Titus Advice
I've got some water boiling on the stove for lunch. We're having reduced fat Velveeta Shells and Cheese. Yes, very nutritious! It's been years since I've had Shells and Cheese and I couldn't resist the temptation when I saw the box at the grocery store. Since a watched pot never boils, I thought I would come and blog for a minute.
(Pause to cook and eat.)
Mom and I had a very interesting conversation last week in which I was telling her that Curt and I had been at each other's throats for a couple of days. She suggested that if I would go and "tend to my ministry" (wink, wink), maybe it would help things. At that point we both busted out laughing because, in our family, Mom is known as "The Titus Woman From Heck." She gave herself that name, actually.
Titus 2:3-5 says, "Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God."
(Pause to wipe cheese off my child's body and put him down for a nap.)
We got to talking about some...
(Pause to change his diaper.)
Ahem. We got to talking about some of the more unusual, humorous, or even downright good Titus advice we'd ever given. When I shared mine, my mom laughed really hard about it. It might have been a little funny, but I tell you what! It was needed!
So we thought it would be fun to share some Titus advice. Whether it's your best, your worst, your funniest, or your most unusual, as long as it's family friendly, let's hear it. I'll share mine in a comment. Let's hear from some single sisters as well as married ones!
Labels: Amanda
posted by Amanda @ 11:37 AM
281 Comments
281 Comments:
The first year Curt and I were married, we worked with middle school students at our church. I taught eighth grade girls in Sunday school. I was a terrible teacher, but my girls were so much fun and we enjoyed hanging out every Wednesday night before our youth Bible study. We always had to sit cross-legged on the floor during Bible study and the whole time they'd be tugging at the back of their shirts, trying to hide the unfortunate shame of their low-rise jeans. What I had learned over time was to bring a long-sleeve t-shirt or sweatshirt to wrap around my waist for such occasions. Before long, I had all my eighth graders tying shirts around their waists. So my advice wasn't overtly spiritual, and I guess it sounds a little ridiculous, but it kept everybody's minds on the Bible study and off their backsides!
I was listening to my "little" sister gripe about how her husband went into their bedroom when our parents came up their house to visit. My sister lacks in the love category for her in-laws; but told me that she doesn't go in the bedroom when his parents come up their house. I lovingly advised her that maybe it's because her husband isn't as fake as her. I promise it was all done in love. She laughed and agreed with me. It struck a chord within me that I am fake also. :)
I read this somewhere--but it's great advise that I've shared with others. If you have a tendancy to blow a gasket when your child tells you something that they have done, and it's led to them not telling you this might help. Give them a special place in the house to sit to tell you the "bad stuff". It makes them feel safe when they talk to you and lets you brace yourself to not "blow it". My son now asks to sit in this chair when he need to tell me something he thinks will upset me. It has really helped me to be more constructive with my parenting instead of starting off with a loud, "what were you thinking" rant.
The best Titus Woman advice I've ever gotten was my mom's version of "fake it till ya make it."
It was during a praticular "dry season" in my marriage and my loving mom told me that I needed to "be the fun you want your marriage to be." She meant that whether or not DH felt like being romantic, cuddly, goofy, etc., I ought to be all the more for the both of us. She was sure that eventaully he'd join in.
Sure enough her advice was HARD to practice (especially since I didn't praticularly "feel" very fun) but it was worth the effort. Hubby couldn't resist my charms for very long and pretty soon we were both genuinely enjoying the newly stoked flames of friendship/romance.
When I was a young bride 22 years ago, I was working in an office. I had a client at my desk who was in her late 40s. While we were talking, my new husband called on the phone. I mentioned that I needed to go shopping straight from work that night, and he asked me (on speakerphone) if I had enough money. I said, "Oh, yes, honey, I have plenty." The woman beside me turned purple. I am not kidding. As soon as I hung up the phone, she grabbed my arm. Hard. And she said, "My CHILD! That is the WRONG answer! NEVER, ever tell your husband you don't need more money to go shopping!" I laughed till I cried.
And yes, I try to give real,true Titus 2 advice to the precious young women God has placed in my life...but that was just flat funny.
It still makes me laugh thinking about Kay, Beth, and Priscilla -mainly Kay-teaching us about our "ministry" at Deeper Still in Nashville.I'm a firm believer in that I want my man glad I've gone to a conference and even more glad I'm home.
I did learn at another women's conference that I'm supposed to spend a third of my wardrobe budget on pajamas, wearing what my husband likes. I balance that with Rev. 16:15 "Blessed is the one who stays awake and keeps his clothes, so that he will not walk about naked" ;-)
The most practical advice is that I iron my man's shirts for him for work. You wouldn't believe how much he appreciates that small act.
I would encourage anyone who doesn't have a Titus 2 woman in their life to pray for one and then sit back and let Him choose. He has blessed me beyond what I could have ever imagined or chosen for myself in my Titus 2 woman. Praying for something that is in His word as His will for your life that you don't have is a life changing principle that I learned from my friend Beth.
Before you discipline your child in anger, look in the mirror at what you look like. Seeing the anger can sometimes soften it to a plan of diciplining in love.
A dear group of Siestas in Christ and I keep talking about starting up a "Hold Thy Tongue" Bible study at our church. We all recognize how sharp-tongued we can be with our husbands, which in turn makes them want to tune out, huddle up, and hunker down from the firestorm that's sure to come their way when we're all at our worst! And it does seem to be cyclical, come to think of it; we seem to all be in sync with our worst sharp-tongued moments (((blush))). What a wonderful idea to share these! And I plan to shamelessly steal your sweatshirt idea with my own ninth grade Sunday school girls!
~ Lisa in Western PA
I wish I had some advice. I need some. I teach 10th grade girls and those girls are precious and beautiful, but don't realize what all they're 'showing' sometimes.
I also just about fell out laughing, thinking about your mom at Deeper Still and Kay Arthur going on and on about our 'ministry'. My husband said that Kay is his new hero when I got home and told him. Your mom was HILARIOUS!! I don't know if I've ever laughed so hard. It was the best weekend I've ever had worshipping. Sorry for the side note, but it took me back to Nashville in September for just a minute.
I hope that will be released on DVD because that subject needed to be talked about and it's not found much in Christian circles. If it is released. Please include the Nashville Q and A!!
Thanks for all that ya'll do for us!!
Steph
We have been foster parents (and have adopted so are now forever parents!!) and at one time had three children under the age of two. The boys were brothers and very high maintenance (the older was a WILD, but sweet, one and the younger was a drug baby so had many issues - withdrawl, reflux, sleep issues and more) and the girl (now ours forever, thank you JESUS!!!) had some issues of her own due to severe neglect at the hands of her birth family. During this time it was not unusual for me to be in my pj's with teeth and hair unbrushed and the house a mess when Hubby came home from work. He was very understanding and helpful through it all, even sending me on a women's retreat with the church. On that retreat a very dear friend of mine - she was older and had been married and raised a family for years - heard me mention that I was still in jammies when my man came home and she told me that that was TERRIBLE! He should be my first ministry and he deserved the best and I needed to work harder to make sure that he recieved all he deserved - including an attractive wife when he came home. I had such guilt over that and tried so hard - most of the time failing which led to more guilt. HOWEVER, now that we are not doing foster care (at the moment) and have just our two girls I remember that advice and try REALLY hard to abide by it. He has always been supportive no matter what, but I am sure he appreciates the fact that his wife showers and brushes her teeth on an ALMOST daily basis now!!!!
As with all wives, we are always cooking something to take somewhere! A precious woman in my church shared with me that she always made two batches of the "goodies", one to take and one to leave at home so her hubby would know he was loved. After many, many years I still leave part of the goodies at home for my hubby so that he will feel loved. Regina
This goes along with your Mom's advice of "tending to your ministry"; but my Mom always told me that if I loved my man plenty, then he wouldn't go lookin' for it. Don't go south on me now, this goes to the littlest acts, such as listening, rubbing a tired back, sore feet, etc. Simply loving on them, by giving of yourself.
Blessings!
Yolanda
27 years ago, my Titus friend told me never to ask for advice I was unwilling to take--especially if what I needed was a confirmation of what I was going to do anyway. I learned what was girlfriend talk and what was husband talk. Saved me more than once. Can't wait to read the comments...annie
Amanda, I'm sure you were a great teacher :) Sounds like y'all had so much fun.
And a side note: YAY for another post from y'all. I love coming to the site and reading new blogs from y'all.
Oh I can't wait to read the answers to this! I love some good ol' Titus wisdom.
Hmmm. I hope this isn't inappropriate, and if it is, feel free to not display it Amanda.
But I heard a married woman the other day say some terrific advice to married couples:
To husbands: Give your wife your heart and she'll give you her body.
To wives: Give your husband your body and he'll give you his heart.
(Not always true I know, but we women can quickly get into that bad cycle of feeling neglected, and then we 'neglect' him.)
Oh, and one more tidbit...there are 3 things worth extra spending money on: good tires, good mattresses...and good shoes!! Amen?
My advice was given just last week to a group of girls I am discipling. On Sunday evening at about 4pm I got two phone calls from them. They all are going on mission trips this year with our youth group and needed reference forms filled out, who better to ask than your mentor, right? Well, when they ask you less than 24 hours before they are due and you have six of them to fill out you take a deep breath, do it. When they came over on Monday for our normal time together they got a little advice. You should not ask for a good word to be put in on your behalf at the last minute. Now all of there forms would be turned in late and that is not how anyone should handle herself.
On top of all that I had a awful day and spent a good hour having myself a really good cry. After expressing my heart to them they all apologized and when we were done with our lesson they did my dishes and cleaned my bathroom for me. I am now looking for other things to get after them about. ;)
I read the best advice ever for young married couples (or any for that matter)...the grass is not just "greener" on the other side of the fence, it's greener where you water it! So I try to enourage my girlfriends (and myself) to "water your marriage". It can mean alot of different things to everyone, just figure out what your "water" is and water away. I find that my marriage is alot more peaceful when it's not starved for "water". And just like a plant, it will flourish with the proper watering! Praise God, for "He is living water."
When you do something for yourself be sure it costs your family as little inconvenience as possible, be willing to go the extra mile to show them they come first. Example: on ladies Bible Study night cook dinner and include something special (even if it is frozen dessert) so the night is special for them too. Leave a movie for the kids and bless the dear husband who babysat or stayed home alone (make his night special too). What a sweet taste for the Lord this would create in your family. Shalom
The advice given to me MANY years ago was by a terrific Godly woman who had come to the youth group (where I was helping as a 24 year old) to talk to the girls about "things". ;) In this conversation, she threw in wisdom that I remember to this day and TRY use in my marriage! It is this (not word for word at all): Your words can crush the heart of a man - watch your tone and your words. Even if you think you're being funny with your sarcasm or you want to "fight" with words...be careful! The heart of a man is easily crushed by the piercing words of a woman he loves!
So, basically, our rugged, manly, strong and wonderful men can be injured by the more "delicate" species with tongues like knives!
She was telling this to teenagers...but it stuck with me.
Some Titus advice (on loving your husband) doesn't show fruit until those who've heard it are older! (I'm 36 now.)
My mama gave me some good advice recently. We've been through quite a few of Beth's studies together and will often talk in Beth-isms. My husband and I have been struggling with connecting and being truly tender towards each other. I was talking, carefully, with my mama and she really challenged me to stop rehearsing the offense, but to wallpaper my mind with the good and lovely. It really warded off a fight headed for disaster! It's amazing how the enemy is so darn quick to attack the precious parts of a marriage or relationship!!
chrisfromcanada--thank you for your advice. It can be a hard lesson to learn (even though it has great payoffs :) )and is something my husband of 4 months and I are currently in the hard process of learning.
I think my best Titus moments have been with my son's girlfriend. They are both 17 and "in love". I only say it this way because she wants to get married and have kids and he is still trying to decide what color he wants to dye his hair and where his piercings will go (nowhere if I have my way).
She and I have had many conversations on the small things like cooking and cleaning to the big things like "ministry" AFTER marriage and how to allow your husband to be the head of the house. I am not sure if there is a forever in their future but I know that either way she has become the daughter I always wanted.
I'm not sure, sometimes it takes a while for things to sink in, but is this "ministry" we have what I think it is? My goodness!!! Well, as a pastor's wife, I have been given the advice and given the same advice (after a very hard learning of it myself) that it is okay to say NO and to draw appropriate boundaries around your family.
Shortly after getting married, a friend gave me Ruth Graham's book of poems called, "Never Let it End: Reflections of a Lifelong Love". In her preface, she wrote something that has stuck with me ever since, and the Lord keeps reminding me of it whenever I'm battling my perfectionism and expecting too much from my precious husband:
"I read my old premarriage poems, among the later ones included in this volume, with a bit of amusement. I wrote them so earnestly--meaning every word--and lived to find them really unfair. Pity the married couple who expect too much from one another. It is a foolish woman who expects her husband to be to her that which only Jesus Christ Himself can be: always ready to forgive, totally understanding, unendingly patient, invariably tender and loving, unfailing in every area, anticipating every need, and making more than adequate provision. Such expectations put a man under an impossible strain. The same goes for the man who expects too much from his wife."
This is a great reminder (which I need almost daily), and it's written with such a gentle strength that helps the principle sink deep in my heart.
I used to struggle big time with yelling at my husband frequently about the same thing over and over. Trust me, he was in the wrong.. but then so was I because of how I handled it!!! I wanted a way to stop doing this.. so a friend sugguested that the next time I wanted to yell at him to take off all my clothes and then try it. It'd be pretty hard to yell at him when I was standing there in my birthday suit! The suggestion was all in good fun... if you don't want to post it, I understand! :)
By the way.. God has since delivered both ME and MY HUSBAND from those former ways! YAY, GOD.. and I didn't even have to resort to the birthday suit method.
Linda
Call it a bribe but sometimes desparate times call for desparate measures. I made a deal with my teens that I would pay for any youth group related events and not make it come out of their allowance. Then for every $10 or event that I subsidised, I would give them $3 to apply toward any secular event or almost any event. Youth group attenence definitely improved and so did their attitudes. Now that they are 26 and 22 and very Godly young people, they say they are glad I did.
