Preschool Lessons
Well, it happened. Jackson came home with an assignment on his first day of preschool. The directions were attached to a large piece of white construction paper. I was supposed to help Jackson make a banner using our family name. We could trace our hand prints, glue things on it, use pictures, or do whatever we wanted to tell our family's story. They kids would get to present their banners to the class. Having just been on a great vacation to Wyoming that produced tons of fun pictures, I thought we should put them to good use. I've always loved making collages, so this would be fun.
Then the questions started bombarding my mind. Does this need to look like a child did it, or do they really want me to do it? The directions said it would go on the wall, so maybe it's supposed to be part of the room decor and it needs to look nice.
Being a first-time preschool parent, I'd never been faced with this dilemma before. BigMama's stories about Caroline's Fiesta float came to mind. If I err, do I want to err on the side of not good enough or too good? My perfectionist tendencies overtook my willingness to submit myself to my three-year-old's creative genius and it came out like this.

I'm so ashamed. I did let Jackson pick out the pictures, though. And he sat beside me and cut scraps of paper while I did the work. Not that that makes it okay.
Curtis is the one who takes Jackson to school, so I called him just minutes after I knew he would have dropped him off. "Did you see the other posters?" I begged him to tell me they all looked like ours. He'd only glimpsed a corner of one and couldn't tell. "The teacher said it looked nice."
Nice. Is that good or bad?
As I entered the wing of classrooms to pick him up yesterday afternoon, I was faced with the humiliation of my life. There on the wall of the hallway - not inside the classroom as I had thought - the children's artwork was prominently displayed. It took .5 seconds for me to realize that one of these things is not like the others. Every other poster had hand prints. Every other poster had evidence of a three-year-old's art skills. Every other poster was right and ours was wrong! Wrong in big, bold letters, with brightly colored polkadot scrap paper and obnoxious Disney pictures. Wrong with our named spelled out for everyone to see! Wrong with the faces of our family, so that the horrible mother who is too OCD to do crafts with her son can be easily identified! Oh the horror!
Seriously, I've never been more embarrassed. All I could say to the teachers was a mild thank you as they returned my boy to me. I didn't dare make eye contact in case I was about to get in big trouble and have to go to the principal's office. I scurried away as fast as one can with a baby on the right hip and a leaping, bounding child holding the left hand.
I have no idea how long those posters are going to greet every single person who passes through the hallway, but I am praying to our merciful Lord that He will see that I've learned my lesson and let them come down soon. I don't know how long I can bear to face my public shame!
Please, someone, comfort me in my time of trouble and tell me I'm not alone. Did you do something really dumb when your kid was in school?
I called my mom as soon as I got in the car. She was both embarrassed for me and pleased to have been given such a great laugh at my expense. I had just been to my first Motherwise meeting that morning and she said, "Honey, one day when your kids are grown and you're helping lead something like Motherwise, that's the story you're going to share." She's probably right. But if anyone would like to go ahead and learn my lesson now, then be my guest.

311 Comments:
Oh, Amanda. I have been there (with my 6 year old) and am STILL there fighting those OCD tendencies with my 4 year old currently in preschool. When they are required to give a presentation on a "favorite" - here I am trying to pursuade her to do her favorite bible verse or favorite bible story when she wants to talk about her favorite baby doll! (baby doll won this year) And I've SO been there with the "introduction collage." So has Travis - he told us about it during the Simulcast, remember? :) It was hysterical! You are in good company, dear Siesta. Don't be humiliated. The rest of the Moms are probably on their second child and learned with the first one too. :) It's amazing the lessons God teaches us through our children...
For what it's worth, Amanda, I think you did an excellent job. That project is a keeper- to remind you of all the wonderful memories displayed on it and to remind you of the wonderful (yes, being humbled is a mixture of wonderful & painful) lesson in humility.
This morning I'm praying my son who is a sophomore in college will get out of bed in time for me to proofread his political science paper. I'm uncomfortable admitting that but I can't bear the thought of a misspelled word (did I just misspell "misspell"?) or some silly grammatical error.
Lord, have mercy on all the OCD moms who can't refrain from lurking over their children's shoulders!
I think your intentions were right and good. We moms have this tendency for our kids to be successful that sometimes overides our ability to let them do it themselves. We're afraid what the result will be.....in more things than just school projects. Of all of the wonderful truths your mom reminded me of during the simulcast one of them was...Proverbs 25:27 It's not smart to stuff yourself with sweets, nor is glory piled upon glory good for you. I have a 12 year old son and I still want to do it for him. I'm learning that (in most cases) it's more rewarding to let him do it himself whether he fails or succeeds.... that's up to God.
Sorry Amanda - I don't have kids but my sister does. Her story is similar but opposite. She actually let her daughter do all the work for a similar assignment and the teacher stopped my sister and told her most of the class parents typically "help" their children more. The teacher "improved" Kaylee's project to match the other kids. Luckily Kaylee did not care.
My sister and I laughed (for a long time) because neither one of us has an ounce of creativity in our souls so we knew the the project created by the Kaylee the 4 year old was much better than anything my sister could have done!!!!
The teacher helped Kaylee with her projects a lot that year to keep everything "nice and pretty".
Amanda, that is totally something I would have done too. I'm not a Mom yet, but I know already there will be that struggle to balance my perfectionist, overachieving tendencies with the need to "let your kid just be a kid."
If it's any consolation, it looked great.
Oh how funny! You must be at the only school on the planet where kids art projects are really about the kids and not a competition between the moms. In my experience it only gets worse- wait until they start doing science fair projects!
Oh Amanda, how I commiserate with you. I'm sure more than one of us Moms out there have done the very same thing. Didn't you hear Travis share his story on Saturday (I think it was Sat). He tried to help Lilly Kate do one as well....laid it all out and showed it to her...she dumped it all off the "star" and redid the whole thing. He had spent quite sometime on laying everything out correctly as well.
All I can say, is be encouraged, you will get a redo I'm sure. After all, Annabeth is coming along!
Blessings,
Bible Bunny in NO MI
Well, you sure got my morning off to a great start! You know how everyone does the whole LOL thing. Well, I CU'd..... CRACKED UP! This is hysterical! I think you could be a "sit-com". Your whole family could. Your mom, Melissa, the dogs, there might even be a bit-part for your Dad!! I think that's why I like you guys so much..... TV is just so pitiful anymore. The Moore's are my current day "Lucy" episodes!
I have done the same thing. And I should know better, I use to teach kindergarten!! I think your Jones poster is beautiful!
It does not get much better even when they get older. My sister in law and I were known to create the class homecoming float (with help from the class of course!). And we did it up right with LARGE paper mache' characters and such. Our kid's floats were always called the "mothers float", we swept the contest for 3 years running. Good news is we still get asked to make decorations for the dance. We have decided that we could go to NOLA and work in the Mardi Gras float industry if all else fails.
thanks for sharing, I laughed out loud just because i can relate. The sad thing is I would have felt the same need to make it look good however, it still would have looked like my child had done it!
been there done that, only poorly because I can't be artistic to save my life....Life will go on...And GOd is still soooooo very good.
Amanda - I worked as a teacher's aid with those kids. The teachers have so much on their plate that they mostlikely didn't give it another thought. Don't let satan steal your joy from having your family on the wall. How wonderful that you got to work with your son. Parent involvement is wonderful!!!
