7-9 is good for that one.
Know that you have blessed me, and I will be praying for you.
Tonya
40's
Married
Searcy, AR
1. That a man would think of a woman as insecure if she dresses provocatively. I look at one and think just the opposite! I have such issues with my body the thought of feeling good enough with how I look to "flaunt" it, makes me shudder. I would think it would take an enormous amount of security to pull off some of the outfits I've seen. (Did you hear this from all ages and marital statuses? I'm just not sure my husband would answer that way....guess I'll have to ask.)
2. My own will, weak or strong, just isn't enough. To succeed I must lean on the only source of "will" that can supply me with the power I need to overcome whatever insecurity I deal with. This has become powerfully real to me lately. I have lived as a weak-willed woman and it has cost me dearly, in more ways than I can share. Feeling a new sense of self, through God's eyes, has begun to help me blossom into a more beautiful woman than I ever realized in my old way of thinking that I could ever become! Praise YOU Lord!
wow...this has been a trip. thank you for the journey.
I was removed from my ministry abandoned by my friends some i was meeting with for these discussions.
God must be our security
he made us good
sometimes life happens
i was so glad i was reading ahead
Beth thank you for sharing your heart with me and these other ladies
Chapter 12:
So much in there I didn't know. I did not know they saw right through us, that it turns them off and that they see "too much skin" as a sign of insecurity. Very eye-opening chapter.
Chapter 13:
I think the weak will gets us every time. However, on our own, I don't believe we can get past that. Through Christ, all things are possible including overcoming our weak will and our ability to not allow our weakness/hurt/humiliation to join with our insecurity and make us a mess. We can choose to not let that happen. I had not really put the two together before reading this chapter. Thank you, Beth!
Penny
43
Kentucky
married
1. I already knew that men were more attracted to secure women rather than insecure, I always thought of it as a conquest. "The thrill of the hunt" and all. I also thought maybe it had something to do with clinginess. I know that men don't like clingy women, they needed a woman that could stand on her own when he wanted to do his own thing or hang out with the guys. Hence the reason why I always strive to look like I have it all together, even though I'm in the pit of dispare.
2. I was surprised to read, "[They show their insecurity by] how they dress; the more skin they show, the more insecure they are." Since my youthful figure has (over the many years of age and child birth)blown out of it's purportions I have felt too insecure to show much skin, and felt only secure women would be able or willing to do so. I thought only women that felt comfortable in thier own skin would be able to display thier bodies like that. That was an eye opener for me, that men (or those seeking secure women) would be looking for a fully clothed woman. Interesting, indeeed. Thanks for that insight.
3. The weak will is a push over, in my opinion. Push overs are easily dominated and controlled by bullies, so I see weak willed people as easy prey. I was very encouraged by the words, "You may have broken my heart and shaken me up, but you can not have my security. I will not give it up to you or to anyone else. I am a woman of God, clothed" (notice the CLOTHED, sorry that jumped out to me) "in strength and dignity, and no one gets to take those things from me."
As long as we realize that God has given us the strength to stand strong on His Word, we will have security. Also the scripture you shared from Hebrews 10:35-36 is one I will be memorizing too.
One "I already new that moment" is women sometimes dress to disguise their insecurities. Although I am insecure, I tend to do the opposite--trying not to be noticed.
The moment that was new to me is that women will try to undo a committed man by trying to seduce him, to make herself feel secure by getting his attention. After reading this chapter I found myself checking to see if men were looking at me or might find me attractive. (NOT that I would ever cheat on my husband!!!) I found it interesting just how insecure I am in that area. It must have been subconsciously at first. But not anymore! I am responsible for what I know now!
A weak will plays into our insecurity because we believe the lie that our security is wrapped up in men, weight, money etc. By the Apostle Paul's own admission--he did what he did not want to do, and the thing he didn't want to do--this he kept on doing. (Romans 7:15).
For me, I am constantly reminded that my flesh is week. Sometimes weeks go by without a struggle, then--BAM, it hits me. By constantly confessing my sin and working with all HIS energy I am able to overcome those fleshly desires little by little day by day. But I put no confidence in my flesh, because I know where I came from and what I am capable of without Jesus Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit.
The one thing I have noticed about the role a weak will plays in my own life is that when I give in to my flesh (weak will) and am disobedient-I become MORE insecure! Imagine that!
1. I already knew most of the info in this chapter, but reminders are a good thing! Reading this chapter really reminded me of a guy I dated a few years ago. We dated for almost three years, and I thought he was “The One.” Eventually, he broke up with me. Why? Because of my chronic insecurity. He was tired of me not believing him, and the constant questioning (i.e. “Do you think I’m pretty?” “Do you think I’m fun?”). It had worn down this very patient guy! I had frustrated him to the point of exhaustion, and he knew he could never make me secure. I learned a very important lesson (or several) from that experience, and it’s stated in the chapter: insecurity is not attractive; it repels!
2. When we have a weak will, we will allow other people or our circumstances to dictate how we feel about ourselves. We will see ourselves through the lens of other people’s opinions, instead of through God’s. I will essentially hand over my power to choose to someone else, saying, “You decide how I feel about myself. Tell me how I should see myself.” It makes me think of the verse in James that says “ . . . for a doubtful mind is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind” (1:6, NLT). Processing this, I just had a thought: isn’t it strange how we will believe the media, or anyone else’s opinion of us if it’s negative before we will believe the positive and truthful things God says about us (and sometimes He says these things through others)? In a youth ministry class I took in college, I learned that for every negative thing someone says about you, it will take 13 positive things said to you to “make up” for that negative word. Just another reason we need to consistently read and speak aloud God’s Truth to ourselves and to others!
Michelle in TN
30s and single
I'm a little late joining in, bought my book a week ago after three seperate visits to the local walmart, picking the book up each time and setting it back down. I am so thankful that the last time I put it in my cart and took it home. I've already read through it all and what a blessing it is expecially at this time in my life. It deffinately opened my eyes to my insecurities and what has transpired in the last few years because of them. And as far as clevage, WOW!!! I can look back and see where my insecurities lead me to dress different, show more clevage, etc... Unfortunately those things just made other things worse, my relationship with my husband has suffered and caused insecurities in him I never would have thought. What an eye opener and blessing this book has been for me, and I can look forward to the days to come, more secure and cofident in myself and my relationships, whatever the outcome may be, that God is with me and I will not just be okay but better for it.
