Thursday, February 11, 2010

So Long Insecurity Week One!

Hey Sisters! To say that you are on my mind right about now is an understatement. I’m posting this on Thursday, February 11th but I’m writing it at 10:00 PM on Wednesday from the backseat of a rented Ford four-door “Edge.” My trusty (hard working) assistant, Michelle, is sitting right across from me and Todd and Maggie from Tyndale House are up front. We have had a break-neck day in Birmingham, Alabama at three different bookstores where I had an indescribable blast with women just like you. And, in fact, a number of them actually were you. What a great way to begin to picture roughly 6000 of you! All ages. All shapes and personalities. And every color of hair a woman can buy. I do dearly love a group of happy girls. Just in case you are under the impression that women who love God can’t have fun, stick around a while. We'd be delighted to help change your mind.

We are on a three-hour drive to Nashville and, by the time you read this, we will have checked into a hotel around midnight. We will get up on Thursday morning and head out to several bookstores and see many more of you face-to-face. An unspeakable privilege.

I am ecstatic that you guys have joined us for this journey! You are our particularly welcome guests if this is the first time you’ve participated on this blog. There’s just nothing like doing something healthy TOGETHER. When we go solo, the temptation to set a goal aside when it gets confrontational or challenging can be almost too much to resist. The accountability and community you can experience in a group with a common objective like this can make the difference between really doing the thing or wishing you had.

So, what’s our goal? As a matter of fact, a cameraman from a local television station asked me that very question today. I’ll tell you what I told him: the goal is for an insecure woman to open the book and a secure woman to close it. Nothing less than that. Humanly speaking, fat chance. But, if somewhere in these pages, we hear God speaking instead? Ah, then, for those willing to believe what He says, fat chances lose their weight and real changes takes their place. We’re not just looking to read a book here, Sisters. We’re looking to discover the kind of soul-deep security that stands fast in the floodwaters of this image-saturated society. It is time for a change.

OK, let’s quit talking about it and start doing it! Here are your assignments for Week One:
1. Write a journal-type entry on the inside cover of your book describing this present season of your life and why you’ve chosen to read a book like this. If you already have a relationship with God, write it in the form of a prayer. I do this almost every time I begin a book that I think could have a considerable impact on my life. When I finish the book, I always go back and read it and it ends up meaning so much to me. Listen, Sister, if you expect little, that’s probably what you’ll get. But if you expect something big from God when you start a journey and you posture yourself to receive from Him, even when frail human beings are thrown in the mix, you’ll end up with something huge. Something life altering.

2. Read the Introduction, Chapter One, and Chapter Two. Our first question is based on Chapter One: When was the last time you came face-to-face with our gender’s massive struggle with insecurity? Describe the setting.

3. This question is based on Chapter Two: what part of the definition or description of insecurity resonated most with you and why?

To stay on schedule, you will have until next Thursday morning, February 18th, to answer this week’s questions so don’t feel that you need to rush. You have plenty of time. You will write your responses in a single comment to THIS POST. You’ll see other posts about other subjects follow this one over the course of the week. You’ll still return back to this entry to make your comments regarding Week One. This will be true each subsequent week.

Each time you enter into the discussion, please include the same general information as your initial sign-up: first name, city, age-decade, and whether or not you are single or married. You'll find that our answers will be even more insightful as we set them next to our basic biographical information. Try to keep your responses succinct so that we can read as many as possible. Since there could be hundreds of comments – or even several thousand – you might consider reading the ones surrounding the same general time frame as your entry.

For all the rule keepers, no, you don’t have to respond every week or to every question. Grin. When you have something to say, say it! Don’t feel like it needs to sound profound. Don’t try to over-analyze unless that’s how you normally process information. Just share what’s on your heart and how God is dealing with you.

No matter your background, you are so welcome to take part in this journey with us. All we ask is that you treat your fellow sojourners with respect. I am honored to serve you here. My prayer and deepest hope is that you will encounter the One who came that you might have life and have it to the FULL.

Thank you for coming!

Lord, be magnified.

In His lavish love,
Beth

1377 Comments:

At February 11, 2010 at 12:45 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Father, may you bless Beth and her entire crew with sweet sleep. May she rise and be refreshed in your love and amazing grace. Father I thank you that each person You would have her meet tomorrow be a God ordained appointment in which women are refreshed by your wonderful servant who is a reflection of your love. Father I thank you for the ministry that you have given Beth and the amazing ways You touch our lives through her.

 
At February 11, 2010 at 12:46 AM , Blogger Leslie said...

Mama Beth and Fellow Getting Securer Siestas'
1) A friend from work and I were going to take our lunch break together. She forgot and went to lunch without me and spent the rest of the afternoon apologizing at every opportunity for forgetting me...and I felt awful that she felt bad!!!
2)The concept of a prominent false positive really resonated with my soul. My false positive seems to change from day to day,(if that's possible), whatever the "focus du jour" is it preoccupies my vision and it is all I can see! Thanks for the heads up that is isn't truth...and that HE IS!!!
Leslie
Clinton, UT
50's
Married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 12:54 AM , Blogger Deb said...

1. The most recent example of insecurity that I have seen is in my 12 year old, preteen daughter. She developed a horrible zit on her chin that morphed into something unrecognizable. When her friends at school asked her what it was, she told them she got hit by a rock while playing outside.
2. The part of the definition that resonates with me is a no-brainer...its the very reason I had to read this book, "the insecure woman lives in constant fear of rejection....a deep uncertainty about whether her feelings are legitimate." I struggle greatly with a family relationship in which me and mine are not related by blood. The favortism shown to the blood relatives completely kills me. God has worked with me for years on forgiveness, and now I get to practice it a lot. But how do I deal with a heart with a gapping wound?

 
At February 11, 2010 at 12:55 AM , Blogger Deb said...

Deb, from 3rd comment:
Debra
Scranton, AR
30's
happily married :)

 
At February 11, 2010 at 12:57 AM , Blogger Michele said...

THIS IS SO COOL!
On Oprah yesterday, some nuns were
speaking and they said, "Our culture is bombarded
with images that undermines the dignity of a human person."
Then, Lisa Ling said, "Why did these young women choose to become nuns?" She continued, "These women had successful lives, but they never felt they could be skinny enough, or consume enough, and they always felt this underlying INSECURITY! They wanted more out of life!"
WHOA, PRAISE GOD!
THANK YOU Mama Beth for heeding HIS CALL!
Love,
Michele

 
At February 11, 2010 at 1:32 AM , Blogger HIS.GAL said...

Our Father, I just want to agree in the prayer that 'Anonymous' prayed which posted at 12:45am today.
Love to Beth and co-workers and to all Sistas,
Bobbie
Danville, KY

 
At February 11, 2010 at 2:55 AM , Blogger Hannah said...

Hannah from Alabama
20's and married

1. I recently ranted about (to my poor husband) about one of my friends doing what she does best, being hospitalble, and being crafty, marvelous, and so cute while doing it. I was insecure that he would think she was better than me, for this particular season in my life, I just am not like that, but so desire to have the energy and heart to be like that, not only for being that way, but also to be better than her. I know its petty, but I feel insecure because, well, she is great at being herself, and I am not.

2. The part of the definition of insecurity that hit me most was the "chronic self-consciousness". I often think of myself so much because of my own insecurities, that I do not think of others, which in turn makes me callous to thier insecurities. :(

 
At February 11, 2010 at 4:12 AM , Blogger niccitse said...

Nicci
Waterloo, Belgium
34 and married

I just wanted to say to Hannah from Alabama--that is some profound honesty! "I feel insecure because she is great at being herself and I'm not". I feel that way constantly. I pick apart women who are my friends because I'm jealous of who they are and find the parts of me that aren't them. Of course I'm not them. I'm me! Your post really resonated with me. PS My 5 year old daughter's name is Hannah
@ Michelle, I watched that Oprah as well and loved those strong confident nuns. We know where their confidence comes from!

 
At February 11, 2010 at 5:27 AM , Blogger ssprap said...

Roll call

Susan
Powder Springs
60's
Married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 5:45 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Roll call
Danne
Jamestown, MI
50's
Married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 5:49 AM , Blogger livinginbetween said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At February 11, 2010 at 5:55 AM , Blogger livinginbetween said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At February 11, 2010 at 6:02 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

It is in my Face NOW!!!

I have to say I was pretty secure and was going down my journey with speed and confidence, when a speed bump placed strategically by my loving heavenly Father rattled the security right out a me!

Let me explain...I was brought up in a large family, all eleven of us were birthed by my mom by the time she was 36. I am smack dab in the middle, my dad drank and my mom, well bless her heart, did not handle it well...who could have with out Christ. Any way she was physically abusive and at the time did not know how to convey motherly love to so many children.(Enter the perpetrators) The sexual abuse on top of the physical abuse on top of the emotional barren desert. Not such a good breeding ground for security...

I sought a way out...marriage, I thought that would make me an adult and I could command by position the "hands off"! So, at sixteen I married...at eighteen I met Jesus Christ and plunged into a relationship with him like I have never experienced before! My sins forgiven, my life changing... security! I, yes I, was changing the course of my family! Truely a believer salvation secure!

Salvation secure, I trusted God for my eternal life and worked fervently to keep me safe in this life as I knew at the time that God couldn't... I don't know if I am conveying what I am trying to say...I could trust God with my eternal state but not my earthly safety...everything I did I did hoping that he would love me, hoping he would protect me and my family of now three children. I was working for his favor on earth...I knew I had eternal life through the work of Jesus, the Son of God, the Crucified One...My security was on MY righteousness. I applied all that I learned, I stood confident that my righteousness and forced righteousness on my children would secure safety.

But then the dreaded happened!All that I had done to protect was as for nothing! My daughter had succumbed the same "fate" -- Molestation! where in my case it happened over and over again and with different perpetrators; her case we nippied it in the pud with action! But it still threw me into a tailspin of insecurity like no other!!!

I lost all hope in God...was hospitalized...but praise be to God my Father, he had in place believers, yes my psychiatrist was a believer! In a place that was not Christain, God placed his workers for me in this very time of my life!

God was taking care of me! He, God, began showing me truth that I needed and would not hear in my self righteousness! Yes, I was a child of God, yes, his Spirit continuely bore witness in me, but I would not give him my life up until this point because my belief system was as such that said, "God can take care of the eternal but failed miserable with in the affairs of my life. Does this make sense?

Anyway, I do know different now! And have been growing in my understanding some. I am doing the study of Esther!

I do though struggle having a woman's body, I would like to be genderless! No man would want to touch me and I would not hate the body that looks back at me in the mirror. (Yes, I am in counseling!)

I resonate with most with is profound sense of self-doubt--a deep feeling of uncertainty about my basic worth and place in the world.

God is using this vessel as He is bringing healing...By His grace and mercy he is allowing me to love and serve Him as he loved and served my in Jesus.

I love you Beth and I have sincerely prayed that prayer in Chapter 9...

 
At February 11, 2010 at 6:08 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, Mamma Beth...
Do something for me please...
Go to For Better For Worse Web site and read 2/11/10 comic strip!! It is so funny and relates to insecurity, YES GID has a sense of humor.
Still waiting for my book to come in the mail cant wait to go on this journey!!
PS I recentlt stopped dying my hair & love the new me!!

Kathleen
Bernardsville, NJ
50's
divorced/single again :)

 
At February 11, 2010 at 6:28 AM , Blogger Angela said...

Angie
West Bend, WI
30's
Married
1. My husband had a tendancy to talk about how attractive other women are that he's ran into. I know he would NEVER cheat on me but I felt the need to compete with women I've NEVER seen! I explained how it made me feel and he has since stopped.
2. Chronic self-consciousness, living in constant fear of rejection! I have so much fear that a lot of times when I meet people I don't act like me and they never get to know me in the first place!

 
At February 11, 2010 at 6:30 AM , Blogger Three Fold Cord said...

I am still waiting on the book I ordered from the link from your website. I might just go to the book store and read it ;)

 
At February 11, 2010 at 6:32 AM , Blogger Theresa said...

Beth, I met you yesterday in Birmingham. Thank you so much. I'm excited about this interaction with so many Siestas! Be safe in your travels and I'm getting right to work on my first assignment. May God continue to bless you.

 
At February 11, 2010 at 6:36 AM , Blogger Lisa Lynn said...

Book in hand, Ready to go. Posted by yours truly, Ms. Insecurity herself! Lisa, Eagle, Idaho age 53 (almost). Love ya Beth!

 
At February 11, 2010 at 6:42 AM , Blogger Lisa Lynn said...

Oh yeah, and I'm married. And SOOOOO ready for this and sooooo need it.

 
At February 11, 2010 at 6:50 AM , Blogger Bella Resa said...

I was talking to a friend regarding some things I was going through and she told me about this study. I am very excited to close the book as a secure woman!

Jessie Whitley
Palm Coast, FL
34
Married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 6:52 AM , Blogger Sister Lynn said...

Sister Lynn
Clyde, MO

1)This year I am studying away from the convent. All my insecurities came into play as I sized myself up against the rest of the women in the group and found myself lacking to some and felt superior to others. UGH!
2) "anxiety about relationships" this is where I struggle the MOST. And what has made me do the stupidest things.

 
At February 11, 2010 at 6:56 AM , Blogger Chile siesta said...

1)Sunday we had family over for the big game. Uncontiously I was swaying to the music that Queen La T was singing at half time. I looked over to see my daughter and her husband trying to contain themselves from laughing. Immediately I started asking what, what, what's so funny as I was brushing my hand up and down my body thinking that something about my "appearence"(not my bodies response to the music) was making them laugh. I need to overcome that immediate "Oh what are they thinking of me mentality!"

2)Loss of favor, approval and HARMONY is the big one for me!!! You hit the insecure button there!

Sandy
Deming, NM
50's
Married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 7:03 AM , Blogger Kelly Jo said...

First time to Blog anything/anywhere. I so enjoyed hugging Beth's neck yesterday at Books a Million in Birmingham, Alabama. I have already begun reading and I have already been impacted head on by this incredible book. I enjoyed Beth's energy you could truly see the life and love of Christ in her apperance, eyes, body language and the wonderful gift of time. Kelly Jo Morrison from Birmingham, Alabama late 40's divorced not dating don't trust,insecurity issues

 
At February 11, 2010 at 7:13 AM , Blogger April said...