Don't you worry, honey. We have all done things like that. And I always always look to see and compare (unwisely) what other moms did on their kid's posters. 90% of the time, I like theirs better! I think the other mom's did the hand print thing because it was easier than being an awesome scrapbooker like yourself. You were thinking outside the box and you should be happy about that. It's always a hard decision on how much work should the child actually do. I think preschool, it's even harder. Don't beat yourself, you are a normal mom! Love ya!
My preschool shame came in the form of a pair of my stretched-out, elastically challenged maternity underwear hanging around the neck of my two year old daughter.
I didn't notice it because she was wearing a large overcoat, and I was in a larger hurry to get her to school. The preschool teacher and I discovered it at the same time.
I had to walk out of the school, passing all the other capable moms, with gigantic underwear balled in my hand.
I can tell you that this is not the only case of a parent trying to be helpful and the difference being noticed.
I was in the school system for a while and I have relatives who are still teaching in the school system. It happens to varying degrees on all grade levels.
My mother still gives me "helpful" comments. She is about 20 years older than your mother.
Oh Amanda, bless your heart! It will be a great story for years to come.
Oh yes, dear Amanda, way too many embarrassing moments to count (my oldest is 12). Good reminder of what your mom said this weekend...did it humble you? did you think less of yourself and more of others? Then your humiliation accomplished its purpose, and you can praise the Lord Jesus.
Angie G.
Bless your sweet heart!!!
As a former preschool teacher, you are probably more concerned than she is. Once it went up on the wall, she didn't think any more of it. The other parents didn't think anything of it either.
Hold your head high mighty woman of God!
Shame on that teacher for not putting in the instructions that this is to be the child's work. She set you up! You just showed yourself to be a mom who cares and is involved. I am so proud of you!
Good to learn this lesson in preschool. My kids are much older and I still see it happen in high and middle school. The part that amazes me is that the kids that do the work themselves do not care that theirs don't look as good. They are just proud of their work!
You'll do better next time, but be aware that the first time the PROJECT IS FOR A GRADE, you will have to hold yourself back and maybe even have to relearn the lesson!
Blessings!
Tracy
Fort Mill, SC
Awww, sweet Amanda. I used to teach Kindergarten and it didn't even occur to me that parents might be confused like that! I am positive more projects like this will come home and you can "redeem" yourself then. ;) Plus, once those puppies come down no one will remember!
I so do this with my kids. I am a perfectionist when it comes to school projects so I completely understand. The kids are the brains behind the ideas and "most" of the work I just help create a masterpiece. Hang in there, it looks awesome.
Oh, sweet Amanda! Do not worry at all! As a former teacher, I saw lots and lots! It is really sad when a SECOND grader--who is very capable of completing a project of this sort on his own--has his mom do it for him. And...she actually asked me for specific directions for her--not her child! Jackson is only 3! Mercy! Do not stress over this one!
He will have a gazillion more projects before his little school career is over!!
Enjoy those precious little ones!! Have a good one!
Hugs,
Susan
Darling Amanda, If God didn't let us make mistakes, how would we ever learn? Take heart, sweet one...this too shall pass :-)
Honey, I did the same thing many years ago with my first-born. I empathize with you in this! The good news is that he will not remember this (unless it becomes one of your family stories) I'm thankful you are learning this lesson when he's three instead of when he's eight. I think it may continue to be hard not to "touch up" his artwork in the years to come. I'll pray for you! And, I'm praying the posters will come down SOON. (By the way, you did a great job-- it's darling!) Love from a mother of four & now grandmother of one.
this just made me CRACK up for the second time!!!
Amanda,
I will make you feel better! I HATED those projects and because my 3 year old at the time had new born twin brothers, he probably was the only child that didn't have a banner or we brought it so late they didn't get it put up! I am sure his teacher thought he was totally neglected and had parents that were TOTALLY unintrested in their child. But imagine that he is now 14 years old and THANKS BE TO OUR GREAT GOD his life was not wrecked because of it! And no one called Child Protective Services on such a pathetic mother. So atleast you cared enough to spend time doing this project!! So don't be embarrased, we all know you just love your boy tons!!!!!!!!!
Your siesta,
Lynn
Lynn
Amanda, Please stop beating yourself up, now! Your intentions were good and your error a very common one. I think it's so beautiful that you are so aware of the situation and have learned from it. The hallway display is a big deal to you now, but it's just a hallway! All new pre-school moms have experiences they learn and grow from. That's the best part of this whole poster display. You've realized that Jackson is to be the artist, even if the frog has legs coming out of his eyes and the grass is red. He will learn where the legs go and what color the grass is as he grows up, really. Sometimes, it's not easy to stand back and not give instructions on placement and color but it will get easier as you relax & enjoy the amazing creativity of your precious Jackson. One more thing: YOU'RE A GREAT MOM!
I did the same thing with my son. I have the same OCD problems (LOL)and some impulsiveness so I just pushed him out of the way (so to speak) and did it myself. He's in 3rd grade now and I don't think there are any scars from it. He never cared and actually thought his placemat was cool. We still have it. Like your Mom said, it will give you laughs in years to come. You're a great Mom.
Been there! Seems like if I don't go in that direction, I go the other way - completely hands off, letting my kid by "independent", then their project looks so sad in comparison to all the other kids' who obviously had help!
As a preschool teacher, I must say it is perfectly fine! If the teacher didn't specifically say it...it means that it is open to be however you want it to be!
Oh my goodness, we have all been there. My son is 8 now and this past school year he had to create a diarama of a rainforest. It was the hardest thing I have ever done to let him do it himself. I tried to only help him when he needed it. I did however insist on the play dough waterfall running right down the middle of the shoe box. It really made it "shine." When my husband got home he would not believe that I didn't do the whole thing myself. But, I promise I didn't. Of course, that is the first time that I didn't do one of his projects all myself. Don't beat yourself up. When you are creative, it is hard to let your children do it "their way." I now have an 18 month old and hope that I will have learned my lessons from my first son, but I doubt it. By the way, I thought the project turned out beautifully!!!!
Mark Twain said "I am never more tickled than when I laugh at my self." This has been my motto for years. Sometimes it is all you can do.
I remember when we first started attending our church they had a valentines dinner/dance. I asked what the proper attire would be and was told that some people dress up and some don't. Well you know what it is like for any female trying to dress for something when you don't know what to expect. My husband wanted us to dress up because we never do. So I put on a dress a tad dressier than I would wear to church and he put on a suit and tie. When we got there almost everyone was in jeans or casual dress. No one was dressed up except us. I am sure not meaning any harm one woman from our sunday school class said "oh look they look like they are ready for prom." I was sooo embarassed.
Oh Amanda! This story made me smile! And I don't think you should beat yourself up. You did what every other loving mother has ever done, and that's try to make our children look as good as possible. =)
Thank you for sharing this bright Thursday morning!
I know your feeling! I have been double checking my daughters schoolwork for years and finally told her this year (6th grade) that I would not do it anymore! It was hard for me and for her! So, just think you learned your lesson early on!!! YEAH!
On another note, your poster looks GREAT!!!!
Bless your heart!!!!
My daughter is only two, but can I can almost assure you that I will do the same thing one day- or much worse.
I have a 3 year old as well...in K3. We had this assignment as well in good ole Mississippi! AND...I did the same thing too...EXCEPT, the other parents showed out more!! Don't feel bad at all sister!