I thank God for giving us you Beth, and I thank you for heeding his calling.
1. An "I knew that" thought was on page 237 - "Men are repelled by open displays of female insecurity."
2. Weak will seems to me to be linked with insecurity and can only be overcome by and through Jesus Christ. As a counselor, I particularly like and totally agree with what you wrote on page 241 - "But we can change the way we think, which will change the way we act. And as we change the way we act, the way we feel also begins to change. In the breaking of every habit, someone wills it first and feels it later."
Leigh
41
Married
Montgomery, AL
Good Sunday afternoon Mama Beth,
1. I wasn't really surprised by anything in chapter 12. I was impressed the men were so honest with us.
2. A weak will allows us to not make good choices and be the strong secure women God wants us to be. I think when we feel that insecurity coming on, we need to cling to Jesus and let Him give us the strength we need so we can make the good choices and be secure.
Learning lots as I read this and am so glad for that.
Ann from Rockwell, if we lived closer I would hug you. YOu were one secure strong woman and I am so proud of you.
love
Tammy S.
44
Howells, NE
married
Christine
30
married :)
1. My "I already knew that" moment: Though I wasn't particularly surprised by any of it, I also didn't allow some of it to enter into my conscious mind enough to help shape and transform my behavior (ie. the fact that insecurity isn't attractive... I got a certain level of attention because of it and quite honestly thought I didn't posses anything else that would get that attention, so I stayed there.)
My "New to me" moment was the same as my "Already knew that" moment. Make sense? :)
2. Hmmmmm... having a hard time with this question. I think fundamentally a weak will begets a weaker will, failure begets failure, and embarrassment begets further embarrassment. The same is true of the positive side too. But for the question's sake I feel like our weak will causes us to act and respond in ways that are silly, embarrassing, and sometimes down right ugly... this then of course begins the cycle and we end up reaping a deeper insecurity. I feel insecure, I act foolishly, I get embarrassed and then feel more insecure. That's what I mean. Beth, of course talked about this in an earlier chapter, but it's so true that I think it bears repeating.
I can't even begin to express the fruit that has come to me through this journey with all of you sisters. I am humbled by the kindness of God. Aren't YOU??? :)
1. Knew That! My husband has told me for years that insecurity in women irritates him and irritates all men. This (the material you have gathered) confirms that security in women is alluring. What's interesting is that women have such a lack of security (me incuded here) and real security can only be had through Christ! He is and always has been the answer! This journey is going to be liberating! We only need to "cling" to the cross!
2. Insecurity comes from a weak will to claim dignity that is due us. We let others define us instead of defining ourselves by our inheritance through Christ. Cultural oppressions can only be busted by TRUTH. Let's get out there and claim it ladies!!!
Doris
Trussville, Alabama
50-something
Hi Siestas, I'm jumping in for the first time other than when we signed up...
For question #1, I was most surprised by the incessant babbling..Oh my! I do this not just with my husband but with my friends. Now I know that when I start that, to ask myself why I'm babbling and if it's because of some insecurity to ask for the Holy Spirit's help and remind myself I am clothed in strength and dignity...and to stop babbling!
For question #2, I am reminded Of this quote: No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Eleanor Roosevelt..
With God's help, we can make the choice not to allow others to make us feel insecure.
Now, I would like to suggest that we adopt Kirk Franklin's "Imagine Me" as our them song! I was listening to it recently and it really spoke to me. Here's a little bit of the lyrics..
"Imagine Me"
Imagine me
Loving what I see when the mirror looks at me cause I
I imagine me
In a place of no insecurities
And I'm finally happy cause
I imagine me
Letting go of all of the ones who hurt me
Cause they never did deserve me
Can you imagine me?
Saying no to thoughts that try to control me
Remembering all you told me
Lord, can you imagine me?
[Chorus:]
Imagine me, being free, trusting you totally finally I can...
Imagine me
I admit it was hard to see
You being in love with someone like me
But finally I can...
Imagine me
Chapter 12 response
Siestas,
Have I got a good one for you. This morning for church I opted for the first time to wear a large scarf over my shoulders instead of the jacket which hangs to my hips that I usually wear with this particular sweater and slacks outfit. (Important to the story.) As I read chapter 12 yesterday I was glad when I realized that I’m not so insecure about wearing the right thing any more. (With age comes not worrying so much about what others think. I am nigh unto 51.) Even though I don’t know the “right” way to wear this scarf I went for it.
On the way through the parking lot after I got to the church I was thinking of the girls at the middle school where I work. The two big things they are focused on and get their security from are - do they have the “right” friends and are they wearing the “right” clothes. I was pondering how that doesn’t go away as we grow older and can remain a large area of insecurity for women.
I got to church right as the service was starting. I hurriedly hung my coat up (I live in the north and even though it is spring, it’s still winter outside.) Our sanctuary seats 2,000 people and I always sit in the front row. So, as things were beginning, I walked by myself down the center aisle and got myself situated on the front row. Shortly after that, an acquaintance scooted out of her pew and sat side-saddle next to me and whispered that her friend who was sitting with her leaned over to her as I walked in. This acquaintance thought her friend was going to tell her how pretty my scarf was, but instead informed her that my sweater - dare I say it - was tucked into the back of my underpants!!!! (The waist is a little too big on the slacks so they sit a smidge lower on my hips than I’d like.) I had a momentary flash of horror cross my face as I thanked her for being a good friend to tell me. (How awkward that must have been for her!)
I’ll admit that it was hard to concentrate on the first few worship songs. I vacillated between feeling only slightly concerned that I just showed the majority of the church that I wear old lady style underwear and trying not to laugh. I’m happy to say that I didn’t really feel embarrassed. I know there are enough of you younger siestas out there feeling that way for me instead. I’m amazed that I can regale the story to you. But for me I can say SO LONG INSECURITY (on this particular issue)!!!!!