Thanks, Amanda, for starting this thread. I don't have a Titus woman in my life and reading these comments has been very good for me.
The first piece of truth that comes to mind and a big one I just didn't get as I entered into my marriage in my early 20's was...MAKE YOUR MAN A LITTLE god AND YOU'VE GOT YOURSELF A BIG PROB! Going through counseling after my divorce four years ago...I took ownership on this. I didn't even realize I had done it! I just wanted to love and be loved! Now that I've been a 'young' single mom for some time, I've learned a ton about God being my husband (as promised in Isaiah 54:5) He alone is my provider, sustainer, esteem booster, my hope, my future, my deliverer and the courage I need to face the impossible. My first year alone, I even told Him that 'my husband' would shovel the snow from the driveway if he were here! The next week a neighbor paid for snow removal for the winter;) Jesus is the ONLY ONE who can bring us true everlasting love, peace and joy!
Laura 'under 18'' of snow' in MI
This is so practical and no personal one little bit! I honestly love my "ministry" (wink)and never really have a problem finding the time to invest in it! However, my MIL decided to be my Titus 2 woman early in our marriage on the practicalities of being a wife:
1. About 1 month into the marriage, we were visiting her for dinner. We had gone to the living room to relax after supper and I heard a familiar sound, but thought maybe I had misheard. A few minutes later, she called me into the kitchen and said, "Dori, I want you to come in here so I can teach you had to iron a dress shirt." I don't think she liked my "better idea" of taking them to the dry cleaners.
2. Her first dinner at our house after the wedding, she proceeded to clean my kitchen telling me that a kitchen is not really clean until you have taken off the knobs on your stove and cleaned under them. Who knew the knobs came off???? :) (Kidding, I do -- and clean under them periodically because you never know when the MIL is going to pop in!)
3. Finally, and I really do love this woman, she just called me the other day to inform that when she retires next month she will come down and teach me how to clean house. Now girls -- my house is typically quite clean and when company comes (especially my MIL) it is immaculate. But apparently, there is still much to be learned! My response, "Come on and knock yourself out!"
I REALLY LOVE MY MOTHER-IN-LAW -- I honestly do!!
Blessings,
Dori
One of my spiritual mentors taught us young women early on the application of the word "defraudation." She would shout it to us (lovingly of course) and used it to apply to our dress (or lack thereof) depriving our brothers in Christ of their right to purity.
We love her, but to this day, we still laugh and yell 'DEFRAUDATION' during moments of our lives. And for me, because I still have her screaming...err...I mean speaking life-giving words to me in my head - if I doubt an outfit I am about to buy, I just hang that thing right back up. And then I throw temper-tantrums in the store b/c they make everything too short and low. :)
I've been reading the book "Fascinating Womanhood" and have learned so much from it. The other day I was able to pass on some of the wisdom to a dear friend of mine. Her husband is struggling with an addiction and she just nags at him to quit all the time. I told her that her nagging will never help him quit. What she needs to do is accept him for who he is and pay more attention to his good qualities than his bad. And she should fast from something she truly LOVES for 3 days, then she will have a greater understanding of what she is asking him to do. She said that made a lot of sense. She called me today and said he told her last night that he is going to try really hard to beat this addiction. It's amazing how your husband will respond when you are supportive of him rather than coming down on him all the time.
I highly recommend the book "Fascinating Womanhood" to any wife!
1) I haven't been married long (2and 1/2 years), but I once told a group of teens at my Baptist Young Women on Mission group that I would always love my husband, but I can't expect him to make me completely happy and whole. I need to seek that in the LORD instead.
2) Sometimes my husband says things that are a bit sarcastic and non-thinking in nature and he ends up hurting my feelings:) I usually hold my tongue for a moment or a couple of hours and then nicely and honestly say in a normal tone of voice, "Hun, what you said ,___, hurt my feelings." I get a much better response that way than to say something tart right away.
katiegfromtennessee
When my husband was in residency and severely sleep deprived he went through depression. A precious mom-figure called me and told one piece of advice I'll never forget. "Your first and most important job right now is to be on your knees for your husband. Pray over him morning, noon, and night." My life was changed by these words and so was his. God is so good!!!
Several years ago I was in a "dry" spot in my marriage. I had quit a job I loved, was living too far away from church family and friends and had 3 little boys under the age of five to keep me occupied and constantly tired. Add to that the fact that my husband was working long hours and going to school at night to finish his degree. To make matters worse a friend's husband noticed, was sympathetic and understanding - and you have a recipe for potential disaster. I was a divorce waiting to happen - but still smart enough to be scared! I finally prayed that God would cause me to fall in love with my husband all over again. I'm not sure that's what I really wanted at that point - out sounded better - but as I prayed, it gradually became what I wanted and God was so very faithful. A few years later a younger friend at church mentioned to me that she was at about the end of her marital rope and wanted to know if I had ever been there. Had I ever!! I shared with her how I had prayed that God would restore my love for my husband and how faithful He had been to answer. As I had been, she was skeptical but how cool that not long after that she came nearly dancing across the church auditorium to tell me how God had restored her marriage and her joy in that relationship. I'm so thankful that God answers prayer even when at first the "want to" may be missing.
When I was first engaged to be married my mom, Nana and I were sitting together talking about all kinds of pre-wedding details like decorations for the church, the food at the reception and the undergarments I would wear under my dress. At some point in the conversation the subject turned to birth control and other more "intimate" topics.
My dear Nana, can barely hear now, and nearly ten years ago when all of this took place, her hearing wasn't much better. After a lull in the more "intimate" conversation, Nana very seriously looks at me and says, "I've been thinking about this, and I think it is important you try everything now so you know that everything works properly. You don't want to wait to find out you have a problem." My jaw dropped to the floor! Since Mom and I had just finished talking about "intimate" things I assumed Nana was telling me to try everything "intimate" before the wedding to make sure there weren't any problems.
Upon seeing the look of horror on my face Nana cleared everything up by saying she was talking about my undergarments! She had completely missed the "intimate" conversation and had been thinking about how my undergarments were going to work under my wedding dress! The three of us laughed ourselves silly over Nana's attempt at wedding advice.
One thing I've learned through having 4 children in 5 years is that "everything is a phase." -- both good and bad. So you really need to treasure those "good" phases where they're are absolutely adorable and can do no wrong, and not sweat the "bad" phases where they're not sleeping through the night or arguing with everything you say. It's helped me to put mothering in perspective more than once, and it's the advice I most commonly share with other moms (when I'm asked for advice) :-)
The BEST advice I ever got was from some wacky lady at a pre-confrence event in Atlanta. She said, "If you ever met my husband, and told him what a blessing his wifes ministry was to you, and he replied,'Well, that is great but she was a terrible wife and mother.' This ministry would be for nothing"
That was so freeing for me. I have no problem saying no to things at church or activites/events for our children that i feel will take too much time away from us as a family. But there was sometimes a tinge of guilt if I did not participate in this ministry or that or chair some sports banquet. But those words, were like a fresh drink of water.
My ministry IS my husband and my family.
Thanks Mama Beth...Atlanta WOF was AWESOME!!!
I like to say that I am BLESSED and STRESSED to be a stay-at-home homechooling wife and mother Ministering to my DH, two sons and a daughter.
April
Lesson learned along the way - before you complain/yell/nag at him for what he did/didn't do, ask yourself "In the grand scheme of things, is this REALLY worth arguing over?" This one question has kept me from starting many a battle over something as trivial as not putting a box of cereal back in the pantry.
I'll be celebrating 23 years of marriage this August and I know it's only because of God's grace that I'm not the complaining, controlling woman I used to be.
Thank Amanda for the post - another great idea from the Moore girls!
P.S. I'm going to the Deeper Still event in ATL and I can hardly wait!!
I'm absolutely dying over Nana's wedding advice!
Okay, I have to share some advice that was given to me. When I was pregnant with Jackson, an old friend of mine who was already a mom began urgently encouraging me to start praying Scriptures over my breasts in preparation for breastfeeding. Well, of all things! I was kind of embarrassed and I'm pretty sure I rolled my eyes. (Sorry, friend!) But as the time neared I began to take it to heart and started praying fervently for it all to go well. Breastfeeding was like the battle of my life and with God's help I did win it. I could not have underestimated how much prayer would help me through it.
A girlfriend once shared with me how she had been through a period where she was really frustrated with her husband. I was in the same season so she passed along to me what had been given to her.
It was called the 30-Day Encouragement Challenge - my apologies to the author - I have no idea where this came from. For 30
days:
* You can't say anything negative about your husband ...to your husband...or to anyone else, about your husband.
* You were to say something that you admire or appreciate about your husband...to your husband...and to someone else, about your husband!
And the article gave suggestions for each day - something to thank your husband for. Many of them were things that are easy to take for granted.
As she told me about it, frankly, I thought it sounded kind of lame. Also, I didn't think I would be able to go 30 days without criticizing or correcting my husband. A sad statement about myself - and ironically, I thought it was a sad statement about him!
Anyway, it really was spectacular. After a few days, my whole perspective on things had changed. And as I eased up on the household issues that were frustrations, he became much more accomodating.
PS: I love the Titus entry about never telling your husband that you have enough money for shopping. That was hilarious!!!!
A few years ago I took part in a Bible study group covering "The Excellent Wife" by Martha Peace. One of the chapters was on fulfilling your husband's physical needs. She stated that you need to keep your husband so "saturated" that he has no need to look elsewhere. At that moment, my dear friend and I looked at each other's pregnancy-swollen faces of 9 months, and both exclaimed, "Oh, I don't think he would use the word saturated right now." Praise the Lord that it was just a season (the swollen part). I have kept that lesson in my mind throughout our marriage, and it has helped me greatly with my attitude toward my " wifely ministry."rejoice
In my MOPS group our Titus woman is 70-something years old and most of her "ministry" comments could not be published on here :-)Here's a few that can be.
"Hubba Hubby"
1. Get off the phone when he gets home from work.
2. Even if it IS true, measure it carefully before you say it.
3. Shave your legs before you go to bed.
4. Don't preach or try to teach your husband, but pray for him daily and give him to the Lord daily.
5. When you get along with your mother-in-law it takes the pressure off of him. He would have given you perfect in-laws if he could.
6. Resist the urge to be petty.
7. Make your hubby HAPPY. You need to tell him every day how wonderful he is. Tell him he has a great body!
I got some great advice during a dryspell in my marriage. The grass may be greener in the other pastures, but thats generally where the bulls are kept... and its usually well fertilized!
Our Sunday School leaders in our young marrieds class (9 years ago!) were talking about submission and they said something that stuck in my mind and forever will...basically this...
Imagine your husband holding an umbrella over the two of you. It's protecting you from the elements- come what may. As husbands, God has given them the repsonsibilty of holding that umbrella, protecting/providing, etc. As wives, we are wise to stay under it! If not, we will be exposed to the "elements."
Our teachers shared a funny (probably not at the time!) example with us, one particular thing that happened early in their marriage...she was wanting a certain kind of carpet for their new house and her husband did not think it was a good choice- too expensive or whatever it was...she insisted and would not let it go. He gave in and got her choice of carpet. Not long after that their house flooded and it was all ruined! She said she wished she had just listened to him and was not so pushy with it.
(I know this is a touchy subject with some, but it's something that I've remembered over the years and it's been helpful to us in our marriage)
I would say to always remember the qualities that you fell in love with in your husband. When you do this you will always be his #1 cheerleader! Whether or not they admit it, all men secretly want their girl cheering them on! I think the key ingredient to make every day a good day is to lift up your man in prayer every morning. I figure since God put him together He knows how to keep him going!
First I would tell young women that loving feels for a husband start in her head. And if all day long your head is filled with critical thoughts about your man--few loving feels will follow.
When things get rough I ask God to remind me about the good things and then I "think on these things". I then find that when he walks through the door at the end of the day--I actually feel those old "lovin feelings" again.:)
I heard a wise person say--where the mind goes the body follows. :)
NUFF SAID!
THE JOURNEY CONTINUES ~
Best advice
"ASKING MAKES THE DIFFERENCE"
(the worst the person can say is NO.)
" LET GO AND LET GOD"
(we as women are always trying to mend things, get in people's business,talk when we don't really know what we are talking about, we really need to let GOD)
" MAMA'S CAN ONLY BE AS HAPPY AS HER SADDEST CHILD" ( this advice is so true.)
" WHEN MAMA AIN'T HAPPY THEN NOBODY IS HAPPY"
With "Heaven Bound" blessings,
Kim Safina ~ California
How fun! OK, the best Titus advice I have ever received was from my mother. Before I got married she told me to be my husband's biggest cheerleader, and to never say ugly things about him to my friends or bash him in any way. In a group of women, I think it's easy to fall into that trap. I have taken that quite seriously, and have given that advice to some young marrieds at my church. It has held me in good standing for almost 16 years.
Years ago when I was just getting started in business, my mentor reminded me that Satan is sly in the workforce and temptation is sure to come. She said, straight up, regarding sexual temptation: You have EVERYTHING to lose and NOTHING to gain. Those words have brought clarity to many foggy situations.
OK--maybe this is a little reverse Titus advice--but I have a wonderful younger sister--being raised in the same house we are aquainted with each other's ways. One day I was complaining to her about my disease to please and how not only do I want everyone to like me but I want everyone to like me best--she commented--truly "in love" and including herself in order to soften the blow--"You know, with personalities like WE have, not everyone is going to like US." Hmmmm--point taken. It actually has given me a lot of freedom in accepting myself, which is funny--(in case your wondering, I am quite talkative and sometimes opinionated and exceedingly joyful-maybe a little loud-I am truly misunderstood by those who do not appreciate my personality) wink
Leigh in ATL
Some of the previous posts relate to the two things I thought about.
