Lending Your Priceless Insight
Hey, You Darling Siestas! (*Precious Ones, comments now closed on this entry because the number got so great that I would have more than I could read. I am profoundly moved and prayerful over what has been shared and will write back to you soon about it. You have given me tremendous insight and I pray the gracious and powerful ministry of Christ Jesus all over you. I have been where many of you are. Our God reigns, Dear Sisters! Do not lose heart because you cannot lose Jesus. This is what He came for. Isaiah 61:1-4)
Before I tell you what this post is about, I want to tell you something that tendered my heart then brag on you and encourage you. I so enjoyed the Titus post and all your comments! AJ and I had talked about what a fun post it could be and it was! She and I, like many of you, also had a sharp pain go through our hearts that some of our single siestas either felt left out of it or, or worse yet, like losers because of it. When I posted their comments (AJ was on a roadtrip so I moderated many of them), I kept a very careful eye on the communication that unfolded. I watched you respond to one another and minister to one another. I saw the Body of Christ at work. I was so thankful.
You know, Siestas, we don't always know how to say the right thing and sometimes our comments may even seem thoughtless or inconsiderate, but I am convinced that our hearts in this blog community truly are to love one another and encourage each other. We want and need the diversity and have so much to learn from one another. Now, I'm grabbing my megaphone and yelling this part really loudly: WE WANT YOU SINGLE SIESTAS IN THIS COMMUNITY! FIGHT FOR YOUR SPOT! KEEP YOUR COMMENTS COMING! KEEP REMINDING YOUR MARRIED SISTERS THAT YOU ARE THERE! WE ARE THE BETTER FOR YOUR INFLUENCE! WE NEED YOU!
Sometimes the blog posts will be blatantly family-oriented because it's sponsored by a mother and daughter team. It's just a way we share the personal side of our lives with you and that's what makes the blog stream unique to everything else we do here at Living Proof Ministries. This blog is the friend, mom, and sister side of what we could offer, God willing. It's partially meant to be a big fat celebration of Girl World. Nothing could be more appropriate in a world system so demeaning to women than to rejoice in the dignity Christ won for us. Sometimes we just want to make you laugh because we love to laugh. Other times we want to share with you what made us cry. Blatantly above all and through all, however, our highest and hottest passion is to encourage fellow sojourners of all kinds to live fully and freely the life Jesus Christ offers...and to offer a little practical help with implementing His explosive power. We love you so much and we're so honored to be your servant. Your friend. Your sister. Your mom. Even your Mama Beth. Don't mind a bit. As my grandmother used to say, I could mother a fence post. Love it.
NOW, on to what I'm requesting from some of you. Your input was priceless to me in the Esther series and I'm betting you could really lend some insight now. As you know, I am now working on revising the series "Breaking Free" and will be attending to it for months to come. Here are my two questions and I'd like those who feel compelled to respond to answer them ANONYMOUSLY and by including the numbers "1)" and "2)" so they'll be easier for me to read (you don't need to include the questions):
Please note: ALL COMMENTS NEED TO BE ANONYMOUS THIS TIME IF THEY'RE IN RESPONSE TO THESE QUESTIONS. PLEASE DO NOT ATTACH YOUR BLOGGER NAME OR PERSONAL NAME. PLEASE ALSO KEEP IN MIND THAT YOUR WILLINGNESS TO COMMENT IS ALSO YOUR PERMISSION FOR ME TO QUOTE FROM IT IF IT MIGHT BE HELPFUL IN THE STUDY. KEEPING THEM ANONYMOUS IS CRUCIAL TO THAT FREEDOM. PLEASE KEEP YOUR ANSWERS SUCCINCT. NO LONGER THAN TWO EASY TO READ BRIEF PARAGRAPHS SO THAT I CAN READ THEM. THANK YOU!
1) What one thing threatens you most with bondage? Try to be specific. If your answer is intimate in nature, then use code language. I'll get what you're trying to say.
2) What is your biggest obstacle to living freely and fully in Christ? (Please don't give the answer you think you're supposed to give. Really share what you think holds you back.)
Thank you for your help, Siestas! Please don't feel like you have to comment. Only comment if you really have something to share about bondage and your biggest obstacle to freedom. You'll know if it's not that big a deal to you or you really have to think about it that you'll want to leave the room to another Siesta this time. I AM CRAZY ABOUT EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU!
PS. No time to proofread this time! Sorry for inevitable mistakes!
Labels: Beth, Bible study
posted by Beth @ 10:09 AM
525 Comments
525 Comments:
1.Feeling as if I'm not "good enough" in my marriage, as a Mom, as a friend, in ministry and as a Christian
2. My thought life when I am in a destructive cylce.
1) Overindulgence---especially food and being overweight, but overindulgence in other things - shopping, books, magazines...hmmm..need me some self-control from Him!
2) Feeling unworthy and not even spending time with Him. I feel so unworthy and neglectful of my Lord and Savior and the enemy gets me in the place where I let every distraction take over before I will take time with my God. I feel like a hypocrit because I want to pray and study every day, but I rarely do. Yet, people think I do.
Beth,
Can I just answer number two?
I think I will and if you don't want to post mine, that is ok.
2.
My biggest obstacle to living freely and fully in Christ is fear. Selfish fear to be exact. What will I have to give up? What will be expected of me? What will change in my life for the worse (as I would see it not as my precious Lord would)! Will I be embarrassed or made fun of?
It is almost embarrassing to post that, knowing all He did for me. I am so unworthy but so grateful He loves me anyway!
1. Fear is probably the biggest stronghold. Usually fear of something happening to my family, most often my child. I had no idea this was even present until recently when the Lord opened my eyes to it.
2. Also fear that He will require something from me that I want to hold on to. even though i "know" that He will take care of it.
1. I would have to say pleasure, and feeling good. I struggle with laziness and wasting time on computer and tv because it's what I feel like doing; or eating food when I'm not hungry simply because it tastes good. Thinking about things I want to buy, because they would make me happy, etc. I struggle with wanting to feel good, happy, satisfied from things, not from God himself.
2.biggest obstacle is lack of self discipline. Getting out of the rut of just existing to truly living. I know how to do it, I have the knowledge... but the attitudes of the world are entincing. It's a constant pull.
1) Selfish focus on my body: I swing from impulsive, unhealthy overeating to strict, unhealthy dieting because I want to look "just so."
2) Myself: My selfish focus on myself is what truly holds me back from leading a free, wholehearted, sold-out life in Christ.
Oh, I am so sorry our sweet single siestas feel left out when they have SO MUCH to contribute!! You single girls are terrific and I'm with Beth -- I don't think anyone on this blog ever wants you to feel left out!!
Please don't disappear from here. Although I have a great family, there is an area of ministry I want in my life so much that God has taken away. I have learned to love and rejoice in those who perform that ministry and, thankfully, I am no longer jealous of them but I am exposed to it every single Sunday. So, just a tiny bit I relate to that "left out" feeling. I pray God will work in your hearts so you rejoice in the family things on this blog and don't feel left out. I pray He will give you something special every time you feel left out and also that He will always give you words to contribute here for those of us who are not single.
You may be the very reason we become more sensitive to single ladies in our churches and neighborhoods!
1. The feeling that I have no control or power in my life will send me back into my biggest stronghold of eating disorder and excessive exercise. I fight these two extremes spiritually, even though most people believe I am just a health and fitness nut. I work full time, my husband works full time, volunteers at church 20 hours a week, and is a full time college student with a ministry internship. He volunteers at the rescue mission one afternoon a week. We have 5 teenagers, one middle school, three high school, one in college. Run aways, date rape, drugs and 4 car accidents, (not all their faults) just to give you a small taste of the last six months. The lack of control I have in these areas drives me to control other areas, and satan really can do a number on me. The scary thing is the return or the want to return to this bondage, and the threat is never feeling like I have totally conquered it.
2. I don’t feel I am worth his love and freedom. I think my past makes me deserve the bondage and the trials. I have taken your Breaking Free and When Godly People studies, and they are truly liberating. I just slide back because my Baptist guilt doesn’t allow me feel I can be free.
1. My mind is constantly struggling with a fantasy that includes women, even though NEVER have I even felt like that. It comes everytime I turn around. Because of its nature I have not shared it with anyone, because what do you do with that?
2. My biggest obstacle is that I feel like I can't get my feet to stay on the right path no matter how I try. (Lord heavens, now I'm crying at work.) The only thing that keeps me going is I'm better than I use to be, but I so much want to be better.
1. The shame of sexual sin. It happened when I was a child with another very close family member that was also a child. I have never told another living soul, only God knows, I have repented and I know He has forgiven me. But I have been so ashamed all my life about this and it is too ugly to share with people. Only God can handle it, however I feel freedom that I just wrote it.
2. Not being able to forgive myself. He has forgiven me now I have to forgive myself.
Thank you Beth for the opportunity to share this anonymously. I feel a burden has lifted from me.
1. So glad you asked. Last year (07) I went through the BF series twice. Once as a study, then lead it for a group. I was so gung ho trying to break free from eating food that I knew was not good for my body. Trying to take a more balanced approach. Even started walking. All hell broke loose in my body. I now have raging asthma and more fatigue. Can't do the things that make the lungs worse. Two steps forward, 35 back. Needless to say, I have found comfort in my friend "brownie" now and then...something I was determined to never do again. I do trust that God is up to something good in my body, but I have to admit that I am feeling whipped. Spent. Defeated. Again. If you could see me, you'd see the tears. This persevering thing is dang hard.
1. I am living in a marriage that is COMPLETELY without physical intimacy. He doesn't want it and is not willing to work on it.
2. What I want from God (children) I cannot have because of #1. My barrier is that I am having trouble trusting Him because I can't see where He is working in this situation.
1. i work in a field where all i see are women who are hurt and/or killed. So, fear and anger seem to appear and reappear...
2. the reoccurring thought that God is actually disappointed in me...
Shame. It has been such a constant in my life that the enemy tries to send me back there constantly. I have dealt with so much and been freed from so much but the enemy knows all of my weak spots. Currently he seems to be attacking with same sex attraction and while he has not been successful in causing me to sin in this area. I am realizing it has been enough to steal my joy. I am a very happily married 42yr old woman with wonderful children. But due to abuses in my past and not having really addressed that specifically, mainly due to the shame of it, that is where I am currently being attacked (where did I put that counselors number?!)
2)The main thing that keeps me in bongade is fear. Fear of rejection and fear that I'll fail God, I don't have a great track record (although the last couple of years have held huge blessings and breakthroughs for me) I literally get this gripping fear in my heart that I can feel physically. I have to pray against it almost daily.
1) My main problem is being overly responsible for everyone and everything. I have spent my entire life trying to keep everyone around me happy, taken care of, and successful. If these things weren't happening or if someone that I love is in trouble I carry that burden as if it is my own. So on top of carrying THAT burden I have also lived in fear of what was coming when things are going well. Major fear, like waking up in the middle of the night and thinking that my child would drown while visiting my mom who has a pool.
2) My biggest obstacle is really myself. If I am lazy and don't spend a VERY regular time with Jesus, in His Word and praying my burden and fear become too much to live with. I MUST daily wash myself with the Word and pray, then remember God's word to me through out the day as things pop up or into my head. This is not an "answer I think I should give" I have found this to be my freedom, sometimes minute by minute. I need His Word to dominate the lies that my heart whispers to my mind. I would literally be in bed hiding away from the world if I don't stay in the Word. I have every single scripture about fear and burden written on post it notes that I carry in my purse so I can read them at any time.
1. I am most threatened by my desire for others' approval. God delivered me out of this pit at one of your conferences last year! (PRAISE HIS NAME!) But I still feel the pull to base my identity and decisions on what others may think. It's an ongoing struggle.
2. I think my biggest obstacle to living freely and fully in Christ is my laziness when it comes to my relationship with Him. I make all sorts of excuses - my children, my homeschooling, my tiredness - but I think it really boils down to laziness. (Wow, that's ugly!) I pray that Christ in me would overcome my lack of discipline in spending time with Him!
1)PRIDE - especially with certain people--I think I see myself in some of the things I like to critize them for--it's easier to put them down than to deal with it in my own heart. Sometimes I feel so mean. God is really convicting me about this bondage in my life.
2)PRIDE - I am trying to memorize Psalm 10:4--if I'm filled with pride I leave no room for God--how convicting!
1. The Spirit of Slavery and every lie it tells. At first the lies can sound like conviction and the more you listen the deeper you get.
2. Listening to the Spirit of Adoption. Sometimes, especially when you are on the verge of a breakthrough, the other voice is so loud that it drowns out the One you are supposed to be listening to.
1- not being liked.
2-unbelief- that God loves me and not just tolerates me
1) The biggest area of bondage in my life is food. I was addicted to food throughout high school and college, and while I have been freed from that addiction, I still struggle every day.
2) The biggest obstacle to that freedom was thinking I can do it on my own, and not seeking God on my knees every time I have a temptation.
Hope that helps!!
1. insecurity... My entire path things have tried to silence me by chipping away at my self worth. Each time I fail I find a way to see how it was all my fault, and how this is it. I'll never really rise above. I know it's all lies, but it can wrap you up faster than you can unravel the lie. In a lot of ways it makes me really settle for a lot less than God has for me
#2 Me!! I am the biggest obstacle. I know so much about God in my head, and I can give my friends all the encourgement they can handle, but I dont work it out for me. I get defeated, I stay in the pit, I feel sorry for myself, I settle, I hide from life, I go inward, and retreat. I dont choose to believe Gods promises for my own life.
#1--At this season of my life (the dreaded 5-0), Satan seems to most want to trip me up in the area of personal relationships. If he can get me irritated and totally focused on some slight or fault of my church family, especially the pastors and their families, he stands the best chance of sidetracking me!
#2 Lack of discipline and time management for Bible study and PRAYER! Without a doubt!
1-not being liked
2-unbelief-that God loves me and doesn't just tolerate me.
1. DH has twice in our 12 yr marriage (that I know of) has viewed pornography on the internet and has had conversations with both sexes. I have struggled and can't seem to shake no matter how hard I try the fear that he will go back to it and that one day I may wake up and he wants out.