The lessons are, #1 - for me, always wear the jacket that comes down to my hips with those slacks. And #2, for all of us - ALWAYS rescue a siesta when a wardrobe malfunction occurs. (I think that also includes when things may be dangling from her nose when she doesn’t realize it….)
PS - After church the older lady sitting behind me told me how beautiful my scarf was!! Also, I thanked the acquaintance and her friend on my out of the sanctuary and the three of us chuckled. And my friend and her husband and daughters got a hoot out of the story when I told them! I know my family will get a good laugh out of it when I tell them too!
1. I didn't realize cleavage meant insecurity to men or about women. I always figured a secure woman would turn them off because she would too bossy for them. It's totally amazing to me that men and women have more likenesses than differences.
2. It occured to me while reading this chapter that allowing yourself to be weak willed, you might as well paint a target on your chin and allow someone to deck you--you are inviting more diaster to overtake you.
60's, married, TX
"Men are repelled by open displays of female insecurity." I made that my credo while single, and attracted a lot of men with my 'blatant displays' of what they thought was security. It turned out to be a juggling act that I could not perpetuate indefinitely, and after marriage the balls all came tumbling down.
"The more skin they show,the more insecure they are." I, like so many other women,found this statement from men incredulous. I know men are much more visual creatures than women, and we are advised by all sorts of 'experts' to play into this facet of male arousal, especially at home.
One of the best illustrations of a weak versus strong will came to me from the late M. Scott Peck of "Road Less Traveled" fame. Having a weak will, said Peck, is kinda like having a bunch of ponies in your back yard, they are a nuisance, they eat your flowers, and their power is so little it really cannot accomplish very much, for you or any one else. Having a strong will, however, is like having a dozen Belgian horses in your back yard, writes Peck. Belgian horses have the inate power, if not properly trained, harnessed, and redirected, to literally destroy you and everything in your 'yard,' so to speak. However, if properly harnessed, a strong will, like a Belgian horse, can literally move mountains for us. I believe many women, myself included, are suffering the consequences of insecurity not merely because we are weak willed, but many of us have a strong will that we left un- harnessed, or worse yet we harnessed to a belief in our own strength that inevitably failed us. Whether we are weak willed, or have a strong will that needs to be retrained, the answer is found in Matt.11: "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."
Beth,
Haven't finished reading this week's chapters but had to tell you about this morning. I am in charge of registering ladies for the simulcast. I had a sign out in the lobby for people to sign up on. I returned after Sunday School and found that Melissa Moore with the phone # 1800heartmymom had been in attendence. My ladies are always cracking me up.
I had an idea I wanted to share. I was reading my chapter 12 after being at the table registering this morning and had the idea of having the ladies call our Junior and Senior high girls and personally invite them(kind of a mentoring setup). I think if we show them we care now, then in a few years when they are out of the youth group, they may feel more welcome at the ladies meetings. I am hoping to fill our bus and head to a host site.
Just wanted to share this idea in case others wanted to do so also.
Can't wait!
Love,
Jan
I agree with Heidi, next you have to write a good Christian novel we can all enjoy- You've got it going on, Siesta Mama!!
I have heard most of my life that men prefer the woman who is comfortable being who she is, not some woman who is desperate.
What was new to me was that "incessant talking" was exemplary of someone who is insecure. This is me!! Or has been me. I just thought I was hyper?? But I totally see how talking too much would show insecurity-like I'm always trying to prove I'm "ok!" I've already started praying asking God to help me stop talking so much and trust Him.
So, a weak will, would definitely impede this for me and I'm tired of being insecure. I'm choosing trust in Jesus, and asking Him to fight this battle for me and with me. I'm choosing one situation at a time, and Amazing: it really does work!!! Thank you Jesus.
So, Praise God that I finished reading Ch.13, about the power to choose. Thank you Beth, for adding in the "what to tell yourself, when someone says something to dent your security"!! Sisters', did I ever use it at church this morning! Yes..at church. Right now our church is having a bit of a 'dry-spell'. I am very passionate about the Holy Spirit within us, and the power of God through it! So I wrote a letter, about how I feel we are 'missing' this important part at our church. I gave it to our Pastor, after having some people I highly respect read it. (Which they loved and were MOVED by it!)
Well the Pastor shared it with others, which was intended to happen. Well, while at meeting this morning at church,for a committee that I Direct, I had one of the leaders at our church "mock" my letter,indirectly, about the Holy Spirit. Talk about insecurity!! Talk about rejection! But you know what...I said to myself... mock me, criticize me, and think want you want... but you can't have my security OR my Spirit of the Precious LORD!! AMEN!! Thanks Beth, for being obedient to what to Holy Spirit calls you to do!:)
I would say that I already knew that women who are insecure are the one's who ask the "Am I?" questions.
I would say what is new to me is that men find women being insecure when they show cleavage.
A weak will plays into our insecurities because we don't have enough faith and trust in believing that all things are possible with God.
Wichita Falls, Texas
40's
married
ONLY A MIDDLE INITIAL, too!!
Debbie C
53
Sterling Heights, Michigan
Married 31 years this year
Just like the woman in your introduction I only have a middle initial. The initial "K." This has caused me a lot of grief, pain, and confusion over the years. Even the "driver's license bureau" didn't want to accept my certified birth certificate because they didn't believe I only had a middle initial. I was made fun of as a child and even sometimes, careless thinking adults will make fun of me today.
When I asked my mom why I only had a middle initial she explained it thus.
My older brother and sister were born and were only given a 1st name to go with their last name.
My mother was listening to the radio when she heard "The military is having trouble identifing their dead because so many of the men had the same first and last name. So make sure you give your children middle names.
Myself and my younger brother received middle initials.
My next two sisters received full middle names.
My baby sister only received a 1st name.
I never did find out why my mother went from
1. No middle name
2. A middle initial
3. Full middle names
4. Back to no middle name.
The story started out with logic and then went nowhere. We all laugh in my family about it now. It doesn't make much sense.
I trust you find this little ditty as funny as we do.
Alright...I'm wondering if my husband was one of the 150 men who completed the blog those many months ago.