1) I didn't realize I was so insecure until I started reading this book! I guess I've just been in denial. I'm insecure about everything - E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.! From the wife, mother I am to the friend and Christian I am. (I'm also currently doing Breaking Free, so I'm getting a double dose! But obviously I need it.) I also love Hannah's from Alabamas post. I think I'm just insecure about just being me - and I can't figure out what's so wrong with just being me, but I'm scared of it!

2) Definition wise? The entire thing! I'm a wreck! I struggle with my basic worth and my place. Let me explain - I'm a step-mom and I've had a very hard time in the past 7 years as to where my place is with my step daughter. No matter what I do it's never the right thing - either it's too much or too less. And I live with constant fear of rejection And I question if my desires are just.

April
Williamson, GA
29 (for a few more months)
Married (mother to two amazing boys)

 
At February 11, 2010 at 7:26 AM , Blogger LD from Olathe,KS said...

1. I was in a prayer group leader session preparing to begin your Esther study...the 6th one at MY home:) As I was praying with these Godly women whom I love and adore I was struck with such an inadequacy in prayer that it paralyzed me and I had to leave the room.
2. I am coming to realize I have a fear of rejection and a sense of invalidness that is deep rooted. A fourth daughter whose mother was hospitalized for depression after my birth and when the blessed son was born 6 years later, my "place" was lost....then he was killed 3 years ago and my folks can't recover. Finished this book in 3 days...do you think I needed it? Thanks beth!
40's, married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 7:29 AM , Blogger Michele said...

Michele
Grapevine TX
48
married

2) Women's Bible study at any church, anywhere. When are we going to BELIEVE GOD and what He says about us in Christ instead of hovering in our cliques with cutting eyes and judgmentalism??? That SCREAMS of insecurity!!!

3) "...and a deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitmate." God has begun the healing of growing up under an enabling mom and an angry dad. Watching her put on a happy face to keep the peace no matter what wrought havoc in my life. However, thanks to God alone, I'm not where I used to be and am on the road to wholeness in Christ in every sense of the word. I am valuable to God, praise His Name forevermore!!!! Thank you for this book!!!

 
At February 11, 2010 at 7:31 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

1. When I glanced in the mirror this morning before hopping in the shower. I have NO chest, and this has always caused me to feel like less of a woman. Now to top it off, I have an 8-inch incision scar smack down the middle from a recent heart surgery. It normally doesn't bother me, until I'm faced with it in the mirror, especially if there's a chance my husband may walk in the bathroom. (and since my 58-year old mom just got breast implants)
2. "unrealistic expectations in relationship" - I find myself putting up a walls of protection when things are going really well in our (my husband and my's) relationship. I don't want to get hurt again, and I think, subconsciously I won't if I'm not too attached. Pretty selfish, huh?!
31
married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 7:32 AM , Anonymous www.jgirlsjourney.blogspot.com said...

Julie
San Tan Valley, AZ
30s
Married

Oh Lord, bless sweet Beth and her family. Thank you for the anticipation in my heart and the work you will do in and through my heart as I commit to reading this book and your Word. I am expecting great things and I praise you for the foreshadowing of these great things. Today is my birthday and my heart is celebrating a bit different than it has in previous years...I AM a beloved daughter of a King....so loved by my Heavenly Father and the security I have in Him is beginning to burst forth from my bones!!! Thank you Jesus!! And I have yet to even lay eyes of Beth's book...I am expecting it to be in my mailbox today. So excited...and I am smiling :)

 
At February 11, 2010 at 7:32 AM , Anonymous Melinda said...

Good morning Sweet Sisters! I completely get the fact that an insecure woman is a complicated mix of confidence and self-consciousness.

Melinda
Lakewood,Wa
50yrs+16mos : )
Married my high school sweetie♥

 
At February 11, 2010 at 7:34 AM , Blogger kr said...

Karen
Hartsgrove, OH
50 newbie
married

1)I had already answered the first question on my blog on Feb 3rd. Instead of rewriting...here's the link.

http://commentsfromkaren.blogspot.com/2010/02/mirror-mirror.html

2)"a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic self worth..."

"...a deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate."

"The insecure person creates a situation in which being disappointed and hurt in relationships is almost inevitable."

and, of course,....

"Not secure."

 
At February 11, 2010 at 7:41 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

1. The removal of a recent facial skin cancer and follow up to a plastic surgeon caused an emotional reaction that I didn't even realize was there and caused fear of losing my face piece by piece.
2. The fear of rejection coupled with a false positive has a tendency to rock my world with surprise knee jerk reactions to things other people would think are just silly. So much so lately that I think this book's timing was just for me!
Amy
Virginia
50s and married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 7:49 AM , Blogger Girlz ROCk! said...

I've recently discovered that insecurity is definitely a girl thing! (not that men don't have their own struggles too). But my most recent experience with it was standing in front of a group of 20 pre-teen girls (8-12) as we started a new Bible Study (My BFF, Jesus). I was shocked to hear them talk about all of their mean girl moments, feelings of rejection, etc. Those experiences have already wounded their young hearts, and insecurity has definitely set in! What I've learned is that most of our insecurities are triggered by other women. In a group of girls, they spread like wildfire! Our own insecurities trigger them in our Siestas too! And one of my biggest insecurities right now is teaching these young girls about friendship with other girls when I'm not even sure that I'm qualified in this subject!! I'm praying that at the end of this journey we will all be in a better place, so we can pass this wisdom down to our daughters as well..

Jeannie
Hickory,NC
30's
Married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 7:53 AM , Blogger Laurie said...

1) I saw insecurity in myself and my friend as we sat at a restaurant to chat yesterday. She talked how great her friendships are and how blessed she was and it was hard for me not to see it as bragging. Maybe she was using that as a crutch to verify herself? I also felt like people don't want to be my friend often enough. So it was hard to sit there and listen.
2)Those survey questions really nailed me. I felt the same way you do on the bulls-eye ones. I fear loss of approval too much. I realized how insecure I am.
I will be hugging you in Nashville today in spirit! wish I could really be there like I wanted. Love and hugs, Laurie, Memphis, TN 30's, married.

 
At February 11, 2010 at 7:54 AM , Blogger NancyG@FBC said...

To see that almost 6,000 women have signed up at role call over the last few days just shows that this topic needs addressed. Thank you for the book Beth; as well as for the place to see that we are not alone. I am so looking forward to seeing God work in us and through us. May God Bless all who are participating.

 
At February 11, 2010 at 7:54 AM , Blogger Dan, Nicky, Zef and Evie said...

Nicky
Taipei, Taiwan (but from NZ)
Married

1. I feel defensive (read insecure) when someone i love and respect will talk about how good another friend is a something that I may not be... makes me feel a failure and that something is wrong with me that I can not do it too..... but at the same time I am berating myself for not celebrating my friend's success!

2. Something I struggle with is feeling that someone doesn't like me, or doesn't really talk to me much because they think I am dumb, or a hussy or dress inappropriately. *sigh*

 
At February 11, 2010 at 7:57 AM , Blogger sweet pea mom said...

1. everyday there's an event that happens to harbor insecurity. But I guess one that is on my mind is a political conversation I had with a client the other day. I am not really a poltcal person but I always fear of offending someone in general conversation. The talk of politics fueled that fear. Espcially since I get my views by what I hear instead of searching for myself. I wished I would have steered the coversation in another direction. The bottom line, my insecurity comes from the fear of saying something stupid and offending or hurting another fellow insecure friend (sister).
2.I definitely struggle with self-doubt. Page 17 describes it perfectly.

I passed by that chapter and related to it but contined to press on reading with profound interest. However, these questions help me to stop, focus and reflect on what I need to acknowlege to get over the insecurity. Thanks Beth. I' am continuing to keep you in prayer as you finish your travels. You are the dearest friend I wish I knew personally.

Karen
30's
TN
Married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 7:58 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

1) Sunday at church when I felt so self-concious about my hair (I had even used one of those color stick things at home that morning to try to conceal the worst parts)

2) Perfectionism as cover for insecurity

Bertie
Houston,Tx.
50's
Married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 8:03 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Inscurity has been a life long battle. There is something heartbreaking about a small child wondering--Am I loved-Am I important.This has followed me all my life.Even as a christian I am still haunted by those feelings. I
want to be the strong woman God created me to be. I don,t want the way I look on the outside to dictate who I am and who I can be
in christ. My heart is ready to be healed-forever
In Jesus name

 
At February 11, 2010 at 8:15 AM , Blogger Donna said...

To Anonymous on comment about "For Better or Worse" comice strip...that one is going on my refrigerator door! LOL!! I am so excited about taking this trip with Beth and all the Siestas...opening the book a very insecure woman and (prayerfully) closing it a secure woman in Christ Jesus.
Love to all....

 
At February 11, 2010 at 8:17 AM , Blogger Mary H. said...

1. I teach 7th graders. I see insecurity in so many forms everyday. I even see it in teachers who need constant affirmation.
2 "A deep uncertainty about whether her feelings are legitimate." I had these type of feelings for many years. It wasn't until I was in my 30's until God gave a better grip on uncertainty. God's still working on me.
Mary
Ardmore, AL
37
Married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 8:18 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I had a great time meeting Beth last night in B'ham! My 1year old even took her first steps while we were waiting in that 2.5 hour line!! I hate to admit it, but I took almost 3 hours getting "cute" yesterday to go to the book signing, and got very frustrated with myself when I kept telling my 6 year old to "please don't mess up Momma's hair/makeup/etc because I fixed it just right for Miss Beth." Really, Lane? I know I always want to look nice for myself, but how many times have I wasted time & pushed my family aside when I was trying to impress someone else with my looks/house/career/life? Great...now I feel even more insecure...
Lane, Alabama
30's, Married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 8:22 AM , Blogger Carol B. said...

I have been reading many of your comments and I am looking forward to joining this journey with so many of you. To know that I'm not alone with this insecurity issue is somehow comforting to me. I've been dealing with insecurity pretty much my whole life and it is a relief to be able to talk about it with others.
Carol
Newton, KS
50's and married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 8:26 AM , Blogger Rebecca said...

Rebecca
late 30's
Ohio
Married
1)I'm fed up with living in a world that is so caught up with appearance. I can't even go to the grocery store anymore without those provocative magazine covers at the checkout saying, "this is what a woman should look like" or "this is what a man wants to see"! I found myself comparing my looks to them and thinking "I should look more like that or I need to be a little skinnier here, oh, look at her hair, etc..or, "my husband would be so blessed if I looked like that",(until the Lord showed me how wrong and unhealthy that is). I have an incredible husband who loves me just the way I am, but I still struggle with feelings of inadequacy at times.

2)"the insecure woman lives in constant fear of rejection....a deep uncertainty about whether her feelings are legitimate."

 
At February 11, 2010 at 8:32 AM , Blogger danae said...

beth, i simply love the idea of journaling a prayer at the beginning of the book! i tend to journal throughout entire books in the margins!

1. i always feel insecure when i teach. i've taught teen and college girl bible studies/classes for years, but even this past sunday, i was afraid i'm not getting through to them, that they're bored, that my curriculum isn't relevant... i get lots of comments to the contrary, and many close friends have tried to convince me i was called to be a teacher. and even though i know God is the source of anything good from it, i would like to be secure in His calling for me...

2. two parts of the definition nail me the most:

a. "a profound sense of self-doubt... about our place in the world." i've always wanted to write (and do), but i have a hard time believing i have anything to write worth reading!

b. "anxiety about our relationships... constant fear of rejection." i have a hard time believing or understanding why others want to be my friends...

danae
lafayette, in
28 and married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 8:35 AM , Blogger KariB said...

My biggest insecurity is that I have always felt like I couldnt measure up with the media portrayal of what a woman should look like, wear, be and do. It is ever in our faces ladies.

I tend to also put down and judge others that I am threatened by. Realizing that I need to stop and remember that even if someone looks like they "have it all", she is dealing with the same things as I.

For me the whole journey is about learning to live loved and secure in Fathers arms, for He made us all to be different shapes, sizes and personalities and we are all worthy of love and feeling secure in Him. The battle is in the mind!

 
At February 11, 2010 at 8:35 AM , Blogger Linda said...

Linda
Tulsa, Ok
50's
Divorced
1. My recent insecurity is with a man. When it comes to relationships with men I am so insecure in myself that I'm attracted to men that treat me like no woman should be treated. I think it goes to my being sexually abused when I was a child and therefore grew up thinking whatever men did to me was ok. That is was my fault. That's my comfort zone. When a I date a nice guy I run for cover. I don't deserve that. Well guess what I'm ticked and a scorned woman. So long bad friend.
2.The paragraph describing insecurity hit home...The insecure person creates a situation in which being disappointed and hurt in relationships is almost inevitable.
Even after Christian counseling I still struggled with this cycle of
insecurity. I know God has brought this book to me at this time in my life because I'm finally at a point to give all my insecurities to Jesus.

 
At February 11, 2010 at 8:36 AM , Blogger Joyce said...

Dear Lord, Here lies the help I needed so long and did not how to get answers. No amount of counselling would help, because you are my Cousellor. Trying to hide my feeling, running away or ignoring my insecurity will not solve what I has followed me through the years. Help me and others to learn what you have for us and apply it to our lives. Thank you, God that Beth and others care enough to lead us in your Word on the right track to freedom and your love.
2) My mother's dad was verbally abusive and there were other things he did. So, for some reason my mother who loved so much wanted to control me. I felt like I was never good enough, no self-esteem, I would always mess up and I would be a failure.
3)Feeling rejection is a big-gy for me. Being part of a group and being left out really hurts, yet always wanting to have a friend and wanting to be apart of a group seem so hard for me.
Well, I feel alittle better to get all this out. Enjoy you trips.
My family and I went through Nashville and the Smoky Mts. during Christmas time.
Joyce
Cyril
Married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 8:39 AM , Blogger Jo said...

I participated in a concert to raise money for Haiti and Convoy of Hope and I was the oldest person singing and I did not play my own instrument! Everyone else was under 24 and played guitar! I became so insecure about the talents God has bestowed on me that I wanted to leave before I ever went on stage because I was wondering if I could even relate to the audience or if they would boo me off the stage.

The part of the definition that screamed my name was the very last sentence about living in constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether my feelings and desires are legit! I fight these feelings every day in one form or another and the only way I feel better is when I get some type of affirmation to let me know I matter!
Jo
Mattoon, IL
40s
Married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 8:39 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

1. Although I know I cannot be all things to everyone, I continue to try and usually fail. Even when I am successful the outcome isn't always what I expect and I still "feel" like I have failed. I take everything way to personally as a result of insecurity. I wear responsibilities that are not mine and I often assume the blame for things I am innocent of. It is a daily battle and thankfully I am becoming more and more victorious as I learn to lay it at the foot of the cross.