2. My inability to trust that God loves me no matter what. And that He will never let me down. I struggle with that daily. I long to have the relationship with Jesus that you do. I want to feel secure in the FACT that He loves me and that when I die I will go to spend eternity with Him. (yes, I have been saved since 93)
I must respond.
1. The one thing that threatens me with bondage is feeling unloved coupled with the feeling that even if I'm loved, it will not last.
2. The biggest obstacle I face probably points back to my #1 answer. I find that I cannot forget the mistakes I have made in the past. To make matters worse, my husband cannot seem to fully forgive me for those mistakes as well. (I was involved in an intimate relationship before I met my husband. I found forgiveness in Christ, but never confessed this failure to my husband until it came to light 13 years into our marriage. I know -- Idiot Girl!) I still wonder if I am going to be rejected because I don't measure up to the woman he thought he married. No amount of sincere devotion to God, service or love seems to convince me that he (my husband or maybe even God for that matter) doesn't still look at me and see my sin.
1- not being liked
2- unbelief-that God loves me and doesn't just tolerate me.
My dear Beth. Thanks so much for your sweet words of love. I'm not sure these answers are in the right order, but both are relatd to the same thing for me. I've never discussed this with anyone, so the words coming out scare me and break my heart.
1) I broke my marriage vows, with a married man. We are now married to each other.
2) I now face the guilt every day of my life. I live with him. I know God has loved me through this, and I'm growing closer to Him every day, but feel like I cannot truly serve him because of the sins of the past. I don't feel that I can be a useful servant in church because I am not worthy. My actions have ruined my witness, my testimony for Christ. I know the Bible is full of people who messed up, and God still loved them and brought them back after repentance, and still used them in big ways, but I am so ashamed. I feel God's love, study his word, have comitted my life to Him like never before, but can't get past the shame.
1) Food. I constantly struggle with going to food instead of God. This has been a struggle for years. Dieting only keeps the focus on the food. I know I need to focus solely on God but it is a constant battle.
2) Overcommitment
1) Escaping myself and my own mind and turning over all those "self-thoughts" to Jesus instead.
2) I struggle w/ OCD in which I obsessively worry about my health. I'm a young woman w/ 2 small boys and this problem really took off after I had my 2nd. I think I actually am worrying about them so much and about different elements of life but I don't know how to process that so I obsess that something's wrong w/ me here or there. It manifests itself in anxiousness which I detest. So, my struggle with this issue is my biggest obstacle. I do well outwardly, but it's a continuous struggle in me (that, yes, has gotten better b/c of medicine).
1. Money issues. Being single and living with my parents. Not being able to support myself because I am 31 and know that I don't have 30 more years with my parents. That I will end up a lonely old woman and that I am what people said I am.
2. Myself. From a young age, I was told I was not beautiful, too fat, and too fat for a man. I have lived like a victim ever since. My head tells me its a lie, but I still make choices everyday that reflect how I "feel" about myself.
1)(Beth, you might want to restate the question...i wasn't sure if you were asking me what i struggle with or what you meant. i think that's what you meant, so that's how i'll answer and since it's anonymous, i can't be embarrassed if i'm wrong. i am an almost 28 year old single woman. never married, barely ever been kissed. because on the exterior, i am a church-girl. i'm "pure". i attended a Christian college, work for a church, teach your studies, have plans to attend seminary in about a year. i'm a virgin, and plan to wait until i'm married to have sex. but i am sad to say, i don't have to wait until my wedding night to at least half way understand the feelings of pleasure that await me in marriage. about 4 years ago, i was in bondage to internet erotic literature. i'm a girl, so pictures didn't really do it for me. but, the fantasy of reading about it was a high...so very unlike my Most High. in that season of my life, which is over and freed, i was also bound to acting out with self gratification. all this while, working for a church, living a lie, falsely serving my King. God spoke to me through you at the simulcast on Psalm 126 a couple of years ago. that weekend, i submerged my laptop in the kitchen sink. destroyed my access to my sin. and for the most part, have walked freely since. I still struggle. I still am tempted. i still give in. but, i am not mastered by it. my sin does not define me.
i have also struggled fiercely with a bondage to food. once the previous sin was dealt with and about 6 months had passed, God began working on my heart in regards to my idol of food, feeling full, not being able to get enough, drowning my loneliness (being unattactive and overweight prolonging my singleness!). I finally came to the end of myself, and surrendered everything to Him, guided by a book called Thin Within by Arthur and Judy Halliday. In well less than a year's time, i lost 60 pounds effortlessly...simply because i lived to honor Jesus with my entire being. I then kept it off for about a year and have recently gained almost 30 pounds back. i know i need to surrender it again,lay it down and walk away and i know He is trustworthy... i know my Believing God shield of faith, but something blocks me from living out of that glorious abundance of joy, faith, life in Christ. what is it? hhmmm...
2)i know it's the enemy feeding me lies. and when i am not embracing the disciplines of spending daily time with God, being open and vulnerable with Him in prayer, and choosing "Life", i hear the lies of the enemy greater than the still small voice. that's the strange thing. it's still, it's small, it's quiet... yet, isn't it also sometimes the loudest, most monotonous thing we've ever heard? so, really, what holds me back? fear... fear of failure. fear of relinquishing my "rights" for instant gratification. fear that even though God came through before, can i really trust Him to do it again? i know i can, i know scripture that tells me i can... so, why is my heart not believing? why am i not choosing to live out of it?
More than anything, keeping things that i am bound to in secret locks them inside. there is much to be said for Godly accountability... and that is terrifying, as well... because at the end of the day, can i REALLY trust someone with the garbage of my life?
thank you for asking... i have been convicted. i have been asking God to set me on the right path again, give me the nudge i needed to again walk so close with Him. i miss the way it used to be. this took me back to where i've been, and reminded me just how amazing He has been to me.
The Lord has done Great things for them... The Lord HAS done great things for ME and I am filled with Joy!
i love you, Beth.
1) The fear of being "found out" is so threatening, when it comes to bondage. To release the bondage, might mean that someone would discover the sin that put you in bondage in the first place. I hid my sinful choices so well and the thought of revealing that sin in order to be released from bondage frightened me to death.
2) Feeling like I do not measure up. Feeling like I am defined by the sinful choices in my life and will never be good enough to serve in Jesus' name.
1. My mind is the thing that threatens me with bondage. I have struggled with mental illness issues since I was a child (depression, anxiety, and extremely strong phobias)that hold me down unbelievably. I do not live a full life. My family doesn't live a full life. It is difficult because there is nothing external that we can try to fix, it is very much an internal issue.
2. My biggest obstacle?? Me. I doubt God can help me because I have prayed, cried, fasted, stood in every prayer line I've been able to jump into...all of this for YEARS, and I've gotten no healing, no relief. So I doubt. I give up. I resign myself to this bondage. I try to manage it instead of escaping it. Frankly, I can't face the disappointment any longer of praying for deliverance and being denied.
My answer to both question #1 and #2 are the same - my bondage comes from my past and my biggest obstacle to living freely is also my past. I was saved at age 14, but by the age of 16 I was involved in things I shouldn't have been and with people I should have stayed away from. I come from a broken home (Christian parents, but still divorced) and I ended up 'looking for love in all the wrong places' if you know what I mean. I got married way too young, my husband met someone on the internet and had an affair. I thrived on male attention - probably because I longed for my own father's attention.
I turned back to the Lord years ago and am happily married with children, but I still feel the effects of my past sin. Even though I know that as far as God is concerned it is as far as the east from the west, but in my mind, I cannot get over how I stumbled (not only stumbled, but fell far and hard into the pit of sin). I lead Bible studies, I am a leader in women's ministry and I believe I am forgiven by God - I am the one who cannot forgive myself. If I could go back and redo my whole life from the beginning I would in a heartbeat. I feel like people look at me and know my past and that they think of me as a hypocrite. I am not a hypocrite, but a terrible sinner who has come back home after a time in the wilderness. I know in my head that God forgives me for my past, but my heart wont let it go because of how I sinned so horribly against the One who made me, saved me and loves me so much. I guess you could say the guilt of the past is the bondage that keeps me from living freely.
1. Bondage of generational sin of perfectionism & critical spirit that is constantly reinforced by the worship of image by culture (in the church as well as out), media, & family.
2. Obstacle: fear, loss & weariness. I'm flat worn out and tired, striving to walk through a season of grief, loss, transition, lonliness, confusion, health issues and homelessness. Waiting/Hoping/Trusting in Christ my Sovereign Shepherd King... praying His strength is made perfect in my weakness.
(1) Memories/Thoughts of who I was and activities I engaged in before I accepted Christ. How He can do a work in my heart and life, I'm still AMAZED!!!
(2) Fear of being myself. I'm 29...and never going to turn 30. LOL There is SO much pressure to be everything I'm not. Ok...I'm tearing up. I'm working through Breaking Free right now. I've started three times, and I'm just now ready to really "do it." I'm a baby in the process, but anxiously awaiting the end result of the Lord's work in my heart and life. Thanks Beth...
1. Inability to accept grace from God or give it to myself.
2. Defeating, shaming self-talk.
1. Fear, Fear, Fear !!!!!! Nuff Said!
2.Attachments to people(one in particular). Soul ties that I keep trying to break but am coming closer to defeating in Christ.
1) SELF. i am realizing as i grow that so much of my focus is wrapped up in myself. i am more likely to satisfy myself in the short term than be uncomfortable in growth that i need.
bondage springs forth from satisfying "my" needs. i see it most in the focus on my appearance/weight. i can so quickly become tied up, gagged, and handcuffed in the bondage of self focus and self worth.
2) SELF (again). i know the Lord is loving. i know he cares for me more than i can imagine, but i often lack the trust to put down my protective walls (even though i want to so badly) and let the Lord love me the way He desires.
thankfully HE is working and refining this stubborn young heart. my prayer is that i can humbly quiet myself before Him and allow him to work!
Mama Beth,
Could you please elaborate on what you mean by "threatened?" I am stumbling on it as in I have lots of baggage and bondage in this pit but don't know exactly how to express it so it would help you with your study. I so wish I lived in Houston or had ruby slippers so I could be at your study. Love you so much. Thank you for your teaching on Life Today, it's our "Date" once a week--I live for that 15 minutes! :)
1. A critical spirit. I can be as sweet as honey to friends and strangers, yet quick to become angry/critical with my husband and kids.
2. The fear of uncertainty and not knowing where God will lead or what He will require of me.
Sweet Beth,
I'm supposing I'm supposed to respond, because the answers to your questions came immediately (with tears).
1)My greatest bondage is unbelief. Even after going through Believing God twice. I struggle to believe God's true (intimate, personal, passionate) love for me, that I can trust Him, that He is FOR me, that He is not mad at me, that He likes me....
2)My biggest obstacle to living free with Jesus is FEAR (probably because I have such a bondage of unbelief). I am honestly afraid (and ironically, God has shown me this even more clearly just today) to fully surrender to Him. I am afraid of what He will ask of me, what He will require of me, what He will take from me, what He will allow in my life for me to learn from. I am afraid for my kids, my life, my marriage (don't worry - nothing horrible going on), our finances - you name it.
1) I am single, 33-never married. My father was alcoholic and absent; therefore, I have made many mistakes in male relationships (intimately.) I feel bondage to the sin of those mistakes because I allow the "Accuser of the Sisters" to convince me that I don't deserve God's best. It holds me back, I try not to "think" this because God's Word says different, but my actions indicate it. It seems to me that a Godly man should be forgiving to past mistakes but why would one want such? I am currently engaged but it is so hard to love like I want to.
2) Those sins have been covered by the blood, but they are a part of who I am. I think if I didn't have this I would be more confident about who I am in Christ. I would love to share with younger girls not to make these same mistakes. I cry as I write. The lack of confidence is the obstacle.
I just must add, I was reading Praying Gods Word last night on this very topic, and then this morning you are on it! The illustration about being in a jail cell with the door open and choosing to stay there anyway is such a true picture of what we do. I did Breaking Free about 4 years ago, but this makes me question, am I really?
PS I read your blog everyday and love you dearly. I don't normally post though.
1. I don't really understand the first question. could you explain what you mean by "what threatens you most with bondage?"
2. I am fully aware that the enemy wants to keep me from living freely in Christ by keeping me busy doing things that are "good", but not having daily time in the Word and prayer.
1)food
2)neglecting Him as a byproduct of a life filled with inferior purpose
Beth I didn't really understand the 1st question... sorry. The 2nd well... biggest obstacle to live free in Christ to me is feeling worthy, feeling I don't deserve. Trying to understand what exactly he wants for my life...Then I also live in fear....lots of fear...
1)The one thing that threatens me most with bondage is shopping/spending and finding my self-worth in 'stuff'.
2) What is the biggest obstacle to living my life fully and freely in Christ? Fear of judgement!
What one things threatens me most with bondage?
*Loneliness and feeling inadequate as a follower of Christ, wife and mother.
~ I read these blogs on a regular basis and find that so many of us are lonely & fight our thought life. We seek to be like Beth,uplifting, filled with the spirit of Jesus Christ and then we leave the sanctuary, conference, Wednesday with Beth, and find ourselves back alone with ourselves seeking to find CHRIST in our daily walk. It isn't easy is it Siestas?
What is my biggest obstacle to living freely and fully in Christ?
"Stinkin" Satan messing with my mind when I am struggling with daily life.
I love you Beth, Amanda, Melissa LPM thank your for your outreach to so many of us in your
"Lighted" community of Siesta's.
With "Heaven Bound" blessings!!!
1) anxious thoughts that creep in and then quickly multiply before I realize it and can pray about them.
2) truly allowing myself to worship God without fear or regard of how I will appear to others.
1)feeling useless in the body of Christ. I have severe health issues and am sometimes bed-ridden, homebound and on voice rest. I struggle with the belief that I have no value because I can't "produce."
2)choosing to belive the lie that I'm useless to God because I can't produce. When I don't refuse to believe the lie, when I don't saturate myself with truth and choose to believe it, I go right back into the pit.
Can't wait for revised "breaking free" to come out! It will only be enriched with more God-given wisdom and years of living with and for Him. Keep it up, Miss Beth!