1)There were no surprises. My husband has for a while been lovingly asking why I let these insecurities get the best of me. The guy who wrote,"Get over it," could have been mine.
2)Just finished the weak willed woman part of Breaking Free. Oh yes Ma'am, weak wills chain us to insecurities. I've had a weak will to stand up to myself. God has been gracious to me in showing me the insecurities and how it affects my life. I have said No to too many of God's blessings, because I've been too afraid to stand up to the lies. The insecurity within an insecurity...I didn't feel worthy of freedom or the blessing. I've known better for a few years now. But I've felt people - like my mom-
would become the martyr or become hostile towards me because I decided to stand firm, secure, and joyful about the gifts, talents and blessings God has given my life.
Um..... N.O. M.O.R.E. ~PRAISE GOD~!!!!!!!!
Mama Beth, Oh Praise God for your willing heart and vessel to pen these words of encouragement and wisdom from our Father to our minds!
Kate
married - 30's
Charlottesville, VA
I'm rather embarrassed to admit this is my third comment to this post, but I'm finally ready to answer the questions. I beg your indulgence and I'll try to be brief:
1. Knew men appreciated a secure women and actually found that attractive.
Very surprised that more skin speaks of more insecurity. That just seems backwards to me. Hurry quick and throw me a cellulite guard.(aka swimsuit cover-up)
2. For some reason I always giggle when I read about people worming their way into the homes of "weak willed women." I think my tongue just feels amused, but it's not amusing. Does the enemy smell blood in the water when I'm vascillating between good and evil? Oh, I think so. What about when it's just good and better? Oh, so much the better.
Ok, girls. I'll wrap it up:
Kathy B
H'ville, TN
40's
married
A couple things I didn't know:
1. How very onto us men are about our insecurity. I didn't realize it repulsed them so much, either.
2. The fact that insecure women tend to be extra chatty. (Ummm...This. Is. ME!!)
Also, a weak will can play into insecurity because it shows we are choosing to let someone or something steal our security. I love how you point out that we have God given power to not let anyone or anything have it! By the power of the Holy Spirit, I am clothed with strength and dignity!
My Bible study girls and I are luuuuuving this. Thanks for the kick-in-the-panse to kick insecurity to the curb!
Kristen
Kihei, HI
30's
Mary
Illinois
50’s
Married
First things first……Ann, from Rockwall, Texas…..Now, you have experienced the power of the Holy Spirit within you, when you choose to deny your flesh, and yield to our Lord. It truly is a supernatural force that carries you forward to victory! You GO Sister!!! WOOHOO!
1. I already knew that men like confident woman who carry themselves well and know who they are. And I was taken back a bit by the part about “cleavage”. With the life I lived in the past I can not believe that this is such new news to me. It NEVER occurred to me that a man would see less clothes and more skin as insecurity in a woman. WOW!!
I have to tell you Beth…I just laughed out loud so hard at the one story about women complaining that we can not find good men and how we are looking for our knight in shining armor on a white horse and he (the man writing this comments) ends by saying he can’t even ride a horse….LOL! That just made me laugh so hard.
2. Finally Chapter 13, the bend upwards! Yea!! Direction, healing, our ABBA Father!! “How does a weak will play into our insecurities?" I believe I have had a weak will in my past and it was a play ground for satan. I would say yes when inside I was screaming NO! I would go when I wanted nothing more than to be home. I would be quiet when I should have been yelling. And satan would always gladly help me beat myself up over my bad choices. I had a very weak will. BUT then I learned and believed who I am IN Christ and my whole life and walk took a turn I will forever be grateful for. Many (not all) of my insecurities left and now I choose not to give my God given security to anyone. “Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future.” Proverbs 31:25 Amen!
Thank you Beth for being my sister in Christ and caring about me so much that you wrote this book for me! I love you too! Mary
1. Insecure in the area of appearance for women. I already knew that. A friend's daughter made that abundantly clear to me when I took her, her brother and my two kids out to breakfast, still in my pajama bottoms a sweatshirt, no makeup and my hair pulled back in a barrette. At breakfast she looked at me and said, "You are nothing like my Mom." I took that to mean that her Mom would have never ventured out of the house without herself fully put together. It is true she wouldn't be caught dead without being appearance ready.
New to me pp.236-237. I liked the absolute honesty of his answer and the affirmation to us as women. They aren't lying when they tell us they love us for who we are and enjoy being with us immensely.
Why can't women, myself included, just accept that as the truth. We accept them and love them, baggage and all. Why is it so hard for us to believe that they love and accept us with our baggage too?
2. A weak will affects our insecurities by increasing them, to the point that we feel powerless to make good healthy choices for ourselves. We also make ourselves vulnerable to emotional predators.
The term was new to me and I dated one for 5 1/2 years. Took him to bed with me, was going to marry him and I thank God, for pushing me down the right path to my ever-lovin' husband. God is so good and I thank Him every chance I get, for His gift of my husband. Thanks God.
andrea - montana - 40's - married
- To let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of me increasingly overtake my earthen vessel until it drives my every emotion, reaction, and relationship.
This shout out is to Kristi from Philadelphia! 3/26 12:33pm
Way to go! I have been praying for you and I am thrilled that God has given you the strength to BURY those razor blades. You're FREE!!!! In fact I cried tears of joy and thanked God when I read your post and I am so proud of you girl, keep going up up up!!!
Blessings,
Andrea from Montana,
but I did grow up 40 minutes from Philadelphia. Craving a cheesesteak and Herr's potato chips and of course Tasteycakes.
1) There were no "that's new to me" discoveries of the issues presented in chapter 12. BUT through reading this chapter, I was reminded afresh that that insecurity is a(if not THE) major groundwork for breeding and/or instigating skewed definitions of submission and surrender. And that as women of God, when He has planted us in a good place, we ought to be aware of spiritual attack(s) in being turned away towards insecurity leading to aligning with those who have wrong or messed up definitions of submission and surrender. Seeking Biblical balance daily is so important!