Oh Amanda! I feel your pain! At least Jackson's young enough he won't even notice his looks different! I struggle with the OCD vs. letting my child do it too. :o) Maybe next time, the project can be "controlled" creativity! I have found, with my boys, their interest in these "projects" isn't as great as mine too....so we have to meet halfway. Chalk it up to a learning experience and part of being a mom--oh what a lesson we receive in humility as mothers!! :o)
I am sorry for the hurt you must have felt. I wish I could say this will never happen again, but at 43 and with two teenagers I know this to be untrue. I don't know exactly why?...I am first born...I do want to please people...and I do want my children to do well and I consider it my job to help them succeed. But the truth is that often I read more into the instructions than what is written. Sometimes I will do things well and I want my Heavenly Father to notice my attention to detail and my diligence in going above and beyond what is asked...then I feel that word I hate to type...pride...please God, I am trying to be humble...but He asks, "Did you do this for Me or for you? What were your instructions?" I am so thankful that He is longsuffering with me and will not put aside His workmanship, but continues to this day stripping away everything that does not belong in the image of His Son. Thank you for being transparent, it blessed me to spend the morning hearing your heart.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm usually the mom that forgets to send the project. :)
Amanda,
I'm sorry I can't relate; we don't have children yet! But your story has CERTAINLY brightened my day :) It made me laugh..out loud actually! You're too funny! Be thankful that Jackson and Annabeth are growing up with an active mother in their lives. My dear friend is still struggling now at 27 with her mothers absence. Grow those sweet darlings in the Lord! I'm thankful for young mothers like you!
If your a mother, you've humiliated yourself at some point. When my oldest was 14, he had spent hours one day doing tests for his science fair experiment. He had dutifully recorded all of the results and set the papers by the computer to enter into a log. In a cleaning frenzy, I mistakely threw away all of his papers. The night we realized the papers were gone was awful. So just days before the actual science fair, while he was at school, I recreated the experiment and re-recorded all of the results again. That day, while I'm re-doing his experiment for him, another mother stops by. I was so embarrased. How do you explain that he really did do the experiment but I'm redoing it because I tossed out his papers.
Oh, girl! Bless your heart. I probably would have done the very same thing! I love pictures and crafting, and I'm sure I would have taken the whole thing over for a chance to display our cute family, too! Thanks for sharing your lesson in humility. I think God meant for you to share it with all of us for a reason. I'm gonna take it to heart - and be glad it was your painful lesson this time, and not mine! Tee hee! Hugs!
Well, it IS a beautiful poster LOL It is only natural for a mother to "help" her child. It can be hard to hold ourselves back and let them experience life through their own eyes (and hands!) because we want to protect them. We want things to be "right". Don't be ashamed at all. Who knows... perhaps the other parents are kicking themselves for not thinking of the same ideas! The Lord does things in us in mysterious ways.
Hang in there! You did a lovely scrapbook page and you can insert it into your book once it is off the wall and back in your possession!
You'll get the whole preschool thing before too long. I've made the same mistake as well as 100's of other mothers on this blog. OCD has its place in my life but on the road of hard knocks I realized I had to start giving it over to the kids. Good start for me was to volunteer to be in their class rooms and work with all the kids. Worked wonders and I still do it to this day. Kids are in
1st and 3rd grade.
Enjoy this moment and all the moments to come. They scream by quickly and before you know it they are in college and staying out too late! haha
Blessings!
Kelli in Colorado
Oh Amanda....you are very not alone....I can't instantly recall one of my own mothering control fits over an art project and I know there were many, but I taught pre-school for ten years and I KNOW this will make you feel better....I will leave out the name of the school and the teachers to protect the guilty.....We had a staff of 25 teachers, a very large pre-school and we had a one hour period of creative arts with each class. Well, two teachers that were absolute favorites at the school - requested every year by new mom's and dad's who wanted to handpick their child's teacher had a little habit I think you might find interesting. After the children would leave (they left their art at school most days to dry from the gallons of glue they would use) these two particular lovely ladies would re-arrange the child's art - yep, you heard me right they would fix the oops' and distribute the glitter to their liking almost every single time. So, if they, experienced, educated and wonderful women who truly loved their precious little students could slip up - so can you - it's allowed, in fact, my mom used to say "the first child is kind of like the first pancake - it may bubble or burn or be slightly undercooked, but it comes out just fine and you figure it out for the second one - Jackson will not suffer any lasting consequence from your heart of "help" especially since you learned sooooo quickly, and Annabeth will probably let you know loud and clear - "hands off, it's my project" Feel better - you are no doubt a WONDERFUL MOM!
Leslie, Apple Valley, MN
Oh, Amanda, bless your heart!
Don't be sorry you "helped" Jackson....it just shows that you care about every little detail of that little boy's day!
Think of it this way: how would you feel if the situation were reversed? Every other child's project was a stunning work of art and Jackson's didn't quite "measure up" so to speak?
Honestly, at that age the kids probably aren't the ones judging each other's projects. I've been caught in that Mommy trap too, and realized I was striving for the other parents' approval and admiration, not my child's.
You're obviously a great mother, and very sweet. You did a good job.
We've all been there, too!
Amanda,
You've hit another milestone in parenting. I'm the same way! I remember doing this in Kindergarten with my firstborn. I held back, but it was still more my work than her work. by the time she hit second grade I let her do most of the work on a similar project, and discovered this time it was the other classmates mom's who'd done their child's poster board. Shelby's was now the one out of place, because she may have been the only one who did it mostly herself that time.
I loved the story Travis shared at the simulcast about his experience helping Lily Kate. We've all been there or will be one day.
Julie
Rest assured you are not alone. As a managing OCD mom myself, there are many scenarios that have happened where I should have let my children just do their thing. You'll get better ~ my 4th grader just designed a class flag to represent their class and hang in the hallway all year. It was a class competition and she won! And even better ~ I didn't have one thing to do with it! :)
This may be one of my top 5 posts on this blog ever! The way you described the situation made me feel as though I was living it out with you!
You and Jackson did a great job, and find comfort in knowing you did not conform to the patterns of this world...!
Here's to more to come. My oldest is a middle schooler and have been there done that many times. Although yours is a story to beat!
Thanks for sharing.
Kelli
I feel your pain! My daughter started pre school to and I over did her first project also. The OCD crazy person came out and I couldn't help it! But I have to admit I seriuosly laughed out loud when I read this post!
Amanda ... I did something similar. When our oldest daughter was 5, she was able to enter a drawing contest for our city's phone book (not the city we live in now!) It was supposed to be about America. I helped her way more than I should have. Thankfully, she didn't place 1st or 2nd, but her picture did end up in the phone book for display. I felt so guilty! I didn't mean to ... just was trying to help. Ugh! Lesson learned.
Don't let it ruin your day! or year!
Love, Shelli
Poor Amanda, to have learned this hard lesson so soon. From one over protective, over achieving but well-meaning mom to another, this is only the beginning of tying your hands and holding you tongue in the interest of allowing your children to learn and achieve on their own. The comparisons to how our God must feel are vast.
Don't worry, this too shall pass.
Ahh, yes the world of motherhood is very interesting isn't it! This past summer was our first experince with my oldest playing softball. I was a bit too excited and maybe to prideful in what she would wear to practice. It had to be cute you know...it was her first time at this sport, and Target had an array of cute practice outfits. Well, not only was I feeling good about the selection of clothing she had on that day, her hair was looking rather cute as well, if I say so myself :)
I am not one of those pagent moms who are obsessed with their child being #1, but I was remembering when I tried out for cheerleading in the 6th grade and my outfit was disgustingly horrible!!! No wonder I didn't make it, they couldn't get passed the tacky bright neon colors and fake keds that had ugly homemade puff paint all over them, ugg!