1) What one thing threatens you most with bondage? one main thing for me is the sins that I have committed when I new better. I allowed idolatry to come into my life (in the form of wanting earthly love) without ever knowing it was an idol. feeling extremely unloved I tried to find that love and affirmation else where in all kinds of ways, even though I had the knowledge of God over it. it is a battle not to wallow in feeling unforgiven when i have willfully, and deliberately sinned against my Father. i want to be faithful to the Lord regardless of circumstance and pain.
2) What is your biggest obstacle to living freely and fully in Christ? me and trying to meet my own needs. loneliness is another huge one for me.
1) I believe the thing I struggle with right now which keeps me in bondage is fear. Not fear of things (ie snakes, heights, bridges) but fear of not having control of a situation. I believe it suggests that I don't trust my Jesus enough to be in control of my life and my situations.
2) My biggest obstacle to living free is something the Lord and I are working on together which relates to my bondage of fear. The Lord showed me that I have fear because I don't trust him and I don't trust him because I don't know him well. I have determined to know my Lord more intimately than ever before so I will not fall into a bondage of fear. I will seek him out, I will have him teach me about himself, I will know my Jesus, and I will then fall into his arms in complete trust. So, I am working on the obstacle of not trusting him but learning to know him.
FEAR...fear of completely letting go of something or someone, fear of failure, fear of the unknown, fear of rejection
The biggest obstacle is most definitly the mind. It is an every minute battle...waging war against everything else both inside and outside of me.
1. Bondage of my own selfishness, my doubting my self, my faith, my forgiveness... Am I really who I say I am? Does that make any sense? I wish it were easier, like just: jealousy. But it is not.
2. Not always feeling God's presence. I know He is here, I am sealed, but sometimes I feel it so palpably, and other times- I pray, study, teach, just as hard- and I feel like I am far, He is far...Why is it like that?
1. I was in a relationship with a woman a few years before I married. I am frequently dwelling on this woman and this part of my sexuality despite being in a great marriage. That whole issue gets me frustrated and a little angry.
2. My own thoughts and experiences about people of other faiths. Despite having a strong evangelical foundation, I have trouble understanding how God could be Love and send these people that I know to Hell for eternity.
1. My biggest struggle with being in bondage is related to a recent diagnosis of anxiety disorder. The events leading up to it were the darkest moments of my life. I truly felt threatened that I was going to lose my mind. Being "out of control" scares me endlessly, and makes my struggle with anxiety even worse. Satan really messes with me here - I'm trying to surrender myself to God, knowing that He alone is in control, and Satan keeps whispering in my ear that I'm the one who should be in control.
2. Although Satan plays a big role here and exploits my weaknesses, I think I am my own biggest obstacle to living freely and fully in Christ. I have such a desire to be in control that I unknowingly try to take it away from God and undermine my relationship with Him. I foolishly think that as long as I'm in control I won't be subject to anxiety and panic attacks. I feel so ridiculous putting this in print, because I know it's pure foolishness! Too often I buy into the lies of Satan and the world and it keeps me from living freely and fully in Christ.
1.) My first instinct is to say food, because indeed that is where my addictive impulses land themselves. But really, if I dig deeper, as the Lord is allowing me to do, I think the root issue is actually control. I think, growing up in a not-so-great environment, I felt no control over my circumstances. As I grew, I started to refuge in places I could have control, like eating, like the power of seduction, like trying to look like I had it together. I have carried over that bit of yeast-filled dough into my life in Christ for sure (doing Stepping Up now, that was a light bulb moment for sure!)
2.) My biggest obstacle is truly that fear, fear of losing control. Fear of totally trusting what the Lord has for me is better than what I want to micromanage and produce for myself. Fear that if I fail He will not love me, that he is disappointed when I don't have everything together, which then keeps me from coming to him in confession and renewal when I stumble. That's really it- fear, which is the lack of trust.
I wish I could answer those to questions but I just cant seam to get the words out.I do frea of sounding stupid.God bless you all
1. The lack of knowledge that I have been in any type of bondage is what has snatched my "true" self away. For me personally, my own identity had been stripped and replaced with a "survival mode" identity. With my childhood came the dissappointment of my own father, being a girl and not a son. I was taught the things he wanted to teach a son. I vaguely remember how "girly" I used to be but was slowly stipped of this precious gift from God and formed into a "tom boy". Over the last couple of years God has opened my eyes to this bondage and how "pretty" I really am to Him. satan has kept the blinders on me long enough! I know this is the begining of the true woman God created me to be. Peeling away those layers one at a time.
2. To be fully who Christ has made me to be is a journey I will never complete until I am home. The truth spoken in love of my spiritual family is the begining for me. Trusting and really believing..I mean really!! Being aware of my lack of trust in God has helped me take steps forward..small steps. Letting go, mourning over what was taken away, what was never given is only the start for me. It is okay for me to not have all of the answers of why? Feeling the love of Christ through others is so essiental!
1. I was abused by a cousin as a child and it has given me (not surprisingly) many self issues. I have not shared this issue with my parents or family. Only a handful of friends know and my husband. I guess one of the sad things is that family and freinds think I have all together. I am a leader at church but I feel like I live a lie. I am not even comfortable in my own skin. I want to be FULL of self confidence in the person that God made me to be!!!
2.I know I should or need to work through this with someone a counselor or through Celebrate Recovery. I am leaning more towards a Christian counselor, because I do not want to be a statistic in just another area. I am already a wife, who's husband had an affair (no one know this) and the girl who had the miscarriage. I do not want to add to the list the girl who was abused as a child. Maybe all these "statistics" are holding me in bondage as well. I want to be FREE - but I let satan hold these hurts over me for years. I am sick of this.
1) I honestly don't understand the question. Sorry.
2) Fear! Fear of taking risks, fear I misnderstood God, Fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear other won't like me, fear of lack of control, Fear, fear and more fear. (maybe that is the answer to question number 1 too). I constantly battle fear and have all my life. It no longer stops me as much as it use to, nor does it manifest itself as panic attacks...but it is an ongoing battle.
1) The bondage that threatens me more than any other is selfishness. I am by nature a very selfish person. God had to put me through a time when I absolutely HAD to have help from others just to make it through the day. It was the only way He could make me see how selfish I had always been.
It would be so easy for me to slip back into a world all about me. I have every material thing in the world available to me. I have youth and health and am even physically attractive. (most days!) I see my selfishness, mixed with a big dose of pride, very clearly for the sin that it is. But the old selfish me struggles against dying. She wants to take over every day. Our culture encourages her at every turn. Indulge, Consume, Protect, Beautify, Worship. Only Christ in me can resist such a wide and easy path. Only He can keep my way narrow.
1) I am a procrastinator; a time waster. Inefficient, unorganized, undisciplined. Living in chaos. I know what to do, thanks to the wisdom of women who have been there and come out of it, but I lack the commitment to see it through and have a home that feels tranquil and be able to entertain others spontaneously. In a nutshell, I suppose I am selfish. I manage to book myself so much with the stuff I like to do that the stuff that I *don't* like to do piles up and piles up and piles up....
2) Fear. Plain and simple. Fear of rejection, fear of being a nuisance, fear of putting a burden on someone; fear of hurting someone, fear of giving bad advice, fear of letting someone down. Fear of creating an Ishmael by not waiting for God's Isaac. Fear of missing the opportunity by waiting for the angel appearance, trumpet blast and sign from heaven that it's the right thing to do. Y'know... Fear.
1. guilt and shame over past sin
2. selfishness and laziness. Sometimes I am just too lazy to work at it (pray, get in the Word,etc.) and/or too selfish to live what I know to be true.
1. food
2. laziness/lack of self control
1) The constant voice that I will never be free, that I am hopeless . . . constant, constant, constant . . . and because of that constant bombardment, that I will never have an impact on the Kingdom - that my life will have been in vain.
2) Trust. Never could trust the Dad to protect me - left us when I was 4 and have only seen him 4 times in decades. Have never been able to trust the husband to be truthful and protect me and love me and cherish me (porno addiction) (and other than that - he is a good person - what a Catch 22)- the lies, the covering up, the catching him, the heart and spirit violation over and over and over and will it happen again when he says "this time he is free" - will those who say they will hold him accountable do it - they haven't in the past - I should not have to be the one to ask the hard questions of him - I can not be his friend, wife, and lover and his accountability partner - not being protected and covered and SAFE in my own home, etc. and all that other stuff . . . and as a side note to this, I am worthless, unlovely, and certainly not desirable . . . and my bondage reinforces those thoughts.
As a result, VERY hard to trust God and while I believe, to believe . . . will He protect me, provide for me, love me, cherish me, not violate me over and over and over and lie to me???? I've read all the words that say He will, but sure is hard to hold on to the words when the tangible is just a bit rotten and one has prayed and cried and sought peace for more years than should be mentioned. And I have stayed and loved the man and tried to honor and cherish the one I married, not the other one, but have tried to love that one to and understand - still do not . . . The road has been hard and I am just stinkin' tired of trying to be free in my own life from a bondage that I fell into to try and protect myself from all the pain. And I feel like I am smothering and a little more of me that hasn't already died, dies each day . . . freedom from bondage? Trust God? I believe, help my unbelief . . .
1. My stronghold is health anxiety / worry / obsession. This started exactly 2 years ago when my son was born. (he wasn't breathing, then had seizures. Praise Jesus he is a perfectly healthy 2 year old today...who would prob be best buds with that little jackson!)
2. My biggest obstacle is trusting Jesus to take control. I tend to obsess about every little health thing ( about my son, me, or my husband). Since I was the one who first saw that my son wasn't breathing after he was born, i have believed the lie that "i am the only one" that can detect a problem. This is destructive thinking and I am working really hard on giving my fears and "lofty speculations" to Jesus day to day.
1) One thing that threatens me with bondage is love. Christ shows so much compassion and love for us all and we are suppose to love like him. This is how I can explain it. Don't laugh to hard at my analogy. When your a child and you fall and cut yourself it is automatic to cover it and your mom is saying let me see so she can address it and put a bandaid on the wound thinking that it will heal it. But really letting it breath is what will help it heal. I have been hurt really bad by my dad and I have put this huge bandaid on it. My silly truth is that if I keep this bandaid on and covered no one will see that i'm hurting. If I keep it hidden I will constantly be reminded to only love so much so that I don't get hurt again. The reality is that if I uncovered it and allow God dree my wounds he would in turn show me love and teach me His ways of mercy. I keep it covered because I think I am keeping myself safe but I am actually only hurting myself everyday I keep it covered.
1) Paralyzing fear (which causes procrastination) of never doing the right thing. That somehow no matter what choice I make it will be the wrong one and someone will come along to remind of just that.
2) Honestly it's all the different versions of what we're all "supposed" to do out there. Every time I turn around there's someone else with a new way to view it all. Frankly it all is just so confusing. Do you read KJV only? Are you involved in the "wrong kind" of church/denomination? Do you do the "right" things for your church, community etc.? Ahh it's all so mind numbing and just leads me into MAJOR confusion. I keep hearing HIM say to me look ONLY to my Word but the "noise" gets to me. Sorry for the rant...but it is BY FAR my BIGGEST obstacle daily.
1. my eating and exercise habits. can I ever stop the yo-yo diet??
2. I don't know. I am honestly a fairly "put together" person. I feel as if I do glorify God in so many other areas of my life. It's just this one area. Sometimes I think it is eating and exercise habits I learned from my parents (who are both overweight), but then I instantly feel guilty for saying that b/c I know you can't blame others. I am an adult, and should take the responsibility. Sometimes, as crazy as this sounds, I think I'm afraid that if I don't go ahead and eat more now, then it might not be there later?? Which is such a crazy fear, I know! So, I'm just not sure what is the main reason I stay in bondage.
sexual purity as a single person both alone and with other people.
believing at times that my prayers are not only not being answered, but being heard. trusting God's soverignty when someone else and I have diligently, whole heartedly prayed for the same thing and the other person was answered timely and perfectly. Believing, truly believing that God has my best in mind and that He really loves me.
1)Bitterness. I am dealing with parents who have become so contentious and hateful to each other (even though they have been married 50+ years) that neither my sibling or I like to be around them any more. It has gotten to the point I have had to limit their access to the grandkids because they say such hateful/hurtful things to each other, even in front of the children. Sometimes it hurts so bad and I get bitter and resentful when I see other families who have such wonderful relationships with their extended families.
2)Fear and Shame. Truly believing that God is willing to forgive me of ALL my stupid mistakes and shameful decisions that I have made in my life - especially since, as a Christian, I knew better!
1. The one thing that threatens me with bondage is food. When I was four years old I was the victim of a pedofile in my neighborhood. I kept the secret to myself for a couple of years before telling my parents. My happy little life became emotionally wrecked. I remember my grandmother or mother saying, eat this and you'll feel better. I don't blame them. They had no idea what I was facing. I am trying to allow Christ to be my comfort. I think when things happen to people we seek comfort in all the wrong places...drugs, alchohol, sex, people, food etc. instead of seeking comfort in Christ. The struggle never ends.
I hope to learn to walk in victory allowing the Comforter to heal those wounds.
I guess I will answer two tomorrow. I must go.
I'm not sure what my answer is yet for #1. But here it is for #2.
2) My biggest obstacle to living freely and fully in Christ right now is being scared to get hurt again. After going through 2 personal tragedies of miscarriage, and having thought I understood God say the 2nd would be fine.... Then to lose the 2nd... how devastating. I now understand God had the greater glory through those two losses. Praise Him! However, I am struggling with being terrified to try again, and put all trust in Him... when His plan may be for this not to work for us. I'm scared to freely trust Him... particularly when another life is at hand. It sounds awful i know... but that honestly is where I'm at.
I have an answer to your questions (though I'm not sure if they really add any new insight). I won't be remotely offended if they don't show up on the blog comments since they are kind of disjointed (and somewhat of an intimate nature).