Also on that subject, living here in Utah where the Mormon religion is wide-spread, versus my having grown up in Upstate, NY, in the Methodist church: the predominantly-spread (Mormon) definitions of submission & surrender are not Biblically balanced, IMO, and teaches women to see themselves as weaker than God made them to be.
2) From personal experience weakness/a weak will is bred more by fear, at the onset, than anything else. Whether spoken or unspoken, fear is a formidable spiritual enemy for women. Fear, especially unspoken fears when a woman is being subjected to abuse of any kind can cause her to see herself thru her abusive spouse's broken vision just to survive --instead of seeing herself the way God sees her. And that God wants us to not just exist and survive BUT to thrive in His Name!!!
What I've learned also, as related to my response in #2 above: there is no such creature as "what if...", "but what about...", or -"but...but...but".
Something else: I have been reminded that though it is OK to ask self-questions --it is never ok to allow those questions to change tone and become self-criticisms. The enemy of our souls loves nothing more than for us to do his dirty work for him & weaken ourselves. And also thru ch.13, I was reminded that going thru ordeals and horrible experiences doesn't mean we "have to" internalize to our core & be defined by them, nor does it mean we "have to" let it change who we are in our core as women of God. We are women of GOD, not women of self.
God is our strength, and can enable us to see ourselves as He sees us...as the beloved women (and men) He created us.
When we allow Him to teach us how to see us as He sees us, then we're able to see others as He sees them -His beloved children. I'm reminded of Corrie ten Boom as being a good example of having practiced seeing even those who've hurt/abused us, yes even them, as God's children. She didn't compromise God's word in a moment of weakness, fear, or anger, against that former guard --she triumphed *with* God's help.
Diane
40
Ogden, Ut
divorced
Good morning sisters I have not been writing on here in a while I know I have many prayers that was prayed for me . I'M still with you all. I feel that god is leading me into the bible study breaking free . I got. My workbook Saturday , watched the first DVD last night. So I feel like I'm on my way to freedom . I just wanted my sisters that has been praying for meto know that. I am still on. my walk with god. I spoke a few weeks ago about getting out of a lifestyle of the same sex relationships. What a battle i am in body,mind and soul but I know that Jesus has place me here and he will finish the work that he has started . I'm so thankful for you mama Beth years ago a friend bought praying god's word . When I was battle of drugs and I can say god has freed me from drugs for eight years. I just wanted to thank you for the prayer and say I'm so thankful for this place that i can come to for good godly people that has lifted me up when I was so down I so love you all sisters
Rebecca
34
tennesse
I thought men liked insecurity...but maybe that's just my personal experience.
Beth, this book has come at a perfect time for me. Now that I am back home after 5 years and visiting with old friends, relatives and meeting new people, I am constantly reminding myself of my SECURITY is in CHRIST. When I see my friends with great marriages, beautiful homes and illustrious careers, I remind myself that my SECURITY is in CHRIST. No matter what. I am clothed with strength and dignity!
Ann from Rockwall, praise God for His victory!!
Monica
30s
m with 4 kids
Sydney Australia
Ann in Rockwall - woot!!! So inspiring!!
1. Most of Chapter 12, I knew...but didn't know guys knew.
2. I think a weak will contributes to the vicious cycle of our insecurities making fools of us. I feel so defeated and embarrassed when I succumb to an emotional predator (not my husband - can't imagine how tough that would be). Then, I get angry because how dare they! Then (in the past), I go after them in anger and I'm the one who ends up asking for forgiveness and feeling like a heel. ugh.
I can't wait for the next opportunity to respond in a secure, dignified, godly way in the moment! I just want one good response under my belt! The moment is coming and I'm praying that I'll hold on to the strength and dignity God's already given me.
Love y'all-
Amber
30's/married
Dallas
1. I already knew that men do have us figured out.
I didn't realize how much they viewed our dress styles as a measure of our insecurity.
2. I never realized how much a weak will becomes a foundation for insecurity and allows it to become a fortress if not confronted. Also must not attach everything negative to an insecurity. Huge moment for me to realize this.Most profound statement was"...doing nothing will never accomplish anything." Guess I can't sweep the mess under the couch anymore.
Janae
40's
Riverside,PA
Married
K
50's
married
I have a way to go with my insecurity issue because I am even hesitant to respond to the questions. After reading other's great comments I feel mine are lacking and not as detailed. But then I thought to myself that is not "the voice" I should be listening to and that I will respond anyway.
1) already knew that--men noticed women seem most insecure in the area of appearance
that is new to me--men are intrigued by a confident women
2) It must be a conscience choice to be secure and takes effort on our part and help from God. A weak will can get caught up in emotions and play right into our insecutity.
1)I did know that men are repelled by open displays of insecurity, like jealousy. I know when I talk about another woman with malicious envy or covetousness in my voice, my husband calls me on it and tells me it's not pretty act that way.
I didn't know that men were on to us about our insecurities. For example if a woman shows a lot of skin, then she's insecure. I figured most of them were to distracted to think beyond that, but that's pretty cool.
2) I think women with insecurity have a weak will sometimes because they are so driven by what they think they don't have.
married
30's
Memphis, TN
Terri
30's
Married
Senoia, GA
1. I already knew that alot of women gage men they want to date by romance novels or romantic movies. These books and movies portray men who are "perfect", but we do not live in a perfect world. I agree with the frustrated guy who commented about women not finding a good man. I think we women place too much emphasis on the "ideal" man that we do not see the "good" man that probably is right in front of us.
I never really thought about how much a woman shows of her body was a sign of insecurity. I guess the more I think about this, the more it makes sense to me.
2. If we have a weak will, it is harder for us to choose to not let that seed of insecurity take root in our soul. When we have received Christ's spirit within us, we actually have His strength to tell insecurity no.
1. Had I read this book at age 20, I think almost the whole chapter would have been new to me, but four years of being a counselor and eight years of marriage (along with God's teaching of course) have revealed most of those things to me. I now hope to communicate to the teens I work with about how insecurity is not attractive to others- and I believe this applies to dating relationships as well as friendships. I remember people trying to tell me this when I was young, and I now wonder how I can effectively communicate this to the young people in my life.