2. The part of the definition of insecurity that hit home with me is the very first sentence: Insecurity refers to a profound sense of self-doubt, a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in the world.

Tammy
Lusby, MD
40's
Married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 8:40 AM , Blogger Shawna said...

Shawna
37
Single
Bellingham, WA

1. The insecurity that I observe most frequently in myself and my single friends is the impact that the inquiries around our dating or romantic lives can have. I can work 50 hours in a job that makes more than my married friends combined incomes, volunteer and lead childrens programs at church, be finishing my Masters degree at the same time, volunteer in the community, living for Jesus - and the first question my married gal friends want to know is if I am seeing someone - and remaining open to the possibility. I once said to a Christian friend that I honestly thought she would be happier if I told her I had a sexual encounter and had gotten pregnant vs. my usual fairly bland updates on the subject, and her eyes lit up and her first response was, "You are seeing someone!" ...

2. Chronic self consciousness even when trying to blend in. A pretty outgoing person, and for the most part secure with myself, I realized in this definition however that in many settings I am unconsciously running the "all about me internal thought dialogue".

Looking forward to the blog Beth - and really enjoying the book already. (If enjoyed is described by some painful moans of self identification!)

 
At February 11, 2010 at 8:43 AM , Anonymous Jennifer said...

to Kathleen re: the comic strip....I loved it! Thank you for sharing! I even posted it on my facebook with a note about reading Beth's book instead of dying my hair. :)

Jennifer
jonesboro, AR
married
40's

 
At February 11, 2010 at 8:49 AM , Blogger Joy said...

Joy
Chattanooga, Tn
30's
Married
How freeing it is to admit my insecurity and to be able to label them. Papa has shown me how much they have crippled me and my relationships. Self doubt and self consciousness has been a very bad friend. Perfectionism has been my cover. Fear and anxieties over loss of favor and approval have plagued my relationships. Poor body image has affected my marriage.
I am confident of one thing, though. Jesus does want to heal me and my heart open and ready to receive it. Praise Him!

 
At February 11, 2010 at 9:02 AM , Blogger The Elliotts said...

Kayte; Wake Forest, NC; 30's; married

1) I encounter insecurity almost daily. I am a Mary Kay Consultant. I have been building my business for a year and a half. The way my business will grow is by meeting new women, but I let my fear of rejection hinder me from talking with the cute, sharp, sweet women I come in contact with. Then, the ones I do muster up the courage to talk with, I still let the fear of rejection keep me from calling them later. My MK director tells me almost weekly that "everyone deserves 'Kayte' in their lives and that they deserve to know God through 'Kayte.'" It's so hard to convince myself of that though.

2) The part of the defintition the resonates with me is "a profound sense of self-doubt--a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in the world." I've struggled with this most of my life (including my relationship with the ONE who loves me unconditionally--my Heavenly Father. I've been on a roller-coaster ride in my relationship with God throughout my life. I want to find stability.

 
At February 11, 2010 at 9:09 AM , Blogger Big Boo said...

Lindy
Scott, LA - Who Dat Nation
30's
single
1. When I noticed a guy paying more attention to a friend who was "trying to be somebody" rather than being herself.
2. "The insecure person also harbors unrealistic expectations about love and relationships." I actually put a star by it! Because that's what I do repeatedly. I know it, have been accused of it by others and yet I STILL do it even though it continually causing me pain! Lord help me!

 
At February 11, 2010 at 9:11 AM , Blogger Inksstillwet said...

1. The most recent encounter with our genders massive struggle with insecurity was hearing some of my 10 year old daughter’s friends say that they were fat. I wanted to scream! They’re 10, for crying out loud! And then I remembered that they most often hear it from their very own mothers. It breaks my heart. The world tells them to be thin and God’s word tells them to love themselves just as they are.

2.The description of insecurity that resonated the most with me was the prominent false positive because it reminded me of a circumstance I have that mentality towards and I wan my mindset to be transformed about it.

Amy
Oklahoma
30’s
Married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 9:11 AM , Blogger jan said...

Hi had trouble with this then got impatient,oops...needless to say am not computer savvy I definitely need this study

 
At February 11, 2010 at 9:11 AM , Blogger Unknown said...

Wow, didn't really think I needed this book but was hit in the face just last night with huge "issues" that have nagged me for years. So my answer to #1 would be last night at a monthly girl's night out. Leave it to me to not be able to enjoy being with 11 other women for 2 hours. Felt stressed and insecure about who was or wasn't talking to me, how I looked compared to the other 11, how my mothering skills compared with other stories that were being told. As I bounced from table to table, I felt a physical ache and frustration to find my place and see where I fit in and what I had to offer. On the way home I went over and over in my head why in the world it meant so much for me to "fit in"!!?? why can't I just go, have a good time and not try to compare, rank, etc.? Deep inner battle...
2. I have to totally agree with and echo Deb from Scranton's comment...can I just ditto hers?
"The part of the definition that resonates with me is a no-brainer...its the very reason I had to read this book, "the insecure woman lives in constant fear of rejection....a deep uncertainty about whether her feelings are legitimate."

Looking forward to reading this book!

Roll call:
sara from louisiana
early 30's with 2 young boys
married for almost 9 years

 
At February 11, 2010 at 9:23 AM , Blogger livinginbetween said...

I posted earlier, but realized I didn't explain things the way I wanted to -- how's that for insecurity? Wanting to make myself understood. . . I'm always second-guessing myself. Let me try again.

1. I'm skipping this one -- there are too many. Some I observe, and some situations where I'm the leading lady.

2. I identified most with chronic self-consciousness. I sometimes overcome it and sometimes not -- (obviously not with my first post!), but I feel this need to cover it with perfectionism in most ways that I present myself, from my personal appearance to my house -- if company's coming :0), to my actions, and apparantly today on this blog. It's maddening, and I think it's partly because some people think I've got my act together (even my best friend and she should KNOW better!), and I'm insecure enough (too stuck on self) to be afraid to show them that I don't. Ouch -- that hurts!

Marlo
Indiana, 32, Married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 9:29 AM , Blogger Candice said...

I resonate with the definition of insecurity being intense self-doubt. For me it comes up very significantly in certain situations and then not in others. This has me so confused but yet desiring God to do a mighty work in those situations, when I experience it, it so debilitating. Playing into that is the fear of rejection or that what I have to offer isn't good enough, which is such a lie. Praying God uses his Word and this book to bring complete security in his design and purpose for my life (and so many others- almost 6000, Praise the Lord!)
Candice
Evanston, IL
Months away from the 30’s
Single

 
At February 11, 2010 at 9:30 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Annette
Pink Hill, NC
40's
Married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 9:35 AM , Blogger Patty said...

This is the first time i have ever blogged, so please be patient. I feel in my spirit that this is going to be an amazing experience. God bless you and your team during this.

Patty
Luray, MO
50's
Married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 9:37 AM , Blogger Mary Watkins said...

Roll call!

Mary
50's
West Memphis, AR
Happily married. :-)

 
At February 11, 2010 at 9:43 AM , Blogger danae said...

oh my dear, "glowingirl" marlo! i love what you just wrote in your second comment. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! perfectionism is my charade, too, and people around me think i've "got it together." not true! glad you were able to be transparent - it was an encouragement to me (and i'm sure countless others). glad to have another indiana girl on here :)

 
At February 11, 2010 at 9:48 AM , Blogger Angela said...

Angela Nixon
Harrisburg, NC
30's
married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 9:50 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

We've been snowed-in for the past week so no delivery trucks have been by. I'm hoping to get the book soon!
Insecurities....hmmm. I've got them. I'm not confident when speaking in groups, I fret over my appearance (crows feet, wrinkles, grey hairs peeking out, cellulite here and there) you know how that goes. Comparing myself to unrealistic expectations.
I want to pull myself out of this "self-focus" and become more Christ focused.

Marion
42 and Married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 9:51 AM , Blogger Shelia Rae said...

Shelia
Mexico MO
40's
divorced
2. in the fitting room trying on clothes
3. "anxiety about relationships...constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether his or her feelings and desires are legitimate"

 
At February 11, 2010 at 9:52 AM , Blogger Unknown said...

To be honest, I can't really remember a time when I haven't been insecure.

The definition that hit me the most in the book was the first one: "Insecurity refers to a profound sense of self-doubt - a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in the world. Insecurity is associated with chronic self-consciousness, along with a chronic lack of confidence in ourselves and anxiety about our relationships. The insecure man or woman lives in constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate."

I thought this definition fit me to the 'T'. I can't wait to read more!

Rachel
Jacksonville, FL
18
Single

 
At February 11, 2010 at 10:00 AM , Blogger Unknown said...

I've been reading through the comments and this statement by Nicky hit home: "I struggle with is feeling that someone doesn't like me, or doesn't really talk to me much because they think I am dumb, or a hussy or dress inappropriately. *sigh*"

I feel the same way! Like the book said, when someone acts, in my mind, a little 'off' around me I start to doubt myself and assume that they are having a problem with me.

Roll Call again!

Rachel
Jacksonvile, FL
18
Single

 
At February 11, 2010 at 10:03 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Beth and my new Siesta friends,
The definition on page 23 hit home. I sometimes have unrealistic expectations in what my relationship with my daughter (age 22) should be like and I can get easily hurt. I want her so much to love and respect me that I avoid all confrontation with her and hide my feelings all in my heart. Then Satan creeps in and makes me feel insecure again. It happened again this past weekend and I hate how I feel afterwards.

Ellen
Waldwick
50's
Married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 10:08 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

1. Through current circumstances going on in my life the insecurities have raised their ugly head but i am grateful for the ability to see them, feel them and seek understanding and freedom from them through our study together.
2. Anxiety about my relationships. Spouse, friends, co-workers, come with fear of rejection. Thoughts of self-doubt. I believe it is through the circumstances that i am in now and without doubt have a history that needs a new direction of a secure future in myself through Him.
doublej
49
Fort Wayne, IN
married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 10:09 AM , Blogger katiegfromtennessee said...

Hey Spiritual Mom Beth:)

I've read ahead some so I'll answer today...to be honest, i have struggled with the insec. that comes from the fear of rejection this past wk and the insec. i feel over the little bit of weight i now need to lose after having baby, also other big insec....the chronic self-consciousness, living in constant fear of rejection, uncertainty about whether feelings are legitimate-that is me right now, but the good news is I've been able to id the prob and now i can change, Lord help me. This book couldn't have come at a better time and I'm not just saying that, i mean it.

Blessings, Love in HIM, ((HUGS)),

katiegfromtennessee

 
At February 11, 2010 at 10:12 AM , Blogger Deanna said...

Had to share this. Today, my flip calendar has this on it. "Almost every woman will tell you she wishes she looked like someone else. Which means that somewhere out there in your circle of acquaintances there's a woman wishing she looked like you." Hysterical, don't you think??!!! Thanks Beth for the hug yesterday and for signing my book "BFF", I have had loads of fun with that! :)

 
At February 11, 2010 at 10:14 AM , Anonymous Sheryl said...

1)In a store a few days ago, I ran into a woman from my former church who is a well-known "sharer of personal information" and very outspoken about one's personal appearance, especially weight. I haven't seen her in over a year, and I tried to hide from her! She found me and started questioning me. I held my scarf and purse in front of me the whole time hoping she wouldn't see the pounds I have gained recently and hoping I wouldn't have to tell her that I quit my job. I was so nervous talking with her that my hands were shaking. That's ridiculous!!

2) The parts of the definition of insecurity that resonated with me is the chronic self-consciousness and the fact that the cover for insecurity is perfectionism. I never realized that my wanting to be perfect is because I am insecure. I want to look perfect, speak perfectly, have a perfect home, make perfect meals, and be the perfect wife, mother, daughter, friend, and Christian. I know better too! But that desire to be perfect is coming from my self-consciousness. It is really selfish and self-centered, and it has to go!!!

 
At February 11, 2010 at 10:15 AM , Blogger Stacey said...

Stacey
S.Wmspt., PA
30s
Single
1.) I thought I really like who I was but I find myself questioning everything about me. Sounds pretty insecure to me.
2.) The part of the definition that resonates with me is "the insecure woman lives in constant fear of rejection....a deep uncertainty about whether her feelings are legitimate." I always think my feelings don't really matter, therefore, why do I have them.

 
At February 11, 2010 at 10:17 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Julie
Pekin
40's
married

I have suffered with panic attacks since 1995 and have taken Paxil all these years. What am I anxious about - situations that I cannot control. I am also self conscious about my weight. I have tried and tried to lose it, but become depressed because it is so hard to overcome and stay consistant.

I live the self-conscious life each and every day, prayerfully this Bible Study will help me learn how to conquer it.

 
At February 11, 2010 at 10:18 AM , Blogger jessy81179 said...

God Bless Everyone,

This is my first time logging on and I have to say that I am so excited to go on this journey and excited about what the Lord will do in each of our lives.

 
At February 11, 2010 at 10:18 AM , Blogger Jamey Lynne said...

Thank you for visiting Birmingham! My dad stood in line last night for me, and I am so blessed to have a daddy who would swim in that sea of estrogen for his daughter!
I can't wait to read the book when my mom comes to visit and brings it to me in a couple months.
I hope the group study goes extremely well!

 
At February 11, 2010 at 10:19 AM , Blogger Ann said...

Beth,
I just had to tell you that I called Tyndale with a book question. They returned my call until they got me (I was at Tuesday night bible study). This woman, I believe her last name was Wood, was sooooo lovely. It was a pleasure. She was so sweet, concerned, & wanted to know my thoughts on your book, etc.
I just wanted to pass along some positive comments for a change. :)
May you be blessed with restorative sleep and strength as you travel for your book tour. Eat well & stay healthy.
God bless.
Ann

 
At February 11, 2010 at 10:19 AM , Anonymous srhuntley said...

1. I'm 40, never married and no children. But God has blessed me with a wonderful man and in His timing we will marry. This man tells me all the time I am beautiful (did I say I am blessed?) yet I do not see it. All I see is imperfect skin on my face and too much skin (aka fat) on my body.
2. "...A deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth..." I have struggled with/lived with for decades thinking "I am not good enough to be a wife and mother." This message has only gotten louder with each passing year of being single.
Sherri
Mableton, GA
40, single

 
At February 11, 2010 at 10:21 AM , Blogger Kristin said...