1. A long time ago, my mother-in-law asked me "If you don't like to do housework, why did you get married?" Now I made allowances for her, since it was soon after her husband died. But it has stayed with me through the years. I think her motivation was that she thought her son shouldn't be doing as much as he does to help me around the house. I loved her dearly, as a second mother, and I miss her now that she's gone. But that remark just set me on edge. I thought, it's like saying "Why did you have a baby if you didn't want to change dirty diapers?" Housework isn't a good reason for getting married; love is.
2. Recently, I left a message on the cell phone my husband and I share. I was upset that he had turned it off and I couldn't get in touch with him. Later, I turned the phone on and heard my message. Boy, was I convicted! I didn't realize how I sound to other people, especially my husband, when I'm upset. (Of course, I think the same is true of him, but that's another topic.) Immediately, I began memorizing Psalm 141:3 "Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips." I hated when my mother nagged my father; yet I heard my mother's voice when I listened to that message.
Linda
Amanda, I LOVE that you are eating shells and cheese! What comfort food.
I have lots of advice I could give myself, but one of the things that God has taught me in my 10 years of marriage was that when I am particularly frustrated, angry, or hurt by my husband is to "SHUT THY MOUTH" about it to him and let all my complaints and feelings be turned to God. I let God know every little anxiety and issue in it's purest form... no holds barred, no sugar coating it. Then I ask God to sift through it and give me the wisdom to speak what must be spoken in the right moment. Most of the time he never lifts the "SHUT THY MOUTH" command. But when he does what comes out is calm, not whining or complaining, and perfectly accepted by my husband.
I will never forget the season God taught me to shut my mouth. I have never been the same since. It was a hard season, and one of the biggest times of growth between God and I.
Last year.....my senior year in HS my teacher and mento Rene noticed that iwas realy strugleing with famaily issues and school issues and she didnt realy tell me viberly but instead leading by example she helped me to get back into Gosd word cause she knew that i admired her and like a mocking bird did everything she did and eventualy it became something I wanted for me!
The best advice any older woman has given me was right before the birth of my first baby. She said, "don't worry about doing what anyone else says or tells you to do. You have to do what works for you and YOUR baby." She also told me right before I delivered, "get ready, you are about to see a part of God!!" How true, I never knew such love til I had that little thing in my arms.
How freeing her advice was that I just needed to go with it, learn my baby's needs and just do what worked for us. Thanks for the advice, wherever you are!!1
The best Titus Advice I received was from the Christian pre-marital counselor we saw...
1) Leave and Cleave - Leave your parents and cleave to your husband - in every way
2) Really learn how to listen - really listen - good communication - which is good listening - prevents a TON of problems
I LOVE the comments here - what a GREAT idea - packed with TONS of wisdom and lots of funnies :) Sunshine
The first couples Sunday School class my husband & I belonged to after we were married was taught by the wife of our Senior Pastor. She was in her 60s and taught elementary school so many of her lessons to us young couples involved cutting & coloring :}
So when we heard her marital advice to the young wives, we about fell out of our chairs. Her sage advice came from Paul Newman:
"If you don't feed your husbands steak at home, they will go out for hamburgers."
15 years later, I now try to have "steak" often at my home :}
Nana's advice made me laugh out loud! That is hysterical!
I need to pray for a Titus woman in my life. I'm 48 so how old would she need to be?
I need one I can look eyeball to eyeball on Sunday or whenever and she wouldn't have a problem lovingly telling me that "listening to the class gossip" in Nursing School is just as bad as participating in it even if I tell myself it's not.
Please..who am I kidding? Certainly as Ms Beth would say, not The Father. He didn't just put HIS hand over his mouth and say, "NO, you did not listen to gossip and enjoy it? Not you? I'm so disappointed".
I need to go pray about this one.
Thanks for the column, Ms Amanda!
Your Mom is right. My husband and I neglected each other the whole time our kids were growing up. We were there in body but not soul, mind and spirit for each other if you know what I mean.
We had two grown kids and we didn't even know each other. It was bad. Thank GOD for redemption!
Blessings,
Teri
Sorry if someone else has already posted this - but someone mentioned the 30 days encouragement challenge - here is the link I think they are talking about
http://www.reviveourhearts.com/pdf/30DayChallenge.pdf
Sunshine
The best advice my husband and I received was from our pastor during pre-marital counseling:
"Always present your partner perfect in public". It is so easy to "talk up" your spouse to others instead of griping. Take your issues to God, not your friends, He can change your spouse - your friends can't!
When I was teaching my women's Sunday school class last year I was teaching on marriage. I stopped and addressed the single women for a moment and told them to chase Christ not a man and if God wanted them to be married He would bring that man to them in His time and then I told them no sexual relations outside of marriage, I then addressed the married women and said, you all need to pay attention to your man(don't get back at him by withholding) and you can giddy up behind closed doors just not the single women!! They all busted out laughing!!
I had a young married friend one day unload on me about her husband and how when he came home from work he always bolted for the garage. I asked leading questions to find out how she approached her dear hubby when he came home. I had my suspicions and Oh my! what I discovered.
Seems this poor dear hubby was being berated from the word go EVERY night. I gently explained to her that although her problems of the day were worth merit the moment her darling comes home isn't the time to unload. Who wouldn't run for the garage if met with a banshee in pajamas with children fussing at her feet and the pizza delivery man pulling in the drive?!
I explained to her that their home was her darling's safe haven from the world. When he comes home from a long day he has burdens and problems on his mind too. What he needs at the very moment he walks in the door is a put together wife with a big hug and an extra long kiss. (Ignore the children when they go EWW! Lol Loving spouses are loving parents.) Bring him a beverage, rub his shoulders, whatever it is you know your husband will appreciate at that moment. I also encouraged her to teach the children to greet daddy at the door with lots of hugs too. In this way the next generation will learn how important it is and carry it into their future relationships.
Her response was natural...what about me? My response? If you don't worry about you...he will. I told her, That man is deeply in love with you and I guarantee wants to dote on you. But would you dote on a banshee? A happy hubby will always gladly return a shoulder rub or a sweet kiss. Men are simple creatures that just want to be loved too.
I told her there will be time later in the evening to clear the air for both of you. BUT ONLY if you create this safe haven for your darling the moment he walks in. He needs to know that no matter how bad his day was, the moment he walks in the door none of that crud matters anymore. The peace you create then will carry into the rest of the evening...for everyone.
What amazed me was her response. She said, "No one ever told me that." I hugged on this poor dear friend and then I dared her to put aside herself and just focus on him every night. I asked her to tell me in two weeks what the difference was. I was pleasantly surprised to hear from her in one week that her husband hadn't been out to the garage all week AND that she'd been getting her feet rubbed nightly while they talked about their day. :)
What blessed my heart the most was hearing the love in her voice when she spoke her husband's name. Quite a change in one week but again God is sooo good!
I've learned that God is the supplier of my love. Not my husband. I need to depend on God to satisfy even this need. He is faithful to lavish me in his love every time I sit at his feet and worship or learn.
Just for fun:
If you have a baby and you are going to pot luck/ dinner/ party/etc.
Take Dessert!
Because if you're anything like me you'll be late!
Thanks for finding the 30 Day Encouragement link Sunshine! I will definitely bookmark it.
All the best,
Heather
My former Kindergarten teacher and I became co-workers when I was in my early 20s. She told me something I'll never forget. She said, "You know, no matter what anyone tells you, in life we very rarely encounter a gray area. Things are generally black or white. And 90% of the time, if you are questioning whether someting is right or wrong, it's WRONG!" You know what? I've found her to be correct. One of the single best bits of advice I ever got.
Probably the best Titus Advice I could share, would be to keep you're mouth shut! Sometimes, if I just count to ten, I'll keep myself from spewing out things I wish I'd never said to my husband. I then work on being a bit more tactful in what I say, especially if it's something I'm directing toward him. The reward? Well, it keeps our relationship a bit more loving and peaceful. And the mood passes, and I'm very grateful I learned a bit of self-control.
Here is the link for the 30 days of Encouraging Your Husband Challenge that another poster mentioned. :)
http://www.reviveourhearts.com/topics/downloads/index.php?id=9471
As soon as it was mentioned I knew exactly what she was talking about. It's a wonderful challenge full of exciting changes in a marriage!
My husband and I have been married almost 12 years. I love him dearly, but he has battled numerous health problems throughout our marriage. I have spent many hours on my knees praying for his healing (along with my prayer sisters). I would always feel guilty if I complained about our marriage, because how could I not enjoy every minute we have together. However, I started praying for a MIRACLE in our marriage a couple of months ago. Do you know that while we may not see evidence of his physical healing yet, we have really gotten back to being bestfriends again. I thought HE needed all the changing, isn't it just like God to show me that I was the ONE who needed to make some changes! God is answering this prayer, and I can not wait to see this miracle into completion. My advice, take it to God, he knows, he knows, he knows...
I had a Titus women in my life last year but we have since moved... so the advice I am taking from you all... is to get one!! I will be praying that God will direct the right person to me. :)
Umm.. and I have to say, I am feeling a little left out over the whole "tending the ministry" thing... I am smart, so I can imagine what it is implying, but I want to go on a retreat too where that is discussed at length!! ;)
Maybe next time.
Oh my goodness! I was in Patty's class when she taught that lesson on that hilarious Sunday. She was talking about how women(especially young girls)dress and how we should dress more modestly. After she said that, she addressed the married women and told them to dress conservativly(I'm having a hard time spelling this word.. sorry) outside the home, but behind closed doors they could "giddy-up" and dress however they wanted to(or didn't want to). By the way, she was a great teacher and I learned a lot in the 4 years I was in her class.
and now I just read about "steak"...
I am so confused!! ;)
The best advice I ever received was actually from my grandma who I felt after over sixty years of marriage to a preacher probably knew what she was talking about. It was her take on the traditional "do unto others...." rule. She said, "Now honey your poppa and I have spent all these years with him worrying and trying to do what makes me happy and me worrying and trying to do what makes him happy. We never had time to worry about what makes ourselves happy and that way everybody ended up happy". That one really struck home with me that love is never self seeking.
Because my Dad is a pastor, the staff wives threw a wedding shower for me shortly before my big day. At one point in the evening, they were asked to share pieces of advice with me about building and sustaining a Christ-centered marriage.
I'm sure there were many wise tidbits, but the one I will never forget came from our grandmotherly children's ministry director. She stood up, looked me in the eyes and said, "If you ever have a day when you are just crazy busy and don't have time to make dinner and your husband is almost home, simply put a big pot of water on to boil. While it's heating, slice an onion and slide it in. It will make the house smell like something wonderful is cooking. Then meet your husband at the door without a stitch of clothing on. He'll forget all about eating, even though it smells like dinner inside. And I bet you'll end up eating dinner out."
I almost fell off my chair I was laughing so hard.
On our 16th wedding anniversary my husband got up, went to work, didn't call me all day....nothing. It really hurt my feelings and I was telling my mom all about it at some point during the day and she reminded me that he had been working a lot of overtime etc. and she said that I should cook him a nice dinner and have it ready when he got home. I decided to do that and had it all on the table and even had candles. As soon as he walked in the door he felt terrible and kept apologizing.
It was funny though b/c when he said the prayer over dinner he thanked God for 17 (it was 16) wonderful years! ;)
I was thankful that I handled it like I did.
I've always appreciated my mom listening to me and giving me good advice. She is a true Proverbs 31 woman!
I am so cracking up about "Nana's attempt at wedding advice" from Heather. That is just too funny, and sounds exactly like something my grandma do.
I remember right before our wedding day my FIL, who is a pastor (for 30 years at one church!) said to us,
"If you will keep God first in your marriage then all hell can't tear it apart, but if you don't, all heaven can't keep it together."
With almost 2 years into this thing, I am learning how true that statement really is. Every issue that comes up between us, I am learning to consult God on it first (or if I was really honest, when everything else fails). Like the area of my special "ministry", I mean what do you do if you just flat don't want to sometimes? that's hard. But, I am learning to just go to God about it and ask Him for a "want to" in that area. It works! God is faithful yall!
BTW, I loved you Beth in the Proverbs "Wising Up" series, Wisdom for a Wife's Sexuality, you are my Titus woman!
Okay - here goes: Not only do we need to "tend to our ministry" but show that we "want" to "tend" and not "tend" out of sheer obligation. Our men know the difference and our God is more than able to give us a desire to "tend" out of love - He is just waiting for us to ask. Come on now - HE IS GOD - He's MORE than able.
Ok, Amanda, smiling over the "praying over your breasts" but wish I had known that bit of wisdom 12 1/2 years ago with my first - what a struggle - I gave up after 3 weeks. Thankfully, three years later her little sister arrived knowing what to do.
Love all of the great Titus advice!!
Another great idea - God inspired, indeed!!
Sooo.. on being a wife, the best advice I've received is:
1) Tell your husband what to do or how to do it-- but don't tell him both!!
2) Let him be your hero! (This means everything! from opening a jar to whatever you can think of!)
And a very wise woman said:'Don't try to be his Holy Spirit!'
Amy in CA
I have laughed and cried through all of these! Oh, Nana! I've been teaching junior high and high school girls for years and, thankfully, God has renewed my genuine love for them and delight in this ministry. We stress so much about sexual purity with our young girls -- which is crucial -- but I find that alot of our sweet Christian girls are committed to sexual purity, but are entirely too quick to give themselves away emotionally, which can be just as devastating. So I've been trying to impress on them the importance of guarding their hearts and their bodies. AND to watch those low-cut jeans ;)
And Amanda, I'm considered something of an amateur lactation consultant in our community (Titus of the Breasts?), so when you guys decide to have another, give me a shout and I'll come running!
This is a great idea Amanda!
"I lift my eyes to You" Ps. 123
I am keepin' my eyes where they belong, on God.
Where I look has a direct impact on how I feel. P 43 from "Steppin' Up"
I needed to hear that at the onset of marriage and I need that today.
The best advice I ever received was: show your kids that *YOU* are valuable by doing something nice for yourself. Children who see their mom taking time to meet her own needs are more likely to be grateful that she takes the time to meet theirs.
I have to say that when I instituted "mommy time" in my house my kids had a whole new appreciation for the time I did spend with them. I also started letting them see me buy things for myself. Now I can take them shopping with me without them assuming that we're at the store just for them.