Anyways, make a long story short, the girl was matching head to toe, I was feeling the healing from my 6th grade experince! To my dismay, all the other girls showed up in their old play clothes. Strike 1 for mom making my child stand out like that, and #2 it made it so much easier to pick out who's child that was making sand castles out of the dirt, whining about not getting to bat next, and pretty much being the team clown. So I learned my lesson that never dress your child too cute unless you are sure they will stand out positively :)
Thank you for posting this b/c it makes me know laugh about all the times I have done the exact same thing!
Some things never change and being a mom will always be the toughest job. I know we can all relate to your experience. Having your mom as a cheer leader to encourage you with "you will use this as a story in ministry one day", has to be the best. Also, that you can laugh at yourself, will only help. An interesting study might be of the mothers in the bible and how they "protected" their children.
Ha ha!
Okay, I have taught Kindergarten and 1st grade and have been on the other side of situations like this. I am also a mom of two. I am pretty sure the teachers are amused by your big, bold OCD display. :-) No worries.
As a parent, I have had many moments like this myself.
Thanks for sharing your story!
Anne
Oh thank the Good Lord above!! I am NOT the only one. What a relief. One year my 3-year-old was given a crafty homework assignment. The only thing I let him do was hand me the cottonballs. Yea...I'm THAT bad. You're not alone, dear sister.
Love,
Lindsey in Lusiana
This is absolutely hysterical!!! If its any consolation, I would be tempted to do the exact same thing! its sometimes painful for me to watch my kiddo glue eyes in the wrong place and color outside of the lines!!! Ahhh motherhood!
Amanda you haven't done anything the teacher probably hasn't done for her kids! We are so used to making them presentable that it is a natural overflow to help too much. I too have had the poster that doesn't belong and even though my husband gently suggested that my son have more input, I just went ahead.
I'm on my 3rd preschooler and some days he gets to school and I realize his hair isn't even combed (I'm A Hairstylist :) We always over do our first so don't feel too bad.
When the school is done with the poster hang it in your pantry as a reminder to let them do as much as possible for themselves and it will be a reminder to you that life isn't always a great presentation but it gets messy raising kids.
Amanda,
If we're honest . . . we've all been there. Chin up and head up! You did it for all the right reasons - because you love your precious little boy! As a former school teacher, I would have given my right arm for mothers EXACTLY like you - ones that would take the time to do a project with their child. Keep up the great work. You've learned a good lesson, and I have no doubt you'll continue to learn with your son. How awesome is that?!
Blessings,
onehappychic
Crawford, Texas
Amanda,
Don't fret! We have all been there in one way or another. My youngest of four boys just started 1st grade and believe me...there were so many times over the years I wasn't sure who was supposed to do the assignment. Especially the big ones like build a castle! If you can't ask the teacher (do that first) then err on the side of looking like the child did it, even if you help.
I understand your OCD ways as I am similiar but resist the art projects! You can do it.
Love the blog and read it daily! Welcome to the world of school. Hope Jackson LOVES it...we know how soon that will turn. =)
Amy W.
Your story is so funny. Be very glad that you learned your lesson so early. It took me until my second child went to preschool to learn that the teachers are really looking for art from the child. Perfectionism is a pain, and it already is a great story that will help someone else. Thanks for sharing!
Hey Amanda...you are precious! I totally can identify! Those of us older moms who've done the preschool route a few times won't think a second thought. Trust me! We're too tired! Ha! I've done the exact opposite of you. One time (with my oldest - who is now 15!), I let her do the whole poster...only to find out all the other moms did the poster! Preschool is the first step...the first of many lessons! My best advice...do the best you can - make the best call you know to make as a mom - hug and enjoy your children. The rest will fall into place! God's sweetest blessings on you today!
there is only ONE thing to do!!! LAUGH!!! laughing at yourself is the best medicine in the world! girl...you go get another piece of paper, let jackson do his thing, take it to school and EXPLAIN that you had no idea what you were supposed to do. being a preschool teacher myself for several years, i think those pictures may hang out there for at least a month.
the teacher will understand, i promise, and she WILL have a good laugh too......what better blessing than to share laughter! don't take yourself so seriously, your mom is right, this will be a great story someday!!! well...it already is!!
Oh, Amanda, I can assure you that every mom on this planet has faced that same type of dilemma and made the wrong choice at some point in her parenting journey!! Just think . . . now you know from here on that whenever you get asked for homework help, you can just default to, "That's your work, honey, not mine!" You've just freed yourself from years of your kids' homework becoming your homework!!
I just love how you three are so real with all of us! Thank you!
I, too, completed a project for my son. It was a fine project. Though my Zach was not as polite as Jackson,for as I was telling him how we were going to do this, he promptly told me, "It's my poster mom and I want it to look like this." (Maybe it had something to do with the red boa I had stapled to the edge of the poster). He took his poster to school and quite the reverse of your situation, every parent had done the poster and I didn't bring my poster with me to trade out. Zach was as proud as a peacock of his poster. His teacher told him his was the best because he did it all by himself. He was my first. I can tell you it is a hit and a miss, Amanda. Sometimes you help too much and sometimes not quite enough. They survive and so do you. (By the way, that is a mighty fine poster!)
If you REALLY learn this lesson in preschool, you are ahead of the game. Many parents will unlearn this when the posters and projects are graded. This is a repeat test! By the way, nice design! : )
I told Amanda last night- I think part of motherhood is suffering through a poster disaster. I wrote about mine last night after she inspired me- check it out at TotalMomsense.net if you'd like. Have a great day. Still living out the Psalm 37 commission and still GREATLY encouraged. Thank you!
Been there enough times to consider posting this as "Anonymous". Last year my son was in 3rd grade and had to do a "book talk" on one of the Magic Tree House books he'd read and he wanted to do a diorama as his project. I had so many great ideas (I thought they were anyway) but he didn't want to use very many of them. The simpler the better was how he wanted it. It was all I could do to keep my hands out of it. One thing he did let me do was make a rope ladder for the tree house. He got a good mark on his project and the teacher noted she particularly liked the ladder. I felt very proud. Of my son. Definitely of my son.
Homework in preschool? Sheesh, now I've heard it all! Won't be long till he's lugging around a 50-lb. backpack!
Oh, Amanda, I feel for you. You will be faced with this dilemma all through your children's school years. I have so many examples I could share . . .
One: After realizing that we had helped my firstborn son too much with his projects, we let our 2nd grade daughter do her own science project, complete with poster, which she wanted to do on her own. Imagine our chagrin when we arrived at Open House to find that hers was the ONLY one that looked like a 2nd grader had done it. It was embarrassing in the opposite way from yours. I had to remind her that she did all the work herself, and the other kids had help.
Now, I don't regret that decision because it taught her the satisfaction of completing her own work, and it saved us a lot of work over the years! And maybe all her classmates were firstborns :)
Ok...so maybe next time you'll let your child do his homework... but what I want to know is what did Jackson think? Did everyone love the pics of your family? Did he get a playdate out of the deal? Was he sad that his hands weren't on it? Did he even notice it was different than everyone else's? Kids are so forgiving- so is God- learn from it and move on, everyone else has :) Love from a parent who can feel your pain!
Here's my terrible story.
I'm a working mom, who tries to stay very involved in her child's school. I joined the PTO board, I volunteer for stuff, etc. But, I'm not the super mom. And I'm surrounded by them--they do everything so perfectly.
Anyway, I was supposed to take cheese and crackers for the school Christmas party. All of the other moms were making these fabulous dishes, but I was rushing mine in during my lunch hour.