Beth,

I was truly honored to meet you yesterday in Birmingham, although I was completely speechless! I wanted to tell you what an impact your Bible studies have had on my life! I hope you did get some rest last night. Our pastor liked the picture with the sign and my friend, Jenifer. Thanks for being a good sport!

Looking forward to getting started with this book discussion! Thank you for all that you do to glorify God! You are an amazing lady!

Kristin
Jacksonville, AL
30's
Married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 10:34 AM , Blogger livinginbetween said...

Hannah from Alabama -- I can so relate to comparing self with talented friends and feeling like I don't measure up.

Rebecca from Ohio -- I feel the same frustration that you listed in your first comment about appearance. Great husband who affirms me, yet still this sense that there are impossible expectations.

Danae from Indiana (yay!) -- your #2 about writing is right on for me too. I've had people encourage me to do it (more) for years and it wasn't until recently that I ventured out of a small group setting to do it b/c I didn't feel I had anything worthwhile to share.

 
At February 11, 2010 at 10:40 AM , Blogger Sharon said...

Sharon
Frederick, MD
Married
50 (+8)

1. I grew up to be the good girl, translate people pleaser. I don't *feel* insecure all the time, but when it comes it is always the feeling of not being good enough and always apologizing. Not making the grade. which translates into staying in friendships that aren't good for me, but I don't want to be the bad person
You would think at 58 I would have conquered this completely.

2. fear of rejection.

I hope this makes sense.

 
At February 11, 2010 at 10:48 AM , Blogger cheryl said...

Im really looking forward to starting this however my book has not arrived yet and I have not received any notice that it has been shipped. Hope its here soon. Im doing this study because I am one of the most insecure women that ever lived especially when it comes to public speaking. Who am I that anyone would want to listen to me?? However, God in his usual way has chosen the thing I am the worst at to use for his Glory. (if anything good comes out of it it will definitly be him not me) I am going to be teaching a womens conference in India this summer. UGH Ive NEVER done anything like this ......Lord help me

 
At February 11, 2010 at 10:55 AM , Blogger Pamela (His maidservant) said...

Beth et all..
1)Gender-massive insecurity: my body. I was 30 lbs heavier than when my husband and I came together. I am so insecure with the extra weight and it has affected our intimancy. We are both on a weight loss plan and slowly it is coming down. It truly is more me than him. He loves me, wants me...I got to get over this insecurity!!
2)Two things: first, "self doubt" and the concept that I am not only doubting myself but that I may be doubting God about me. Made me fall to my kness quickly and seek His forgiveness. Second, "the insecure man or woman lives in constant fear of rejection and deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate". I missed this the first time I read it but something a few paragraphs later made me re-read the whole definition and it then hit me hard. That is me. Oh my gosh....how ugly and how sad. Satan has such a strong control in this area because I made a poor decision in my life a few years back that resulted in complete rejection. I put myself in a very ugly mirey deep pit. Now I live with those emotions and questioning the legitimacy of my own preceived thoughts in so many different ways..."did that person look at me funny because they know my story? I don't fit into this womens group because of my sins. Were we just snubbed?" and on and on it goes. I have been working hard these past six years to be able to see me as God see's me-forgiven, redeemed by His grace. But the reality of a painful statement from a friend about my insecurities and those words in that description have made me realize I have a lot more work ahead.

Again, the timing of this book is indeed a God-thing and I am striving for "God-fidence" when I reach the end of it!!

Pamela
Excelsior Springs, MO
46 and married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 11:00 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

1. I was SO insecure about stating my season of life issues and the challenges that I taped a removable card to the inside of the book rather than writing in it- I would say that might be a "HINT" I should consider this book valuable!

2. Bible Study yesterday with a group of very accomplished bright women who struggle with strongholds that rob them of a secure and fulfilled life (no one would guess)-

3. What is my place and role in the world according to God's design at this age, anxiety, determining if my feelings are legitimate

PS, I am listening to the book on CD- Chapter 11 is more than POWERFUL! Thank you dear Sister in Christ and all at LPM
Kathy, Austin, Tx. 60, married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 11:04 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, Beth. You shouldn't have made exceptions for those of us who just naturally over-analyze everything. I get ahold of a topic and I just go on and on pontificating about it. I post blog comments that are so condensed I can hardly get my thoughts into them, then see them posted and wonder why I spouted off so much.

Do you think that's my insecurity talking?

 
At February 11, 2010 at 11:11 AM , Anonymous JanRae said...

#1 - Our company held a summer picnic which "all" employees were invited to attend. There are two Administrative Assistants that think everyone is free to be their targets. They aim hurtful and piercing remarks that come in for a kill.
Right in front of employees and their families I had the bullseye marked upon me that day and I became the source for laughter, whispers and total humiliation. My weight, my words my presences was under attack. Of all the Admins I'm probably one of the heaviest, I'm the only one who doesn't drink, swear and I'm labeled a Bible thumper. So, I'm no fun and a joke to them. One woman asked me... "Is it worth feeling like an island when you could jump in and party with the fish?" Needless to say I ended up leaving the picnic early.
To my horror on Monday morning after the picnic they had taken some photos and posted them on the company website. There were many not so flattering views of me.
#2-Chronic Self-Consciousness - I feel inferior to others. I love this from the book: No, you are not the only one to blame, but girlfriend, you are the only one you can change. God is willing. God is able. Let Him get to that terrified part of you that devalues the rest of you.

Janice
Canastota,NY
50
Married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 11:16 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just adding my name to the long long list of people studying this new book of Beth's.
Sue, Mobile, 60's, married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 11:19 AM , Blogger michellemabell said...

Michelle
Woodstock, VT
42
married

1. I very aware of saying to myself... 'I should be handling this better'...in three specific situations but because of space I'll just leave it at that. And I really do believe I should be handling them better.

2. Insecurity refers to a profound sense of self doubt- a deep feeling of uncertainty about basic self worth and a place in this world.

 
At February 11, 2010 at 11:22 AM , Blogger linde said...

linde
dallas
20's
married

1) home ownership. i have believed the lie that people who have homes have money and are therefore secure.
2) "that she can be a complicated mix of confidence and self-consciousness" p19. i feel confident in most areas of my life, but where i do feel insecure, holy cow, feelings turn to actions and it ain't pretty.

 
At February 11, 2010 at 11:23 AM , Anonymous The Beach Bug said...

1. This morning at the checkout I was bombarded with images of women who were partially clothed. They had incredible bodies, great hair, beautiful teeth, and some had lost a lot of weight. They were all screaming to anyone who would listen that "YOUR WORTH IS IN YOUR PHYSICAL APPEARANCE!"

2. This part of the definition resonates with me:
A profound sense of self-doubt, deep feeling of uncertainty about my place in the world and uncertainty about whether my own feelings and desires are legitimate.

Tami, Louisiana
40s, Married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 11:23 AM , Blogger LittleWomen21 said...

Do you know how rarely women talk about their insecurities, even to their closest friends? Even to God? This blog is truly amazing... reading what other women are sharing. I am so thankful you tackled this subject Beth and encouraging us to open up.

1) I am an introvert and have struggled my whole life with never feeling like I quite "fit in". When I got saved at age 23 I found a wonderful church where for the first time I felt like I fit in as part of group. This latest for several years but then our church started changing - growing! - I no longer felt comfortable. God never lets anything stay the same for too long or let us stay stuck in our comfort zone for too long. I have continued to struggle with the longing to fit in, to feel surrounded by friends instead of strangers. I sometimes wonder if I stopped coming to church, if anyone would notice or care... and I realize how many times other people have left and all too quickly I forget about them. I remind myself that I shouldn't go to church with the primary expectation of being ministered to, but going with a heart to worship and minister to others. And this really does help - but there are just days when my insecurity rules my heart instead of God.

2) Fear of rejection, and the false positive that "if only I was such and such I wouldn't be insecure anymore" - in my case, the biggest false positive is popularity. Being part of a group and being left out really hurts.

 
At February 11, 2010 at 11:24 AM , Anonymous Lisa said...

Ok Siestas...this is my first time doing this...so here goes:
1) first let me say I really understand about Angie from West Bend...my husband notices other women on a regular basis. He has not cheated on me either, but is not very strong in the Lord, and this is very difficult for me. which brings me to #2) Chronic fear of rejection...this has been since I was very young and throughout my entire life I have tried "to look good" and have numerous relationships with men in order to hear that feedback. Why just this morning...I had to get on the scale first thing to see if an extra pound is waiting there for me! Ridiculous, right!? In the past, I would be dating someone and have many "waiting in the wings" in case the current one didnt like what he saw anymore, and now Im married and this is a constant struggle for me. I have done things I have much shame over in order to make sure I still look great and people like me. I just turned 40 and I am so tired of "wandering in the wilderness" with this same issue! I pray God will show me what I need to see, no matter how hard it is to look at. Thankyou Beth for this new journey...I think I have been on it a long time, but through our powerful Lord and Savior I know He can help me change! (Lisa from Madison)

 
At February 11, 2010 at 11:24 AM , Blogger The Coleman Family said...

1)It was a month ago that I was at a Bible study, I was extremely anxious and nervous, like never before. I went home and cried for 2 hours, questioning God why I am like this and begging Him to take this away. This was no mistake. I believe it was God that allowed me to feel this SO intensly that I would finally, after 39 years, want to change and realize that I couldn't do it. I needed to lean on Him for change. He started showing me what was going on inside me. A few days later I heard the book was coming out. God's timing is perfect!.
2)I was shocked by the definition. All you had to do is substitute my name in the definition and you would be talking about ME. I knew I had a problem but it wasn't until I started the book that I realized how much it controlled my whole life.
I have read on and I'm blessed and praising the Lord that I am able to use the past tense when talking about how it controlled my life. Just yesterday I faced several things that would normally cause an internal melt down. I faced these with no trace of anxiety. Our God is an AWESOME God.
Tamara
Highlands Ranch, CO
30's
married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 11:25 AM , Blogger Jenny said...

Angie, I am the SAME way! I could have written exactly what you said...

"Chronic self-consciousness, living in constant fear of rejection! I have so much fear that a lot of times when I meet people I don't act like me and they never get to know me in the first place!"

I have such a hard time being myself. I never have close friends because I don't open up and let anyone get to know me from being so scared of rejection.

Jenny
Louisville,KY
20's
married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 11:25 AM , Blogger Just Me said...

1) I can't remember a time when I DIDN'T feel insecure. I always feel like I need to do more or be more so that people will like me. I am self-conscious about my weight, my looks, everything about me. I cannot for the life of me understand why the people who say they like me, like me. I don't even like myself.

2) I can relate to just about every part of the definition you set out in Ch. 1. I fear rejection. I have unrealistic expectations in my relationships. I can fake confidence very well - I've had years of practice. I don't let anyone too close because I will just get hurt. I tried to get close with someone and that ended so very badly - and the worst part is that that person still to this day will not/has not told me what caused the fracture in the friendship. I still feel the sting of it nearly two years later.

To top it all off, I am a pastor's wife and I am supposed to have it all together - lead by example and all that. I just want to crawl under my rock and stay there where it's safe.

By far, though, the part of the definition that jumped even further off the page at me than the rest of the definitation is..."deep uncertainty about whether her feelings are legitimate."

I always think my feelings are selfish and prideful and have no place in the Christian walk. I am supposed to die to self and take up my cross. Feelings just don't fit in there. They don't matter because only eternity matters, right? Yet, my shattered heart feels the pain and disappointment and even anger. Throw some guilt in there, too, because I'm not supposed to feel all these things.

I feel like I am such a wreck.

Betty
40
Massachusetts

 
At February 11, 2010 at 11:32 AM , Blogger Amy B said...

Amy
Louisville
40's
married
1) last serious encounter with this insecurity/media image was when I was recently with my best friend (who knows that I've been working to lose weight for the 1st time in my life ... not because it's the 1st time I've needed to but because it's the 1st time I've been willing to risk the failure I assume is coming- afterall, my father predicted it, my mother was ashamed of it and my husband sees it as just who I am)and she said, "Are you really losing weight or just wearing tighter clothes than you usually do?" wow ... I wanted to crawl in a hole.
2) The part that resonates with me is that part about 'a deep uncertaintly about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate" ... i spend an inordinate amount of time weighing whether what I want or need is selfish or needy. Things I can not stand to protray. Consequently I'm 40+ and no longer know who I am, what I like/dislike, want/don't want, enjoy/dislike ... the list goes from where or what I prefer to eat to when or if I want to have sex to do I want to go back to work or continue to stay at home to will I wear gray or black. absolutely ridiculous levels of uncertainty and insecurity.

 
At February 11, 2010 at 11:32 AM , Blogger Faith said...

Roll Call
Faith
California
50+
Married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 11:41 AM , Blogger fuzzytop said...

This is hard... Deep breath....

I have some legitimate issues in our marriage that I need to confront, to bring into the open, and yet, I don’t. I’m afraid of the conflict and dissension that will ensue, I'm afraid of a fight turning ugly, and so I let too many things slide, and I know this is not healthy. And then I get resentful and bitter. Sad thing is I know my history, our history, and I understand exactly WHY I’m insecure, what things in my past have brought me to this place, but I just feel unable to move past my fear that rocking the boat will capsize it. It’s just irrational!

This one was easy for me: “The insecure man or woman lives in constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate.” That’s me.

Adrienne

 
At February 11, 2010 at 11:42 AM , Anonymous Janie said...

Janie
Iowa
50's and still learning
Married

This is a God appointed place and time Miss Beth...

1. Hmm, from this morning could it be a star high school athlete showing up at the door, for my son, as I greet him bare faced, disheveled, old sweats and t shirt from trying to exercise 40 pounds of stress from this old body? Not moments before I had rejoiced in completing a challenging workout for first time since injury. With one open door, I felt that pang of feeling bad about appearance... Anyone? Yes, I am on this road with your dear siestas to security... in Him.

2. Thanks Beth for the lovely jolt up side the head... lack of security---lack of faith in God's choice of me; unrealistic expectations of self and others; insecurities best coverup is perfectionism.
Much to ponder and search within this week!

 
At February 11, 2010 at 11:46 AM , Blogger mary glynn said...

Mary Glynn
48
Married
Pelham ga

I Don't think I know how to really be myself at this point. I am kind and I try to be sweet so that i will be accepted because I feel if I am sweet it makes up for other things almost like earning what can't be earned. Does that make sense?

 
At February 11, 2010 at 11:46 AM , Blogger TeriAnnElizabeth said...

Teri
Lebanon, VA
50
Married 27 years tomorrow.