Now.
I was not at the conference where "tending to your ministry" was discussed. So, I'm just getting an idea together from what I'm reading here in the comments.
So.
If "tending your ministry" is what this here 23 year old girl is thinking you're talking about, then I just want to say a couple of things:
1. All my single siestas? You out there? We've got ministry to tend to, you know. Let's not just roll our eyes at that comment either.
2. Re: above. I'm not judgin'... I'm preachin' to the choir.
3. And, if we don't feel like God's given us a ministry to tend to, we can bow gracefully at His feet and tend to Him.
4. One day we to will get to "tend our ministry" like our other siestas are enjoying. And, we can get their advice about it! After all the older women are supposed to teach the younger women...
... I'm thinking that I'm going to need a whole lot of teaching. I just have not got it figured out yet, but that is probably a good thing.
Just want all the rest of my single siestas to know that they're not alone out there in bloggy world...
My City girl back ground doesn't leave much to the imagination, and a dear old lady who loved on me when I first came to Christ, said "Modest is hottest"...she was my Titus Woman...now I have girls and pass that advice down to them.
(I am doing Wising Up and just finished the for women only sections..OMgosh!! now I come here..and well "can you hear me now?"
The best advice I ever received was to become like a Jew. My husband is jewish and my marriage was on the rocks because of my recent conversion to Christianity. A teacher from a seminar I was taking who was a messianic jew advised me to take Pauls advice and become like a jew. Out of sheer desperation I did. It worked. My husband and I are now united in Christ.
Some really good bits of advice I have gathered along the way or I learned the hard way:
1) When speaking to my husband, would I want him to speak to me the way I speak to him sometimes? I would be a puddle of tears with a broken heart if he did (which he never has)!
2) God tells couples in the Bible (paraphrased)....men are to LOVE their wives and women are to RESPECT their husbands. This doesn't mean that men aren't to respect and women aren't to love. Then why did God put it that way? Because He created women to more naturally love others and men to more naturally respect others. The Bible tells us to focus on those things that are NOT as easy for us to do. Women need to be shown LOVE but that doesn't come as easily for men. Men need to be shown RESPECT but that doesn't come as easily to women.
3) Husbands and wives are setting the example for their children. If you want your children to have successful marriages, to love and respect their future partner, then you need to shown them what they should expect and how to behave. You don't want little girls to learn how to nag their husbands and you don't want little boys to learn how to ignore that nagging wife! Hold your marriage up to a mirror.....would you want that life for your little ones? Marriage is also supposed to be an example of Christ and his bride, the church. Are you showing that example in your marriage? If not, repent and ask God to help you in your marriage...even if you are the only one doing it! Be blameless before the Lord.
4) Never speak badly about your husband in front of others and definitely NOT to your mother!!! You should always build your husband up in public AND in private, no matter what he has done. Always pray for him and ask God to show you areas of your husband's life that need God's attention....not what YOU think needs a change.
However, if you are in an abusive relationship, RUN to the nearest shelter or authorities for help!! Things will NOT get better until he has received some professional help and HE has made the choice to change. YOU CANNOT change him...only HIS choice to change with God's help will make everything better.
Great subject, Amanda. Thanks!!!
Well, most of the young women in my church know that the first thing I'm going to tell them if they complain about things at home is to make sure that they are "wink wink" meeting their man's needs. They tease me about being "dr.ruth", but the truth that touches my heart is how many of the young gals have come back to thank me later and tell them that their husbands will forever be grateful for the encouragement I gave their young wives. It's a priviledge to be a part of the body of Christ, no matter if I am now an older woman. (Sort of a bummer sometimes...where does the time go? I remember when I was the younger woman :)
I am just going to be real and short:
With 5 boys (all middle school!), work, church, small groups, Bible study and extended family here is our simplistic plan that is working for us in this season:
*take lots of baths together
*eat lots of chips and salsa together
*do our 20 min. Turbo Jam workout together every morning followed by our Bible reading
the key word is TOGETHER!
Christ is at the center of our TOGETHER and it is working!!
PS- Siesta Beth, give us some morsels from your Deeper Still that a few of our fellow siestas are commenting about. Please do tell more about "ministry"
I can not wait to read all the comments on this one!! I see a Titus advice book in our future!
Ok, I have 2. The first is from our very own Beth in the Wising Up study. When it comes to our "ministry", keep your hands moving at all times. I know that sounds a little blunt, but it makes a big difference!
The second is from a woman whose parenting skills are amazing. When my first son was getting to the age of wanting everything his way, she told me "Don't give your child a choice until he can handle having no choice at all. Being able to choose (socks, clothes, toys, etc) is a privilege". That one piece of advice saved me from a lot of tantrums!!
When I was getting married, a woman shared this with me: When your husband offers and/or does a household chore, let him do it his way, and be thankful!! Very practical. Still comes to mind after 14 years...
"Daddy's ways are not always YOUR ways, but they work none the less and your child is not complaining one bit!!"
To this day my husband has and cared for our 4 little girls (at one point aged 3.5 and under) with ease and without my butting in. He is hands on and equally qualified in all areas of our parenting. I have never given a bath when he has been home! Talk about a keeper.
I counsel young"ish" women many of whom are further along in their "spiritual walk" than their husbands. These women so want their spouses to love God as much as they do and I often advise them to: 1. Submit to their husbands with a humble heart
2. Do not try to change their husbands and love them the way they are 3. Pray without ceasing for their husbands relationship with the Lord.
Our Soverign, Mighty, Deliverer ALWAYS shows up to these husbands in a powerful way (often through the wives' loving attitudes). Praises to the One who saves us!
BTW, I learned these lessons the HARD way myself!
For generations in my husband's family, priority was always given in a marriage to get away once a year as husband and wife. This has been so meaningful to us to build memories together -- we look forward to the time away in planning our retreat times together, try different kinds of places (bed and breakfast, hotel, different towns, etc.), and always bring along games, books, and different ways to refuel together. It is so refreshing!!! Then we remember our time shared and feel refocused in our marriage so that we can be better parents too.
Romantically, it helps me to listen to some favorite love songs together (some that are upbeat and happy for dancin' and flirtin' with my man, some that are tender and affirm lifelong commitment, etc.) take a little time to freshen up, make it a priority to have fun-smile-laugh-flirt-look good for him. I feel more connected to him when I prioritize those things, and it mutually helps both of us.
We enjoy being together -- which is held together in hard times by our friendship and commitment to each other, to help each other, support each other, and make it a priority to listen. We have walked some hard roads in 16 years and four children, but these things have blessed our marriage and strengthened us to walk together by the grace, power, and love of God. Glory to Him!
The first few years I was married, I really struggled with the whole concept of submitting. I reminded my pastor husband often that I was saved before I met him and didn't need him telling me what to do at church. I also told him that he wasn't my daddy. (I know, who talks to a preacher like that??) =-)
What helped me get my heart right on this issue was when the Lord gently spoke to my heart and told me that my husband didn't tell me to submit. He did. WOW! That was different.
We still dealt with the normal things couples go through in a marriage, but submission didn't sound like an ugly word anymore!
And 25 years later we are more in love than we have ever been!
I have TONS of Titus 2:3-5 friends. For pretty much all of my marriage I've been one to spend more time with my friends than my family. Well, in the last couple of weeks God has been screaming in my face to STAY HOME AND TAKE CARE OF MY FAMILY. Last night a very good and loving friend, who is one of my Titus friends, told me in a very firm, but very loving way that I need to be spending more time at home with my family. I've been crying all day, but, not cuz I'm sad, but because I know that she's right. So, my husband and I talked and my home life is going to change dramatically from this moment on. Thank you to all my Titus 2 friends. Especially Eileen, Karen and Karen. I love you all.
Kristi
Our pastor told us in our pre-marital sessions to "keep the lines of communication open". I had no clue to the work that would be or how intentional we would have to be. But it is worth it! I also read that it is good to find out what my man wants before he asks for and do that. It is so fun!! And it helps in taking every thought captive and in thinking on what is "good"!! Thank you for all the grat advice. . . gotta love it!!
Oh my thank you Amanda--Titus woman...as I read the blog I am struggling to breastfeed my two-week old son and reading your words was just the encouragementI needed. Thank you...and I'm still dying over Nana's wedding advice too.
These are so fun to read through!
My hubby came home from work and I met him with a nice tall glass of iced tea. I've been spoiling him in little ways like that all evening. Finally he asked..."What in the world have you been reading on those blogs today??!!" Oops, I got caught. I don't think he's complaining though!
Anyway, my biggest Titus advice would be to encourage godly friendships for your husband. Mine has a group of 4 men he meets with every other week...they have a great time of fun and crazy fellowship, but also an important time of prayer and accountability. I can't tell you the difference it makes in him after he's had that guy time. It's awesome. Guys don't tend to seek out such friendships like we siestas do, so encourage it as much as possible!
Blessings to all,
Kelli in Ohio
I'm getting down on my knees right this minute for all of us who do not have a Titus woman in our life! I thank God I have many Titus friends, but my heart goes out to the many women who don't! This blog is such a gift to women from all around the world who need this connection!
Much Love,
Angie xoxo
Recently I told a good friend of mine who is engaged that when she is married to seek out a few older women whose attitudes towards marriage she knows to be Godly, and develop a relationship with them that in her toughest, towel-biting, tear-jerking, "why did I marry this person?" moments she can go to them for good, sound Titus advice and have someone to pray with for her marriage.
What's more, I told her once she finds those few strong Titus women, to not open up her marriage for much discussion with anyone else (in a serious manner, of course). I encouraged her to always respect her husband in front of others, even when she is frustrated, and never give into the temptation of bad-mouthing her spouse or her marriage with women who do not have a Christ-centred and Holy Spirit-led view of marriage.
I have found that abstaining from the temptation to gossip about my own marriage with others, and my relationships with a few Godly women who will give me sound Titus advice, encouragement, and prayer when I really need it, has been indispensable.
Great Idea, ladies, thanks!
My best girlfriend is five years younger than me (as she has always been quick to point out to anybody who would listen!) but was born to be a wife and mother. We had been friends for a couple years when my marriage got in serious trouble. I called her in tears and she advised me-in a loving, best friend kindof way, that I had the wrong idea. She told me that I shouldn't expect my husband to just BE a good husband; it was my job to train him. She explained that men come in different varieties and that I needed to figure out what variety of man I had married and behave accordingly. She affectionately referred to it as husband training. Over the next few years, whenever I called her with a complaint she would say "He just needs an adjustment" or "You need to rethink your response". Her advice was always: 1)in tune with God's plan for marriage 2) given only when I asked and 3)put things in perspective, making my mountains into the molehills they were. She wasn't the older Titus woman, but when it came to instructing on loving my man she was mature beyond her years.
I usually like reading this blog but find this one very discouraging. I am single, don't have a husband, and don't have kids. I feel like the only advice worthwhile is if it refers to these two things. What about us who aren't married. We would love to "tend" to certain things. Makes me feel pretty much worthless because I dont have a family.
the lonely loser
Taking a nice soak in the tub at night can be a great time to transition from "mommy" to "wife".
While you're there, shave those legs.
Always wear something pretty to bed.
~married 23 years, and lovin' it
To my girls and guy in my college ss class I try to dish my best Titus 2 advice. I have also tried to teach this to my older brother who took a while to believe me when I say...
If he/she will cheat with you, then he/she will cheat on you!
If he/she treats you badly when you are dating, he/she will treat you worse as a husband/wife.
#1 truth...
Date one, marry one.
(You can insert alcoholic, abuser, cheater, poor money manager, ect in place of One)
I unfortunately used to be friends with a bunch of losers. We always compared our marriages as to who had the best husband. Since my husband's talent was drinking beer, I was usually the loser. So, I got some new friends that were a bit more encouraging. Suddenly I had lots of nice things to say to my husband (and about him!) I also like buying him cute boxers for Valentine's day. Have fun in your marriage. God knows there is enough things to be serious about in this world.
I'm single, amd been somewhat wounded in my past...as I'm sure lots of us have, right?
Anyway, I've had this issue with trying to protect my own heart. However, I've found that limits the Holy Spirit in the work He can do through me. God has charged me with loving the man I love with Agape Love...it's super-hard. I thought it was easy and such a pleasure for a while, but the devil didn't let that last. He's such a booger. So, as I have pushed through, it has taught me the distinct difference in Agape and plain ole human love. Our human love will only take us so far, it so easily faints and fails...love from Above demonstrated through us will not only endear us to our men and vice versa, but also endear our Savior to our men! And that is a set-up for something extraordinary!! Right?! At least, that's what I feel like He is teaching me and I'm super-excited about. Can you tell?
I remember Beth saying one time to treat your man like that man you want him to become, and you'll see him become that. I think of that so often. I actually think I remember her saying an older woman passed that long to her.
His name is Benjamin. Lift him up if you have a moment.
Hugs...
HMMMM. I would say the best I have for wives is. Love your husbands the way you want to be loved, even when you dont feel it, or if you're not recieving it. Love them like you hope to be loved. And dont try talking to them when football is on.
And since I am single (now) I can tell you I wish I had done it that way.. For the single siesta's pray for God to send you some busy work while (or if) your waiting on a husband. God knows who or when to put in your life, but dont wait to live your life his plan starts taday with you as you are.
This quote has meant a lot to me because this is the kind of witness I hope to be.
"Preach Christ. And if you must, use words."
--St. Francis of Assisi
I have learned a few things the hard way. Honesty IS always the best policy, BUT kindness is Godly. Too many times I have said what I thought to my husband, because, of course I was just being honest. I could see the look of hurt on his face. These wounds go deep and stay long. Men need encouragement!! I'm convinced there is nothing more important to them, than knowing that they are appreciated.
I know, no one says thanks to you for fixing dinner, raising wonderful children, looking like a beauty queen....but what if they did?
I have failed many times to be the encouraging wife my husband needs. It is God's grace and my husband's Godly tolerance that we are celebrating our 25th anniversary next month. It breaks my heart to think of the times I have broken his.
You've got to just let some things go. Pray, pray, pray. You CAN'T do it on your own.