I cut the cheese into Christmas tree, angel, star and reindeer shapes, put them on a cool platter and left. As I was walking to the car, they fell. Into the snow. Rather than look like the mom who yet again failed or forgot, I picked them up, brushed the snow off, and laid them back in the tray and took them to the party.
Awful, awful thing. The first graders never knew though.
Oh have I been there!!! I helped my son with a 2nd grade project which was to make a kite. I worked on it for hours only allowing him to add the string at the end. When I walked in the classroom, I was surrounded by beautiful kites (clearly every parent had done the work). I looked at the one I made and it looked horrific!! My son told me when I picked him up that his teacher told the class that she was so proud of his kite because she could tell he did it all by himself! My son is in the 7th grade now and we are still laughing about this. I learned then to let him do his work and if I do help...in the name of all that is good....make it look good!! Smile
Oh, Amanda! I can definitely relate! I always had (and still do now that he's 15) a hard time allowing my son to do assignments all by himself. When I was a child, I can remember my work not being good enough compared to others. It was obvious then that the other kids'parents had helped them with their projects. I just didn't want to make that mistake and my baby's projects not look as good as every one else's.
Over the years I've allowed him to do things on his own, but still oversaw the project to give pointers. What's funny is that now that he's older, he always asks me for my advice about things he's working on. And he does things ALOT like I would do!
I guess I have good ideas after all!
I'll try to learn from you, but I'm sure I'll do something to embarrass myself terribly, anyway. I'm just a little OCD like that:)
If it's any encouragement (and I'm sure it's not, since you don't know me and all... but I promise I'm a sweet girl!) I'm with you: I'd rather err on the side of looking too nice rather than risk my son's picture not looking as good as his friends'... I mean, this is the first day of preschool- You gotta make a good impression! Yes, my mom is a teacher and my sister is a preschool teacher. I'm sure I'll get in trouble too.
My oh my, I have been there and done that! <3
Oh that is just hilarious! I would've had the EXACT SAME conundrum -- do they expect me to "help" him by handing him a marker, or by doing the project while he brandishes the glue stick beside me? I'm sure it becomes a little clearer once they're older (my students' parents -- I teach 6th and 7th grade -- should know better!) but at 3, what a quandary :)
Adorable.
Ok THAT was hilarious! And I totally feel your pain! My three year old is starting school next week and I am going to remember this because my OCD, perfectionist self would do exactly the same thing! Hey, we learn as we go! And, we aren't the first to mess up!
Amanda,
If it helps at all, we just had this happen last night with Grace who is 9 and in 4th grade. My husband is more of a perfectionist that I, but I can be a little OCD as well.
Grace is running fro student council and needed to make a poster. I went ahead and did all the writing in pencil (because I wanted it to look good) and then let her trace it with markers. Her slogan is "A Vote 4 Grace will put a Smile on Your Face."
After tracing the letters with the marker she began drawing smiley faces on the poster. I thought Tim was going to have a heart attack as he watched her. We finally both said, "OK...that's probably enough."
This is the one freshest on my mind. However, I'm sure if I think hard enough I could come up with others.
Sometimes it's really hard but for those of us who are control freaks, we just have to remember that it's ok to let them do their own thing. One way I try to exhibit this is by hanging her art all over my house. It hopefully shows her how much I love what she creates all by herself.
Don't be to hard on yourself. Just live and learn. ;o)
Kimberly
Oh, Amanda your story reminds me so much of last year! I faced a similar issue when Zoe had to decorate her Super Star poster for kindergarten. I'd never done this before and I admit that the road I took was a lot like yours!
She picked out the pictures (which I carefully photo-enhanced with cool 3-D captions before printing and gluing) and she picked out the colors. I carefully wrote everything out and "suggested" where everything should go. It looked so cute!!
And then I thought - this looks like MY superstar, not Zoe's. So I generously asked if she wanted to decorate her star poster with little puffy star stickers. To my horror, she put star stickers *all* over the star with no apparent pattern or order or eye for design. Then she made a big line of stars at the top. A squiggly, uneven line of stars.
When I found myself compulsively wanting to straighten her line of stars, I knew I'd crossed a line. (small pun intended). This was HER creativity, HER superstar. Not mine. Not a reflection of me or how creative my child was.
Then I wished I could undo my really cool photo images with captions so it wouldn't look too perfect. Alas, we ran out of time for undoing anything.
In the end, Zoe was happy with her star and that's what mattered. I definitely learned a lesson in letting her little creativity take precedence over my perfectionism. It's not an easy lesson!
Mom blessings to you,
Faran
p.s. Cut yourself some slack, too. The instructions that get sent home from school are not always crystal clear. It's hard to know sometimes what the teacher intends. You are going to get it wrong sometimes! It's OK - we've ALL gotten it wrong. =)
It's a gorgeous poster of your family and you truly did a good job. If there is one thing I learned as a mom is to make myself listen to that small voice saying," Don't do it". You will be so glad you did. Look at the bright side the only thing that matters is your sons opinion, and he is to young to see the difference. He just had fun doing what you did let him do!
My heart immediately went back 20 years and I knew your dilemma and heartache. I am not sure if I want to laugh, cry or throw-up. That is how real the memories came back! God does extend grace - including allowing me to forget some of the horrors of similar matters.
Mark it down as "lesson learned" and then make room to write those words down a hundred more times as you raise your children. Raising kids is God's way of molding US - not them.
Grace, grace, God's wonderful grace. Be thankful that you have a little one to keep you humble. And thanks for sharing the laughs with us.
Kim . . . who is
Grafted by Grace
Ours was when our son was singing in the school "winter... shame on them" program. He was in 2nd grade. I had asked him numerous times what he was supposed to wear and he insisted nothing special. Imagine our horror when the program started.. ALL of the other children were in white shirts and black pants, our son had on shorts and a "malli vanili" t-Shirt! We wanted to claim the beautiful little girl standing next to our son. While we were mortified, it was a great lesson for our son. Rest assured he paid attention to the teacher's instructions from then on.
My children are in 4th & 2nd grade and I can't tell you the number of projects that I've "helped" with only to send them on about their way to let mommy "finish it up"... I fact, at the simulcast, when Travis mentioned "helping" Lily Kate with her homework, my mom began to punch me in the arm! It is hard but I will tell you when I let them do the work with mere guidance from me, they feel so much prouder of the work as they jump out of the car!
Aww Amanda! It's okay. I would have thought the same thing. If it's a thing that's going to be up for everyone.. why not make it pretty? He has plenty of times to do the other assignments, so why not help this one time? Ha! Then I would have faced the same thing. I think if any mother (or aunt) with the slightest spark of creativity would have wanted to make it good for their child. Lessons learned though. :)
Love ya chica!
Good morning, Amanda!!! I'd like to welcome you to an entire population of the OCD Mom's Club. This welcome comes from a mother whose sons are now 11 1/2 and 9 years old. Just night before last I was printing out pictures from our very own Wyoming excursion this summer and matting them on cardstock for the 9 year old's first project in his "talented and gifted" class. I really am stressing about this class because I fear I might be the one who is actually graded!!!!! Jesus, help me!!!!! I often manage to have my sons take their scrapbooks (that I'm quite proud of) to school on their "all about me" sharing days. And I am the mother who gives her husband the look that could kill when I come home and learned they made their own lunch! How do I know this? Because it's still stuck to the counter!!!
I remember being in a MOPS class one night and our speaker was talking about teaching our children to be independent...like letting them make their own PB&J. Heresy!!! That's what I heard.