2. weak will, hmmm, I was always told by my parents that I am strong-willed. which left me wondering how I have involved myself in relationships that trigger my insecurities. I realize that the only good way to be strong-willed is to seek after God's will. The best thing that happened to my marriage was learning to pray for God's will for our family. My husband does use hurtful words against me at times, and God has been teaching me how to respond. I do fear that my husband will at some point choose to allow his past to destroy our family rather than allow God to continue to heal and restore his life. Reading this book is helping me to realize that it is not my choice to make, and that God will sustain me through whatever choices he makes. It is hard to think that I will not have "failed" even if it is my husband that chooses the destruction the enemy has to offer.
30's
married
So...this is only my second post..sorry that i have been absent from replying but I just had my 3rd baby 3 weeks ago...so I have been out of the loop. I have to say that having my 3rd child has once again brought out all of my insecurities that I am going to mess her up or not do something right...it has been a real blessing to go back through the book and remind myself that my security can't been taken away from me. That is definitely something I struggle with...I think I let myself just slip back into old insecurities too easily. My weak will to stop myself has almost become habit...I need to rewire the way I respond to difficult circumstances. I am holding fast to the scriptures in Chapter 13..Psalms 29:11 and Hebrews 10:35-36
Carrie
29
married
Julie, 32, married, Longview, WA
This book just keeps getting better. This is the earlist I've ever posted my answers.
1. I didn't realize that cleavage was a dead ringer for insecurity and a turn off in some ways. It seems so contrary to everything we see and how guys react. I've never been one to use this tactic but you see it everywhere and it gives me new compassion for the women I see using this tactic.
2. A weak will allows others to dictate and walk all over us. My first husband was an emotional predator and it has taken this years and God's healing to completely heal from an experience like that. It makes you feel even more insecure and was so insecure to start with. By the time I divorced my husband I didn't even know who I was, I had completely allowed him to squelch every part of me that made me special. Thank God he can heal these wounds and I am now married to the most wonderful man and have a beautiful family. Praise God!
Cindy
Newton Tony, England
30's
1. Probably already knew that: Men are turned off by women that are insecure. I think women that are confident and less pretty are taken advantage of LESS by men than a very pretty, insecure woman. Didn't know: This was tougher b/c I feel like in my past I dated so many different guys that fell into a whole rainbow of categories from honorable, cheater, kind, respectful, manipulating, wonderful, etc. that I've uncovered many of their motivations. I'd say that the part you wrote about where men said that women who show more skin are insecure. I'm wondering how many men recognized this.
2. Hoes does a weak will play into our insecurity? Like you mentioned on page 246, we can be in an unhealthy relationship and "say to ourselves" that when we get near that person that we'll be/act one way with them but if we are weak-willed and insecure we may not hold to our good morals like we wish we had.
Praise God He can deliver us from such unhealthy relationships and attract us to wonderful, healthy, honest people!
Note to Val in KY! Do not give up, Satan does not want you to do this study for a reason...I too have struggled, having a terrible time posting my comments, feeling stupid, etc. That is the work of the enemy dear girl.
1. I never once considered that men thought immodest women were insecure, although I think we women know that. Beth's comments on predator women are so true, I watched my mother as a child be this type of woman, she felt it a challenge I think to try and steal other men away from their women. Lots of junk now to deal with, as I am her primary caregiver now and she still cherishes her past sin.
2. I love the quote on page 244-"When we decide to be strong willed about what God strongly wills, that, beloved, is the epitome of empowerment." I am sick and tired of giving over my security and dignity to others. All week the verse from Deut 2:3 has resonated in my mind-"You have circled this mountain long enough, now turn north!" Praise to His glorious name!
Rachel, 28
Married; MD
I definitely resonated with the concept that insecurity is a turn-off. I know that both because of observing other people who act insecure around me, & in watching my husband's reactions to me when I am insecure. It frustrates him so much, because he thinks that much of my self-criticism is invalid, yet he cannot convince me otherwise. I have grieved what I perceive of the "passing" of the secure, competent woman I "was" before my daughter was born. I have lost many battles in trying to confront my chronic sense of inadequacy as a mother. I no longer make a paycheck, my body has changed, & heaven forbid that I lose my temper with my 20 month old or have no creative play ideas that day.
This book is helping me to realize that I do not need to lie prone & defeated under those negative emotions anymore. I am a woman of God; I am clothed in dignity; so it's time to stand up & act like it! I pray the Lord will contine to grow my patience & increase my energy, but in the meantime, it doesn't help anybody to bathe in self-hatred. Somehow, my daily humble offering of my service to God, through serving my family, must be enough to please him. I can feel at rest.
This leads right into question 2. A weak will plays right into insecurity at every juncture that I am confronted with my imperfection. Yep, you got it-- I am not perfect. AHHH! I said it! It sounds funny but it is not for those of us that really struggle with perfectionism. When I find myself failing to measure up to a standard, whether it's a legitimate one or an unrealistic one, I must choose whether to assert my identity in Christ and believe that I am still valuable, or whether to succumb to voices telling me that I am nothing & worthless. Lord, give me the strength & humility to love myself even when I mess up, rather than spiralling down into the murky depths of despair!
1) My husband has been on to me for years, so that wasn't new. But the extent to which guys wish we were secure was new.
2) A weak will listens and buys the lies instead of standing strong in the truth of God's Word. I have so been there and done that!
Shelly
30s
married
Texas
1.) I already knew that men are more intrigued by a confident woman.
The male comment that made me think was how it manifests itself in nagging, self-doubt, self-loathing, seeking approval/validation, & the need for constant reassurance. OUCH!!
2.) A weak will plays into our security how??
The unconfindent power to choose. He designed our souls to flourish where they are free. I love it that I really can say "No, thanks" & can make a DELIBERATE choice to refuse insecurity the space to seed. I find confidence in knowing that I can CHOOSE to have a different reaction even prior to having a different emotion. I'm learning that in breaking habit's I sometimes will it first & feel it later & that I can act on scriptural facts & supernatural power rather than my feelings. I love it that God has given me my feelings & He's also given my the power to CHOOSE whether or not it gets to assault my security. I'm deciding to be strong willed about what God strongly wills.