Melana in Wyoming
Best Advice Given To Me:
1. Don't make a joke at your hubby's expense in front of others.
2. Treat him as your best friend -- who is in for a visit.
Best Counsel From Me So Far:
1. Learn to cook a chicken dish that doesn't involve a cream of "something" soup. LOL! (I believe I saved a marraige with that one.)
My former Pastor's wife gave me this bit of advice when I was a newly wed and I've passed it on to my daughters-in-law. Never complain about your husband to your friends. Long after you have patched things up and forgotten the whole business, your friends will still bear the burden of that information.
I hope you won't think this too bold of me, but I have given you a little award at my blog. It was given to me and I have passed it on to a few others - just because you really do speak Jesus to me.
A very special (older) lady in my life once told me and I've never forgotten it. Her husband of over 50 years got sick and died. I told her like Amanda I was picking at my husband and she told me " How would you feel if you looked up and your husband was no longer there?" Like how she feels with her best friend gone. Now when I feel snippity I think about what she told me and I change my attitude.
Blessings sarah
here is my own advice...
When I first got married I read every marriage book under the sun. While that is great and there is wisdom to be had...the people who normally write them have been married a long time and you can get wisdom from them...but you aren't going to have a perfect marriage the first year and so on. I would drive myself crazy trying to do and be and the Lord really wanted my focus to be on Him and not so much what I thought my marriage should look like. I began to be enslaved by bars that were too high for me to reach. The Lord wanted me to be still and know. No marriage is the same and God can use even major dis appointment with marriage for us to also see that He is our groom.
Again I am not saying no one should read the books but you should tread lightly on trying to be the perfect wife and trying to fit your husband into someone else's mold. It was so frustrating. When I stick mainly to the Word He changes me even if nothing else changes in my marriage.
I am so blessed to have had several Titus women in my life (I am 41).
Some of the best advice I got from one was to find the right time to bring up sensitive issues with your husband. Don't think on something negative all day long, get stirred up about it, and blow up at your husband the minute he walks in the door. Find the right time, and be in the right mood to deal with issues.
Also, think of the good things about your husband that blesses you. And let him know what you appreciate about him.
back to nana's comment from Heather...my grandmother actually gave me the advice to "try everything" with my man before hand. I was mortified and was like oh thank you wise one for that bad counsel. LOL
This is somethiong very dear to my heart. I am always gleaning "Titus tidbits" from the ladies I know who have gone before me. Since I work with kids, I family-watch and parent-watch and always ask questions of those I respect. One of my favorite bits of wisdom came from a Mom of four when I was agonizing over the "girl/friendship drama" with my daughters. She told me that the things I want so desperately to protect my children from are the very things that will make them stronger people and will grow their character. Ouch!
Also, just an idea to pass on..a friend of mind and I hosted a "Heart to Heart" chat in my backyard this past summer. We invited four women we highly respect (and in four different decades of life) to come and share their wisdom with us. Each lady spoke for 15 minutes. We invited our friends and told them to pass it on and ended up with over 70 ladies, even on a night that was pouring down rain and we had to move inside my living room. We packed everybody in and even had people sitting on my stairs!! It just showed how much of a need there is for this type of ministry and how desperate women are to hear from those who have gone before!!
I'll have to think about the advice part. But, I will say, the post Beth wrote about her twenty-ninth anniversary really helped me. Just reminding me, in some very simple ways, to love on my man. Sometimes, the advice is just really simple and little things that can be done...its just the living it out part can be easy to forget...especially in the moment!!
Being raised in church from the day of my birth, it was a little hard for me when my new husband didn't share my passion for attending church. While burdening my Bible study leader with a little whining....she gently reminded me of a nursery rhyme from my childhood...she said "Hun, just leave him alone and he'll come home, wagging his tail behind him." I still laugh till this day when I remember that story and yes, it worked!
While growing up, my dear Mom, once gave me advice about how to deal with "rude" people. We all know one or two or possible three people that can be rude on a daily basis (and may not be aware of it... or simply don't have any JOY in their life.) Well, my Mom told me to "kill them with kindness". So, as a Christian, I have been putting it into practice. Wow! You will be amazed in how quickly a frown can be turned upside down!
Once, my son was having to see a Ear/Nose/Throat doctor to have his tonsils removed. The receptionist was not always...what should I say... receptive of people!? Anyway, she would basically bark, "What can I do for ya?" I must admit that I was defensive at first, but then I promised that I would "kill her with kindness" on our last visit. So, for our post-surgery appointment, she gave her usual bark, and I replied with,"I sure do love your blouse!" (It truly was pretty). I couldn't believe how quickly she had a 5 second face lift! She looked so beautiful with her smile! In my heart, I hope that I, with Christ, a planted a seed that day!
when whining to my Godly momma about my MIL, she reminded me that my MIL did raise the man I love and she deserves my respect and admiration for that.
she also told me that whenever possible (illness aside of course)to always fulfill my husbands intimate needs. he is much more open to talking, sharing and romance once his needs are met.
lastly, my hubs and I learned early on in marriage that it is hard to argue naked. : )
Just this summner my sweet niece shared with me a Titus Trainee moment that I didnt even know I was having! She and her cousin (my other niece), were planning the baptism of their boys and after praying for thier families decided they were there because of "Auntie" who included them (okay dragged them) with their cousins on many trips to vacation bible school, youth camp, and Sunday school. I was so humbled when she said "We could have turned out different, but you influenced us allot" and now we are here with our families to dedicate our childern. WOW I had no idea that in some small way I was a Titus Woman. Thank you for giving me a new name!!! Blessings to ya all from Sacramento, CA!
Don't take him for granted. Which seems to happen most often when I feel taken for granted myself.
If you need to talk through the bad stuff with someone, make sure you tell them the good stuff, too - especially when it's about resolutions to the bad stuff. Otherwise your confidante (mom, sister, mentor) may carry a grudge against your man long after you've gotten over it.
Let him fix stuff. He knows I just sometimes need to talk it out and don't need him to fix it. But sometimes he actually has good advice, if I'll listen.
And the wife of one of my pastors once told me that sometimes you just have to pray that God will love your husband for and through you when you don't think you can- because HE can and He will.
One of the greatest blessings of my life is the woman I call my own personal Titus 2 friend ... most of my Titus 2 revelations have come from pondering things with her ... after a time of much struggle with my husband -
I have two pieces of Titus 2 wisdom that has come out of those sessions (I even got to share the same two thoughts with some other homeschool moms while we were up on the mountain with our kids today) ...
1)The Lord transformed my heart when I began praying FOR my husband instead of praying ABOUT my husband ...
and
2)My obedience to the Lord has nothing whatsoever to do with my husband's obedience to the Lord ... I'm commanded to do some things as a wife that I aren't negotiable. I don't get to NOT DO THEM if hubby doesn't hold up his end of the bargain. That is a hard one to swallow and follow siestas!
It was our first wedding anniversary and I was looking forward to receiving flowers or having him demonstrate his love for me in some romatic way. I don't know why I expected it he had never really been romantic during our three years of courtship. Well no flowers came and I was so disappointed that I cried like a baby. He did not know what to do. Well the next day he came home from work and told me that my flowers were out on our front porch. I ran down the stairs to find two flats of flowers ready to be planted. He is such a practical man!! His explanation was that they were so pretty and they would last longer!! Although I was not immediately impressed, rather I think I was angry and depressed, I have become an avid gardener and have also come to love the practicality of my husband. We have been married 22 years now. I also know he is sorry he started this practice as my two flats of flowers have become about 20 now!! I guess the Titus Woman Advice is to not expect our beloved husbands to become something they are not (romantic) but to truly appreciate them for what they are!!
I love reading all of the other blogs... you all make me laugh!!
Thanks for the Titus words of wisdom. Lori
I teach young children as well as having two of my own. My favorite advice-and theirs too-is, "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit!" We say it in a sing song voice and they can't help but say it with you and the mood changes...well.....most times!!!!
Okay here are a few tidbits off the top of my head that I have learned along the way.
1-Praying is better and makes things happen better than nagging anytime! I have seen mountains move in prayer and mountains built higher in nagging.
2-If you are going to make a meal for someone else you should take note of what you are feeding your own family! You should not feed the feast to the other people and then give your own family the scraps! :)
3-Marriage relationship is like a dance. Let him lead it is his role and go with it. It can be beautiful or you can step all over his toes making it a big mess.
4-Study your mate. Know them and remember how to love based on 1 Corinthians 13 not on FEELINGS!
5-Only let kind building words come out of your mouth they really do have the power of life and death.
6-Realize the value of your children. They are priceless children of God. Raise them up as the princes and princesses they are!
7-Love, love, love-Grace, grace, grace-Forgive, forgive, forgive.
I am loving reading all this advice!
Also this may be cheesy but I have a blog award for you all at my blog!
Much love,
Angela
When I was engaged to be married, a Titus mentor made this statement to me I've never forgotten: "Before you are married, Satan will do everything in his power to get you and your boyfriend INTO the bedroom. Once you are married, he will do everything in his power to keep you both OUT of the bedroom. Choice words of wisdom for both singles and marrieds!
Some advise that I have given and been given.
A friend always tells me, when I worry about what others are thinking that "It is none of your business what others are thinking." meaning their thoughts are private and they have not made them public to you.
One more we tend to look around and think that we need to do things just like everyone else. Like keeping a cleaner house, having perfectly kept kids, or whatever may come to mind. I have learned that often time the things I tend think I must do to make my husband happy is way off base and gets my focus off what really matters to him. So if you are not sure ask because what maybe important to mine hubby may not be to yours. Now girls there are some things that most husbands would say is important to them that would be the same across the board. Like you know Wink, Wink. I hope this makes sense.
Now I have to confess that I am a little ignorant about the whole Keep the hands moving thing (lol, I am sure an explanation could get a little awkward. At least that much I can figure out.) And I echo the request for more explanation from the Deeper still conference.
Kim B.in Az
OOPS! (I am new at this blogging stuff!) I left off my Titus 2 comment to go with the "killing with kindness". Along with the outer world, this advice works well with my husband! Especially if I have bought an outfit...and he isn't happy with me! Okay...it isn't manipulation,as long as you are being truthful with your kindness!
My younger sister :) has always pointed me so clearly & directly to God. I praise Him for her and the encouragement towards Godliness that she is in my life.
One piece of advice she gave me that really stuck in terms of dealing with difficult people, especially those that I know I love and love me but with whom I frequently seem to find myself in conflict (family, friends, church) is that "Love believes the best"...that if I really love them and believe them to love me, to assume that they are not trying to "poke" at me, but think and act towards them with the benefit of the doubt--to think that they are speaking or acting out of love and kindness, and not to feel like they're 'out to get me' and then to respond in kind.
I hope that made sense...it's made a world of difference in my relationships with some of the more challenging people and I praise God that I can look on them with His love, instead of my (often falsely) assumed insult.
How thankful I am for a seven-years-younger sister who is an *essential* Titus woman in my life! :)
My mama told me when I was getting married 39 years ago that Southern ladies NEVER did the following:
1. Never mow the lawn!
2. Never iron your husband's shirts
3. Never carve meat (Sunday roast)
4. Never clean fish, ducks, birds, deer ... but cooking all of these is a requirement!
Hope this causes you to smile!
Blessings and love to all!
PS: I don't do any of the above except the cooking part.
Something that's helped to change my life was something my best friend said to me. I've struggled with an eating disorder since I was a teenager. (I'm in my early 20's). I wasn't a believer when it first started, I am now, and only in the last two years have I been able to slowly overcome it.
One day my friend (who is the one who led me to the Lord, by the way) looked at me and said "when you are there hugging that toilet- I want you to picture what was sitting there where your face is now pointing!"
She of course had more profound advice, and she's prayed with me and for me more times than I can count, but every time I'm tempted to do it again- I hear her voice and picture... well, exactly what she was telling me to!
zloyI so wish I had a Titus Woman in my life. My mother has always been an emotional, insecure wreck who would NEVER give out any "Titus" advice. I just read "Get Out of That Pit" again and have come to a firm conclusion that she is the queen of the pit-dwellers and won't stop until I am securely in that pit with her. It's a struggle daily. I would love to have the kind of relationship with her that would allow Titus advice, but I'm thinking that's not gonna happen. I have read every comment on this particular blog (twice) and have many emotions about it. 1. I'm so thankful for the "virtual friendships/advice/counsel/hilarious stories" that I receive on here. 2. I am jealous of many of your Titus relationships. 3. I really gotta find me that Titus Woman and realize the importance of being that type of person for a younger generation. My husband and I have been married for 10 years and have an amazing marriage. I have loved growing with him and being the mommy to our 3 girls. I pray that I can have the Amanda/Beth relationship with them. I pray that we don't turn out like my mom and me. Thank you, Amanda and Beth, for this blog, but for this "Titus Advice" blog especially.
I've read a lot of these and whew, I've had a LOT of advice...but I thought I'd bring out this point:
Pray for a Titus woman, yes, but don't expect one person to meet all your needs. You aren't marrying HER! You can receive Titus 2 instruction from just observing peoples lives, their commitment, their love for family, their love for the word, their perseverance in trial, their praying.
It doesn't have to be a "soul mate" type Titus sister.
ASK! I have learned so much just by picking up the phone or sitting down during a pot luck and saying, "You know, I've really admired you in such-in-such area and I was thinking of working on that next, can you give me some tips, what worked for you, something you learned."
Generally, when they realize you are "teachable", they will ask you about it, and are free to offer other tips that may be useful to you in life as well.
Campus Crusade for Christ teaches that a disciple is FAT: Faithful, Available, and Teachable.
So few young women prove to be true disciples that one arrives, most are thrilled to spent time volunteering with them, working in the church kitchen, or teaching VBS with them. When you are willing to work, you learn things from others that help you.
Hope this helps someone.
And, a note to "Lonely", please don't wait until you are married to start working on Titus 2relationships! You have much more time for it prior to that time!