Jackson is young. There is still time for you to let go a lot sooner. Take it from an firstborn whose very own mother hid her ornaments on the back of the Christmas tree! Take a deep breath. Get medication if necessary and just remember, he can always do the Breaking Free study when he's older.
You are soooo not alone! Have some good laughs today. They'll keep you sane.
Thanks for being so normal. Really.
Oh bless your heart! This may be your first time helping with a project but I don't think it will be your last. I can't tell you how many times my kids would forget about their projects and then the day before it was, "Oh Mom! My project is due tomorrow and I forgot!" Well you know what happened then? Mom always did 95% of the project and Mom always wanted it to look good! The only difference in me and you Amanda, is I didnt have the guts to show up at school to ever see if the one I did looked any different than the others! I didn't want to know!
Oh Sister....I am feeling your pain!!! I've even gone so far as to use my Cricut and other scrapbook related tools to look "super cool" only to have it "stand out" in the wrong way.
But guess what....that's the same teacher that asked me to help her with a scrapbook for the children at the end of the year. So, guess she didn't mind after all...
...so, don't be surprised if she asks for your help throughout the year!!!
And Jackson will probably ask for your help next time because he'll think you're super talented!!!
Honestly...this is one of those "small" things in live that you can't beat yourself up over!!
Hope you have a blessed day!!!
amanda -- don't worry...you will have so many more opportunities to embarrass yourself AND your child! i know -- i'm living it! my older son has just begun first grade...i've already had a whole year of humiliation!
when turner was the 'star of the week' last year, he had to make a similar poster...all about turner. i had the same thought you did..."we" will make this poster, and it will be perfect! i managed to shoo my strong-willed child out of the room while i created a darling poster. all the pictures were at different angles -- very scrapbook-y (not bad for someone who does not scrapbook!) then he came back. he promptly rearranged every picture i had so carefully placed on the board...arranging them in straight lines and columns!! he was so excited to have done it his way! i tried to convince him to move them, or at the very least set them on their corner. no... straight as an arrow!!
my point??? you did great! the first time at 'big school' is practically torture for the parents...we want everything to go well, but we have no clue what to do! the great thing is that the kids don't know the difference, and they love us anyway!! and next time, you'll have so much fun letting jackson express himself and you will learn more about your little guy's personality through that expression!
My heart goes out to you Amanda, I've been there too. I can hear the pain in your pen, it's clear you have a deep desire to do what's right before the Lord and to be a wonderful mother.
Let's think about Jackson for a minute. Do you think he cares one whit about all this? Just the fact that he was still bouncing when you picked him up tells me that you're the only who feels pain over what happened. Thanks be to God for the hard lessons that I have had to face that DIDN'T affect my children - for they're not all that way. It's so much harder when my mistakes bleed over into their lives and cause them pain too.
Be thankful for God's mercies, for they're new every morning. Tomorrow you can make a new homework project with Jackson, and he'll still be bouncing.
It looks like a cute poster. If moms there are like they are here in MS, you are not the only one that did most of the project, but I promise that Jackson had as much fun showing his to the friends as any of them...and that's really the point. Letting go is a gradual thing...let him do his poster next year...enjoy this one now.
Girl!! Let me just tell you that you made me laugh out loud in the middle of a meeting (yes I'm blogging in my meeting)!!!! My daughter is in preschool also and I can see myself doing the exact thing! Glad I learned from you! If it makes you feel better, I love the poster!
Amanda, its totally okay! I did the opposite when my son was in K. When I saw the other parents' posters, it looked as though every child was a budding artist. In my case, I didn't put enough effort into his poster and it was really humiliating. I guess its really about finding a balance. Its sounds cliche, but what matters most is that you both have fun together. As you get to know other parents better, you'll be surprised at how unsure we ALL feel. Most parents are going through similar feelings. There's alot of pressure on everyone so there's a big opportunity to find support and community with the other parents. My son later flooded the playground (because he didn't obey the teacher to leave the water alone!) and I would have died of humiliation if it hadn't been for the support and understanding of some other parents in his class.
My comment is be glad that you are artistic enough that you can help your child with a project. Both my children had to suffer with a mother that was not "crafty" or "artistic" at all. I did my best but generally there handy work was better than mine. I was totally shamed about that fact. My saving grace story came when my daughter was in junior high school and she had a project on the book "A Tree Grows in Brooklyn". Through some stroke of luck we found some supplies at the craft store and managed to put together the project of a life time -- we were so exicted and proud of our work. We finished our project in record time and it looked great!!! Of course my daughter's friend who was very artistic started and completed her project in about 1 hour and received a grade higher than ours!!!! That was so unfair -- that happened about 15 years ago and it still haunts me and my daughter too I'm sure. However, the best part of the story is my daughter is now a fourth grade teacher and she has developed some artistic and decorating talents which is very evident in her class room I am so proud of her!!! I'm also very proud I did not deform her with my inability to be creative!!! Don't worry Amanada you have a lot of other projects to go in your life and you will either shine or not but it is a time that you spend with your child that matters.
We love you
GG2002
Oh, Amanda. Crafty is not something anyone has mistakenly accused me of so when those projects came along, my kids definitely were the artists. You will be the Mom all the others envy because of your skills at making costumes(My kids always had store-bought) So today, look around did the other Moms LET their kids do their own work or are they like me, craft-challenged!! I don't think Jackson was damaged for life but relax, those masterpieces HE creates will be some of your greatest treasures later.
Been there and done that. I also got mad if the teacher gave "us" a "B" in elementary school for a project. By middle school, I have now released myself from all projects and my boys (3 of them) all must create their own and make their OWN mistakes!
I FEEL your humiliation (What must the mothers think????) Let that Go immediately b/c our God thinks that you are a great mom and loves you incredibly. Let the others go. Does not matter. You're a mom who cared enough about her preschool's son's project.
Oh, and I did laugh a little...that is too precious.
Siesta in FL
I am blessed by your story this morning! My son is now in second grade, and I STILL struggle with wanting to "help" him make things just right when he brings projects home. Just last night we were working on the cover for his writing folder that will be laminated and he will have to look at it all year long. Although I let him pick out the pictures and worked with him on arranging them on his folder, I still did the cutting and placing of them. It's the scrap book perfectionist coming out in me! :)
Hang in there, you're not alone!
-Melissa
Oh Amanda - Bless YOU! This happens...but you at least recognized it immeadiately. Most moms don't always get that right away.
PS: I loved that you called yourself out - An mom who is too OCD to do crafts with her child.
God Bless Jackson in his first preschool day, how exciting for all of you.
Siesta OC
PPS: My Verify word was LESSINGE - it looks a whole lot like lesson!
Totally been there Girl! What's so sad is that the "criteria" changes from class to class and project to project. My Jackson had to do a similar thing with candy wrappers and his name. I totally let him do all of it and the rest of the mom's worked with their kids to do the project. Poor Jackson said, "mine is ugly". :( Heartbreaking.....
And then the next year, he had another project-same type of idea and I helped him with it (read- did it for him) and ALL the other mom's let their kids do it. I can't win. I'm doomed to be THAT mom.
You're not alone, myself being the scrapbooking mother, did the same thing last year for my daughter, who was in third grade!!! I had the best poster there at school!!! I had 3-d stickers, great letters, -- the whole nine yards. My daughter was thrilled that she didn't have to do it, I was in my element and had fun time!!! But when I saw the other posters, I did feel a since of shame!! So I know your pain.