I'm also learning to stop playing matchmaker with my insecurities & learning to process negative without allowing it to keep company with my insecurities.
I Know God gave me my security & nobody gets to force it from me. I've made up my mind that the only way someone can take it from me, is for me to hand it over to them. Thank you Jesus for the Power of Choice.
Monica
NY.
Hebrews 10:35-36
1) I think it's very interesting that guys know that a woman is insecure the more skin that she shows. I thought only other women knew that! I wish men would not feed into that insecurity. Maybe they don't mean to, but they do. If they would ignore those cleavage women and esteem the secure (and more modestly dressed ones) maybe the insecure women would get the hint. But so many times the cleavage women get the attention from men that they desire...
I love the last paragraph in chapter 12. Great summary!
2) Weak willed women have no chance of overcoming insecurities. We have to be strong to have a fighting chance. We're in a battle to get and keep our security. Weak warriors never win, and we have to win in order to have healing in this area. We must be intentional with the word as our sword. Great chapter! I have my 3 verses on index cards already. :)
Kerri
30s
North Carolina
Married
I appreciated the affirmation that God Himself has assigned us dignity and value and that it is in acting upon that knowledge that builds security in us. I also appreciated being reminded that we must want to "transform" because of what God had done for us.
I think a weak will is to blame not only for a "downward spiral" into insecurity but also for a lack of progress toward holiness. I appreciated the insight in Ch. 13that, "In the breaking of every habit, someone wills it first and feels it later." (p. 241) I appreciated the idea of setting emotional boundaries for ourselves and the refresher on agape love.
Kansas/50s/married
1. What hit me in chapter 12 was that "insecurities do not invite intimacy, they invite uncertainty." When you rely on people to fill your insecurities, you're creating a dependency, not intimacy with them. That's not what God ever intended. He made us to find our security in him, and only then can we have true intimacy with others.
2. God has given me many opportunities this week to chose if I was going to let rejection or intimidation take my security. Thank you Jesus I'm finally beginning to see my circumstances through the eyes of Christ and choose to claim my security in Jesus Christ!
God knew I needed to read this book in this season of my life and I'm so thankful to see his Spirit moving in my life. Thank you, Beth, for speaking God's truth into my life.
Adriane
21
Single
Indiana
Tami / 30's / Bay Area, CA / Never Married
1. "I already knew that" -- that guys who verbally abuse are acting out of their own insecurities... but that doesn't make it any less hurtful or excusable. "That's new to me" -- I reframed the hurtful actions of an insecure (but not abusive) man -- he *can't* love well because he hasn't had a good role model, and he himself doesn't rely on God and His Word for his security. (Doesn't make it easier to deal with his hurtfulness -- and certainly doesn't make him a great relatioship candidate -- but that section added some insight as to *why* he acts as he does).
2. If you have a weak will, you make poor choices based on what others think, or on habits, or on fear and anxiety. You aren't making the positive, God-oriented choices that are GOD'S will and that offer growth. God's will is NEVER a weak will. As we are made in His image, He will give us the strength to have strong (but humble) wills!
PS I love my "word verification" for this comment -- "proffici". A misspelled "prophecy." :)
Lynne, 61 married in Oregon
1. Based on Ch 12 my "I already knew that" was :
"Insecurities do not attract. They repel." and
"that's new to me" was:
that men understood that a woman's insecurity is inversely proportional to the amount of skin she is showing. Thought they were oblivious to that. That info restored my confidence in men :>)
2. How does a weak will play into our insecurity ~ it defeats our "power of choice" our ability to choose to process something negative without automatically allowing it to bolster our insecurity. To choose to act differently and trust in God's daily involvement in our lives.
Beth, thank you for the prayer you included on p.259 ~ praying for the men in our lives and thanking God for each of them by name; asking Him to make them strong, courageous and to be a shield around them, to be their glory and to lift their heads AND to make us the kind of women with whom they can be His kind of men! A resounding AMEN to that!
To NHRA BARB on March 28 at 3:46 pm -- thank you so much for sharing Peck's wonderful analogy of untrained Belgian horses trampling a backyard and an untrained, unbridled strong will . . hit home to me!
Lynne in Oregon
1. Okay just call me naïve, but I didn’t have any I already new that…one of the things I read --- “the more skin they show the more insecure they are” I thought that would have been the very opposite. I know for me the more insecure I feel the more frumpy the clothes are and the more that gets covered. Lately though I have been trying to show security through my apparel and body language…mainly body language because who has money in this economy to buy new clothes to dress smart.
I highlighted a lot in the last two paragraphs of chapter 12...thank you for those words eventually they will get to an index card J
2. This was a face slap(per) to me! It woke me up to the “weak-will” which will be in the near future “No, thank you” in the area of food! I am so weak willed in this area!! I chuckle at God’s persistence with me in that I can not tolerate most of the things I loved to eat because my digestive system seems to have changed… I cannot kick against the goads of my loving Savior. I have to submit…I can deliberately choose to refuse insecurity the space to seed…and food in my stomach hence weight on my frame my friend is its favorite ground on which to plant! And oh, the insecurities that come from the guilt ridden accusations of satiation of appetite. God, in Jesus name, deliver me from so great an inner struggle get to the core and yank it out!!!
Deborah
50
married
CT
Chapter 12: What I already knew:
We compare ourselves to other women in appearance, character and intelligence.
What I did not realize: We do not realize the impact our insecurities have on our relationships. Men would rather have a secure woman. (Big insight for me)
Chapter 13: A weak will takes away our power to choose and it takes away our security. It attaches to our negative emotions and sucks the life out of us. A weak will sets no boundries. That also makes us insecure.
Marlene
Married: age 61
Michigan
Hi Beth! I'm so enjoying this blog. This is the most fun and informational (is that a word) group I have had the pleasure to be with.
This comment is for Ann in TX, way to go girl!!! I know God is so proud of you. I know exactly what you are going through. It is tough meeting the other woman. You have all these mixed emotions, but you want to do what is best for the children; btw that's not always easy.