1. As a single women in her twenties, an area of bondage where I keep getting tangled seems to revolve around the fantasy life in my mind. I am a very passionate person and also a very affectionate one. I am so cautious in the relationships I have with guys and so far (all and i mean A L L by the grace of God) I'm still waiting. But what scares me is how far I take something in my mind. Or worse, what that leads me to do. I won't elaborate from there, but the guilt feels like concrete in my chest. I'm learning just to go do something else when I start to go there - go work out, go get coffee, anything. It's still a tough place to be and in many ways I feel like I never really leave it. The movies I watch are full of passionate scenes and passionate kisses. I don't even pick movies for the physial factor but I sometimes I turn on the TV and there it is. When I drive, I see great looking shirtless guys on billboards. When I'm standing in line, I see it on magazine covers. I know I am responsible for my mind but I'm struggling with this and sometimes I want to see those things because I know what can happen. I'm trying to redefine what purity looks like in my life at this age, trying to untangle all the frustration (and sometimes jealousy) and trust God's timing. And I'm trying to see what to do with all this passion. Goodness knows, I've asked him to take it away, and he hasn't. I think there is so much GOOD that can come from being this way too. I mean, definately good someday when I'm married :) but also good now if I could just turn all that passionate energy into something positive.
2. My biggest Obstacle to living freely and fully in Christ: While I know this is not true, sometimes I convince myself God is holding out on me. I don't know where that mentality comes from. I know His word says the polar opposite. I just choose not to believe it. Sometimes I'm afraid if I show him my real heart he'll dangle my dreams in front of me and never let me reach them or, if he knows my fears, he'll throw me head first some awful situation. I am afraid to pray certain prayers because I know he won't answer them. In many ways I'm still learning HOW to experience God. What in the world does it mean when people "hear" him? Or when someone knows without a doubt God is giving them guidance. How do they know that? I'm not sure I know what real freedom looks/feels/tastes like. But I want to know.
1. I think the one thing that threatens me most with bondage is fear of man(others opinions of me).But this is just one of many.
2. Unbelief, I believe, is the single most obstacle to my freedom, which I so desperately need. I confess this, but I still pray "Lord, Help my unbelief!"
I don't want to answer this but I have to...time to get it out.
(1) Inappropriate ties in same-sex relationships. As a single girl in my late twenties with a HUGE desire to be married, I have a void in the area of intimacy (not just physical). Yes, we ALL have the purest, most life changing intimacy in our lives through fellowship with the Holy Spirit, but as human beings sometimes we need someone with skin on, for lack of better words. I feel like every time I find a Godly friend in my same life stage, we end up sucking the life out of each other and before I know it our friendship has all the characteristics of a REALLY BAD IDEA. What used to encourage my relationship with God now hinders and controls me, and an almost unbearable heartbreak ensues that I have to suffer and endure in silence (for who could I tell, it’s not an “acceptable” sin to discuss). I smile and fake it until I forget it. I’m left feeling lonely, abandoned, defeated, misunderstood, forgotten, incapable of earthly relationships, and I force myself into isolation for fear of “doing it again." Isolation seems to be the only way to not be tempted to go back.
(2) Meeting legitimate needs in illegitimate ways, which I guess boils down to a lack of trust that He will meet them, or perhaps the inability to rely on HIM to be sufficient in the “lack.”
#1 I'm not sure if I am understanding the question right but there isn't an area of my life that isn't affected by my bondage. It threatens my intamacy with my husband, my ability to do life with my family, it keeps me from ministry, (as I shrink back from life - well obviously not physically because it is the expansion that's the problem)and it threatens my walk as I constantly feel like a failure.
#2. Other than the obvious of being disobiedent, I think the bottom line is I don't trust the Lord. Since I don't 'feel' taken care of - I susbstitute with trying meet my need! (I know -!) it's a special kind of stupid
2) My biggest obstacle to living freely and fully in Christ is my mind! My mind is a battlefield, and I find that when I don't take the time to cast down negative thoughts and vain imaginations I will actually start living out those wrong thoughts and imaginations that seem to exalt themselves above the knowledge of Christ.
For example, if I start thinking about how fearful a certain future situation is to me, and if I let myself dwell on all the anxiety and fear I think I might feel during that situation (instead of casting it down and preaching truth to myself), when it comes time to face that situation I will act out how I have been thinking and feeling! I'll basically talk myself into reacting only in fear and anxiety.
I hope this makes sense! I love you guys and this blog so much!
1) worry. what if my kids/husband/I get cancer, stroke, accident, what if, what if? I see these things happen every day...
2) trusting Him. Letting go and letting God. How? when i am afraid....
1. Honesty~I struggle with being honest. Before marriage our family life was a mascarade,mom wanted everyone to think we had it all together and were the perfect family. NOT, dad had an affair, my senior year in high school and I knew about it. He was so checked out of our lives and mom would do nothing about it, they are still together and to this day have never dealt with it. I carried the hurt, pain, etc., into my marriage and on and off for 23 years have struggled with being honest with my husband. Not constantly but when I feel threatened, finances tight, or anything that I fear would make my husband unpleased with me, I am SO tempted to lie.
2. Biggest obstacle is fear and unbelief, not "feeling" like the Lord truly accepts me, sometimes that He just tolerates me. Even though I know in my head He does love me, forgive me and has saved me.
This one thing that has threatened me with bondage and keeps me there is my thoughts. I can't quiet them. There always telling me how I am not worth having any friends. I am not worth letting anybody in. Here I am about to be Thirty and I don't have a girl bestfriend. This might not be answering your question. I try to be real with everyone, but we just moved and having this move has shown me for the last 7 years of living in Dallas I did not let anybody in. Why? My big question to myself always is "What is wrong with me?" I really and honstley feel like that is why I don't have any friends is because something is wrong with me. I cry out and ask God to show me so I can change it! I think the biggest obstacle to living freeley thru Christ is myself. I am always so worried about people and not worried about what God thinks. I know he is trying to tell me people don't matter. He matters. He created me. He got me thru my eating disorder and the sexually abuse I encountered as a child. He has blessed me with a wonderful husband and childern. My head hears him, but my heart hasn't quit gotten there. I want to stop destroying myself, but how? I know I am suppose to have faith, and he has proven himself time and time again. Yet I still lack that faith in God. One last thing, I feel like I ask so much of him already that I won't ask him for the small things, or for things I think might be to petty to pray about.
1. I think my biggest issue with bondage is that I don't want to go there. I am an expert at tucking it all deep down and far away. I can speak in generalities about it, but I much prefer to not get specific. The pain is real and it is there, and I am terrified of confronting it and all that it will uncover if I get really down,dirty and honest about it.
2. I don't think I am worthy of such freedom. I feel like I deserve to be in bondage and live that way. I also think it has a lot to do with the whole identity issue. I have read how God sees me, but I haven't saturated myself enough with that identity to believe it truely for myself or to walk in it (to act like it). I am working on this, but I am not there yet.
1) What threatens me most is my addiction/bondage to food. It's my counterfeit comfort.
2) My biggest obstacle is easy - I am so used to being in this bondage, (never really tasting freedom, maybe a quick fix here and there, but never true freedom) that I don't know how bad this bondage has me, because I don't know freedom.
Beth,
I love Breaking Free. I have done it twice and can't imagine how it could be improved. After I went through the study the first time, I purchased the dvds myself and facilitated a group of ladies. I plan to work through the study once a year. The answer to your two questions could possible be different if you asked me a month from now. This is my "stuff" God has me dealing with at the moment.
1. Pride...several things came to mind, but I think all of them come back to pride (being unwilling to forgive someone because I want them to know I was offended, not wanting to visit friends because I am overweight, losing my patience because my house doesn't meet the standards I think everyone outside of my home expects, letting how I feel or react to many situations be influenced by what I think others (not God) will think of me, etc.) I really feel that pride is the source of a multitude of sins.
2. Trying to do what I think will make other people happy. Probably my spouse most often. My priorities often go Spouse, God, Children, Others, Self instead of God, Spouse...
1. Threatens me most about bondage: That I will never live in the abundance that Christ has promised me...that I will never see the fruit of his calling upon my life.
2. Biggest obstacle... not fully realizing the link that exists between bondage and freedom. I don't feel free, but I'm not sure why. There are times when I decide that my current living is in fact, is as good as it gets, so I better just suck it up and deal with it.
1) The one thing that threatens me the most with bondage is fear that being enslaved is a lifestyle & that I can never experience victory. Misguided toxic thinking that convinces me it is a thorn in my side and to just accept my plight.
2) The biggest obstacle is never being 100% delivered or experiencing victory for any length of time. Relapse after relapse and giving up.
1. Reverting back to bondage even thought I know that I have freedom in Christ. Picking back up what I have laid before the Lord.
2. Remembering that my God is bigger than I know. He is all knowing, all powerful, loves me more than I can imagine. So many times I want to trust what is tanagiable, what man's done or my own desires rather than resting upon God is who he said he is, God can do what he says he can do, and that God's word is alive and active in me.
1)FEAR threatens me most. Fear of something bad happening to someone I love or fear that God's promises are not really meant for me. Thoughts in my head are keeping me in bondage. I am in the process of learning to cast thoughts down and replacing them with the Word of God. Satan had me convinced that God was putting these horrible thoughts in my head. It has been a LONG process for me.
2)My biggest obstacle is lack of trust in God. I want so badly to say that I trust Him, but when I look in my heart I know that I wouldn't have so much fear if I really did.
I just finished "Breaking Free" so my areas of bondage are very fresh in my mind.
1) Money. Specifically a lack of faith in the Lord to provide for my family. In order for me to be a stay-at-home mom, we have to live on a VERY tight budget. The Lord has provided for our every need, and yet the enemy loves to try (all-to-often successfully) and convince me that next time He's NOT going to provide. This means I sometimes withold tithe checks or am too stingy with my giving because I am afraid that God won't "come through" this time.
2) I think I answered this question in question 1. Satan uses my financial insecurity to create a lack of faith in my Lord that then starts to permeate other areas of my life. When I have failed to tithe or give to those less fortunate than myself, I feel so horrible that it will create a wedge between myself and the Lord. I will feel unworthy of entering His presence because I have doubted Him yet again.
I hope this is helpful. I want to end this post by saying that since I have completed "Breaking Free" in early December, I have tithed every pay period and we were deliberate in making sure we gave to several people who were going to have a smaller (financially) Christmas than ours. I have never felt freer. I will continue to fight for that freedom. Thank you for showing me the tools.
1)self loathing - body image, personality, spiritual life, you name it.
2)lazy - undisciplined - time not spent in the Word, in prayer.
1.)Feeling of failure that I may never be free from this and that I might be in bondage forever!
2.)Myself, because I try so hard and something always happens and I give up. If I would just take the focus off of I and put in on Christ, I could live in freedom. This life is not about me!
1. Fear-something I have battled since I became a christian at 9. I know all the verses, etc. but Satan still attacks me time after time.
2. I have 2 toddlers and a 3 month old so right now it's the energy to get up and spend time with Him. And then the more I don't spend with Him, the harder it is to get back in the groove. It's like, "Lord, Where do I start?"
1. Food
2. I do not feel loved and taken care of. I am a Christian and absolutely love the LORD and my head knows God loves me. For cryin' out loud, He gave His precious SON for me. HOWEVER, my life has always been difficult and I keep waiting for it to get better only it does not - it gets more difficult. I say to myself, "I love my children so much and I want to protect them from harm and do the best I can to make their lives good AND I reward them for good behavior." So, I feel that if God really cares about me, He will bless my life instead of allowing the circumstances to remain the same instead of get better. I try to fill the longings of my heart with something and that is food.
1) Threats: when I spend time around my unsaved family of origin--I have worked hard to have a new life in Christ but every time I am around them I shut up about Him because I am scared of how they will treat me and what they will say. I feel defeated after every holiday or family gathering. I love them but I love the Lord more. Also feel very threatened by the enemy in my thought life. Have horrible nightmares that paralyze me or disgust me with their grotesque or obscene nature. Have done just about everything to make them go away in the name of Jesus, fully recognizing what cheap shots Satan has to take if he wants to get me when I'm asleep. I became a believer as an adult, so I also struggle with feeling like I am equal to my sisters in Christ (especially older ones who would be really shocked if they knew my past).
2) Biggest obstacle: having faith over and over again (one time won't suffice) that I am a new creation in Christ. Some days I believe and KNOW it. Other days I wonder why I have the nerve to be involved in my church, Bible study, etc. with my history!
1.) The thing that threatens me most with bondage is intimacy and things that go along with that. I am a single woman in my thirties and it is hard to be single and still feel loved and wanted in this world. I have fallen once and know I am forgiven and free from from that, but it still threatens me. Only intimacy with God will fill that longing in my heart, but sometimes I long so much for a tangible expression. I feel threatened by trying to make people meet my needs whether it is a sexual intimacy or not. I want to be loved and feel important and needed. Unnless I allow God to affirm that in me, I will always be threatened by this. It is hard for me to live it out more than just with my words.
2.) My biggest obstacle to living freely and fully in Christ is being led astray by my evil desires and not surrendering my everything to Him. A constant struggle between spirit and flesh.
I love you Beth! Thanks for not just giving us your opinion, but for finding out how to minister to us where we are at. You are invaluable.
1) Anxiety. When I feel "put-on-the-spot" my face turns bright red. It hasn't happened in a really long time, but I worry about it everyday. I used to avoid small, social situations like small groups & meetings because of it. It is not the issue it used to be, but it definitely threatens me more than anything else. It's amazing how the enemy tries to use this to keep me from doing things I know God has called me to do.
2) a. Lack of discipline - the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. I want to spend more time with the Lord, but having an unorganized life & home makes for an unorganized spiritual life.
2) b. What others think of me - I have big dreams but often don't try because I'm afraid of failing & others realizing that I'm not perfect.
1)Cutting
2) My biggest obstacle to freedom is my depression and cutting. It is a place I hate to be, and I hate myself for it.
2. My biggest obstacle is in living freely and fully in Christ is not losing heart or growing weary in the day-in, day-out walk of life.
1. Social anxiety has kept me from God's best my whole life. Tonite is a perfect example...I was invited to a girl's night out, and excused my way out of it, even though I really could've gone. I'd rather just be a home body than to deal with the anxiety. That's bondage at its worst!