1)I am tempted to post something thought out and do my best to articulate it well. But, the truth is - the last time I came face to face with our gender's massive struggle with insecurity was staring at it or her, in my bathroom mirror around 6:30 a.m. this morning.

Nothing grips you in fear and dread that fuels insecurity as your own reflection aging. You can self-talk all day long about graceful aging, etc. But staring at that face a day from your 27th wedding anniversary and seeing every wrinkle is just plain sickening. Insecurity is my little life long dysfunctional family bestfriend. I don't like her anymore and I want her to at least have moved out of the house by the time I'm finished this book.

 
At February 11, 2010 at 11:46 AM , Blogger Tanya said...

1) I am a teacher at an elementary school and working with a bunch of women means there are opportunities each and every day to either show insecurity or see someelse's insecurity from little things that don't mean much to huge issues.
2) Chronic self-consciousness...from what I'm wearing, can anyone see my gray, do I look old, etc. to whether anyone knows how awful I feel about myself, to whether I'm really a good teacher, to whether or not my husband is really happy or if he's wishing he hadn't married me. It absorbs countless hours in the day. And then to top it off, I'm self-conscious about the fact that I'm self-conscious. It stinks!!!

 
At February 11, 2010 at 11:47 AM , Blogger Tanya said...

oops, forgot to say..
Tanya R.
Sierra Vista, AZ
30s-married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 11:49 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

1. Been working on a particular insecurity about friendship with some good friends. I just listened to your talks (on the web while I learn to knit - well purl, actually) on wise friendships, Beth. They were very helpful in directing my efforts and thoughts.

2. "...she is ordinarily more aware of herself then she tends to be of any other person in the room. Whether she feels inferior or superior, she takes a frequent inventory of her place in the space. She may like it or hate it, but she's rarely oblivious to it." Bummer. I want to be more about others than myself, more about bringing other people in than worrying about my own place.

Gig Harbor, WA
30's
married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 11:51 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dianne
Henryetta, OK
50's
Married

1) Being the host site coordinator for the upcoming simulcast. I am plagued with many insecurities about doing a good job and run into it in others.

2) The "Insecurity's best cover is perfectionism...where it becomes an art form." Not as bad about this as I used to be though. And, "the strong desire to make amends..." WOW!

We are desperate for you God! Thanks Beth.

 
At February 11, 2010 at 12:15 PM , Anonymous Kay Midland said...

Siesta Alert! Pray for me, I am in tears right now. I am having a Murphy week ( Murphys Law). My husband is in his third year of chemo, my mother has Alzheimers and has fallen, another family member is blind and I am the only caregiver for all of these people. Stop the world I want to get off.

Kay

 
At February 11, 2010 at 12:16 PM , Blogger Joyce said...

I cannot put your book down and stop reading at two or three chapters. It is almost like the Father is taking his little girl and she is resting in His arms of love. She has tears in her eyes and joy in her heart. It is alright to come to God with your insecurities and let Him take care of you just the way you are.
Like a little child
We must be
To trust and obey
To let God lead.
To have the faith
So gentle and sweet
To give all at the Master's Feet.
Thank you so much, God bless each one of these ladies!

 
At February 11, 2010 at 12:21 PM , Blogger wendy said...

1. my last 'episode' was the occasion of my daughter's birthday when i was hosting family for lunch and i began to stress about thier beautiful new house when i'm still renting (10 yrs!)....
2. for me the self-doubt really jumped out. i once has someone praying for me that said they "saw" this huge black dog chasing me, right at my heels and they felt clearly it was self-doubt! i have had some progress on self-consciosness but still feel the sting of rejection...like when i see two women i know from by church that meet regularly to walk together (i live only about 2 blocks away)and have never included me.

 
At February 11, 2010 at 12:25 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Barb
Middlefield,OH
57
I am new to this blog.
I just had my 57th b-day and I am celebrating by reading Beth's Book,
So Long Insecurity!
I had a very bad home life and little by little God has healed my wounds as a woman.
I feel finding Beth's teaching and this blog is his way of leading me to heal further and have a healthier self image.
I am excited to receive my book and study along with this group.

 
At February 11, 2010 at 12:28 PM , Blogger Unknown said...

I hope it's ok if I join a bit late. I'm Sharon from a tiny town barely in WI called Walworth. I am in my 40's and married (for the third time).
1. I recently saw 2 of my friends together without me! I know, how dare they. Well, it made me so upset and I felt so rejected because they know I don't work and am bored a lot. By the time I was done, I had myself convinced that God himself didn't want anything to do with me.
2. "the insecure woman lives in constant fear of rejection"...that hit me like a ton of bricks. I live in that most days and I really think it's getting out of hand!

 
At February 11, 2010 at 12:30 PM , Blogger Kim Safina said...

The Journey Continues ~

Kim Safina
40's ~ hanging on until May 14th
Cayucos,California!!

This Bible Believing Blonde read your book in one night!
Saw A LOT of MYSELF in the pages!
Precious Beth, "Hawk", Maggie & Todd ~

I NEED A DOUBLE SHOT OF STARBUCKS TO ANSWER THOSE QUESTIONS!!!!


Question #1
1. OUCH!! Last night

My loving husband gave me a compliment and told me that I didn't look my age and that I was beautiful. I started laughing and telling him all my faults!
It is HARD for me to accept compliments!

Question #2
2. PATHETIC self-doubt

I am off to Starbucks right now!!!
I need a double CARMEL MACHIATO WITH EXTRA FOAM!!!

With "Heaven Bound" blessings,
Kim Safina

 
At February 11, 2010 at 12:36 PM , Blogger debralynne said...

Debra
Colfax, CA
50's
Married

1. The reality of massive insecurity among our gender hit me hard in what was supposed to be a "safe" setting - the Preview Simulcast of So Long, Insecurity. I live in a small town and am the Women's Ministry Leader in my church. The Preview Simulcast took place in a church not far from me, and there were less than twenty of us in attendance. I found it interesting that most of the group came in pairs. I was alone, and feeling very insecure because I knew know one and had not been able to bring anyone with me. The time before the Preview began seemed very long to me - very much wanting to talk to others, but wanting them to make the first move! Thankfully, as soon as the Preview ended, I was encouraged by Beth's teaching on Hebrews and being "equipped" for my purpose, and turned right around and introduced myself to the pair behind me.
2. One of the definitions of Insecurity that really resonated with me is unrealistic expectations. Especially true in my relationship with my husband of 31 years. Also the self-centeredness of self-conciousness. Praise God! He has already begun working on me to heal those areas, so the book is helping me in a very practical sense.

 
At February 11, 2010 at 12:37 PM , Blogger Ginnie said...

Ginnie from Florida - 44/single
1) About two months I was at a community event and saw a guy that I used to date walking around with a woman I had never seen (we live in a small town where everyone knows everyone else). As soon as I saw them, I felt jealous and wanted to know who it was and if they were dating. Later in the evening I sent his daughter a text message asking her who her dad was with and were they dating. You would think after not seeing him for 6 months I wouldn't have those feelings but insecurity reared it's ugly head with such force. Who was she, she isn't as attractive as me, I should be the one walking around with him, etc (or the list could go on and on). To sum it up. . . why did it bother me? Because I'm insecure in the area of relationships with men. I want a relationship yet tell everyone I'm fine with being single.

2)The part of the definition or description of insecurity that resonated with me the most was "chronic self-consciousness and lack of confidence in myself and anxiety about relationships. . . a deep uncertainty about whether his/her own feelings and desires are legitimate." I am always feeling the need for affirmation from others and second guessing decisions, conversations, etc. within relationships. I can totally see myself in each statement on pgs. 20-21, minus the one about the husband (prior to my divorce I could apply that one and even now when I am dating someone).

 
At February 11, 2010 at 12:45 PM , Blogger BrightonYourWorld said...

I am picking up my book after work today and Oh how anxious I am. Thank you all for sharing.

I cannot wait to start this journey with all of you!

Stephanie
Boalsburg, PA
40's
Married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 12:47 PM , Blogger Unknown said...

Karen
Pinehurst, TX
50's Married

1. When was the last time I came face to face with my massive insecurity? My daughter asked ME to do her wedding portrait! I am an amateur at best. It was a major play on my insecurity, especially because everyone was going to see it at the wedding reception! I wanted to hide and make all kinds of excuses about why I didn't think it was all that great, when everyone was so amazed at how beautiful it turned out.

2.The resonating of the insecurity definition was overwhelming. Just insert my name! It is the profound sense of self-doubt and the constant fear of rejection that resonates so deeply because I feel the power of it as it holds me back from all that God wants to do through me and in me. They are huge walls that confront me daily. Thank you so much Beth for this project...I am looking forward to life on the OTHER SIDE!!!

 
At February 11, 2010 at 12:50 PM , Blogger Amy and Jason said...

Amy
Portland, OR
30's
Married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 1:00 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Amby
Lake Stevens, WA
37yrs
Happily Married!
Talk about insecure in my confidence to share my heart with the Siestas! I read both chapters twice, made plenty of notes & was feeling really confident to share my thoughts until I began reading all the other comments....I am realizing that I have always been insecure in thinking I am not as smart as everyone else! Boy do I need this study!
1)Couldn't think of an example for question 1 however I really related to page 7 and the issues with men in from my past and present.
2)"Self-Doubt" is definately an issue for me.

 
At February 11, 2010 at 1:15 PM , Blogger Jagette said...

My book has not arrived yet. I ordered it from CCN, the simulcast people. When it does get here, I will be on my way. Looking forward to reading it will all of you.

Hugs and Prayers to all of you!

 
At February 11, 2010 at 1:18 PM , Blogger Gayle @ thewestiecrew said...

I am AMAZED at your stamina! I can't believe you had the energy to crank out a post after your extremely long day yesterday. I think I'll go take a nap for you, K? :)

Anyway, the thing that resonated with me was not so much in the definition as it is with this quote: "Whether she feels inferior or superior, she takes a frequent inventory of her place in the space. She may like it or hate it, but she's rarely oblivious to it." UGH... Guilty.

Gayle W.
Birmingham, AL
30's
Married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 1:19 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Kay Midland
I can relate; please hang in there.

T.O.

 
At February 11, 2010 at 1:20 PM , Anonymous Charity said...

WOW!! I am insecure about being insecure! I am constantly self-aware...but on the other hand hate pride! HA!!! It is hidden. Come out come out wherever you are-in JESUS' NAME!!! I DO take frequent inventory of my place in space...What a revelation!!! PRAISE GOD FOR TRUTH!!! Now, Lord, I need help! I need healing, Father! Right down to the root....pluck it all out of me Jesus! Don't leave one single hair!...Even dry the soil it once lived in! FULL RESTORATION IN CHRIST'S MIGHTY NAME!!! AMEN!

Pensacola, FL
30's
Married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 1:22 PM , Anonymous Cindy Prays said...

Beth,
I was one of the girls in the crowd that cheered when you told one of our local newspeople that when women start the book insecure, they could finish it secure. I wanted to hoop and holler. It was exciting to me to see so many women in the bookstore wanting to be free of insecurity.

Indeed, Christ is Life,

Cindy

 
At February 11, 2010 at 1:25 PM , Blogger Krystle said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At February 11, 2010 at 1:28 PM , Anonymous Susan in OKC said...

Beth,
Just sat down in my car to eat lunch and start reading my book. I think I just felt insecure in the first 10 seconds as I sat and watched 3 vehicles pull up to deliver roses. (I work close to the mailroom where deliveries come). Laughing, but yet not. Insecurity? Longing maybe.... that one day I'd get roses? Oh no, another van just pulled up with pink roses this time! Move my car? Or just let God deal with me? :) Hmm.
Susan in OKC, Single, 40's

 
At February 11, 2010 at 1:35 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Robin
Irving, TX
40's
married

1. Our 12-year-old daughter lying to my hubby, her dad, about a shirt that she was wearing that no one had noticed that day at school. She didn't want to hurt his feelings as it was a special shirt between the two of them. It didn't bother her that no one had noticed, but she didn't want to hurt his feelings when the subject came up, so she lied about it. We talked at length with her about her feelings of having to protect her daddy...I wouldn't have caught the significance if I hadn't been reading this book.

2) Honestly, I'm almost afraid/embarrassed to say what my insecurity is, but just to see if it resonates with anyone else, I'll share: My insecurity lies in how easy my life has been, relatively carefree and prosperous, pretty much free of tragedy. Hubby's awesome, kids are great, dogs are spoiled: I feel blessed, but also confused when others say that those who are hit with tragedy are the strong ones or the ones in whom God trusts (like Job)...well, then, what does that say about me? Did God not create a strong me? Does He not trust me with the tough stuff? I know, this is an odd insecurity and I've been rebuked before for simply not feeling blessed (which of course, I do, but in my feeling blessed, then on the flip side, what does it say about those who've experienced tragedy, they're not?). Curious to see if anyone can relate?

 
At February 11, 2010 at 1:36 PM , Anonymous Erin said...

Erin
Stephens City,VA
20's
Engaged

1. Just yesterday, my sister and I were looking at old pictures from when we were in middle school and early high school. I was and have always been very insecure about how I look....whether I look thin enough or beautiful enough. Looking at those pictures, just a few hours after I had started reading this book, I felt that horrible sinking, depressing, almost panicky feeling of "I'm not good enough. Look at me. I'm disgusting. How could he (my fiance) ever want that?" He constantly tells me how much he loves me and how beautiful I am to him. I have no reason to think the way I do!

2. The description of insecurity that hit me like a ton of bricks was "...a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth..." I have always been surrounded by a family who loves me unconditionally, and God has provided a wonderful, amazing, godly man to be my husband in a few short months. I have no clue why I feel I have no worth. The only one telling me I don't have it, is the media....the magazines, the tv shows, etc...I don't even know why it registers when I have the support that I do.

 
At February 11, 2010 at 1:41 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Anonymous,

I'm printing out the For Better or Worse Cartoon and taping it inside my book!! Ha!

To all the others, your stories have made me cry. I love you. You are beautiful. Insecurity...it really is such a huge thing...I found myself shaking my head saying..."It's too big." That is lie. NOTHING is too big for the Creator of the Universe. God is able.

 
At February 11, 2010 at 1:44 PM , Anonymous FloridaLizzie said...