TSmith
Alabama
Amanda,
I think the thing about parenting while our children are in school is that we learn also. I think you have and that's the best news as you continue to assist with the million projects that continue to require parent's assistance. Anticipate the joy of your children's products and the fun you have getting to assist a little. :-)
I bet Jackson was more proud of his poster than any other child was. Don't worry about what others think.
If it makes you feel better, I just helped my SOPHMORE daughter with her family tree poster for school!!
I'm CDO too. You know, like OCD but the letters are in alphabetical order like they should be!
You're a great mom for caring so much.
smiling through tears sweet Amanda...bless your darling new preschool mother heart...
I think your poster looks awesome :)
As a teacher of 20 years let me give you the flip side. I have given home projects to bring the family together to make the child feel special and get the parents involved. (That is what your poster was all about.) I had kids that brought back no poster. They had to endure the shame of that moment (no matter how as a teacher I tried to soften it) or try to make an excuse why their parents were too busy or nonexistant in their lives for that moment. Jackson is blessed to have a family that loves him and a mom that may have learned a lesson, but she was right there with him when she learned it. Jackson is blessed to have JONES in big letters for the world to see his proud family looks REALLY good!!
Don't feel too bad. I "helped" my 4 year old color her worksheets so the teacher would be amazed at her creative genius. But I figure she's on to me since everyone else's work was colored OUTSIDE the lines and all... oops.
Well, I think this is just about the best thing I've E-V-E-R read because I am exactly the same way. My daughter is in first grade and although I have made PLENTY of these same errors while she was in preschool, here is my most recent experience: Gabrielle brought home a paper from music class that said she was chosen to be little bo peep for her class play. It provided me with some suggestions for her costume and the lines which she needed to learn. I immediately began to panic: do I sew it, do I buy it....Well, needless to say I did a combination of both and although I personally think she looked super, she indeed stuck out like a sore thumb amongst the other thrift store chosen and child made costumes (paper bag indian chief hat etc). Its hard being a perfectionist and a mother yes?! Rest in the fact that you are NOT alone. I sometimes have to walk away from my daughter when she is doing homework because I have the urge to sit and do it for her. Geez! Do we need help or what?! ;)
Amamda,
You are not alone! Both of my daughters are grown now and when this kind of stuff came up - it was hard for me not to jump in and make it "my way." The only thing that did - I had girls who said No, Mommy! They let me help, but only if I followed their instructions! LOL. I have one daughter that is so artistic that in elementary or middle school (can't remember which one), she and a friend created a castle with towers and flags and a moat, and painted in such a way that it looked like stones all over it. And it was big, too. It was an amazing project! The teacher actually commented that there was no way they had created this entirely themselves. You can be my daughter was madder than a hornet (and rightly insulted)! My point, as long as we have children we will always be stuck with how much we should help them - in their studies, their projects, advice, praise....but as long as you love them as God calls us to love them, you're doing the right thing!
Amanda you make me laugh and I have done the same thing with my daughter Kathryn who is about Jackson's age. Remember that the Lord's grace is new every morning and I have no doubt that his next assignment will a raving success. At least Jackson did not do what my daughter did...she walked up to her teacher and said, "look what mommy did isn't it pretty?"
If it makes you feel any better, I think we've all done things like that...Especially with the firstborn. At least you did this when he was in preschool and not grade school. I hate walking into the science fair and seeing projects and boards so obviously designed by the parents.
I'm guilty of "helping" too much also. Writing on a straight line and having even letters gets me every time.
I believe I recall Travis's recent experience with such matters, yes? Although his turned out different and turned into a devotional before 100K people, still - someone who understands....
Been there. Done that. I have those same OCD tendencies as well. I'm learning to let it go. I need to: We're homeschooling this year! :-)
As a brand new preschool director at a church, I say BRAVO, you did great! It expresses the Jones's and that was the assignment. I'd be proud to have it in the hallway of our school!
cathy in tx
HA!!!
I have done the same thing! Especially since I was an elementary teacher AND Art minor - agh - oh the pressure! ;)
Oh gosh...I am still laughing at your story (not at you!) but I can soooo relate! It's good to learn this one in pre-school because those projects keep coming!
I thought of Travis's story this past weekend of his daughter's school project he was 'helping' with...remember? Same thing! I LOVED that story because he was sharing how we need to learn to worship God with our own unique voice and heart...that Travis will lead the glorious procession in a setting like we were in, but God desires our own voice and souls cry to worship Him! That he (Travis) can't do it for us, but to do it ourselves - wow!
I just LOVED that example - it was so perfect for that moment in Green Bay - yes I was there and am still DELIGHTING (and cleaning my windows today)!
Now I'll remember that story when I'm worshiping or parenting - HA!
Love you girls!!! ;)
Um yes, I will TOTALLY learn this preschool lesson now, rather than a couple of years from now, when my lil Anna Malia enters into her preschool status! Aack, I felt like I was reading my own blog post just now and totally laughed my head off at myself as I was envisioning my very own "Irwin" preschool poster on the wall, key words MY VERY OWN, not Anna's. And then I proceeded to go get her changed for the day and morning napped and realized as she was completely undoing her perfectly-organized-with-long-and-short-sleeved-shirts-color-coordinated drawer, at lightning speed, that I am not just that mom in the poster arena, but in every arena of her and my life. I was praying even during Anna's pregnancy that God would beginning freeing me from my OCD-perfectionistic controlled, little perfectly sealed with a ribbon on top world (which in reality, I am fully aware that it is all very far from perfect and in much need daily of Jesus' saving grace) and guess what? HE answered! I have a little mini-version of my totally hyperactive destroy a room in 2 seconds flat husband, in a wee girl's body! Ha! HE sure has a strong sense of humor and totally knows what we need, doesn't HE?! And oh I so needed my beloved Will too! So, as I allowed her to completely undo the organized drawer, while I dressed her in her coordinated outfit, and ruminated over your transparent and dear to my heart words, I prayed once again...dear Lord, please let my standards of perfection and controlling nature never become a weight or a yoke of bondage on this little girl's heart and life, but let her always know the perfect beauty you have already made her to be in YOUR eyes, which is all that really matters and teach her to flow in life to Your rhythms of grace that I still struggle to understand how to dance to.
And P.S. YES, I did reorganize that drawer right after she had moved onto another little project. Aren't there just a FEW things we don't really have to let go of the control of? Oh LORD help me, one day at a time!
Thank you for your willingness to share the real you with us Amanda! Your family's vulnerability has helped transform my life in more ways than just this lil preschool lesson.
My two little ones 4 and 5 were in preschool last year and we had to make a postor. They encouraged us to help our children to make a postor. We as mothers couldnt let them do it themselves and then let them mess up and fail. My little ones helped me do some gluing and picked the ppictures and we both helped to decide where to put them. But all in all in was done by most of them. It is too easy to say here are the pictures and glue have at it by a 4 and 5 year old I dont think anyone would be able to tell. Good job to you for taking the time to spend it with your little guy.
My 4 year old daughter takes Ballet. Every year they do a contest for each age group. Your child draws a picture about their dance experience. If your child wins you get a scholarship for dance classes that upcoming year. My sweet Whit drew a picture. I encouraged her to draw another, then another, (oh God help me) then another...(thank goodness she does like to draw) then just one more...We had several to pick from and I decided that I would pick. But the guilt overwhelmed me and I let her pick.I still feel guilty ...what was I thinking? What was I going to do next? DRAW IT FOR HER?