2. The biggest obstacle with my social issues is not accepting that I am who God made me...my introvert personality and all. I think I should and wish I could be somebody I'm not. I am very quiet and many times that's taken the wrong way, and I'm just not accepted for who I am. It all starts with me accepting myself according to God's truths. It's a daily struggle. I love the Lord with all my heart, I really do. I've drawn so close to him even through these times of bondage....that is possible to do, isn't it? He's working on me and I'm gladly accepting it.
!. Lack of faith and fear or failure. Sometimes I think I set my standards so high, I can't even begin to wrap my mind around meeting all of them...or even be remotely SUCCESFULL at that. I think the combo of lack of faith/fear of failure has stabbed at my self esteem to the point where I am constantly trying to prove myself worthy of everyone, including the Lord. The Lord and I have converse daily about this.
2. Ditto number one.... sometimes I also feel like I limit myself to happiness because I feel unworthy of it....and I feel guilty saying that because the Lord has poured his love and blessing over me like sweet rain!
Beth... I am single. It is sooo hard, yet I look to this blog as a guiding star! I love reading about what marriage is like, so that one day when I experience that I can think back and relate.
LOVE YOU TO PIECES!
1. The thing that keeps me in the most bondage is my single life. I hate being alone without a spouse and children at 31, especially when friends and younger siblings are married.
2. Discouragement keeps me in the most bondage, especially over being single
1. Co-dependency threatens me the most to go back into bondage.
2. I think my biggest obstacle to freedom is similar to what the Israelites experienced when they left Egypt. They cried out to go back into slavery because there was a certain comfort level attached to the stronghold. Thats how I feel. Even though I know its a false sense of security, I run back to it for that moment of instant gratification. For a brief moment,the loneliness subsides, and the insatiable "need to be needed" is satisfied. The problem is, it never is fully satisfying and it never lasts, and emptiness and guilt over not going to God is a result.
1)What one thing threatens me most with bondage, is rejection and judgement from others. Even though we are all supposed to be loving in Christ; I still feel that inadequecy that my bondage will hold me back from ever being taken seriously by other believers in Christ.
2)
To live free and full in Christ means to not let the past come face forward during difficult times. My past comes forward in the times I want to be the most successful. I know in my heart that I am a new creation in Christ, but I still don't feel good enough at times.
1 Let's see I have a hard time with my anger and letting my past go. My biggest fear is that The Lord is going to quit loving me and send me to hell!I have a bad cuss mouth and just total rage which come out on kids, husband, my parents cause they abused me growing up and they refuse to say they did anything wrong! But I guess they only did what was done to them. I went to parenting classes and swore I wouldn't be like them with the rage but It happend anyway.
2.it is not having a better trusting relationship with the lord cause I view Him as like my parents and everyone else who ever rejected me including all me and I feel like I'm not worthy of anyone ever loving me. I'm scared of being hurt and having my heart ripped out and standing infront of Him and having the Lord telling me depart for I never knew you!
I'm not answering the questions in this blog -- at least not right this second -- because I wanted to address the first part of your blog about the singles who felt left out.
I posted very early that day, so I just now went back through and read the comments. I am first so very thankful that the first person who spoke out about feeling left out wasn't treated harshly. Not that I'd expect that on this blog (at all!), but that does sometimes happen in the world.
The other thing I wanted to say -- that is in response to THIS post -- is that I hope Bethie and Amanda don't EVER feel like this bloggy has to be aimed at one specific crowd. The whole point of last week's post about unity is that there has to be diversity there first in order for unity to even be needed. If we were all the same, we'd not only be boring but we'd also not be in need of a God who knits us together to form beauty.
I can't imagine a blog post where SOMEONE doesn't feel left out, even if they never post about it. But, darlings, think of how many people are receiving something from each of these posts. I'm the singl-est siesta out there right now -- product of a recent broken heart -- but, by goodness, I'm gonna take advantage of that Titus post! Don't you believe I'm not printing off the comments, punchin' three holes into 'em and makin' me a binder called "Man, I'm Gonna Be REAL Good at Ministerin' One Day."
I'm country. So, I probably would write it that way. How sad.
ANYWAY, just wanted to say that I so hope ya'll will continue writing what the Lord places on your hearts. 'Cause, in the end, we're ALL better that way, now aren't we?
#2, my biggest obstacle to freedom is accepting the substitute, satan seems to have a counterfeit for everything. When my need feels so great, and there is something right in front of me that looks good, smells good, feels good, and covers this gaping whole in my heart, I feel powerless to resist it and hold out for what He says is better, for I fear in the end He won’t come through. Beth – I ashamedly admit I have done breaking free and most all of your studies…I’m sorry to you and God that after all we’ve been through and all He’s done for me I’m still “here”…
d(1) My resentment towards my husband's ex-wife. We have been married almost 7 years. She has hurt me more than any person I know. To give you a flavor, here are some of the more hurtful things she has done: told her son that I am not his family; called me names without reason; told me I am not to parent her son; told my stepson that our daughter (his half sister) is only a "little bit family to him since I'm her mom"; excluded me and my husband from participating in events (school, sports, whatever) because she says I do not belong there; called our house at all hours to fight about something I did or said. I could go on but I think you get the idea. The resentment in my heart towards her keeps me from forgiving and being free. I know I'm supposed to love her but she makes it very difficult.
(2)Believing God does love me. Sometimes I feel like I am such a disappointment to Him. I know what his Word tells me about his unconditional but often I let doubt creep in - as if his Word is for everyone but me.
1. Food--major source of bondage. Wish I could stop eating to "feel good" emotionally and start eating to nourish my body so I can serve and minister with the energy I need.
2. Fear of rejection--after my husband's last affair with a tiny lady (well, I wouldn't exactly call her a "lady,") with "paid-for bosoms," and a tiny waist, I find myself working very hard (even though it is difficult) to eat only healthy foods and to exercise, and while I am losing weight (8 pounds in 3 weeks, as a matter of fact--HALLELUJAH!), still at 215 pounds, I have a L-O-N-G way to go. While my husband and I have dealt with SO many issues in the forgiveness/reconciliation process and feel like our marriage is now a committed one "for the long haul," I have a very difficult time putting off feelings and thoughts of loneliness because I know that she was the fulfillment of a fantasy for him...and I wonder if I'll EVER be that for him. I mean, even if I lose 100 pounds--that's going to take a LONG time, and I'm just going to get older and "droopier" up top in the process...and who's to say we won't get pregnant again and have to back track 50 pounds? (while having a child IS worth back-tracking for...)Guess I just wonder if I can EVER be for him what he really wants/needs. Then, because I eat as an emotional response (Yeah--BAD, BAD, BAD...I know, but you wanted the truth)...I tend to EAT when those feelings of rejection bombard me, which only contributes to the problem. It's a pitiful cycle! Okay--I think I've just talked myself into doing "Breaking Free" again! Tell LifeWay I think they just sold another workbook! :) See you in Jacksonville!
1)Worrying, not the "oh I'm a little bit worried today" type but the "I expect something bad to happen with everything and everyone for every reason" type. Some days are worse than others, but it gets to me and if I would give in to it completely I would be the most unlikable, unfriendly, worry wart on the planet. It's kind of like depression...it sneaks up on you and by the time you realize it, you're in that pit.
2)My biggest obstacle with it, is to fully TRUST in the LORD! I'm a strong, Bible reading/believing, Bible Study leading girl...but I need to completely TRUST TRUST TRUST in the LORD for everything everyday, so that my worries/bad expectations don't get the best of me.
***you don't have to publish this, but Beth, the thing you've said about "re-wallpapering" your mind with scripture has been an absolute life saver with this. I feel about 30% in bondage with it instead of 100% now. (and gettng better everyday) Thank-you for obeying what God has called you to do.
1.) Falling back into a defeated, victim mentality caused by years in an abusive marriage. Friends and family actually often worsen this by bringing up how unfairly things have worked out for me compared to him, and I begin to fall into that trap of self-pity and bitterness. I truly am VERY blessed and I know that, and I try to avoid that ugly bitterness trap!
2.) Fear. Plain and simple. It's the one thing that keeps me from fully letting go of my life and living fully in Christ. When a situation arises, I tend to panic and get scared, even though I DO KNOW that God is in control!
(1) I think I am beginning to recognize a cycle. My answer would be "insecurity." Insecurity leads me to depression. Depression leads to fear. Fear causes anxiety. And round and round I go. This area of bondage seems to mainly interfere with my marriage.
(2) I am able to break out of this cycle, at times, when I am able to keep a focus and sense of continual dependence on God. What prevents me from being able to do this on a consistent basis? I'm not sure. Pride? Laziness?
1) Identity. I have trouble seeing my identity in the Lord. I see it in what I look like in the mirror or what others think of me. The wrong choices I make seem to be because I am trying to be something I am not. And often the "good" choices I make are what others would want me to do. I can't seem to shake the need be something that others would like or want to be or would be attracted to.
2) Pride- I sometimes think I would rather be in bondage and fit in and do what I want. It's easier to do that even though I have way less joy in my life. I even convince myslef that the life of bondage is satisfying because I don't want to give up control.
1 - procrastination
2 - selfishness
1 - procrastination and laziness
2 - fear and selfishness
1. Discontentment is by far the biggest thing that threatens me with bondage. In this day of materialism I find it is very hard to be content with what I have. I am a stay-at-home mom and wouldn’t trade that for anything, but when I see family and friends with all the toys, big houses and frivolous items it makes the “green-eyed monster” come out in me.
2. My biggest obstacle to living freely and fully in Christ is myself. I never doubt my salvation, but I don’t really feel like I am growing either. It doesn’t matter how many Bible studies I do or time I spend with Him, I just never feel like I am becoming stronger in faith. If someone were to ask me if I believe God can do anything I would say an emphatic yes, but somewhere inside of me is this person saying, “Are you real? Do you really believe what you are saying?” I see other people my age continuously talking about God and his work in their lives, and I just think, why can’t I be more like them!
1) Being born into bondage, and not knowing any other way or life until you get older. Then being too embarrassed to ask questions for fear of being ridiculed!
2) Not knowing who Christ is because you've never been taught! Being older and ashamed to ask!
#1. Feelings of inadequacy, mostly in the area of personal relationships, that I am not really loved or wanted. This is particularly true in my marraige. Even when my husband is being attentive I sometimes resent it because I don't believe him. I know that there are many things I could do that I do not because I am trapped in this web or cycle of rejection. I think one of the saddest things is the phrase, "I could have..."
#2 Being able to act upon the knowledge that I am complete in Christ, that no sin or comdemnation defines or restricts me. I know but I cannot always act upon that knowledge, and so I stay bound. Do you think somehow this is connected to people pleasing or a lot of rejection as a kid and young adult. As I write this I see some self pity and feel shame, I hate self pity and think I will practice some 0 tolerance today for that. Thanks, feel a little better already. Just naming it and looking at it, the truth sets us free. Amen
1) My thought life threatens me me. I used to read things I should not, and watch TV shows that were not always the best. I thought they were not having an effect on me, but I was wrong the effect is not always immediate. I imagine myself in situation that I should not be. It is a constant struggle to not let myself go down that path again.
2)My biggest obstacle is the past and the hurt I have suffered at the hands of people who were to care for me. I find it so hard to trust God as a Father who unconditional loves me when a father figure in my past hurt me. I find it hard to let myself be vunerable even to God. I see others like yourself who lives freely and fully in Christ and I want to be able to do that so much but I just can't let myself be that vunerable again.
1)Insecurity. It seizes my every thought and desire. I want to volunteer in different ministries in my church but feel unwanted and unworthy. It's not just in church at this point it's all situtations. I feel just plain not good enough at my core.
2)Not being able to let go of the guilt of feeling like it is my fault for my past childhood victimization. I feel like everytime I try to let go of it there is always someone to tell me "you know you wanted it". (Even God) My logical mind knows this is not the God I worship, it's not what His Word says. But I guess sometimes my heart just doesn't trust Him.
1) Not sure. Probably the same answer to 1 & 2.
2) Fear and/or lack of courage to step up. Fear of who I would be, fear of if my family/friends would still love me, fear of what I might lose, fear of how much of my life would change, fear of giving up control.
1. never stopping being afraid. afraid of letting someone in and really really letting them get to know the real me and trust them w/ that knowledge after surviving not only being molested by family member then at age 22 rapped by his son i can not stop the fear that overwhelms me when someone wants to be close to me male or female. if the people who were to protect me were so careless and cruel why would the world not?
2. never fully trusting my lord and savior. i am afraid to love HIm completely when i first realized i did not really trust him it brought me to my knees and i could not stop crying... i am afraid i will never be able to TOTALLy surrender to him it all the trust the love the "all of me"
1) Bondage to food. It is my addiction. I have tried all ways to control portions, exercise, count calories, and live with it. Most would not think that I have issues because I'm a size 10-12 and don't look overweight. But I feel this tremendous pull toward food every day.
2)Busy-ness. I just find myself too involved with other things to take the time to be in the Word and pray. I know it's important, I just let my kids, work, church, sleep come before spending that time with God.
1. Fear is one thing that threatens my freedom. Being a slave to fear for over 20 years of my life, most of the time homebound. If I don't consciously, everyday claim Romans 8:15 and 2 Tim. 1:7 I can be back in that pit before I even know what happen. This trick of satan has worked on me so well in the past he still tries to use it.
2. I would prbably say that my self-esteem is a big obstacle. Some days I can be bold with my fiath and other times I feel so inadequate.
1. FEAR/WHAT-IF'S
2. FEAR. Fear that God is punishing me, fear that He will "really teach me a lesson" if I surrender certain things to Him, fear of rejection. Just plain scared of the what-if's coming to fruition.
1. The one thing that threatens me the most with bondage is fear. Fear that I'll get sick...or that something will happen to my husband...that we'll never have children...we'll never get out of debt...it goes on and on.
2. My biggest obstacle to being free is just plain busy-ness. God has given me what I need to be free, but I lack consistency in applying it because I feel so overwhelmed with everything else. The plain truth is that sometimes it seems easier to just survive.