I have often thought in recent years that I could open a store called "Insecurities R Us." Reading the other comments helped me see that God has gotten me out of some toxic friendships and into safe, caring friendships where I don't feel self-conscious. So the part of the definition that resounded with me was "a profound sense of self-doubt--a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in the world." Going back into the work force in my 40s has awakened a great deal of insecurity in me. Just when I was starting to feel confident, I lost my job, and need to find another one. I admit, I doubt God about myself.
Liz/Sebring, FL/40s/married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 2:04 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have to laugh at myself, bc I'm feeling so insecure right now over how someone might interpret my insecurity confession a few comments up, that I've been trying to delete it but I don't know how...and what's even funnier, is that it's under "anonymous", but I wrote my name and hometown! Oh, the insecurity of self-doubt is written all over me right now, lol! Girls, this journey is going to be tons o' fun, tell me I'm not alone on this one!

 
At February 11, 2010 at 2:05 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Beth,I have been praying for you to write about this for a long time.I am dead serious when I say God and I had a praise session as I thanked Him for answering my prayers!We desperately need direction!
#1. Like Just Me's post,It was right after I was devastated by a broken friendship that to this day I dont know why she walked away. As soon as I feel like I healed from the first time it happened, it happened again with someone else.I find myself bleeding again. How do you go from closeness with someone to feeling like she looks at you as an enemy? Its this hot and cold thing. You never know how she will treat you from one time to the next. I have practiced Matt. 18 the few times this has happened, but it gets nowhere. I hate leaving it open, unresolved.I have done all I can do to apologize if i did something. Sure everyone around us thinks everything is fine, but i know its not the same.Even though I have many many amazing, enriching friendships, these unresolved situations leave me trapped and has caused me to obsess about why and what is wrong with me.I never saw myself as insecure.I can honestly say I really dont struggle with the comparison games. I feel comfortable with who I am in Christ, although I have plenty I "could" be insecure about. By the grace of God, that is not my main issue. I admire beautiful, talented, Godly women.I also see beauty in the ordinary women. I just love relationships! What bothers me is when I have encountered someone who purposfully tries to hurt you because of her own insecurities. I know like Beth said I sensitive to a fault, but at the same time you know there are Christian women out there who do this to one another. You know she sees you as a threat. No matter what you do, she is out to hurt you. If you bring God into it, thats even more of a threat.So to offer to pray together, just makes it worse. She tries to exclude you and put herself in situations where she will be the center of attention and finds ways a to make you doubt yourself by her "mentoring you" by giving constructive critisim. This can happen in women's ministry leadership, staff wives, praise teams..I have mentors that speak truth to me.I seek truth, so I can grow and be molded for God's glory. But there is a drastic differance when you are hearing from someone who truly loves you because even if what they tell you is painful, you walk away encouraged to do better not completely beat down.
#2 i relate most to..(paraphrase) don't let yourself off the hook because you don't fit every aspect of what you think insecurity looks like. Just because I don't wrestle with the comparison game, I still have deep rooted insecurity about rejection. My question for all you Godly women is how can we move forward in ministry without a unity among the women you minister with? You can't force it..I guess just personally pray a lot?
Marie
30's
Dayton, Ohio

 
At February 11, 2010 at 2:06 PM , Anonymous Heather said...

Heather
Pottstown, PA
20's
Engaged

1) I am divorced and recently got engaged. My brother told me that my sister-in-law(who was in my 1st wedding)does not want to put out any more money or be in this wedding. I felt hurt and guilty, wondering what I did wrong. I wanted to apologize to her, but I didn't know what exactly for.
2) The part of "chronic self-consciousness, lack of confidence in ourselves and anxiety about our relationships". I am constantly having thoughts of self-doubt and wondering what others think of me. I am a big "people pleaser" and get anxiety when I believe I have upset someone, whether it's legitimate or not.

 
At February 11, 2010 at 2:07 PM , Blogger Kerry said...

1. Yesterday I was visiting a friend. She is pregnant with her second child and I am jealous. The whole visit I kept comparing myself to her and her 'perfect' life. All because we are at different stages in life. How ridiculous is that?

2. The definition on page 17 about our basic worth, our place in the world, and anxiety about our relationships hit home. I have been struggling with finding my place in the world and with others (relationships) for quite a while now and I feel I'm getting nowhere. Another area I'm fighting is in regards to self-consciousness and preoccupation with self (page 22). I attributed it to just plain selfishness. Maybe I'm fighting the wrong battle?

Kerry/30's/Ohio

 
At February 11, 2010 at 2:08 PM , Blogger Monica Gill said...

I got my copy in the mail just before our first blizzard and I am devouring it!

Anyway, as I was doing some straightening yesterday I turned around to find my daughter, Gracie, on the love seat flipping through and “reading” Beth’s book. She kept flipping back to the cover picture and pointing at it, talking with great exuberance, and then thumbing the pages. It was too cute; I had to get a picture!

While I am clicking away with the camera I am praying: “Dear Lord, let this child know you and find her security in you from an early age! I pray she will never “have” to read this book, but nonetheless, Lord, she will still be required to read it by her Mama!”

I just popped by to get the questions for week one and share this picture with ya'all... and I can already think of an answer for myself to question #1!

As I am writing this comment and preparing to share this picture I am thinking to myself: "Do I need to preface that this picture was totally spontaneous and not staged? Will they believe it’s not staged if I don't say so? If I say so, will they think I'm saying so because it was?" Oh, PLEASE!!! I am laughing at myself! Insecurity is insidious... lurking everywhere even in the cornes we don't think of! Thank you, Lord, for the security we can find when we remember to place our identity in Christ!

Beth- Hope you guys like the pic! :)

Monica Gill
38
Virginia (Stuck in Snowmagedon)
Happily Married :)

 
At February 11, 2010 at 2:08 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

1.Just this morning second guessing my feelings of grief. How long will this last? Hiding my self from others.
2. "A deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in the world". I feel underserving of the good things in life. I find myself apologizing to others even when someones pays me a compliment.
Marilyn, Amarillo TX
40's- Married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 2:19 PM , Anonymous fullerts1 said...

Sue
Stafford, VA
50+
Single/Widow

 
At February 11, 2010 at 2:19 PM , Anonymous Michele said...

1.) The most recent example of insecurity I encountered was this morning at the gym! I was in a class described as "Women on Weights". There were six of us in the small aerobic room (with HUGE mirrors covering almost every inch of wall space). It's obvious that each of us has our own physical insecurity. One thinks she is too small up top, one assumes hers are too large, one wants a lift in the lower buttocks region, while another wants to keep doing more squats to eliminate her abundance in that same area. We laugh and say how neat it would be if we could have a "Swap and Shop" for women. We could each give and take what we wanted from another to make us achieve the "false positive" we're trying to attain, at least physically that is. I keep trying to remind myself the reason I began working out in the first place--to get healthier on the inside, to gain strength, and to get more energy so I would not be so tired. It's hard to remember that when you're staring at yourself in the mirror for an hour!

2.) The part of the definition I mostly identified with was, "insecurity is associated with chronic self-consciousness". I am constantly aware of myself--good or bad. Because of it, I often miss out on others' feelings because I'm too consumed with mine. Yuck! Time to rewire my security system! Bring it on, God!

Michele
Monroe, Georgia
35
Married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 2:25 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I spent a whole day in a funk/daze because someone lashed out at me in anger. I've never had anyone say the things this person said to me.
The description that resonated with me is found at the bottom of page 19..."she can be a complicated mix of confidence and self-consciousness." Bingo!
FG
Alabama
60's
married (happily!)

 
At February 11, 2010 at 2:32 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Roll call

Mare
Buckfield, Maine
40's
single

 
At February 11, 2010 at 2:40 PM , Anonymous JanRae said...

Dear Kay Midland,

My prayers will be with you....we can't stop the world so you can get off - But God can and will lift you up!!

 
At February 11, 2010 at 2:40 PM , Blogger Unknown said...

Jane
Libertyville, IL
50, married

I laughed when I read your first request to write a prayer on the inside cover of your book. You see, I downloaded it into the Kindle app on my iPhone! But I got out my underused journal and wrote it there instead.

I don’t think of myself as an insecure woman; God has blessed me with much inner peace at this stage of my life (although my prayer was that He reveal some hidden things about myself to me!) Yet I see insecurity every day in my beautiful, athletic, talented 16-year-old daughter, and remember my own insecurities at most of the stages in my life. I watch her coping by doing some incredibly brave things, just like I did when I was young. You’re right about perfectionism often being the outward sign of insecurity.

After reading chapter 2, I must admit that I’m probably more insecure than I think. The sentence that resonated with me was “We can get away with thinking we’re secure people because, for a time, we have the important things just like we want them.” Ouch. Perhaps I just think I’m secure because the other women I see are more intensely insecure! Nothing like a good comparison, right?

I think you're going to need to write a second book on the basis of all these comments. I won't even subscribe to the comments feed because my email would crash! Thanks for doing this.

 
At February 11, 2010 at 2:46 PM , Blogger Christine said...

I'd have to begin by saying what area of my life is NOT filled with insecurity. I was adopted and even though my adoptive mother was my best friend and I never would have traded her for anything, I always felt as though I was not worthy, if my own mother didn't want me, who would? And that has pretty much resonated through my life. My first husband was abusive, physically in the beginning and then once he had me afraid of him, he stopped that nonsense just knowing the threat was there got him excited. For 12 years I listened daily to him put me down, how I was too fat, too much of a prude, I should have been making more money, and the list goes on. I finally got the strength to get out of that situation, only to end up dating seriously the same kind of man. This one was going to marry me once I became a size 2. Praise God he met someone else to torture and set me free! I stayed in both relationships because I honestly felt as though I wasn't worth any better. I was deep in a life of sin and just kept spiraling downward at that point because I just didn't feel like I was worth any better.
Praise God for bringing a good Christian man into my life - we've been married for a little over 2 years and very active in our church. And loving Jesus! But I still hear those voices sometimes telling me you better not gain any more weight or they'll be making fun of you. (I have battled forever and my closet is a size 4(never did make it to the 2) and a size 16. And whenever I facilitiate a study group, I almost feel as though I'm pulling a fast one over on everyone because I feel so unworthy that the Lord would want ME to share his message with other women. ME? I have a hard time getting it! I know he loves me and I know he doesn't make any junk, but Satan sure has a field day with me whenever he gets the chance.

 
At February 11, 2010 at 2:52 PM , Anonymous Rachel said...

I enjoyed the challenge of writing a journal-type entry on the inside cover of the book. I am almost finished with Beth's Breaking Free study and have asked God to help me break down the strongholds in my life and insecurity is a huge one! Yup! Going after God for more. May Jesus receive the glory!

Rachel
Port Orchard, WA
30's
Married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 2:53 PM , Blogger Grace said...

"So, what’s our goal? As a matter of fact, a cameraman from a local television station asked me that very question today. I’ll tell you what I told him: the goal is for an insecure woman to open the book and a secure woman to close it."

As I read these words I thought to myself...WOW, the gates of hell must be trembling right now. What would this world look like if we as women found our security in Christ!

I haven't even picked up the book and I know it's going to be incredible! I'm believing that He's going to do a MIGHTY work in me. Praying it's on my doorstep when I get home. ;o)

 
At February 11, 2010 at 2:59 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lawan
Lawton, OK
50s
Married

1)Went on vacation with my husband and joined a tour group. Worried about whether my husband thought the other (skinnier & younger) women were more desireable than me. He never gives me any reason to think that, I just do.

2) The insecure person creates a situation in which being disappointed and hurt in relationships is almost inevitable. I must say I am getting better at NOT doing this but it still happens sometimes.

 
At February 11, 2010 at 3:02 PM , Anonymous Al. said...

I have just accepted my insecurity. It is a part of who I am. I don't think I will ever NOT feel insecure. I was told I was a horrible wife, a horrible mother, a horrible cook, a horrible housekeeper. How can I not be insecure. Nothing about me is correct - according to other people.

 
At February 11, 2010 at 3:09 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Roll Call:

Kim N.
Illinois
30's & Married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 3:11 PM , Anonymous singing in the desert said...

Dearest Jesus, I'm offering myself to You to be changed, challenged, chastized and Christian-joined by faith in the journey we're (You & me & us) are embarking today. I want to know Your heart about me, through me and for others to live in the fullness of the Life You died to give. Help me listen with the Spirit-empowered will to obey. Bless, encourage and strengthen us all (especially Beth) in our inner man with Your Holy Spirit.
1. Day before yesterday when I interviewed for a secretarial position, even with a Christian owner, she was apparently uncomfortable with my references to Scriptural truths in the course of the discussion. I found myself later second guessing if I was too honest and too vulnerable.
2. The insecure man or woman lives in constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate. I am always second-guessing “what if I had responded differently or not at all? Am I truly being faithful to what and who God has called me to be?”
Denise
Albuquerque, NM
50's
Married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 3:16 PM , Blogger Sharon said...

Just a note of humor, I was typing in my Google ID to post on this blog, and without a thought I typed insecure@, I thought,girl, you do have a problem....and I had a good to myself chuckle.

 
At February 11, 2010 at 3:18 PM , Blogger Heather said...

There is a line in chapter two that struck a chord in my heart. I have a beautiful, amazing, incredibly smart sister in law who has a doctorate in education, recently got promoted to chairman of her department at the college where she teaches, plays the drums and leads worship in our church, is raising two uh-mazing little girls, teaches bible study to college students on Friday nights and to adults on Sunday nights, keeps a beautiful home, is a loving wife and the MOST incredible sister-in-law to me... and yet she doubts herself. When I saw the line in chapter two that says, "insecurity's best cover is perfectionism". She works so hard to make sure there are no cracks in the armour. No matter how successful she has been as an adult, she still hears the echoes of unkind words planted into her heart as a child. I always laughingly tell her to "aspire to greater mediocrity". The truth is that we can. never. be. good. enough. the blessing is that we don't have to be. Isn't that where real security lies? In knowing that we don't have to be perfect to be loved?

Just my opinion... as the underachieving second born black sheep of the family *wink* who is highly loved and treasured by her heavenly father!

Heather
Cleveland, GA
41
twice divorced

 
At February 11, 2010 at 3:23 PM , Anonymous Jennine said...

Jennine
Chandler, Oklahoma
50's
Married

1st time to blog

 
At February 11, 2010 at 3:42 PM , Blogger Unknown said...

I started reading the book on tuesday the 2nd. I watched session 4 of the patriarchs Bible study and you touched on the subject of insecurities. If I am correct then that study has a copyright date of 2005- if that is true then this message has been on your heart for 5 years. It is amazing and pure to your heart that your messages are seen in many studies (in the pit, insecurities are just a couple) Thank you for allowing God to use you to reach out to us to help us grow stronger in the Lord. God Bless you and your family.