When I asked my older sister how I would know I was ready to have a baby, she told me that when I didn't just want a little baby to love and to cuddle, but also wanted a child to raise in the fear and admonition of the Lord, I was ready. She was right! I needed to grow up a little before I was ready to face the lesson of true sacrificial love. I passed those words of advice on to my SIL just the other day.
I am so thankful for the wise ladies in my life. They are amazing teachers- I've met several through school and one through piano lessons- my favorite, however, is my mom. I feel like they have helped me to get through the stressful times in my life. Their advice has led me to tell myself, "Whatever happens, it will be ok. Jesus will love you anyway. Just try your best." That's helped me through a few tests. Also, I want to thank y'all for giving me great advice... :).
A lot of great (and some funny) advice Siestas! One thing I'd add though is making the decision not to bring up the word divorce whenever you're in an arguement.
Okay, for those of us who weren't there, what did Beth & Kay say about our "ministry" at Deeper Still? Now I feel like I'm missing out on some really good laughs!!!
The advice I like to pass on is to maintain a "united front" as a couple when in pulic. I learned a long time ago that disagreeing with him in front of others leaves him feeling a little less than edified. ;)
When I was 23 I was speaking in middle/highschools regarding integrity, morals, and character. Encouraging teenagers whatever avenue I could with the sole hope that once in the door they would ask me questions that I could answer legally in JESUS name. )
Anyway, I was discussing the topic of "saving oneself for marriage" and said to them, "Part of the decision to do this in my life was avoiding temptation. I opted not to kiss until I was engaged and nothing else until I was married. I just got married this past June and what an incredible gift it was to give my husband... ME!!!"
Shortly after that comment I gave the middle schoolers an opportunity to ask some questions. One teenage boy quickly and energetically raised his hand. Since it was a boy asking to be involved I jumped at the opportunity to answer his question... UNTIL I heard it.
"I'm confused! Why did you "wait" again??? It's not like you're UGLY?"
To which in that moment- I recongnized a great need in the youth of America... unconditional love. (That they don't need to "buy love" with their bodies... the "not-ugly" that is) And the only place to receive it is JESUS CHRIST HIMSELF.
I carry a passion to share this unconditional love with the youth still.... 10 years later.
Some of the best advice I got was in regards to my husband coming home from work. I wanted it be a place he wanted to come home to so a wise woman of faith told me to try and appeal to his 5 senses when he walked in the door.
Have a candle burning or bread in the oven (smell), have the house picked up and my hair combed and teeth brushed (sight), try to avoid a conflict with the kids and the TV off with soft music playing (hearing), give him lots of welcome home hugs and kisses (touch), and offer him his favorite drink, or snack if dinner is a ways off, (taste).
This makes home a place he will be anxious to be and appeals to all of his senses.
The best Titus 2 advice I have gotten was near the beginning of my marriage from a Christian counselor. At the time I was having a hard time getting along (read: barely tolerating) my mother-in-law. This counselor suggested I change my perspective and respect and love my mother-in-law for being the woman who raised the man I love and married. Wow! And, she also recommended that on my husband's birthday each year I send flowers to his mother with a thank you note for him! That helped our relationship really bloom!
Funny, this same beloved (really) mother-in-law once decided to share her own Titus 2 advice with me. As the mother of 3 boys, she thought we needed to take one more shot for a girl. So, on a family vacation, she went shopping during the day for me. She returned with a halter top, giant rhinestone hoop earrings, and blaze orange nail polish. She announced that she would babysit while I got "all sexy" (her exact words)for a date with my husband that evening. Wow! She was there - I had to indulge her..couldn't get out of it (except the nail polish, thank the Lord I had a pre-vacation manicure I didn't want to re-do). As soon as I hit the car, the earrings popped out, and a jean jacket covered up that top ALL evening! We still only have 3 boys! ;)
When you commit to the captain, it means you commit whether the ship is sailing or the ship is sinking.
God controls the seas.
Enjoyed reading the comments ----
And dear precious single sisters - you are not "losers" just because portions of the comments do not apply at this season in your life and many are from married women - you are beautiful daughters of the most high - pour out your love on Him - He loves you so . . . you yourselves may be given opportunities to minister some of these truths to those you come in contact with who may be taking the plunge or having some difficulties!!!!!! Such is God's way . . .
And yes to the sister who did not fully understand - marital intimacy is what has often been mentioned as wink, wink and steak on this blog comment discussion . . . if you can, please get the Proverbs series that deals specifically with marriage as you can purchase those teaching by themselves without having to get all of the Proverbs series via the LPM web site . . . they are awesome and will cover some of what has been talked about here. It is a Titus woman's teaching for sure! The entire series is PRIMO!
I never had a "Titus" person in my life - but I did have God my Father . . . Almost at 32 years of marriage . . . easy 31 plus years? Ha - get real! But, we are growing old together and the best is yet to be . . . I hold that as a promise after years of trying times . . . I could have had a bad thought or two reading about all those who have and had Titus women in their life, but I chose to just praise God for His faithfulness for all these years as He knew I had no such person ----- blessed when do and blessed when don't. We each have different paths and He knows what we each need, etc.
I heard something yesterday that is absolutely priceless and I must share and pray that a few will read this - keep a "Happiness Diary" - this person has a very simple daily calendar (it looked like two pages with the 7 days on those two pages - so little, but enough room to write - anyway she carries it with her in her purse (or keep with your Bible?!) - it is about 3 x 4 or so and about 1/2 inch thick - she deliberately writes only "happy" things in there when they happen (like someone bought her Starbuck's for her the other day - she is about 70 and the guy was 18!!!!! Whoop!) and just simple things like that just right part of shoes that one finds, or a child's sweet kiss, or good report card, or your man gives you a special hug and kiss or calls just to say I love you or you have a date night or you watch a movie that touches you or you read a blog discussion that is way wow!!!! - girls, just all those things we so often forget in the midst of life circumstances . . . it was such a beautiful thing and she reviews it at the end of the year and says to herself - "it was a good year" because she has such lovely reminders that it was - this was some of the best and simplest advice I had heard in a long time . . . and how easy can that be?
Peace Siestas!
A beautiful 65 year old hispanic wife & mother of three once told me to always keep my toe nails painted for my man. How simple but sweet. I guess love really is in the details.
As a single gal, I have learned a lot by watching the women who have become my mentors, buddies and best friends. I see how the relationships with their husbands are and sometimes I long to have that in my own life. But, I know that God has a timetable for everything. I just started dating a guy I met at church through my bible study ladies. (They decided to play matchmaker) When it all began I laid it at God's feet. I want Him to be the leader of the relationship. That is probably the biggest thing I have learned from my friends. Put God at the head of the table and let Him control path.
Dear Lonely Loser,
I used to freak out about this lack of "ministry" myself. The only difference between now and then is my change in focus. I have found that the more I look to know HIM, the less neglected I feel. It isn't always easy to reshift my longing gaze (yes, I do look away sometimes)but it does remove the ache and then, I wake up one day a realize it is gone! HE feels your pain and HE will take it away.
You really are not a loser and although you may be lonely, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!
I love you
I do not have a Titus 2 woman in my life, but by reading the comments, it looks like I need to start praying and asking God for one. Pray with me.
Some advice, though, that I've received is what happens in your marriage stays in your marriage. Do not complain about your husband, and the way he did this, or when he didn't do that. (Unless, of course, you are being physically hurt, then call for help immediately and get out!) God calls us to respect our husbands. And that doesn't mean just to his face, but respect him behind his back.
Also, after being married for 7 years, I've learned that when things aren't good in the bedroom, things are not good. Period. (No pun intented. Oops.) When my ministry there has been tended to, things are better between us all around. Men are just that way.
AND TO ALL YOU SINGLE GIRLS OUT THERE...I've read several comments about you feeling left out or indifferent about this...don't feel left out of this talk about tending to your ministry (being your husband). Your ministry as a single woman is to pray for your future husband and to prepare yourself to be the wife that Christ has called you to be. THAT is your ministry now. Marriage is tough. It's not easy and it takes a lot of work! So use this time wisely to prepare yourselves.
This was a great idea, Amanda. I learned a lot!
I know that, because I'm single, I'm in the minority here, but I'd like to give a little "Titus" advice to all the other single girls out there: time spent feeling worthless because we're not married or spent feeling jealous of our married sisters is time wasted. Not to diss the married women here, but when did we develop the mindset that married = happy? Singles complain about being single and marrieds complain about being married. Marriage does not make an imperfect life perfect. We singles have fantastic gifts we can offer the Kingdom - more freedom, more spare time, and (sometimes) more money, just to name a few! Let's stop beating ourselves up about our singleness. In fact, why not go all out and enjoy it while it lasts? (In a moral and godly way, of course.) :)
I usually don't listen very well to advise which is a definite character flaw of mine. I'm sure I've gotten plenty of good advice and ignored it, but I can tell you something I've learned from unfortunate experience. Don't complain to your mom about your mother-in-law. It's been years and they still won't even sit near each other!
Goodness , I have never heard of all of this , about being a Titus woman . So it's been great reading what all of you have learned from the Titus women in your lives. I was married 30 years , now going through a divorce. ; ( I don't recall having a Titus woman , so Ang , I sure appreciate you praying for those of us who don't ! No doubt it would have made a difference in my marriage. I'm going to be on the lookout for Titus women now !
Truly , I don't think we women talk about our " ministry " with our husbands , with each other. I think we need much more discussion with each other and frank talk , and of course prayer and encouragement about it.
Not growing up with brothers , or having a dad around , men have been a real mystery to me. Seems like I learned things the wrong way or too late. But I HAVE learned a lot over the years and can be a Titus woman for other women , even if I have to tell them to not do as * I * did , and that they can learn from my mistakes. I put my husband on a pedestal for many years - in fact, where GOD ONLY belonged. When I took him down from the pedestal , he missed that and never seemed to get over it. Just like someone posted about "Make your man a little god and you've got yourself a great big PROB ". Oh , amen to that !
There is so much good advice here ! Thank you Amanda. I loved your blog entry today and how you had to stop and do life in the midst of it. ; )
This is such a great topic. Yes , we need to talk MORE , openly and honestly about how to do " ministry " with our husbands !! Like the one woman who had 70 show up at her house for Godly wisdom... yes , I'd be there too. We don't get REAL with each other in that department as Christian women. When was the last time , (if ever )you heard , say , a Christian woman in her sixties share how she " does ministry " with her husband ? Don't you all want to know ?? I do !! This is serious business with our men . It's BIG. Huge to them. As you married women know. And single gals.. as the Bible says , not ALL are called to be married. I say that with a humble and tender heart. It is NOT always easy , in fact , I'll venture to say it is RARELY easy being married. It is a lot of work , hard work. Not everyone is called to it. If you are not married , then you don't have to tend to someone else , you can be fully devoted to the Lord . That in itself is a huge blessing.
I'll pray too for Titus women for you all , single or married.
Oh I love this, thanks so much. And the Tod pictures were adorable and much enjoyed, thank you.
The best Titus advice I ever got was one time when I called my friend (that friend who tells me what God says and wants me to hear rather than what I want to hear) telling her about how HE did this and that and was driving me NUTS without even trying. I was just so put out and frustrated. Well, you know what she said? I totally didn't want to hear it, but it is true... "Honey, God sent your husband as HOLY SAND PAPER to help you be more like Jesus." What? What about poor old me?
Yeah, it took me awhile to digest that one and put the pity party favors away, but she is right. Me and my Holy Sand paper man...maybe someday my rough edges will be smooth or shiny or something. Until then, pardon the shavings on the floor and my yelps during the sanding seasons.
BTW, I would like to call all siestas to pray for my sister-in-law, Corrie Clay.
This weekend is a huge milestone marker for her. God has given her a ministry, or what we like to call "the message". It has been about five years since He has promised her this, and boy has she been through the fire since that time. But now, this Saturday, she has her first official speaking engagement in Kuba, Alabama and we are so excited, we can hardly wait! So please pray for her, that God will sustain her voice(she has a cold), and speak to these precious ladies through her. She has a website and a blog if you would like to check her out:
www.fillingthegapministries.net
the blog: www.fillingthegapministries-corrieclay.blogspot.com
Thank you siestas!
When I was in 9th grade I had a PRECIOUS 72 year old Sunday School teacher. We had 3 slumber parties at her house that year and she went on every youth trip. She told us something I know say to the teenagers that my husband and I minister too
"Hormones are like gas, give them time and they will pass!"
I thought our single sisters needed a break from all the "ministry" talk! :)
Dearest "Lonely Loser",
First of all, my dear, you are certainly NOT a loser. God loves YOU so much and you are VERY special to Him. He is tender towards you and you are the apple of His eye!
As for the "lonely" part, oh I do remember being there. Crying into my pillow almost every night because of the loneliness. The hurt in my heart when I came home to nothing and fixed a frozen meal for one. Wanting to shred every wedding invitation I got in the mail, even for dear friends I was truly happy for!!
I finally came to the realization that I needed to draw nearer to God...to let Him tell me how special I was and to comfort me. I also needed to give Him all of my hurt and loneliness and also control of my life and future.
I prayed to Him first of all, that if marriage was not His will, that He would take away my desire for a husband and children. However, if marriage WAS His will for me, that He would protect and bless my future husband and help me become the woman I was meant to be for that special man.
I also came to realize that everyone is in a "season" of life. Find contentment in the one you are in with God's blessings. The word "contentment" can seem like a hard word to swallow when you are hurting but trust me, if you give everything to God and "get lost in the shadow of the cross", God will bring contentment....and it will be sweet, indeed.
I will be praying for you. You are not forgotten, especially not by the One who spoke words over YOU from before the foundation of the world. Do you think God would forget his workmanship (which means 'masterpiece')??? Jesus is your groom, even if God chooses not to give you one here on earth. Say out loud (shout it many times if you must) "My God LOVES ME!!" He assuredly does, dear one....and so do I.
Here is a Bible verse that helped me through my lonely years. I hope it blesses you like it did me.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:11-13
Blessings to you, my dear!
tulip in Idaho
This has really been fun and convicting at times!
A friend gave my hubby and I a journal for our wedding and encouraged us to write in it every time we went away on a "romantic getaway". Always give appropriate details and write about all the things that we have done during that time.