1) My biggest areas of bondage (that the Lord has revealed to me) are that of food addiction and insecurity. I am overweight and struggle with feeling unloved. It is a vicious cycle as I eat to fill the loneliness and then fear no one will love me because I am fat and ugly.
2)To be honest I haven't really and totally put my heart and mind into trying to break free. I don't apply Scripture - I don't turn my thoughts over to God - I am impulsive and think that by eating I am somehow getting back at whoever wronged me. "I'll show them - I'll eat 10 Oreos!" My own self-will is holding me back. I know what the right decisions/choices are I am just not making them.
1. Lying. When I was in college, I "doctored" the number of hours that I had worked on a rotation, because I knew that I had not quite met the required number of hours for my degree program. Before I was licensed, I actually did work the number of hours I needed, but the form I turned in was falsified. I've never had the courage to "fess up" to the licensing board (or to anyone else for that matter). I've confessed to God over and over and I don't know if I could regret my actions more, but I always wonder if God can really forgive me if I don't go to the board.
2. My biggest obstacle to living freely in Christ is the feeling that I continue to live a lie and I don't know how to get out from under it.
I struggle with unforgiveness toward a family member who is mentally ill and an alcoholic. The unpredictable behavior and disappointment at times just wears me down.
What keeps me in bondage is FEAR. I am so afraid of what might happen, just how bad it is going to be the next time,and waiting for the other shoe to fall.
This is not someone who wants help.
The book Praying God's Word helps immensely. I have also prayed that God will help me love them as they are. He has. And I do. Might heart sure aches over this.
1) The thing that threatens me the most with bondage is lack of discipline. Procrastination. Unfinished projects and (important) tasks. It's just plain LAZINESS and lack of CONSISTENCY.
2) The biggest obstacle is my desire to be comfortable. To eat things that momentarily give me a little pleasure. To watch tv or surf the internet - when I should be doing things around the house, engaging with my family, hitting the treadmill, going outside, helping someone else, doing quiet time, encouraging friends - because it's takes the least amount of effort and is comfortable and is easy pleasy.
I'm an easy pleasy person and I hate that about myself. The source of it all is self-focus, I think. God is helping me train my mind to think of him instead of myself and it's really showing me how obsessed I am with myself and what I want to think about and do.
Beth--Thank you for your encouragement to the single women. I am 37, single, and struggling with it after a very painful break-up. I read Amanda's blog the other day & of course, did not post anything because I didn't think I had anything to contribute. I am new to reading this blog & I admit, later in the day I thought to myself, "If that blog is mainly about relating to husbands & children, I don't know how much I will tune in." Thank you for your encouraging words to the single seistas. BTW--God is really using the Stepping Up study to walk me step by step through this difficult journey. Thank you.
1) Perfection: To be perfect in everything I do: wife, mother, friend, christian, on & on & on
2) I can't be perfect for Christ like I want to be. I always mess up at something, even if it's a small something. And I then talk to him about it again. I guess I expect him to eventually give up on me.
1. My husband, a pastor, has struggled with an addiction to pornography throughout our marriage. The comments in the Titus advice blog about our "ministry" were hard to read because of this. I have felt in bondage to not being able to give myself physically to my husband because of his addiction. I do it out of duty. I want to feel it. We have been to counseling, but it all makes me feel so ashamed.
2. Trust issues and the need to please. I must say though that God is doing a work through his word in these two areas.
1) Lack of control
2)Giving up control. Seems stupid as I already know I don't have the control to begin with! Starting to get the picture that I'm a control freak?
1. The day-in, day-out struggle to not overeat. The underlying thrum of that need to just eat something more. For thin women, it's hard to understand - but it's like a full bladder - it just doesn't feel better until you empty it. So it is with overeating - something just doesn't feel "right" until you eat. That feeling might be a lie, but it's powerful, and it's the way many of us feel, and it's the never ending struggle we deal with.
2. The biggest obstacle is the food/weight issue, but along with that goes that fact that Jesus is invisible, not audible, and speaks mainly through His Word (and people, etc.) It is hard to have a vibrant relationship with someone I can't hear, feel, see. He does speak through His Word and I'm thankful, but what I think I hear can be subjective. I believe! But it's waaaay different having a "relationship" with Someone who doesn't relate in the ways we are used to. Thank you for asking, Beth.
1. Unjustified poor body image. I am not large by any means. Just not happy with what I see in the mirror and in my mind's eye.
2. Circumstances. I look too long and hard at my life circumstances right before my face. Whatever is at hand at the moment distracts me from fully trusting & looking to God.
1) Trust! I have always had issues with this. It has gotten much worse though. I was raped 5 years ago and ever since then it has been a huge struggle. I have a hard time trusting anyone, even people who have done nothing but show they can be trusted. But every time I start to try, something stops me.
I know how this is going to sound but I am going to say it anyway. I really have a huge struggle with trusting God. I so much want to. I want to believe everything that is said. I try to but it is so hard for me. I struggle moment by moment to not completely give up. I know that makes me a bad christian or maybe not a christian at all. But that is the truth.
2) This goes with number one. If I don't trust God how can I expect him to care at all. How can I ask for anything when my heart is so full of mistrust and anger. I don't know how to get to the place I was before all this happened. How can I live anything but this lie everyone sees, when I struggle just to believe God is who he says.
I have no idea if this is what you needed or wanted. I am sorry if it is not. It is truthful though. More truthful then I have been with anyone.
1) Fear has been the greatest stronghold in my life. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of God not really wanting the best for me, and many, many more fears. I have found that every struggle that I have is rooted in fear.
2) My biggest obstacle to living freely and fully in Christ is that I have lived most of my life with such a distorted view of what life on this earth is supposed to be like. I wrestle with my desires to "have it all" and "be all" that this world says is "life", and God is teaching me (through much pain and spiritual battle) that the only road to freedom is to release all of those desires to Him so that He can replace them with His desires for my life... with a much broader view of the life that He really has for me... and the greater eternal and spiritual impact that my life was intended for.
1)Wallowing in self-pity and worrying what others think of me.
2)Selfishness
1) My own distorted thought process threatens to keep me in chains the most. If I don't make the intentional effort to make every thought captive to Christ, I cave in to mistrusting myself in every decision I make.
2) Fear is the biggest obstacle I have in living fully in Christ. Fear that my relationships will change in ways I don't want and fear that I am not worthy.
P.S. I just started working for the very new LifeWay in town. One of my first customers wanted to return "Breaking Free". I convinced her not to, of course!
I am in bondage right now. Honestly, if I knew what to do to get out, I would. I have been struggling with PP Depression and figuring out what methods to use to treat it for about 2 years and I am really sick of feeling lousy all the time. I know that the big mean guy is using guilt and fear to hold me down but I don't know what to do to combat it. I want to love my girls purely and without anger. I want to be able to love my husband freely and unselfishly like I did pre-babies. I so want to see God work in my life but I just don't have the desire anymore. I have a lot of "why" questions for Him that I don't feel like He is answering. I can't seem to get past this feeling like I am entitled to so much more than I have. I know this is wrong, but I don't know how to change my thinking. I want that desire to know Him more! I want guidance in learning how to study the Word on my own b/c w/o anything leading me, I am just lost. I have been a Christian for a long time... I should know by now. Right???
1) The world, truthfully. It is so easy to get caught up into during the week (especially for one in college!). Little things can slip in without me realizing it. It's so easy to gossip with friends, watch E!News, read secular books that easily bring me farther from God and our time together. I pray that He grants me the vision to see the temptations Satan places in my life and the wisdom to stay far from them!
2) Control! I'm most comfortable in situations that I feel like I'm in control of. If I'm not in control, I get thrown for a loop. It's easy to throw control to Him with some things, but others things that matter dearly to me, it is SO HARD to let Him have!
2) caring about what other people think!! (I live in constant bondage of what everyone else thinks which keeps my gifts and freedom in Christ all hidden away- a 'safe' but miserably frustrating place to live)
Dear Beth your questions hit me like a ton of bricks, and I can barley see the keys on my keyboard I am crying so hard. My answer to both is the same. I am quietly suffering with something that is paralizing my life. My spiritual life as well. I'm embaressed to even write about it. I have something that causes me to pull my hair out, literally. I have to wear caps all the time so i can't really dress up. I always have a hat on. Also, to go to church I have to spray black spray on my head to cover the bald spots. I feel like people think I am weird for always wearing a hat. I am very involved with my church , but not how I want to be. I know that if I could break away from this I would be a diffrent person. I don't know if I answered your question or not, but will you pray for me? Thanks
Ok, Beth! I dont think ill answer your questions at this moment in time cause im babysiting my niece BUT i would like to say that you are one amazing women like ive said a million times on here! I truly fell like all of the sieastas on here and You,amanda,maliessa, and LPM are family! I love you all so so dearly and i truly mean that!
1. Living daily life...routine. It is very hard for me to change my routine especially now having a child and having to work around his routine.
2. There are quite a few things but mainly I am scared of what the Lord wants to do with me because at one time I felt led into full time missions. But, now I am married and have a child so I guess I am scared of how he wants to use me. Secondly, my husband was brought up differently than I. I am a PK so I was in church anytime the doors were open and my husband only had to go when he wanted to. He is a christan but he doesn't (and has vocally told me) want to be "involved". He is fine with going to church and sunday school but that is really all he wants to do. My struggle is to learn how to be the "spiritual leader" in my family and also to want to be. But, now that I have a child I so badly want him to grow up and see Christ in me and in my everyday life. I don't actually know what would boost me enough to be what the Lord wants of me except for prayer. Although, your conferences tend to light a fire under me and I am coming to Deeper Still in Atlanta in June. So, maybe I can pray ALOT b/t now and then for that spiritual boost I know I am going to get to last!!
1. alcohol
2. my mind
1. I think the biggest area of bondage that I am experiencing in my life is my desire to somehow escape it. It is painful to engage in life, and so I try to find ways to avoid it. I read. I spend hours on the computer--6 hours today already. Sometimes I try to deaden my emotions with alcohol. I am missing in action, yet physically present. I resent when others--my children, husband, friends--want something from me, but I also see my staying disengaged from them as something I do for their (mental/spiritual) safety. I don't want them to know the real me--the one full of a rage she does not understand, and pain that never seems to end. I am angry with God--get this--for answering a prayer! I asked Him to break me and He did. He is very efficient.
2.My biggest obstacle to living freely and fully in Christ is how easily I fall victim to OLD lies. Our family went through a terrible financial crisis 20 years ago--when I was a baby believer with no real knowledge of my Savior. It was humiliating. My husband lost his job; we lost our gas and phone. For six weeks straight our only meat was the fish my husband caught. He died 15 years ago, too soon to experience the years of financial peace between then and now. I have since remarried, and over the last dozen years become a relatively mature believer. Right now that is difficult to believe. Our family is experiencing some financial pressure, but our bills are paid, we are still giving, etc. Even so, I am paralyzed with anxiety. I don't know how to stop believing and "behaving" as if what happened 20 years ago is the truth "now." My fear seems even more irrational to my husband since he did not live through that particular hardship. Grabbing hold of THE Truth in this area is incredibly difficult. Even reminding myself of all the times God has proven Himself faithful has not been enough. I yearn for a seasoned mentor to help me catch the lies that I'm believing, and dare me to back them up with Scripture. Sometimes we are so close to the lies we do not recognize them for what they are, and fail to arm ourselves.
(Yeah, I haven't missed what I have spoken over myself here. I reckon those lies will be my starting point, hmm?)
1. The thing that scares me the most is how deceptive bondage is. I was so entangled in bondage that I had no idea what it was until I was out and can look back on it. The enemy is so deceptive and it's such a slow process for me, that I can look back and see everything that put me there, but couldn't for the life of me see it then. The song by Casting Crowns "Slow Fade", sums it up for me (thank you Lord for good Christian music!) Some of things that I thought were blessings that I got when I was trapped, were just things the enemy dangled in front of me to keep me right where he wanted me and take me even further than I ever could have imagined. I look back now and it is terrifying the lies that I believed and how it only left me wanting more. I had huge issues with 'people' worship of a few certain rock stars (mainly 1 or 2), I should say. This started at a very young age (9). I became more and more obsessed with them (all the while I was a Christian--at age 9, right when this stuff came into my life). My parents didn't like it ever and would forbid me to listen to the music, wouldn't let me go to concerts, etc. As I got older, my parents even broke down and allowed me to continue in it. I ended up getting to actually meet these rock stars a few times and it got worse and worse. I actually even thought the Lord blessed me with being able to meet these people I always wanted to meet. I live in a small town with a small concert hall and all 3 bands that are three of the most famous bands in the world came to play here more than one time. I even thought that was a blessing, but it only took me deeper and deeper into it. That is only one example of the bondage I was in. This obsession ended up affecting my marriage even (but my husband is wonderful and we are great), because these people actually knew me and my husband new the attachment that I had to these people for almost 20 years. I was just broken of this about 3 years ago and I just begged the Lord to free me from this fixation of these people, and this music, that started when I was 9 years old and HE DID IT. I still have temptations to listen to the music, but I just can't. I started reading my Bible daily and journaling prayers when I was in 11th grade and even though I wasn't applying my reading then, I'm thankful, that it probably kept from me more junk that I managed to not fall for. (I also have a history of abuse as a young child and I don't know if this is what drove me to attach myself to people I thought were out of reach of hurting me or what, whatever the case, even people I thought were out of reach, really were able to turn my life upside down).
2. The thing that scares me the most about freedom, is having my dirty laundry aired. I certainly don't want to act like I don't have it, but I'm afraid of who the Lord might call me to minister and of what they'll think about me if they knew me 'then'. I love what Mrs. Kay Arthur said at Deeper Still, that if she'd shut up whining about her past, the Lord told her He'd use it-- and praise the Lord He is. I know He is faithful and I know I'm forgiven, but it's hard to not keep that 'stuff' as a crutch to not be faithful and free like I should be. He is allowing me to teach Sunday School and facilitate Bible studies, but I haven't fully surrendered to obey whatever He asks of me. Even though I know that whatever His plan is will give complete freedom (keeping in mind it would be a battlefield of warfare that I've never known), I know that obedience and surrender would be of greater worth for our ultimate goal of heaven, than any suffering on this earth. It's just the unknown and the fear that I couldn't actually surrender every part of my life.