My 14 yr old will be joining me on the 24th!

 
At February 11, 2010 at 3:42 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Beth, I do pray you were able to get some rest and are feeling rejuvenated today.
Chapter 1: My major struggle with insecurity came after the passing of my husband 3 years ago. After the first year, I learned a HUGE and VALUABLE lesson from his passing and that is you cannot rely on another person to make you feel secure. At the time, every single bit of security I had in me died with him because I felt he was my security. I came to the revelation some time afterwards that I cannot find security in other people (and do not feel it is fair for me to do so - what pressure on them!) or in material things of this world but only in my Heavenly Father's love for me. I am still working on some security issues and that is one reason I felt like this book from you is a gift to help me to continue to make huge progress in eliminating my insecurities and to be able to step forward after reading this book as a secure person completely walking in faith.
Chapter 2: The part of the definition that resonates with me is that fact that "the insecure woman lives in constant fear of rejection... a deep uncertainty about whether her feelings are legitimate." I have always dealt with a need for acceptance and approval from others, especially my dad, since I was a very young girl and this is the area I am still struggling with at this time in my life as I find myself placing more emphasis on the importance of the relationships in my life.

Teressa
Winfield, Alabama
43 and proud!
Single (widow)

 
At February 11, 2010 at 3:47 PM , Blogger Paula said...

Paula
Chocowinity, NC
40's
Married
1st time blogger

 
At February 11, 2010 at 3:48 PM , Anonymous Stacey said...

1. Just yesterday, I was walking into church for my weekly MOMS Bible Study. A rush of anxiety flooded over me. What if there's not a seat beside someone with whom I am comfortable? What if I am asked to answer a question out loud that I am not prepared to answer? What if my little one acts up for the nursery workers? What if, what if, what if... When I should have been praising God and offering up a sacrifice of thanksgiving for having been provided a church that teaches His word, I was self-absorbed with my own insecurities.
2. I obviously identify myself as someone with a chronic feeling of anxiety for no apparent reason. I thought that I hid my insecurity pretty well, but I am ready to get rid of it altogether-not just hide it!
Stacey
Eads, TN
early 30's
married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 3:54 PM , Blogger Regan said...

1. I've just noticed that in all of my conversations with a friend of mine we invariably wind up talking about two things. First, our singleness. Second, how our appearance (weight etc.) influences our singleness. No matter how the conversation starts or what high-minded topic we intend to discuss it always comes back to our insecurities.

2. "Chronic self-consciousness" definitely struck a cord with me. I'm the girl constantly tugging at her jeans or shirt to make sure everything is covered and hidden properly.

Regan
Conroe, TX
23 and single

 
At February 11, 2010 at 3:56 PM , Anonymous gritsgirl721 said...

I am SO glad we are doing this blog book study together. The biggest thing insecurity does in my life is "Isolation." I'm just sure I must be the ONLY one who struggles with who I am. After reading a few of these posts, I definitely realize I'm not. Thank you Siestas for sharing honestly. It means a lot.
1) I'm face to face with insecurity every day: in fact i'm sure it comes from a few generations of women in my family; now: my overweight body; and being single at 45-seeing couples together, families; I wonder why I don't have this? Does God think I'm just not capable?? Have I just made too many mistakes? This is how I've thought for years. Pretty desperate uh!
2)The part of the definition that hit me by surprise: "Insecurities best cover is perfectionism. That's where it becomes an art form." That's my mom's and my life completely. My mom always telling me to "fake it," because eventually it would become real. WRONG!!! No, it never does. I've been labeled OCD, perfectionistic, bottom line it's INSECURITY. Actually this was quite hopeful. It means I can heal and become whole.
I also have been working on Breaking Free, on the last lesson. I don't want to say all the right things; I want to truly be FREE! I think God is really wanting me to see it can be REAL. Praise His Name,
Amanda, Olive Branch, MS; 45, single

 
At February 11, 2010 at 4:01 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Beth, Thank you so much for doing this. I am having a little down time right now in my walk with God. I want to get back on track I can't wait to get started and I know God has great things in store for me. Thanks for your faithfulness to Him and all of us!! I know I don't know you but it feels like I do!! With So much love and thanks for all you do!! God bless you and your wonderful family. This is going to Fun.

 
At February 11, 2010 at 4:16 PM , Blogger Wonder Woman said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At February 11, 2010 at 4:19 PM , Blogger Redeemed said...

1.Recent example? How about this....I am too insecure to even write my journal entry in the front cover of my book! I had to go find another notebook, and the reason is because I'm to afraid someone will see it and think me a PATHETIC LOSER.
2. Thus, the definition resonated with me on several levels. "anxiety about relationships",and are my feelings LEGITIMATE?...Goodness, I have a WONDERFUL family who would never judge me for whatever I wrote in my book (where IS this stuff coming from? I didn't even realize...)

Oh, Beth. I need help. Ugh.

Becky
Owasso OK
40's
HAPPILY MARRIED

 
At February 11, 2010 at 4:19 PM , Blogger Wonder Woman said...

Beth, I am jeolous that you got to spend the time with Maggie from Tyndale. Love her!

Oh, these comments make me want to cry! Ladies, we all need this, if for nothing else, let's face the hard stuff so we can keep from passing it on to our girls. Love that you didicated it to Annabeth.

1) As a mother of a teenage daughter-who has the house where the kids hang out-my old insecurities are hit all the time. The girls always ask me to braid their hair, and when they have their back to me they start talking. (Is this how a hairdresser hears everything?!) These young women tell me about how their moms make them color their hair because it is dull or beg me to not tell their moms that they had a coke or a cookie because they are getting fat. I hold back the tears, because they are beautiful girls! They aren't fat, they are just starting to get their curves and moving from a 0 to a 2! And they don't have dull hair, it is just getting darker and mom is afraid that if their little girl isn't a blondie, then the cat is out of the bag on mom's real color. They are killing these poor girls' confidence. I know this, because it is how mine died. I was 25 when my new husband finally got through to me that he loves my dark hair. He perfers dark hair. I had a hard time wrapping my mind around that after all those years of being made to feel inferior for it. The revelation was great until my hair started turning gray! Back to square one!

When I started letting the gray show, I over night felt like an old woman. Then, one day at church I was watching the screen during the service, when suddenly my family was on the screen. I sat there trying to figure out who was sitting by my husband. When I leaned forward to see who it was and the darkheaded woman on the screen moved too, I started cracking up. IT WAS ME! I didn't recognize myself sitting next to my own husband, in my own clothes, in my own family pew, because I was so insecure about my hair that I had convinced myself that I had gone totally white-headed when in truth I just had a little in the front!

2) I was hit with the thought of the prominent false positive. I am like the other seista, who said hers changes from day to day. Me too! Today mine is money, but tomorrow I may be back to my hair!

God help us all! Please bless this book and help it to change our lives! We need it to, because I don't want to have to move to the convent to leave it all behind. I would really miss my man! (I saw that Oprah, too! Has anyone sent her this book?)

 
At February 11, 2010 at 4:19 PM , Blogger These Are The Days said...

Found you through Southern Hospitality. UPS man dropped the book off about 20 minutes ago! Great timing, can't wait to read along.

 
At February 11, 2010 at 4:20 PM , Blogger Nana's Page said...

1. Each Monday night I lead a small group of women in Bible study. Every Monday night I must beg God to take away the negative words swimming in my head.
2. "Insecurity refers to a profound sense of self-doubt -- a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in this world."

Amen and Amen to Anonymous' prayer of 12:45AM

Karlys
La Place, LA
50's
Married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 4:26 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

To Susan in OKC - Stop off at the store on your way home and buy yourself some roses !! Doesn't matter how many. Fix them up nice and put them in a place you can see them often. And everytime you look at them praise God for the beauty He put in YOU and in them. You are worth it, girl !!!! You can validate yourself.

 
At February 11, 2010 at 4:29 PM , Blogger Laurie said...

Laurie
Peoria (Phoenix), AZ
41 and married

First may I say that I was scared to death to even crack open the book! I think I'm so afraid of seeing myself in the words that Beth wrote! I'm also afraid that God won't answer my prayer to allow this book to impact my life in a HUGE way. Not in a little way - I want it to be HUGE:)!

1) I'm not going to pinpoint a certain situation as my insecurities seem to rear their ugly heads quite frequently. I can say that my insecurities seem to flare more outside of my home (social situations - especially large groups). That's certainly not to say that I don't beat myself up about needing to be a better mother, wife, housekeeper, etc! It seems in ALL areas of my life I don't feel like I "measure up" like I think I should.

2) There are actually 3 parts of the definition that really stand our for me. "a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in the world", "chronic self-consciousness" and "deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate". I'm trying desperately to find my place since my daughter started college this past fall. I continually worry about what other people are (or must be) thinking. And finally, at times I think about those wreckless thoughts that fly through my mind and think to myself, "I'm not even really sure what I think anymore" OR "I'm not sure my thoughts are even remotely rational".

 
At February 11, 2010 at 4:31 PM , Blogger Unknown said...

amen

 
At February 11, 2010 at 4:38 PM , Blogger Laurie said...

Dear Becky from Owasso, OK -

I'm hoping it will make you feel better to know that I couldn't bring myself to write my journal note in the front of my book either:)! I did write it but on a piece of paper that I can put somewhere under lock and key!

 
At February 11, 2010 at 4:41 PM , Blogger Rhonda said...

Late roll call

Rhonda
Winston-Salem, NC
40's
happily married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 4:53 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mary in MN 45 years old & single says: My insecurity rears it's ugly head every time I deal with my family. My parent's adopted me as a baby and they are no longer with us. My brother's and sisters who were not adopted make it clear every chance they get that I am not part of the family. It can make a girl feel so worthless..

 
At February 11, 2010 at 5:04 PM , Anonymous Lisa said...

Ok..I already posted something but I had to share something FUNNY with all of you, since we are all struggling so much...Insecurity= Now I just turned 40 on Jan 16th and my hubby suprised me by taking me overnight somewhere special.So...as soon as we are in the room with all the flowers..I begin to try and "show" him how much it meant to me.It was supposed to be like in the movies...where you fall gracefully onto the bed and pull him toward you. Yeah right...I tripped stepping backwards and fell onto the bedpost and fractured my ribs! There was a mirror right there by me and I am now laying on the ground in agony, unable to breahte, and dont know if I am crying from the pain..or from what I look like at 40yrs old now! Can you imagine? Thank God my hubby was kind to me that night and got me to the ER...then I wondered..what could they be thinking of me? Insecurity at its best! Whats funny is.. I work out in order to feel better about myself...now I CANT! So its as if God said.."You cant work out for 2 months at least and here is Beth's book....sit down and READ it!" God bless all of you...and my prayers are with you Kay.

 
At February 11, 2010 at 5:06 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

1. feeling as if I should know something that I don't. Somehow I feel pressure to be the best at things. My perfectionist tendency is that when I feel inferior, I become extremely insecure, fearful and angry. It stems from unrealistic expectations of myself. This paralyzes me in ministry.
2. that I am an accomplice in my own misery. I've recognized self-sabotage in my life but I thought it was self-hatred, not insecurity. I wonder if self hatred and insecurity are BFFs.

 
At February 11, 2010 at 5:08 PM , Blogger April Nicole said...

April, 28, Single, CT

A song for all the sanguine's out there who need a jam to make this message deeper would be:
Something Beautiful by Needtobreathe - it spoke to me today.

I last felt insecure this morning. I would not say insecurity controls my life, but it definitely affects every part of it. It affects me most via self-doubt. There are times I wonder why in the world God takes time to use me at all? I just feel so unworthy of all He stands to give us. Thankfully, I know His truths. I am able to make a Scriptural smoothie that helps me make it through the day. I am able to experience His blessings. I am able on most days to put on the full armor and walk right out the door confident to do the work God has set before me. Yet, on days like today, there is that one dim part of my armor that doesn’t shine to the glory of God. Do I feel the world can see it? No – not always. My insecurities lie beneath my shiny armor. And there are days where they wreak havoc. Today, for instance, I felt incapable of doing the work God has before me. It’s awful really. I know I am equipped and given all that I need to do the tasks He has set before me. Yet, the doubt sometimes lingers.

As a result, the part of the definition I most relate to is Beth’s “self-sabotage.” Though I see clearly that I also struggle with unrealistic expectations in relationships, sabotage wins here. God has revealed to me today that I am my own worst enemy. Mixed that on occasion with a little spiritual warfare and my ship could be easily sunk.

I am ready to change that. How about you?

 
At February 11, 2010 at 5:12 PM , Blogger Tammy B. said...

Hi, My name is Tammy B. I am from Va. I'm in my 40's and married. I just wanted to thank you Beth for addressing this subject. Though I am blessed beyond measure, I do deal with some insecurities that I know keep me in chains. I know God is able to free me and am excited to be involved with this experience.

 
At February 11, 2010 at 5:29 PM , Blogger Mischelle said...

Hello my new "Siesta's" in the Lord! Well, I am still waiting to receive my book in the mail. I am really excited about all of this! Can't wait too crack the cover and get started! I just wanted to wish Julie jgirlsjourney a very Happy Birthday! We share the same day! Well, Beth, I am also doing your Jesus The One And Only Study with my local church. This is the first study I have done of yours. I must say that you are very insightful and a "hoot"! I really loved the "letter" from your grandmother. LOL! :0)! Thanks so much for your commitment and love for all of the women in our world. God bless you always,
Mischelle
Greater Nashville, TN (area)
46 today
Divorced

 
At February 11, 2010 at 5:32 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Susan
San Antonio
50's
Can't wait to get started--a group of good friends are doing this with all of you.

God Bless all of us! To Him be the Glory!

 
At February 11, 2010 at 5:33 PM , Blogger Anna Mitchell said...

Anna
Texas
30-ish & married.

1. I experienced my most recent blow-me-over kinda insecurity several weeks ago. I was not included in something some of the girls from my church were doing and the feeling of rejection stung all the way through. I'm still tyring to get over it.

2. Here's what I highlighted from the definition of insecurity that spoke directly to me "...self doubt- a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and place in the world....lack of confidence...anxiety about our relationships." Yikes! Did you see my picture beside that definition when you looked it up, Mrs. Beth?!

 
At February 11, 2010 at 5:52 PM , Blogger pat c said...

so Long insecurity going back to my childhood when girls were considered second class citizens. My father who is still alive still believes that females cannot do anything right.

50's married live in PA

 
At February 11, 2010 at 6:02 PM , Blogger Mischelle said...