We really took that seriously! Over the past 10 years of marriage we have read back over our journal entries and we sit back and laugh so hard and relive the wonderful memories that we made.
The silly things we did and the "quality time" moments we wrote about (only with ... ) that reminds us of such special times we have had and always refuels our love over and over again.
Just a fun idea!
When we were married for nine months, I was definitely not in the illusion of perfect married life any more and since divorce was not an option, I had sinply decided I was going to be horibly miserable for the rest of my life. I was sharing this info with my mother and how sad and lonely I truly was. How I never really loved him in the first place(I was sinply so messed up and was looking for anyone that would care for me)She said to me,"honey, You need to love that man. He needs to know you love him. Tell him and tell him and tell him" OK I set out to bless him regardless of circumstance and I tell you, three days later I fell madly in love with him and Have hardly felt anything less ever since. I mean there is the every so often frustrations...wink wink!! But come on...isn't the Lord so faithful. Oh how hard life is, but knowing love is an action has changed my perspective and formed godly ideals as a foundation!
I love this post! Being one of the "older folks" in my fellowship at 23 years old has made me ready to soak up Titus advice wherever I can find it. Thanks so very much for sharing, treasured sisters. :)
I heard 2 things from a lovely Titus woman when I was in college: "I knew my husband and I were right for each other because I knew we'd work better together for the Kingdom than separately" and "Marriage is unselfishness."
Both cleared up my perspective many a time, and they never fail to remind me Who is at the heart of everything.
P.S. I was all the way down to jenmom's comment before it hit me what "ministry" was, too. hahaha
when I was a first time mom a very wise friend called at a point in my day when I was at the end of my rope with a crying baby who could not be comforted. I didn't want to spoil him by picking him up each time he cried. I was in tears not knowing what to do. Her excellent advice was to set the kitchen timer for 5 minutes. Crying for 5 minutes would not harm him. If he was still crying at the end of the 5 minutes I should pick him up and comfort him. What felt like hours was usually only a few minutes and I found his crying seldom ever outlasted the timer. That advice stood me in good stead throughout the next two babies. My friend is with Jesus now but I will never forget her compassionate heart and loving advice.
To "Lonely Loser" - you're not a loser!! As a single young woman myself, I know the loneliness. I was thinking the other day about how when you look at a girl's ring finger and there is a big shiny diamond ring on it, you know she's been chosen and selected. You know that she is loved. It's like a sign of affection. To not have that ring can make a girl feel like she's not worth anything because she hasn't been chosen. I was thinking along those lines the other day when the Lord spoke to me and reminded me of a scripture that reads "In whom also after that ye believed, ye were sealed with that holy Spirit of promise, which is the earnest of our inheritance until the redemption of the purchased possession" (Ephesians 1:13-14). It blew me away! The Holy Spirit is my "engagement ring" - the One who demonstrates to me and to the world that I have been chosen by Jesus Christ to be His bride. Single sisters, we aren't losers! We are are chosen and precious. It IS hard to be single. It IS lonely. But in the midst of that, we have promise of redemption. I don't know about you, but I want to show off my "engagement ring" to the world!!
Longing for the Holy Spirit to sparkle and shine to those about me,
Jessica
I am a truly blessed woman, as is any woman who has the benefit of a Titus woman in her life. From my mentor, here are some of her sage words I've heard for 15 years. (yes, I'm a little slow!)
Otto Mottos (from Donna Otto, check her out at Homemakersbychoice.org
1. Don't carry a Bible unless you've swept under the bed. (That's actually Elisabeth Elliot's)
2. You are who you hang out with.
3. If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten.
4. God ordained that you participate.
5. Finish today, today
6. Priorities: Ask yourself: can anyone else do it? and how does it effect my family?
I thank You Father for these women who obey You and take the time to teach me, and may I be doing the same.
Hey Siestas - what fun and what a blessing to read the posts, I was so encouraged. Disco Queen - what a sweet testimony you shared! Good Titus Woman Advice: Remember my husband and I are on the same team and that we have the same enemy who wants to have us fighting eachother. In the heat of emotion I try to remember this and to guard that I'm fighting the good fight in the right way. It is a war, there is an enemy -- and it's NOT my husband!
Warm in Alaska.
To Anonymous who feels like a lonely loser. I have been very sad reading some of these, because I also feel lonely, and I have been married for almost 9 years. I will pray for you and I hope you will pray for me also. My prayer is that I will get to the point where I REALLY lean on God, and not others, for my joy.
For the single ladies out there(who are hoping for a man someday).
Read on a T-shirt: A girl should be so close to God that a gy as to seek Him to find her.
From an older sister who married a friend of mine, I learned that things just get hard, but you can still keep the faith, pull up by the boot staps and keep loving on your husband and your children by doing what you can, and resting when you need it. Little retreats, rest times and getaways don't happen often but everyday we just need to find time to take care of Mama too. I serve so much better when I daily renew myself. Take a shower, eat a snack, read a proverb for the corresponding day. It helps keep the peace in my head and in my heart. In doing that I try to rest in His wisdom, trust in His divine plan (which is beyond me to know!) and then get back to whatever I see I need to tend to. Then I find even the little things bring me joy that can keep me strong. I think my Grandma would say that is a life of interity. I loved my Grandma, and she stays with me in memory of her active service to her family and her church. Thanks Grandma! I guess that would be a big lesson to learn in everyday! Take joy in our life, and cry out when we need to, and help out whenever we reasonably can, because tring to understand what Jesus teaches us changes everthing. In a world seemingly gone crazy, God's plan for us is for good. I love that knowledge. I can serve reasonably thinking about that. When I can remember too!
I have loved these comments!! The best advice I have received was from the radio personality, Dr. Laura!!
One day years and years ago she was talking about how women can be so critical of their husbands and how they respond the same way. She further explained that they were pretty simple and it didn't take much to make them happy. She mentioned our 'ministry' and also that instead of being critical, try to notice whatever they do around the house and tell them you appreciate it. I must admit my first thought was, 'he should be doing that anyway - why should i have to thank him for it?'
I put the plan into action - and I must say that it completely changed the dynamics of our marriage. He loved being appreciated - imagine that!!! Not only that, but it encouraged him to do more. It's been more than 10 years now and we both are very conscious of thanking the other for little things every day and it is sincere and it has been the best advice I have ever received.
I love you ladies! God bless,
Susan
In the few years before I got married, I had several women who fulfilled this role for me. One simply oozes the Holy Spirit and whenever a difficult/frustrating situation arises, she handles it with grace and without complaining or arguing, calling it just "another opportunity."
Another, my pastor's wife at the time who had just returned from 20+ years on the mission field, advised a friend and I that it's best to be your husband's fantasy or you can be sure someone else will be ready to step into that role. Although it includes, that is not exclusive to intimate connotations. T.G.
I admired a family that had 2 young well behaved boys. When I asked their mom about "how she did it"... her response was, "Say Yes...as often as you can. It's hard...but your children will learn that when you say No...you mean it!" She also told me that when I was praying with my kids before bed time...to allow them to hear me thank God for any particular positive behavior that I had seen in them. I practiced both...raising 3 kids...now grown and out of the nest.
Can't wait to read all of these! I have 2 pieces of Titus advice:
1) not sure the source of this one, but was shared by my small group Bible study leader--There was a lady who, when trying to explain to her children why she needed her quiet time with the Lord, set out a tray, lined it with several cups (one for each child) and proceeded to pour water from a pitcher into each cup, one at a time, letting the water overflow and spill onto the tray, emptying her pitcher. As she did this, she explained that she, "Mommy", was the pitcher and that each child was a cup. And every day Mommy pours out of herself to give each child what they need, so much so that their cups are overflowing, even if it empties her own pitcher. Then she pointed to the now empty pitcher and asked them, "Now, who fills Mommy's pitcher so that she can fill your cups? God does. When Mommy has her quiet time with the Lord, He fills up her "pitcher", or heart, with His love and grace so that she can fill you with love and grace, too. But Mommy's love and grace can run out, so she needs to get more from God each day so she can take care of you. And God's love and grace never runs out. His is overflowing, just like the cups on the tray are overflowing."
2) from my very wise, large-group Bible study teacher (wink-wink)---when "ministering" to your husband and you're not really feeling like "ministering", always keep your hands moving. ;D
I forgot one- my husband was returning from his last deployment and I wanted a great outfit to greet him in when the squadron came off the plane. So I went to Talbots and I bought and entire outfit-even the shoes- and none of it was on sale. I don't usually indulge myself like that and get a thrill from a good bargain. Another Titus lady asked me a few days prior to his return if I was ready and I shared with her that story and she replied, "Your whole family will benefit from this outfit so it was a wise investment." It was a good reminder to me that it is neither selfish, something to be guilty about nor overindulgent to give a woman a little time and attention to her own needs as it will benefit the whole family because she is such a great part in setting the tone and atmosphere in the home. (And we all did enjoy that outfit!) t.g.
I have had many Titus women in my life and now at almost 40 have many younger women in my life. I am a person of many words. Well I talk too much and over the years would express my opinion impulsivly without much thought. A mentor finally said to me, "You need to ponder your thoughts" Thats all she said. She didn't criticise me and asked me to pray about it. I have practice this for years now. Just last week I was able to pass that advise to another younger women who had my same "gift" It has helped so much to ponder my thoughts before they blurt out. It has saved me so many times. Great topic.
This is my advise to singles who are in relationships. I don't like to say you can or can't kiss, hug, etc. but I do say nothing good happens when you lay down.
Dear "Lonely Loser",
First of all, being single and/or without children does NOT make you a "loser". We, as daughters of the King, are not defined by our marital or parental status. For if we were, we would all be losers, indeed! But, praise Jesus!!!! We are defined by our relationship with HIM and HIS unconditional love for us. HE is your Bridegroom...HE will supply all your needs according to HIS riches and glory.
MANY times over have I been privileged to gain wisdom and guidance from my "unmarried, non-mother" sisters in Christ. But I wouldn't call them unmarried...no, they are married to the LORD! And they have grown me through THEIR relationships with Christ 70x7 times more than my dear sisters with mortal, flawed, earthly husbands.
And I would not say that they are not "mothers", for they have been a mother to me and others in so many ways...and some of my "mothers" are younger than me!!!
So take heart, dear Sister! You are a precious jewel, worth far more than rubies, and you are gleaming from His crown of glory! And you can be, if you so choose, a Titus 2 woman to others.
Love from Houston!!
Good stuff 'round here, good stuff. My Titus advice for today would be to tend to matters of the heart. In ourselves, our husband, our children and everyone around us. We can get sidetracked by appearances and forget that a crazy-haired teenager who simply loves the Lord or a mis-matched toddler who dressed themselves for church because they're so darn excieted, are both so precious; remember God looks at the heart- man looks at the outward appearance.
So next time someone snaps at you, instead of snapping back, think about what must be going on in their heart for them to speak that way and pray for them, extend compassion and love. For those of us who have done the snapping back take time to reflect on the matters of our own heart. It's the well-spring of life and where our heart is there our treasure will be also.
The best advice I have ever gotten covers husbands, children, and everyone in between. Talk about some good "Titus Advice"!
It's very simple...Pick your battles!
I no longer choose to battle over my husband not taking the trash out, if he doesn't do it I do.
If my daughter insists on wearing her bathing suit during the winter and we are not going out of the house I just crank up the heat and let her have at it.
So for me, life is so much smoother when I "pick my battles".
If you could see me now... It has been downright frigid here in MN this week; below zero every night. I would actually welcome at hotflash about now! My "bedtime attire" consists of flannel pants and a long sleep shirt that doesn't even match. it is long enough that it doesn't rise up in the back and expose any flesh when I move about in the bed. After reading many of these posts, I'm thinkin' I need to do a little "ministry apparel" shopping. Do they make thermal negligees? Or maybe something in fur?
LET THE ANVIL FALL!
our premarital counselor explained that when the husband isn't taking care of his responsibilities, the wife needed to let the consequences happen instead of taking up his responsibilities for him...
ex: if we saw that that our "home" was going to be crushed by "a falling anvil," and our husbands were NOT gonna do anything to stop it, we were to "let the anvil fall".... once our husbands realized there was a gaping hole in the living room floor, maybe then he'd recognize the problem, see his responsibility, and do something about it.
otherwise, if we constantly stop the problems, there's never a "falling anvil" for him to worry about.
if there's no problem, there's no reason for him to get off the couch!
I have prayed for about about eight months now for God to help me "love my husband the way He loves him, see him the way He sees him, and value him the way He values him" and to see Jesus in front of my husband when I am angry and frustrated. How would I treat the Lord if he was standing there instead of my husban? I can't tell you the way that has thwarted the enemy. Our marriage has been rocky for quite some time, but God is ALWAYS ultimately victorious. PRAISE HIM!!!!
My funniest advice came from my grandmother. It wasn't so much said as shown but she was very open. She told me that she went to a sociology class as an adult and the professor said that statistically there were only 7 people in the world each person was compatable enough with to be happily married to. She said, "Now, I have never loved anyone but your grandpa but I've always been a little curious about the other 6." I still laugh about it.
Doesn't sound spiritual but for all their flaws they still kissed on the lips into their eighties in front of the family and were so devoted to each other and affectionate. It taught me the difference between healthy thoughts about the other sex and destructive ones.
To put it more "spiritually" Ed Young says it well in his "Lust" series. Noticing someone is attractive is not a sin, noticing positive qualities about the opposite sex is not lust, it's the second and third glances you take that are!
Well i am single so i don't know how much i can really give to this blog. But before we can be anything to anyone the LORD has to fill us up. When we go to others like family, children, etc then we aren't going to be filled. God has designed us all to be filled up, a crevice needs filling up. I have found that the only thing that will fill me up is the LORD himself. When i go to others to fill my cup boy it just doesn't work. The LORD designed it to be that way.
The best practical tid bit I received was already left in a comment...about boiling a pot of water with an onion, IT WORKS!