I know this is a lot of rambling. I've typed this once already and somehow lost it before it got published. I think I made a little more sense the first time. I don't know if you are going to post all of these, but I'm sure glad you asked for them to be anonymous.
The skit that goes along with the Lifehouse 'Everything' song is the most beautiful picture of Jesus freeing us from bondage that I ever seen. If you haven't seen it, go to GodTube and look it up. It's from Knoxville Tn, Winterfest, I believe.
This one is coming from one of your "Single Siestas".
1. Being overly skeptical or looking for an other than pure motive behind someone's actions. I was abused as a small child and it has affected so many areas of my life. The biggest I am noticing more and more as I grow older is relational skills. There just is very little trust.
2. I have just begun therapy at 44 to deal with the abuse issue and I'm working on loving myself instead of blaming myself. I call myself "stupid" all the time and am told that I must have more affirming speach to myself. It's hard to love myself and I know it holds me back in a lot of areas. It has gotten better.
By the way, Beth - listening to your study you did with other abused people (Whispers of Hope?) is really what got me moving in a more productive direction with all the baggage I've carried around. I can't thank God enough for you. Your teaching has changed my life. You just don't know.
1. I am unbelievably insecure, despite an appearance of confidence that I put on daily. This is my bondage. My mother was (and still is) extremely demeaning and abusive. I fight daily to keep from being torn down by her, and now from myself.
2. My biggest obstacle to living freely and fully in Christ is my hard-headed, stubborn, insecure belief that I don't deserve it. I don't feel like I have anything to offer Him, so I don't deserve anything from Him.
I really can't wait to hear the results of this. I sometimes feel very alone in my bondage.
1. My biggest bondage is bulimia (can't believe I just admitted to that). Goes hand in hand with my self image. I can say that in a line-up of 50 women, I would be the last one any of my friends would pick as being someone who struggled with an eating disorder.
2. The fear of not fitting in to today's society keeps me in bondage. Taking a stand against judging appearances, a stand against gossip, a stand against materialism, a stand against critical thinking would mean taking a stand against everything most women I know do on a daily basis. Then I would feel very much alone.
1. TRULY trusting Christ has my best interest at heart. I know it in my head, but my heart has a hard time accepting it. B/c of...
2. God has my husband and I in restraints and we feel stuck. We know it may be for our good down the road, but the NOW is VERY hard. It has given way to bondage of trust issues and depression.
1. Fear kept me in bondage. Fear from the unkown, because I did not believe God. I believed in God, I revered Him, feared Him, knew He is in charge, but did not trust Him.
2. Believing God enabled me to Break Free! I really believe that doing the Believing God study and internalizing those beautiful points: God is who He says He is, God will do what He says He will do, I am who God says I am, God's Word is alive and active in me and I'm Believing God....taking that to heart, letting it melt my heart and all the old ideas, and then doing the Breaking Free Study about a year later really resulted in freedom!!
I didn't read all of the instructions. Mine was too long. Just delete if necessary. I'm sorry! I got carried away. It's the one about rock music, etc.
1) The one thing that threatens me the most is FEAR. The fear of rejection, pain and defeat. I have felt a lot of rejection in my life from the ones closest to me and I struggle w/ the fear of stepping out and feeling that same feeling of loss and separation from the ones I love the most.
2) Learning to break away from past hurts and pain. I feel that overwhelming sting of " What if they don't care" What if the think I am weird". I have to learn that Christ loves me for who I am and that I have to learn to love myself. I have been through the "fires" for a reason and my Heavenly father wants to us "ME". The only way he can use "ME" is for me to let go of the past and all my fears!!
I CAN DO ANYTHING I WANT TO DO!!!
PRAISE JESUS!!!
whew this is a doosy for me (praising Him for your sweet heart to make these anonymous..and begging for your prayers)
1) MY MIND. For whatever reason I have never struggled with drugs or alcohol (just never interested in the stuff) and have no doubt I will physically be a virgin until I say "I do". But due to my insecurities, and doubts of value and self-worth, the enemy has had me trapped in a fantasy whirlwind since the age of 12. I am embarrassed and very humiliated to think about the places I have been in relationships in my mind. I'll just be honest and say those things wouldn't dare pass approval for a movie screen...Hollywood's got nothing on me. I am scared stiff--lost in this world of meaningless pleasure--because it's the one place I know I'll be accepted and told I'm beautiful regardless of my performance.
2)I'm afraid of failure. I know that freedom in Christ is exactly the opposite of the word failure, but I'm still scared to let go of the need to have people here (on earth) like me. I have been a people pleaser and a perfectionist my whole life, and I know letting that go may mean losing friends along the way. I want to know how to wake up with joy every morning knowing that Christ loves me and that's enough. He is enough. God, please be enough.
Hi Miss Beth, love you.
1. NOT recognizing the bondage I"m in. I"ve been very susceptible to the devil's 1/2 truths and ploys where bondage is concerned. I'm sometimes deeply in without realizing I'm in bondage. For example I'll overserve before I realize 1/2 of what I'm doing is of my own volition, not His!
2. My biggest obstacle is ME. Beth, I have to tell you, my thought life tends to be self centered on why I don't deserve His love and forgiveness. Really getting the Truth of the Word of God in my head (and my heart) has got to be the answer, but having lived so long in the flesh, (I was saved at 33, I'm 36 now) reconditioning my mind had been a long, difficult work. The good news is, as I plug away, our God is faithful...and it does improve! Having just finished Breaking Free, I am so grateful for how the Lord ministered to me through your life's work. Thank you. God bless our hearts and words Siestas!
1) How incredibly easy it is to slip back into. Do you ever make a conscious decison to return to bondage? It's just so AVAILABLE! And often attractive!
2) My trust in Him. I love Him with all my heart, but (God forgive me) I wonder, when things are not going well, if first of all, does He hear me? does He care? Then, and I've never said this to a living soul...Does He even exist?
1. using food and fantasy to fill up the scary dark holes that open when I feel out of control or not enough.
2. feeling so very deeply in bondage that the belief of freedom seems cruel to hope in because I have failed so consistantly.
1)Guilt and shame for choices in the past.
2)Arrogance. Too often I believe I can live life, make decisions and accomplish goals without God. Time and time again I have lived outside of God's Will simply because I thought I could do it better/easier/faster/more efficiantly than He could. However, each time I try to do things outside of God's Will, I am reminded that it is so much better to live in God's Will.
1. My stomach. I'm not really all that overweight, but nonetheless I spend waaaay too much time thinking about food. And eating it. Very little self-control.
2. WANTING PEOPLE TO THINK HIGHLY OF ME. Placing that above God's thoughts.
1) I want those prescription diet pills so badly. When I took them I was only 110 and now, giving them up because they are wrong and unhealthy I weigh 30 lbs more and I don't like this "me". I compare myself to every woman near my age.
2) Believing that God is truly happy with me and loves me as I am since not one soul ever has and neither do I. How can I stop believing that I have to do everything right for him to be ok with me?
1.Self worth! This is my "pit" and I live on the edge - if not knee deep or deeper - in said pit. I have the hardest time trying to see myself as worthy, beautiful or precious in any way. I KNOW in my heart that I am His creation, but my mind takes me places that NO child of God should find herself in. PS.139:14 is permanantly etched in my heart (and on every mirror in my house) I just need to get it through my head!!!!
2.I think that the world keeps those of us with low self worth in bondage - truly. I hate what I see in the mirror but am addicted to shows like America's Next Top Model or What Not To Wear and magazines that tell you you have to be thin to be beautiful on one page and give you a recipe for some calorie and fat infested dessert made to feed a dozen but, as I unfortunately have proven on several occassions, CAN be eaten by one woman in one sitting on the next page!!!! Show me how to be beautiful in my current body with my current bank account! Don't send me to New York to show me how to find clothes, send me to WalMart or Target or even Khols!!!!
1) Anything mood-altering (drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, food)
2) Fear that if I let go of everything, God won't be able to meet the needs that I'm trying to meet with substances.
Thanks for showing so much concern for us singles. I love you much, Momma Beth.
1) I am having a hard time forgiving someone who abused me physically and mentally.
2) I want to forgive. But sometimes the feeling washes over me that I would like to just smash his head in! What is that? I pray and I pray and sometimes it feels like I've made it and then something triggers a memory and I know if someone said, "you know, he's dead", God would know that in my heart I would not be a bit sorry. Not one bit.
1. Impure thought life. Nothing pulls me further from Christ, and it's an easy trap to slide into, what with the media influence and all.
2. Fear! I'm scared to death that God has some master plan that He wants me to be a part of, some multiple choice test that I'm continually failing. I'm afraid that His Word is for other people, not for me. I'm afraid I was born to "ride the bench" and that God doesn't really have a plan for my life.
1. MY MIND!! is one of the things that keeps me in bondage. I daily fight the battlefield of the mind. Sometimes it is less than other days, but its always there. Whether its about my marriage, my self worth, thinking about the opposite sex (not in a good way), COMPARING myself to other women etc. (I know it sounds like an awful mess) I can say today w/ confidence though that yes, I am fighting these battles but I am doing it w/out the guilt!! I use to feel so guilty and ashamed and I would look @ and think that everyone else has it all together except for me until I realized that NO one has it all together. The second is FEAR. I can remember as a child being stricken w/ fear. I use to fear that my parents would leave me or that they would get sick and die etc. As I got older the type of fear just changed but it was always there. I truly believe that is the devils way of keeping me in bondage.
2. FEAR & DOUBT! This is another battle of mine. Sometimes I feel so hypocritical b/c I talk about God and I truly believe in him but then in the back of my mind I think "Is He really real, Can I really rely on Him for my salvation,Does He really know who I am & Can I really rely on HIS Word for the absolute TRUTH" These are just the surface of my doubts. Sometimes I wonder if I should even call myself a follower of Jesus when I doubt Him more than anything? On one hand I am scared to death to trust in Him and on the other I KNOW I have no where else to turn but to him.
1)Fear of becoming someone I’m unsure I know how to be. Once you’ve been a certain way your entire life, how do you become what you truly want to be? break habits/overcome sin/become His new creation/believe Him in every circumstance.
2)Trust. In Him to shatter the fear.
1) Food!
2) I know that food has long been an idol for me and I hate the barrier it puts between God and me. I confess my overindulgences again and again but sometimes my flesh overtakes my thoughts and I trip up again. It almost makes me feel insane at times, like I'm two different people! It's as if the thing I hate most about myself is the thing I keep turning to!
1) I'm most threatened to bondage in 2 areas:
* my marriage - sometimes I feel threatened by my husband's relationship with his assistant, although he has never given me reason to suspect anything. Satan knows it's a hot button and I constantly have to lay it down.
* worry for my kids' sexual purity - I didn't stay pure before marriage, and it's easy for me to worry about the "sins of the fathers" falling on my teenagers.
2) What keeps me from enjoying freedom in Christ is being worried about the perceptions of others, particularly Christians. Some can be very legalistic and seem to take pride in the things they don't do, while passing judgment on others because of what they feel free to do. While I'd never purposely do anything to make anyone stumble, neither do I want to put on the "susie spiritual" facade. And by wearing "susie spiritual" I'm afraid I could be perceived as a legalist by others... vicious circle, huh?
1) addiction... to relationships, to food, to alcohol.
2) neediness. lack of satisfaction in Christ alone.
1. Not being able (not allowing myself) to trust my husband even though he deserves it. I'm always thinking about "what if he cheats on me." Why do I feel like I need to check up on things he says and does to see if he's lying? Every time I do I find him to be credible.
2. Myself. I hold myself back more than anything else. I lack the determination and consistency to do what I need to do every day to maintain victory over old, self- defeating habits. I don't let God do what I know he wants to do for me.
1) I truly feel bonded to the worldly way of operating sometimes. I find myself in bondage to materialism, and the sometimes overwhelming need to bring myself and my family "up to par" with the status quo. It seems an irrational bondage to me, and I know the Holy Spirit works minute by minute to break me of it, yet it still remains.
2) Lately, I've felt that God is calling me to a more radical obedience to a specific task He has set before me. I fear that submitting to it will mean leaving comfort and stability behind, although I know through His word that He promises to sustain me and provide for me every step of the way. The heel-dragging is keeping me in the mud puddle instead of encouraging me to seek out that pond. (Thank you for the analogy, Beth; I recall it often, and it does help to urge me forward!)
1. I am in bondage to the PAST. Specifically that my husband had a relationship with another woman. It has utterly destroyed my mind. Sadly what I am in bondage to, is the very thing that caused him to be born again and have an amazing faith. So I secretly fight my thoughts and fears , anger and insecurity in myself. ANd the desire for the other woman to have a miserable life like she made me have.(temporarily)
2. It's hard to say. ( maybe number one tells it all) ha ha! I think that the thoughts wear me down and steal away my faith,and joy. but mostly I hold myself back by not putting God in control and releasing all my fears of Him driving the ship. ( I feel shame just typing those things)
1. What threatens me most is the dark place that my bondage takes me. The anger leads to depression then more anger then finally just wishing I was dead. It goes so fast into the downward spiral that it sometimes catches me off-guard before I even have time to take a stand. It scares me how evil the evil one is - and how fast and clever he is. Just when I think I am strong, I fall flat. It is so hard.
2. What holds me back is my own self. My day starts out on my face, then with study and sometimes, goes downhill from there. I say unkind things or think horrid thoughts. Next thing I know, I am feeling such self-defeat that I wonder if I am even a Christian. I have known God since I was a little girl and been studying the Bible all my life. Yet I still wallow in deep, dark places that never seem to go away. When something happens to my children, I react from my own gut - thus the anger and frustration. I hear things come out of my mouth that are definitely NOT Christian. Some days, I just want to give up. The battle seems so long and so hard. I know in my head that the victory is already won and Jesus is all I need. I wish my life was living proof of that.
1. My area of bondage is a deeply rooted shame and dislike of who I am at the core. It is very subconcious, but it affects my whole life. I have struggled with this since I was a little girl and to be honest, I am not sure why. The beauty of it is that it has given me the sweetest relationship with God. I have MUCH need and am desperate for Him and He doesn't seem to mind. I love that!