Dear Al, I just read your post and I wanted to tell you do not accept those LIES! The only Truth that we can ever accept is from Jesus and what He has to say to us about ourselves. I know it is hard not to believe what you are being told on a daily basis by those who say they "love" you, but remember that is not love and that those who are saying those horrible things to us are in all actuality insecure themselves and even more so. At least we see our insecurities and are doing something about them. Lord Jesus, I ask that You reveal to Al how You see her and how valuable she is. I ask that You give her a deaf ear, soul, and spirit to those words which are contrary to how You see her. Wrap Your loving arms around her and always let her feel Your sweet prescence. In Your Name, Amen

Mischelle
Greater Nashville, TN (area)
46
Divorced

 
At February 11, 2010 at 6:06 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

1. Without a doubt the Siesta SMT Celebration.While others were wanting to meet you and have their picture taken with you. I had my own plan, to locate the nearest exits at the end of the meetings. I knew that if we met you would have thought, "that is a women that needs help". In spite of all that...mighty glad that I was apart of it!

2.The part of insecurity that resonated most with me is self-doubt and constant fear of rejection. Since I was a child, I dreamed of being married and having children. For some reason, God has not allowed this to happen in my life.It rips a hole in me that I just can't explain. I know that it has been a great obstacle in my walk with the Lord.Not only do I feel self-doubt that I'm not worthy of anyones love, but I feel that God has somehow rejected me as well. Society is constantly there to remind me that being married and having children is a special gift from God. I always thought,"where does that leave me?"

 
At February 11, 2010 at 6:17 PM , Blogger Miss Debbie said...

Father God,
Thank you for this opportunity I have been given to look at my insecurity issues and to come away from this book changed. Thank you for using Beth and her life in so many lives of women here. I pray that you would give me understanding and wisdom about all the ways the enemy wants to sabotage my life and that I would daily put on my royal robe and from my heart say to you, "I love you too Lord"
I pray for that soul-deep security and the faith to believe I can have it. Help me look always to you for your opinion and assurance of me in every situation. Lord to find myself acceptable, favored, chosen, beautiful and set apart for you is the cry of my heart. Teach me to live as a beloved child of the Most High GOD, and help me to teach that to others. I love you with all my heart, mind, soul, body and strength. In Jesus Precious Name, AMEN.

 
At February 11, 2010 at 6:18 PM , Anonymous GAredeemedsheepgirl said...

1. Since we've had a cold winter I thought it was time to get some boots. It took way too long to decide on a pair and then when I got ready to wear them I fretted they didn't look just right, maybe I made the wrong choice and maybe I shouldn't wear them. That is sick isn't it!
2. So it's obvious from #1 that I identify most with "...a deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate."
Lawrenceville GA
50's
Married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 6:20 PM , Anonymous April S. said...

1) Actually it was today. I have a disabled child and had an awesome miracle of healing happen on his heart. Since it has been about two years since his last follow-up appt. it could have happened anytime since then to this week. I held back from calling another friend who has a disabled child for fear of making her feel insecure or bad about her son not being healed. I think I transferred maybe how I might have felt if the tables were turned and put them on her. OMGosh!! In some sick way I think that is insecurity at its worst!! I talked to her today about it and she was so joyful for us and for my son. How could I ever think she would feel otherwise!!

2)Okay suffice it to say that I am one insecure chick because the whole definition just nailed me to the wall!!! I'm not just A, B, C, or D, I am, all of the above!!!

Praise God that with God's help I have discovered what I believe to be my biggest root insecurity. That is for another post! Praise God for his direction and mercy!!

April S.
Port Orchard

 
At February 11, 2010 at 6:29 PM , Blogger Traci said...

I recently had an issue with some being excluded from a group of friends... really good friends. Of course my first reaction was "what is wrong with me that they would do this"(hormones didn't help either:) Thankfully I had a conversation with one of those friends that was very enlightening and encouraging. The next day she gave me and another friend this book and we are all three reading it and working through it together.

 
At February 11, 2010 at 6:30 PM , Blogger Michelle said...

Q1. At a baby shower this weekend. Comparing and feeling insecure about the place they are in their life vs. where the other women are at. Married vs. not, has kids vs. not yet. etc. Also comparing/competition with what their children are doing or are not doing compared to the children of the same age group.

Q2. I resonate with the unrealistic expectations aspect. The light just turned on for me that I was spoiled for a season in my life, which caused me to believe I had worked on my insecurity about worrying about what other people think of me or if they like me or not. I grew up in Michigan, moved down South (GA and FL) where I found Christ and grew in my relationship with Him. God moved me back to MI, where he led me to my wonderful husband and daughter. Since I’ve been home I’ve struggled with being insecure around new women I have met that are my same age. I’ve been anxious which has decreased my ability to be used by God. I realized that when I was down South I had so many women give me verbal affirmation and I built so many great relationships. However, now that I’m back in MI women do not seem to give much verbal affirmation and seem to be more competitive. I always find myself very bothered by not knowing where I stand with them! However, I feel very secure around women who are older than me. Again, I’ve noticed it is because they do give verbal affirmation.

Michelle
30’s
Married with a one year old
Never participated on a blog before

 
At February 11, 2010 at 6:33 PM , Blogger donna said...

#1. most recently , today actually i had to talk with another bible study group about an upcoming event and sell tickets. When i got up to speak i felt like there was no response, like i was bothering them and taking up too much of their time. This event in no way has anything to do with me and yet i felt very much insecure, that it was against me personally. As i walked out of the room and was a little flustered i started to chuckle to myself thinking good thing i'm reading this book on Insecurity :) and had to get past the response and realize that it wasn't against me personally.
#2 . "Deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate"... that hit close to home for me !

 
At February 11, 2010 at 6:35 PM , Blogger Kelly said...

Kelly, Married, 50's, Tacoma, WA
l. the last time I felt insecurity was this morning...when walking at an indoor mall next to work before work for exercise with some co-workers..they were walking way faster than I could keep up with (I've recently been diagnosed with advanced arthritis in my hips)..I told them just to go ahead as I couldn't walk as fast as they could..they did...and I felt rejected because I couldn't keep up...
2. I think for me the self-doubt and rejection are huge..for example,at church in a room full of women at a women's event, I often-times feel lonely that no one really wants to be a close friend & sit with me. Yet I know when I have tried to reach out to someone else, more often than not it goes well. The things I play in my head though can be crippling!

 
At February 11, 2010 at 6:38 PM , Blogger Traci said...

Chapt 2. The definition of insecurity I can most relate to is "anxiety about relationships, fear of rejection, feelings of uncertainty about whether my feelings and desires are legitimate. Of course the later can change day to day depending on the state of mind I am in and changes in hormones. This book is giving me a better understanding and so encouraging to know many (most) other woman struggle with the same.
Traci
40's
Married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 6:48 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

1. The last time I was smacked with insecurity? When coworkers were laughing and stopped when I walked up. I jumped to a conclusion that they were laughing about me. Yikes.

2. Many parts resonated deep in my soul. One that truly did was living in fear of rejection. I can see where insecurity that has been growing since I was in my early teens has caused me to put up walls to keep from being hurt again.

Thanks Beth for allowing us to do this together. Knowing that I am going on this journey with so many seeking, wonderful women makes it easier for me to not be scared to confront what needs to be confronted. Bless you and your family!

Melissa in Kentucky

 
At February 11, 2010 at 7:07 PM , Blogger kat said...

Ok I have been going to counseling now at my home church for a month or so to work and heal a lot of things from my past. so far this is what i have learned about myself i have 2 core fears and problems and 1 of them is insecurity. So I left my session with my counselor yesterday and went to the book store to ease my thoughts before going home. I was looking around and there your book was. Wow like it was calling my name. My insecurities stem for having an abusive parent and I am trying to let that all go. So I have started reading your book and just would like to thank you in advance for writing this to help all women!!!!

 
At February 11, 2010 at 7:09 PM , Blogger Michelle said...

1. I see the struggle with insecurity anywhere and everywhere: at church, the grocery store, on tv, in restaurants. Recently, I overheard three high school girls lamenting over their weight. All three looked trim and slim to me. One girl said with a sigh, “If I could just weigh 120, I would be happy.” It really made me sad (maybe because I haven’t weighed 120 since the 4th grade, haha!), but I see myself in those girls. And it’s not just about weight/physical appearances. I am currently in grad school, and I often compare myself to my classmates . . . and come up lacking. If I hear that some friends got together and I wasn’t invited, I immediately wonder if they like me anymore and try to figure out why they didn’t invite me. In my family, both of my siblings (one older, and one younger) got married within the past 18 months. At Thanksgiving this year, the married couples got the three bedrooms at my parents’ house. Guess where I - the lone single - got to sleep? The heater-less storage closet at the other end of the house! I truly am ok with my singleness most of the time, but I came home from Thanksgiving and cried for a day. I felt overlooked, left out, and lonely, and wondered if I needed to get married just to feel included in my family again. I laugh about it now and think the fact that I had to sleep in the storage closet (which my mom really did try to make somewhat sleepable) is hilarious, but at the time, it hurt me deeply and made me feel like something was very much wrong with me . . . and that my own family thought so, too.

2. The part of the definition that struck me most: “Insecurity is associated with a chronic self-consciousness . . .” Oooooh, does that truth hurt! But more often than not, I make it all about me: if people are looking at me, if they’re not looking at me, what they think about me, if they like me, if they’re annoyed by me, etc., etc., etc.

Clearly, I need to wrestle with insecurity, and I'm so glad to be doing it with all you thousands of Siesta Sisters and our overcoming Lord!
Michelle in TN
30s and single

 
At February 11, 2010 at 7:12 PM , Blogger kat said...

Ok I have been going to counseling now at my home church for a month or so to work and heal a lot of things from my past. so far this is what i have learned about myself i have 2 core fears and problems and 1 of them is insecurity. So I left my session with my counselor yesterday and went to the book store to ease my thoughts before going home. I was looking around and there your book was. Wow like it was calling my name. My insecurities stem for having an abusive parent and I am trying to let that all go. So I have started reading your book and just would like to thank you in advance for writing this to help all women!!!!

 
At February 11, 2010 at 7:15 PM , Blogger Yvonne said...

1. As the teacher of middle school students, I see it in my female students, even at this early age. Just today I was in the restroom while several of them hovered around the mirrow, each trying to fix some flaw (that I did not even see) so worried that someone had seen the smudge, streak ....you name it. I realized they were not all the different from me. I too worry what people think about the way I look, what I am wearing, how I am doing my job, if I'm doing my best for my sons or husband. I am insecure to the core.

2. self-doubt; deep feeling of uncertainty about my basic worth; chronic self-consciousness; constant fear of rejection. As you can see from my list, almost the entire definition describes me.

So thankful for this book and the opportunity to share and grow with other sisters in Christ.

Yvonne
Louisville, KY
40's
Married

 
At February 11, 2010 at 7:17 PM , Anonymous Pam said...

Pam
Haslet, TX
50's
Married
I'm so excited to embark on this adventure in anticipation of what is going to do on April 24th.

 
At February 11, 2010 at 7:26 PM , Blogger Vicki said...

Beth I met you this morning in the Franklin LifeWay, and I just need you to know how much meeting you meant to me. You have blessed my life so much and brought the Spirit of the Lord to me in a way I wouldn't have thought an earthly person could have. Of course, I was just a bumbling fool when I saw you and said none of this, but you were completely gracious and even posed for a photo.

Thank you for getting 'it', even when some of us can't even form the words.

Love you Beth!
Vicki in Tennessee

 
At February 11, 2010 at 7:35 PM , Anonymous Ellen Y said...

1.)When was the last time you came face-to-face with our gender’s massive struggle with insecurity? Describe the setting.

Today I saw a preview of an episode of the Tyra Banks Show. It featured a few women who have battled a life-long fight with insecurity due to their looks, whether it was her smile, her weight, or her hair. These women felt very uncomfortable with their appearance, and you could sense the pain and unease within themselves. The sad part is I can't say that I haven't been in their shoes. I know exactly what it is like to feel uncomfortable in my own skin because of insecurities due to my physical appearance. I have struggled with being overweight my whole life and while I am committed to leading a healthier lifestyle, it is something that has always caused insecurity within me.

2.)This question is based on Chapter Two: what part of the definition or description of insecurity resonated most with you and why?

The words constant fear of rejection and deep sense of whether her feelings are legitimate speak to me. These are two things that have held me back from embracing opportunities God has blessed me with. Now I'll never know what could have been, because I was too scared. Also when the definition describes insecure people as being the cause of their own misery alarms me, because I know that it is true-yet I keep doing this to myself.

 
At February 11, 2010 at 7:39 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Beckie; Peoria, IL; married; 40's
1) When I faced the reality this week that I have a person in my life that I care about, but I could disappear from her life and she would never even notice I was gone. It made me face my insecurity w/the relationship and cause me to wonder why at this point in my life I would even desire it. It highlighted my struggle with my self-worth to me.
2) So in light of that incident the definition that resonated throughout my entire being was"...a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in the world...constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate."

 
At February 11, 2010 at 7:41 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Candace
33yrs
East TN

1. The most memorable insecurity moment for me in recent weeks has been our Tuesday morning ladies Bible study. There. I said it outloud. Each week when I walk in I think silly little thoughts like, "no one likes me." or "no one wants me here." or "what am I thinking trying to be a LEADER at something like this?!?!" sheesh.

2. This is where my highlighter went a little crazy. Here are the characteristics that resonated most with me:

*sense of self-doubt
*a deep feeling of uncertainty
*chronic self-consciousness
*lack of confidence
*anxiety about relationships (ding, ding, this one is MAJOR)
*harbors unrealistic expectations about love and relationships
*frequently and easily hurt

I wrote more on my blog about these first 2 chapters and how perfectly timed it is with our study of Breaking Free right now.
http://candacemercyisnew.blogspot.com/2010/02/so-long-insecurity-week-one.html

THANK YOU Beth and everyone else...what a perfectly timed gift from God.

 
At February 11, 2010 at 7:43 PM , Blogger Kristib said...

Thank you for writing this book siesta mama and sharing your life with us!

May our Lord and Savior richly bless you as you fulfill His plan to richly serve!

Much love!

 
At February 11, 2010 at 8:05 PM , Blogger Linda said...

1) That would be today at my annual "well woman" exam. No need to explain any further. :)
2) chronic self-consciousness and unrealistic expectations about love and relationships

 
At February 11, 2010 at 8:11 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I really with our library would get it soon. So pathetic I can't afford it a book right now.

 

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