The best spiritual tid-bit I have received and also pass on is to serve the people in your life. (I am trying to be sensitive to the single siestas and not make this totally about marriage. Because it is a good principle to live by, I mean it is what Jesus came to do right?) Apply it appropriately to the people in your life and you can't go wrong.
My hubby and I are currently in a great marriage class at our church. The #1 advice the teacher gave...and has repeated every week is...pray before 'ministry'!! and pray DURING 'ministry'. He assured us that God created even 'ministry' for His glory and that is Who it should seek to glorify!
He has assured us that Adam never rolled over in the Garden after 'ministry' with Eve and said 'So, was it good for you?'
They did it to the glory of God...My hubby and I can't seem to get that Garden image out of our minds and have had a good chuckle over it!! But the truth of it remains...all parts of marriage are to (should be to)the glory of God!
Blessings, mariel
growingingodliness.blogspot.com
I was at work one day meeting with a faithful and spiritual woman and her darling spiritual teenage daughter. During our conversation the mother leaned over adjusted her daughter’s shoulder/neckline as her daughter’s undergarment was slightly exposed. As the mother was adjusting, she smiled and in a very sweet way said, “Your wrapping is coming undone.” I shot the mother a questioning look, to which she replied, “I have always told my girls that their bodies are a gift for their husbands and that they should treasure them, keep them pure and take good care of them as it is the only body they will ever have. I’m not fond of the fashions today and if I feel something is too revealing or a strap slips, I don’t hesitate to point out their ‘wrapping’ is coming undone.”
Titus advice-marriage does not work without Christ center and formost!. Shamefully I learned that the hard way as my first marriage ended in divorce. God has graced me with a second marriage that is so full because we have put Him upfront and first in our lives and marriage.
In His Graces~Pamela
I'm writing in pretty late for this blog, but I hope to encourage anyone who reads this. I've been married for 26+ years and my husband and I have been throught MANY seasons! I remember going through one really hard season in which I wondered if we would be able to stick together. I felt so unloved by him and angry at him and on and on.....
The Lord Jesus spoke very clearly to me in a moment of deep despair and said to me "Am I enough for you?" It made me mad that he would ask me that, but he asked it over and over until I felt backed into a corner and cried out to him, "you are all I have!" At that moment I learned through the overpowering ministry of the Holy Spirit that no matter what my circumstances, no one can love me like Jesus!
I stopped depending on my husband to meet my deep needs and instead learned to let Jesus fill me up, meet my needs and then turn to my husband and pour out love on him. The result: "Jesus" ministered to my husband through my unconditional love for him. It took a while, but we are both healed and pressing on in life. No life is not perfect, but God is faithful to keep us together and meet the deep needs of our hearts.
Heidi in Georgia
I love what Beth said in the Proverbs study. She said, It takes more time to make excuses than just take the dang 5 min and "minister"! What a great perspective!! It is working for me!
PS. This is my first blog EVER~
This wasn't given to me as a piece of advice, but it's a comment I'll never forget. At my aunt's funeral, the pastor commented on how in the 50 years he had known my aunt & uncle, he never heard either one of them say a cross or negative word about the other. As a newlywed, that comment hit me like a ton of bricks. I had already made negative comments about my new husband! So many people have commented on the "sharp" tongues we gals can have. I try to remember this pastor's comment anytime I feel frustrated or angry at my husband because I would love for someone to say about me that they never heard me utter a cross or negative word about my husband.
I think the best advice that I've been given was from my mom who said to "start the way you want to finish." This can apply to many things, but my application for my marriage was, if I wanted my husband to be doing the dishes 6 years into our marriage, I needed to let him do them starting from day 1. Not only let him do them, but also not tell him HOW to do them. It's hard to let things go and not complain about how they're getting done, but be thankful that they're done and I didn't have to do them!
Be your husband's wife, not his mother. Love and accept him for who he is, not who you think you can make him.
Your job is to love him, not make him good. Conviction is the work of the Holy Spirit not a spiritual gift.
This advice comes from experience. BEEN THERE DONE THAT!
Wanda in Georgia
Amanda!The Lonely Loser post broke my heart. I too was single for what I considered a very long time..til I was 29. Please post for the single ladies that you won't find your King Salmon in the sewer!! That was my Titus advice when I was single and feeling very desperate to find a mate. I'll pray for her today!
The best advice my momma ever gave me was to find ways to "praise" my man in the small things. I make a big deal over all the little things he does for me and around the house. This absolutely makes him feel like a stud. :) I praise him when he folds the towels, when he cuts the grass with perfect precision, when he catches a moth that flies in while the door is open, etc. I have found in 9 short months of marriage that this goes a LONG way in keeping him happy and quarrels at bay!
Early in our marriage my husband tried very hard for a job and did not get it. He was crushed, and my best friend told me "Make him feel like a man tonight." I'll never forget that, and it's something I remember 12 years later, especially when I know he's feeling down about work. Ladies, we can help him overcome many things by making him feel like a man! Love y'all and so appreciate this blog.
I've learned over the "years" that putting down your husband only makes you look bad. After all, you are the one who chose to be with him. We should always guard our words. The more we criticize each other, the less likely we will be to feel love toward that person. I have often had to pray that God would take my hateful thoughts and my anger away, because I could not handle it any longer. God took it and gave me back a peaceful, loving attitude that did more to restore my marriage than any points scored in who was right and who was wrong. Our husbands don't deserve to be "pushed away" when they need just the opposite.
Signed- a wife for 31 years and Titus woman for 10 yrs
I guess the good advice I gave was to an unchurched girl who had accompanied her friend to church camp. At church camp the girls were not allowed to wear two piece bathing suits unless there was a dark tee shirt over it. This infuriated the girl. After spending day and night with her for several days and being in several Bible classes and chapels, she was finally ready to listen and ponder to the explanation of why this was a rule. I gave her the advice of keeping a little mystery about her body...dress modestly even when you have a va-va-va-voom body. Plus, as we know, men are usually led with their eyes and appreciate the womanly form...so by covering up the goods, you're helping him keep his mind on God, especially at church camp. :)
I don't know where that girl is today. She probably has her own family by now. Hoping that the seed planted has blossomed and thrived.
I was told by a very wise Godly woman, who is now the dean of women at my old bible college. She said 'DeDe, if you want your man to be a man of the Word - YOU be a woman of the Word, if you want him a man of prayer - YOU be a woman of prayer'. Excellent advice. Who we are really does contribute to 'who' others are, by example.
After my freshmen year in college and after a series of relationship heartbreaks with guys, my Titus woman, my older sister, encouraged me to ask Jesus to hide me until I was ready. Granted, I was never one of those girls who had guys knocking at her door, it tended to be the opposite. But I felt that the way I was going, giving away my heart to those that asked (and those who didn't ask), by the time THE guy came around, if he did, I wouldn't have any piece of me left to give. So I prayed the prayer. I faced a lot of doubt during that time, wondering if it was just by default that no guy was coming after me or if it was REALLY God hiding me, but eventually along the way, God showed himself to me as my True Love. He turned my face to him, helped me lose my baggage, and restore that which I had destructively been giving away. Crushes along the way never worked out and I eventually learned how to trust him better. 6 years later, God opened the door and I met the man of my dreams and was pursued in a way I never thought possible. My sister's wise advice helped put my life and my heart on the path AWAY from destruction and towards LIFE!
God is so good! Through many wonderous blessings, God has called me to help begin a Titus 2 mentoring ministry at our church! It's preparing to officially begin February 23rd! God, you are glorious to share "Moore" encouragement with me! I needed it today! I surely have been mentored by some tremendous women! My mother died when I was 17, and the Lord used my sweet friend Debbie, who was in her late 30's at the time, to bless me. She and I are still close, calling each other nearly every day! We both love to share our lives with others. She is a true treasure to me!!
Last Sat night the news was talking about ice own the roads, my husband said your not going to try to go to church Sun ok. I usualley get ypset with that , your not, but I didn't I said ok, as it rurned out the raods were ok, but I had a nice day with my husband,made him an outstanding(his words) baked chicken dinner, special things to go with it that he loves & I don't .It was a very nice dinner together.Now many ofus din't go Sun, but I let my husband tahnks for takeing care of me.I knew that is what it was because he don't go to church but has no problems wuth me go all I want.I felt so specail because he was so worried about me going out & getting into ice & who knows there may ahve been something out there own the way I go.I missed church but I had a very specail day with my husband that I have very little of.He was my man that day.In fact its been a great week.He just was worried about me going out & getting hurt.I love that
To the lonely loser:
You are not a loser just because you're single. I was single until I was 28, and it you would've thought I had three heads on my shoulders with some of my family...I guess the best advice seems cliche, but it's cliche for a reason, I guess: be content where you are...you are enough in Christ. Once I realized that and kept coming at Satan with that fact, that I was enough in Christ, my time being single seemed to fly by.
Here's some things I learned while single and after being married and having difficulty conceiving a child:
1. NEVER ask a single person, dating or not, when the wedding is.
2. NEVER ask a couple when they're going to start having babies.
Both can be hurtful. You never know where people are in life and the struggles and difficulties they face. Now, would I ask a close friend these things in private - yeah, but never would I go up to an acquaintance in public and do it. I had it done to me too, too many times, and I left the room with a plastered smile, but I cried in my car all the way home and cried some more there.
Can I just get a big old AMEN from all the siestas that there are this many posts of women encouraged to be encouraging one another to be Titus women?! I find that it is harder and harder to find women who embrace the gift the Lord has given us in being women and instead scoff at the Titus principles. Thank the Lord for this community and all this wonderful advice!
I also want to echo what many women said about getting your deepest needs met by the Lord and the Lord alone, and how that will only improve your marriage tremendously. When we put a tremendous burden on our husbands to fill all of our needs, or to be perfect in order for us to be happy in our marriage, we really miss out on the joy of allowing Jesus to meet our needs and then have every good thing from our marriage seem all the more a blessing.
I've been reading since the beginning, but I don't normally post. So here goes! I am married w/children and I loved reading all the Titus advice offered, but I had a tinge of pain reading about moms and Titus women.
I lost my mom when I was a very little girl and the past few years have been the hardest. I just turned 30 and have been married for 8 years! But it wasn't until the past few years that I realized how much I missed out on without her in my life. I have so needed her advice and her help. At times, I've felt lost in the world of marriage and mommyhood, especially having moved far away from family & friends. Although I did have some wonderful Titus women in my life growing up and along the way, I've still grieved her loss as a mother.
Thanks Ang and everyone who is praying for us women out here who don't have a Titus woman in our lives right now. What a great idea this was!
So my best piece of advice would be to love your momma (or whoever is like a mom to you) and thank God for her. Go and tell her how grateful you are for her today!
To the lonely (you are most definately not a) loser: My heart was so sad this morning at the affect all the Titus posts have had on your sweet heart. I want to apologize to you on behalf of all of us married (and sometimes insensitive) gals. Both Disco Queen and amy beth@ ministry so fabulous! gave shouts out to singles. You may be single for now, but that does not in any way mean you are alone or a loser. You are valued and needed and totally accepted here, in my book! We need your advice regardless of whether you are married or not!
Ok, ONE more comment! To my single siestas, most of my peer girlfriends are single, and I really do understand the way single girls can feel left out with all the talk of marriage and family, as if you aren't a Christian woman unless you have those two things. As a married woman with no children, I can relate in some way to those feelings.
But I would encourage all of us to go back to Titus 2 and see what the Lord is saying here. The example that older women are to be in the church is valid regardless of whether you have a husband and children or not. We are all called to be reverent, not gossiping, not enslaved to wine (but filled with the Holy Spirit!), to love children (even if they aren't our own like in my case!), to be sensible, pure, kind, and honoring the word of God. So, married or unmarried, God's "titus" advice applies to all of us Jesus women.
Also, I would point us all to a beloved passage to me, and that is 1 Cor 7:32-35. This passage is crucial for all Christians, married or unmarried, male of female. What Paul is stressing here is that the truth is, when we get married, there is a big potential stumbling block in front of us, our desire to please our spouses (and I would argue the desire to be pleased by them!) over our devotion to God. Paul's point here is clear: married or unmarried, our primary devotion must be to the Lord, so that we can do His will and fulfill the purposes and the ministries,whatever they may be,that He has put us here to accomplish in His name.
May we all be encouraged that where ever we are, the Lord wants us to have HIM as our most beloved and wants to use us for His glory.
Love you siestas!
Right now, I just feel like I've done everything all wrong. I've nagged, I've argued, I've set a bad example for my daughters. It's all a mess. I wish I could get back the last 20 years and do it differently.
As a mother to be my mom just recently told me that throughout the journey of parenthood, my husband and I may not always agree on how to raise our children, but make sure we pray about it asking for God's guidance and ALWAYS present a united front in front of the children!
And I never thought about praying scripture over my breasts but with some of the stories I have been hearing from other mommies, the girls need some lifting up (well just in prayer for now!) :)
Here is some advice for our single sisters....
First of all, I don't feel like I need to be giving advice to anyone, but my heart goes out to single people; because I have a special person in my life who is single and truly desires a Godly mate and family. So, here is how I pray for them, and it may make sense to ya'll too. (Amanda, you feel free to run this by your momma, and delete this if I'm wrong..just email me and straighten me out).
As you are praying for a mate, Ask God what HIS will for you regarding marriage is. Earnestly AND Honestly ask him to change your desires If a spouse is not included in God's BEST plan for you. Then, after some time if you've honestly asked God what his will is and you've given him the opportunity to change your desire so that it matches HIS; and you still strongly want a spouse. THEN, Keep praying. I consider that method carrying out Ps 37:4 that says "delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." It goes on to say in verse 5..."commit your way to the Lord and trust him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of YOUR CAUSE like the noonday sun."
Girls, I can't say its easy because we are still praying for that special person in my life to find a mate. And, I sure hope I have't offended you at all. Its just that the first few years I prayed, I was praying about what "I" wanted for my friend and did not acknowledge God's plan. But, I must also add, if you find yourself still just praying and praying, employ Beth's believing God principles.
I sure hope my heart has shown through and ya'll don't feel any judgement.
Shana
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