2. My biggest obstacle to freedom is unbelief. (Thank you for Believing God!) Believing the Word and God over how I feel is a daily discipline. Does it get easier?...because right now, it is hard work!
1. Listening, viewing things which are not Godly. (television and movies)
2. When I doubt GOD'S Word and believe the lies of the enemy & not setting healthy boundaries with extended family members.
Sorry, Miss Beth, but I had to copy your questions, as it is so much easier for me to answer them this way.
1) What one thing threatens you most with bondage?
1A) Right now, learning how to deal with involuntary movements [known as "tics"], and weakness in my muscles that are making it difficult for me to find a job that I can handle; even part-time; in a way that glorifies God.
1B) Due to these things, [as I have prayed for God to remove them, but it hasn’t happened yet, so I am guessing that they will be “thorns in my side”, at least for a while, if not for a lifetime], I am being forced to leave what I feel is where God has called me to work [with school aged children], but I cannot do this right now, so I am having to completely change careers at this time; and to allow God to help me to do so gracefully, and for Him to help me guide me to where ever it is that He wants me to be; and to allow Jesus to heal my broken heart regarding all of it, and to pray that He might allow me to go back to the other career path somehow, some day. =(
2) What is your biggest obstacle to living freely and fully in Christ?
Overcoming fear of failure in even searching for a completely new job situation; overcoming fear in general, and learning how to deal with these “constant” tics, and the pain that come with them; and weakness in my muscles that even my doctors have not been able to figure out yet
With Love, and clinging to Jesus,
One of your "single sisters"
P.s. Thanks for addressing your single sisters ... Love you, too
Ok. You are really going to think I'm nuts. I'm the one who has posted for the 3rd time now. My first one was way too long about the rock music. Second was to apologize. This one is to say short and sweet:
1. The scariest thing about bondage for me is that I mistook it for my dreams coming true, not the pit of sin that it was.
Sorry for taking up so much space delete whatever is necessary. This was huge for me though and even bigger to realize the seduction for what it was--sin.
2) selfishness and fear
I am doing Stepping Up and God has just really spoken to me about eating the seed instead of reaping a harvest. I know (head knowledge) what I need to do but for the life of me can't overcome! I guess it really is more of an obediance issue??!! I don't know for sure.....
I continue to hold myself back in ALL areas of my life. WHY CAN'T I BE FREE IN MY LIFE!!! I can just feel me holding back but YEARNING to let go!!
1. As a single/divorced/widowed siesta committed to following Christ bondage comes from the "church". There is a subtle yet persistent message that unless you are married & covered by a spouse you have less value. Your needs are rarely if ever addressed, you feel invisible or treated as if something is wrong with you. This attitude drives singles into marriage prematurely to address a need for self worth, intimacy & value within the church body. Singleness is a gift to be appreciated not disgraced. Singles have more freedom to use their giftings for service to the body. Singles have unfettered time to cultivate a close relationship with the Lord, work on and heal their issues prior to getting married.
2. The "church" can be the biggest obstacle to living freely & fully in Christ. Some leaders have a misconception that everyone in the body should be, act, relate a certain way. Unfortunately man's rules can creep into their theology. This Pharasee way of thinking sets up people to wear masks in order to fit in. Church people act like they have already arrived fully sanctified. Maybe that is why sadly there are few Christians who are real, transparent & honest. Unity within the body doesn't mean that we are all the same. We are one body with many gifts and Christ is the Head. Christ came to set the captives free and it would be a shame for His Bride the church to place their members back in captivity.
I hope that I clearly communicated my answers. If not Holy Spirit please make it so because you know my heart.
God Bless
Mama Beth! Thanks for the shout out to us Single Siestas! Im here even if I don't comment. I tend to read and re-read blog posts. I catch something new everytime! The words posted here always touch my heart! Proof that God always knows what I need to hear and when!!
Love you!
Nikki
1)Bondage- My pride. I find that my life is sometimes consumed with pride. I bondage for me is that even my acts of service to Christ are motivated in a sense of pride over how others will view me etc--
2) Obstacle- not surprisingly hugest obstacle to freedom in Christ is it matters so much what people think of me. I know I am loved by Christ, but hand in hand with my bondage of pride is the unending need for others to accept me, to meet their expectations.
Dear Beth,
First to say your Breaking Free and Believing God studies are the two major tools that God used to dig me out of the pit I was in. I am forever grateful for your obedience to Him in your ministry.
1. A HUGE past mistake I made before my now husband and I got married. It was a consequence of not being in God's will and, well, you know - being "together" before we were married. The one thing you think will never happen to you, happened to me. We are both from very conservative, and I must say legalistic, strict southern baptist familes, and this mistake was something we couldn't muster the courage to admit to our families-we weren't even out of college yet, and had only been dating for a few months. So, we took care of our mistake (it breaks my heart to even think about what we did, still brings tears to my eyes). God's plans are always so interesting - you would think that would have torn us apart, but it didn't. We went on to get married two years later, almost didn't survive those first years. Had two incredible children, which to this day I can't grasp God's mercy in allowing me another chance, to have these two beautiful children that I have. When I did the Breaking Free study, my eyes were opened to who God really is, and what His Word really says, and the kind of people He chose to tell us about in His Word (people who did things just like me). I had never heard or been taught about that love before. It truly saved my marriage - my babies were still very little during this time when I did the study. Then, I did Believing God, and it just further brought me into freedom - Breaking Free helped me with the guilt. Now, I am truly getting a "do-over" - I not only have these awesome kids, I have even been called to homeschool them. They are both very faithful children - its amazing how little hearts can love their God so much! The other night I was singing Lord You are, more precious than silver, Lord You are, more costly than gold...my precious 5 1/2 year old daughter asked me what costly is, and I told her expensive - she said, "what Jesus did for me was costly..."and I said yes. She then said, "but it is free for me." AMAZING! I was a grown woman before I could even think about that. My husband and I both made a decision long ago that the buck stops here with our generation - no more unbelief, legalism, or whatever else. We are giving our family generations to come a heritage of freedom and faithfulness - all because of our Father! The enemy constantly tries to remind me about where I have been - I have to work hard not to go back there, but my God is bigger and keeps my where I need to be.
2. Thinking I am not good enough - negative pride - I have to pray about that every day to be confident in Christ.
I am sorry this was so long - I follow this blog closely - it is so encouraging to me, especially homeschooling and running my business from home - but this is the first time I have posted. This is just very near and dear to my heart.
Thank you so much!
1. The one thing that threatens me the most in bondage is FEAR! I have this constant fear that I am NOT okay with God, that I am not doing for Him what I am supposed to be doing, that the world will end I will be lost in it! I am fearful of my family's safety, fearful of flying in an airplane, fearful of being in front of crowds, fearful of roller coasters...you know the new Veggie Tales movie where Larry has his "list" of things he is afraid of? It is pretty funny, but there isn't much that ISN'T on my list! It is an awful way to live!
#2: What keeps me from living in complete freedom in Christ? LEGALISM!!!! I was raised in a strict household and old timey pentecostal church which combined in their "meaning well" efforts have instilled a sense of guilt over things that I know in my head and my heart just don't matter!! I need to break free from that! I know that there has to be a balance between the fear of God and the love of God, this is something I am just now working on.....
2.
1)FEAR has had me tied down for the last 12 years. Something bad happens in my life and I allow new fears to rear their ugly heads! Close friend dies and falling out with close friend = fear of friendship/intimacy...9 / 11 = fear of flying...there is an element of fear in almost everything I do in my life today. I'm even afraid of getting free because I might fail! Fear grips me so hard sometimes that I have panic attacks. Most people don't know this about me because I work overtime to stay in control and "keep it all together."
2)I can tell you exactly what the obstacle is...I went through the seven steps to freedom in Christ about 7 years ago. People right away said my countenance changed and that I "looked" different. They were amazed. I soon after had a part in the awful end of a very close friendship. I was shattered because at the same time, my husband was dealing with a pornography addiction. I let myself be defeated and I have no doubt that fear and self-loathing are the two things that hold me back from my freedom in Christ. It seems to me that it would take a miracle for me to get out of this mess that I have created!!
1) What one thing threatens you most with bondage? Looking back on past mistakes, or feeling like I can't "measure up".
2. What is your biggest obstacle of living freely and fully in Christ?
Failure to be in His word daily!
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**BETH---Thanks for letting us be apart of this....too cool!:-)
1. Procrastination/laziness
2. Believing God really loves me as much as he does.
1.What threatens me most with bondage is a brief, but meaningful lesbian relationship. I am married with two children, and I allowed a sexual intimacy issue to become a stronghold in my life and secret places in my heart and mind. We both are and were Christian women. I cannot get the vision and experience of it out of my mind. It haunts me daily.
2.My biggest obstacle to living freely and fully in Christ is due to number one. Satan knows where my weaknesses are now. I loved being with the other woman. It was amazing, all along knowing it was sin. My obstacle is letting the past go and not being able to completely let go of the lust that takes over me.
Oh mercy, I'm crazy about you too. Sorry, just had to tell you.
OK, succinct you said.
1) currently: worldliness, especially clothes. Thus, my image. Oh, MERCY, how I hate to admit it. I don't want to be worldly. I would tell you how much I hate this world system and how much better it is to humbly follow Christ...and yet...what do I allow to get me every time? UGH.
2) oh, I don't know Beth. Aren't these the same questions? Isn't the above the same thing that threatens me with bondage and keeps me from total freedom in Christ? Obviously, you want another answer. I'm trying. Not being in His Word enough? If I were, I'd TRULY believe Him and use some of that POWER to overcome?
Hope I helped, love you more than life for caring enough to ask!
1.) I know I spend to much time on the internet. I think I do it to escape the mundane things about being a Mom that I don't like (housework). But it saps me and feeds my guilt and I end up further and further behind in my physical responisibilities and then it snowballs, I don't spend enough time with my kids. And then I freeze up and spend time doing what I know I shouldn't be doing, and I sit in front of my computer screaming inside as the living room floor is a mess, and my kids just want to talk and I tell them to go play because Mommy is busy. Sometimes I ask for victory for just one minute and then the next and then the next, and then I do what I should be doing and love the freedom. All of a sudden though, every day I quit concentrating on staying out of bondage and I find myself back in front of the computer. I want to leave it behind and can't.
2.) My biggest obstacle, I want control, I want to lose myself in Christ and the two sides are totally at war, and I never seem to develop the habit of dependance on Him. And so I stay where I am, not joyous, but with just enough happiness to get through.
1. My complete, consistant, inability to come to the end of myself!!
2. Being all or nothing! I love the praise and affirmation of people. If attention is a love language(I should read that book)... it's mine. Knowing that HE IS ENOUGH for me and throwing myself at His feet to learn to Practice His Presence and experience Him intimately was initially a CHOICE. Fortunately it became a habit. However, I struggle at times with my all or nothing tendencies that think I have to separate myself from the body in order to seek the Lord alone. And or know when it is appropriate to seek wisdom and council from others in the body regarding situations I face. I don't ever want to fuel any part of me, with the attention and or praise of man, that should be filled and fueled by the presence of the Lord alone.
The biggest thing that holds me in bondage, I think, is that my husband was married before me. Of course I knew it and his divorce was Biblical - but I was a virgin and a little naive about how it would "emotionally" affect me. And it has been really hard to overcome the fact that I have not been his "only" or his "first." He has done everything he can think of to make me feel special and loved. It's just me. I don't like the knowledge of pictures of him out there with "another" and I tend to fret over that. He also had a child whom I love very much - but worry that someday he will possess those photos and things that could pain me so much. Our past is our past - even if we'd like to forget it or move on - sometimes it's so "right there in your face."
My biggest obstacle to living freely and fully in Christ? I've never had much of a problem loving my Lord or wanting to serve Him. But I can be a very fearful person so I'd say that fear can probably really hold me back from living fully in His plan for me.
1. Fear-this has really been crippling me lately. It didn't used to be a stronghold but it has recently become one. I guess b/c it seems like I have more to lose.
2. I'm not really sure. I think it has to do with my lack of faith. Trusting the Lord for who He is and knowing that no matter what He's got me. That's easy to say but the act of living that way is so difficult for me. I just need to trust Him more and trust what He says is true.
WE SURE LOVE YOU, Beth
1. Inconsistency/lack of discipline.
2. Misplaced priorities - procrastination - daydreaming.
Answers:
1. Unforgiveness- I am quick to be critical of others- especially if I feel I have been or am being taken advantage of. When I feel someone is using me or taking advantage of me- especially if I have seen this side of them through knowing them better- I respond by distancing myself. If I can't get distance from that person I become very bitter and resentful.
2. My biggest obstacle to living free is bitterness and resentment I hold toward others, myself, my past. Whan I feel offended, whether rightly or wrongly- my unforgiveness has put a wall between me and God. The problem is- I can't get free from it. I have thought I was free from those feelings/thoughts twice- but I'm not. It such a habit/pattern of behavior for me. The scary thing is most people wouldn't know it. I seem like my bubbly outgoing self- but I have noticed that I have become more reclusive than I have ever been. I stay home more, don't go out much anymore, don't want to have company, avoid family more- only my husband knows this- but he is comfortable with it. The crazy thing is- I kind of like it- I crave my privacy- but I think it's because I view the people in my life as undependable, not worth all the energy I used to put into them, undeserving and a lot of the time- a nuisance. I know this isn't how Jesus would think or behave. I'm stuck. So I read inspirational books on the topic, pray and ask God for help, listen to Godly and inspiring music- but I'm still stuck
I love you Beth.
1. Fantasy. I fantasize about "what if's" too often. What if I had a different husband... what if I were more alluring... what if my house were nicer... It can go on and on.
2. Lazyness. I want instant gratification, the hard work of prayer, fasting, study, can seem tedious at times. Don't get me wrong, I love the Lord and serve him with my whole heart. But if there was one thing that keeps me from being who I need to be in my daily life, lazyness is it. I want the perfect relationship with the Lord and still sleep in past my quiet time.
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