I wanted to do the opposite to my ex's wife, but after a while you just pray to put that behind you and get along for the children sake.
Just for information sake, I now work with my ex's wife. Needless to say my mouth was on the floor when I saw her walk through the doors of my workplace. And I don't like to admit it, but it still gets on my nerves. Just pray for me and I will do the same for you.
Hang in there, we both will.
Dawn
30's
Mount Olive, NC
Chapter 12
I had not really thought about or maybe didn't even know that "We may not realize the impact our insecurities have on our relationships" We just started marriage counseling and it can be an eye opener to see yourself how your mate sees you.
Chapter 13
I have been weak willed in thinking that I didn't have a right to set boundaries. "To stand back and watch a spouse spin further and further out of control without ever attempting to confront, set a boundary, or permit consequences is not in his (or yours) best interest." Part of the insecurity stems from my own past bad choices and feeling like I don't have a right to confront his. Learning to hang on to my security and walk with my head up knowing that I'm now living for Christ and it IS ok for me to set boundaries, even with my spouse.
Hannah
30s
married
Georgia
I already knew that women size each other up from my own experience.
I did not know that men look at "cleavage" as a female being insecure.
A weak will definately makes us believe the devil and his lies and therefore makes us insecure.
Carlena, 43, Springfield IL, married
1.'I knew that' moment ~ Insecurity doesn't attract. It repels. When the average guy sees the woman is his life hold her own in the face of intimidation, he is impressed.
2. My weak will has manifested itself into letting way too many emotional predators get the best of me. (Hence, my answer to #1)Thankfully, I have taken the command in 2 Timothy and "have nothing to do with them"--praise the Lord. I so needed this chapter this week, because though I am no longer around the emotional predator, she still continues to wreak havoc in the lives of the ones I love. I was able to share these thoughts on emotional predators and give them the courage to GET AWAY!!
Thank you, Father and thank you, Beth!
Julie
30's
Virginia
Married
2. I will apologize in advance for this analogy. I am a visual person so this is what came to mind when I thought about a weak will: It is like a muscle. If you don't use it regularly, it becomes weak. I need to choose to exercise my God-given will so that when I am faced with a choice, it will be easier to choose to do the right thing in any given situation. Of course, keeping in constant contact with The Master Trainer and reading His Exercise Manual daily and applying it to my everyday life is key in building a God-willed muscle.
Joan
Portage,MI
40's
Married
Lisa, 30s, married, Shawnee, KS
1. My “already knew that moment” was the fact that men tire of hearing our insecurities and want a secure woman. Of course this is coming from my personal experiences with my husband. He gets so frustrated when I voice my insecurities (which there are many). He doesn’t get why I just “don’t do something about it.” This in the turn makes me more frustrated and insecure because I then feel like I am too weak since I don’t/can’t just do something about them. Much easier said than done kind of deal, right. And in the same sense I feel it is my “it’s new to me moment.” Although I hear it from him I have never really stepped back to look at it from the outside view, especially his. I must come across to him as a complete mess with my mound of insecurities, so no wonder he is tired of hearing them repeatedly.
2. I think that it’s pretty obvious that the weaker our will the more apt we are to sub come to our insecurities directly impart to out weak will. The weaker my will the weaker m self-esteem and self-confidence and the stronger my self-doubt. If I had a strong will I would be strong enough to believe in my abilities and not doubt them. Self-doubt seems to be my biggest area of trouble. It only takes one little though, word, or hunch to all my self-doubt to creep in. And once it is there it gets bigger and bigger until it is too hard to squash. Even when I turn to God in those moment, I have had far too many experiences with my insecurities winning out. Then comes the guilt of letting them win and not relying on God’s strength to overcome them and proceed in whatever task or event that was at hand. It feels like a viscous cycle to me, one that can quickly send me into a downward spiral. And I know this so that constant so that constant tug of war between my intellectual mind and my emotional mind can drive me crazy. In dialectical behavioral therapy they say to use your “wise mind” which is the in between or combination of the two but one side always carries so one much more weight that it usually wins (obviously my emotional side). I recently saw your lesson on courage on Wednesday’s with Beth and boy did that strike a chord with me. My fear of failure and what others think about me keep me from making the courageous secure choice and boy that’s hard to swallow.
I already knew that they get sick of us asking "am I" all the time. What I didn't know was that they can sense the desperation in us, the dressing scantily, the clinginess, the constant need for attention.
2. Based on Chapter 13, how does a weak will play into our insecurity?
this may not be exactly what you are asking, but it is thick into what I feel like God is trying to tell me in this book.....I have to decide that I am worth making the right choice. I have spent most of my life feeling like everything bad that happened to me was well deserved, and if nobody else wanted good things for me, why would I strive to make them happen. What i am trying to learn for myself is that I am NOT who other people have told me I am, I am who God has told that I am, and I am worth it....whatever it is, I am worth it.
married
30's
alabama
ch 12 I wasn't really suprised by their responses that much..only maybe to what extent woman's insecurities can repel them.
ch 13 I loved that you talked about it being a CHOICE. I've actually been thinking a lot about that lately. Choosing right thoughts, realizing feelings for what they are and choosing not to be so swayed by those ones that come up. The Holy Spirit is doing a great job lately at making me aware of them. I so appreciate it!!
I think Satan's deception is that he'll keep us in the mind frame that we don't have a choice and we easily fall for it and idolize our feelings, believing they are truth. Once we really realize how much of it is a choice (10% what happens, 90% our reaction to it)it makes all the difference.
Also I really like that you made the point that we have to seperate insecurity from those other negative feelings we keep attaching it to.
So I just pray the Holy Spirit will give us these promptings a head of time and we'll be receptive to Him!
Cara
28
Fridley MN
1. A. - The fact that women who dress a certain way cause men to think they're insecure. I've actually heard my husband comment on this many times.
B. - The thought that men don't want us to feel insecure. I guess I never took the time to wonder about how men felt about our security/insecurity, even after comments about (A above) from my husband. It makes since though.
2. We need to realize that God gives us the will to do anything in His name. Until we start living by that we will always feel too weak to do it.
Salina - 30's, Married, Kentucky
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