I just found this blog the other night...I already feel like family ;)
Sarah
Moravian Falls, NC
Dear girl, you are just getting started! There will be many humbling moments along the way--all fodder for a volume of books!
Just this morning I attended my children's uniform resale, which is a garage sale type of event for our school's uniforms. Last year they had passed out a suggested price list which I followed rigoriously. $4-5 for a jumper, $3-4 for pants, etc.
Our names and phone numbers have to be included on the tag as well.
As I am sorting through the next higher sizes for my kids, I notice EVERYTHING is priced at 50 cents to $1.00. Absolutely nothing is priced above $3! And here, emblazoned with my name and phone number, is my overpriced, used uniforms at $4-5, depending on the item. I was mortified that people will think I put such a high value on my kid's used clothing!
And of course, there is nothing to do about it. My items stick out like a sore thumb and once again, everyone is on the same page but me.
But also, it's just clothes and embarrassment. My kids are beautiful, healthy and privledged to attend a wonderful school. And I got my cursory embarrassment out the way for the day.
Chin up dear! Be proud! I give you a gold star!
Last year my daughter was in pre=school. She was home sick the day the kids painted flower pots for their Mother's day gifts they were doing the next week. The teacher sent her unpainted pot home and told us to decorate it and bring it back. We walked in with the painted pot and I was horrified to see all the cute, obviously done by 4 year olds, pots. My daughters was perfectly painted, had polka dots, detailing at the top.....The teacher took one look at it and started laughing. It was obvious who had painted it; the mother!
Amanda, I still have high school students that turn in math homework that was done by mom and/or dad.
Amanda,
I cannot begin to tell you how many times I did something really dumb when my kids were in school. It seemed that EVERY time I took one approach EVERYBODY else took the other. It was terrible!
Probably the worst example that stands out in my mind (and also stands out in my daughter's mind I might add) is when she was in the sixth grade. They were having an end-of-the-year dance. It was called "semi-formal." Now, in my mind semi-formal for a sixth grader means a nice dress instead of jeans. No. Semi-formal meant an actual "prom-type" formal-wear type dress, complete with sequins.
My daughter and her three little friends were the only ones dressed in "regular" clothes for this dance. They sat at a table, too mortified to get up.
But now I ask you, would you think that semi-formal meant prom dresses for SIXTH GRADERS? These girls were 11 and 12 years old, for heaven's sake!
Fortunately, my daughter's friends' mothers were just as naive as I was. Otherwise she would have been all alone in her misery, but my daughter still goes on about it, and she's 26 years old now.
I hate to tell you but it probably won't be the last time something like this happens to you. But just think what funny stories you'll have for another mother 20 years from now! What a hoot!
I hate to tell you this, Amanda, but the projects never stop. My daughter is 13 years old and in 8th grade. She had a "family history" timeline she had to do with pictures, etc. for social studies. She wanted to do it all on her own, so I didn't do anything to help. At Back to School night on Tuesday, some of the kids' projects were up around the room. Her's was not as creative as some of the others. One was 3-D in the shape of a hat! My poor kid did her's on a piece of poster board. My guilt is that she inherited my "I don't have a creative bone in my body" gene.
Oh Amanda - I feel for you but believe me when I tell you be glad that you have learned this lesson early. We as mothers try too hard to protect and make sure our children do well and by doing this we create weakness in the child not self-esteem as we hope. It took child number 2 and lots of mistakes for me to learn this one and yes God in His mercy does allow our children to forget these mortifying events! Your mom is so right, one day you will use this again (I say again because you have taught many today) to help others on this mothering journey.
Oh, this post made me giggle! As a former kindergarten teacher, Mom and now grandparent, I would eat the "humble pie," talk to the teacher ASAP, tell her that you did not totally understand the directions, ask for another piece of paper, and let Jackson have a "do-over". I always thought that each child should have opportunity to have ONE "do-over" if not satisfied with their "original" art piece. Then after the second picture goes up, you won't be "humiliated" each time you walk down that hallway.(I could about bet that these pictures will be there for a few weeks!)
Be sure to ask the teacher for the original back, as someday, like your Mom said, this will be a great thing to share! The content of this post is priceless---you have such a wonderful way of sharing, and through Jackson's upcoming schooldays, there will be MUCH to share. Thanks for keeping all of us in touch with your precious family.
Paula, Earlham, IA
Don't worry about it too much. We all have done something like that one time or another. My son was picked to be "Star Student" in Kindergarten for the week. He had to bring in a poster with pictures that represent him. I let him pick the pictures and some of the decorations but I put it together how I thought it should look. A couple of years earlier, when it was my daughter's turn, I had mostly pictures of our newest addition, born just the week or two before. Looking back now, I am embarrassed that I wasn't more thoughtful of Hannah. Like I said, it happens to all of us one time or another (and sometimes more than once). Just roll with it and keep moving.
oh Amanda, how wonderful it is to be reminded that we are all just real people. I LOVE that story-so did my teenagers. Thank you so much for sharing. PS. With only love and tenderness-we did get a good laugh.
You're the best......
Hi Amanda!
Listen, the world needs people like you who are so conscientous!
The directions didn't specify how much the parent vs. how much the child need to contribute.
But if it truly bothers you, this is your opportunity to show Jackson's teacher the incredible mom you are - when you go to pick him up, just ask her if you could speak to her for a moment - and tell her, just like you told us - and ask if Jackson could make another poster. Take the one you made to the office, and let it be a loving reminder of the lesson learned. Love, Pouneh
OH MAN!!!! I have a daughter in the 2nd grade, and my husband gets on me ALL the time about "helping". I just intend to "over-see" the project and before I know it, there I sit covered in glitter, glue, and pipe cleaners, in a fury of Craftiness, and there my daughter sits with her head in her hands, brow furrowed and growling at her Mama. Hummmm.... maybe they should send TWO projects home. One for her and one for me.... =0)
Don't worry. As a former K teacher, we referred to these assignments at "family projects" My main goal was for the family to do something together. I am sure that Jackson's teacher had the same goal. My worst day as a mommy: Our school celebrated heritage week every year. I dressed my little first grade girl up as the hostess of the Edenton tea party complete with a long skirt, bonnet and tea pot. She screamed "I don't want to dress up!!" Cried all the way to school, but I insisted (as a teacher myself, my child was going to participate!!!!) I got a call from her teacher, "did you know that heritage week is NEXT WEEK?!" Now don't you feel better? My little girl is now 25 and a kindergarten teacher herself, so I guess she was not scarred too badly.
Amanda, darling. I am 34... 35 next month and I have 7 children. I still help my 14 year old son do his projects! I can't help it. I'm OCD. It's just who I am... all of his teachers know he has his feedback but Momma does most of it LOL! He does awesome Power Point presentations though!!!
It's best to just go ahead and accept you for who you are. :-)
Delaney
Allen, TX
Oh girl our family is soo guilty of this! The worst was when my daughter had to make an Indian habitat for school. My husband "helped" her and proceeded to make a model worthy of the Smithsonian! I was so embarassed to take it to school. I wanted to put a sign on it saying my HUSBAND did this absurdity and NOT me!!! You are a great momma! Don't fret!
Wow, Amanda! It seems your situation brought up a ton of memories from women. We've all been there, done that and bought that t-shirt. I guess it's one of those mommy things that someone can tell you about but we all have to experience it for ourselves. Growing Pains! Love ya
I haven't read all the comments, but ... this immediately made me think of Travis's story during the simulcast. You are not alone. : )
S.
Oh boy, this is my story too. :) I redeemed myself though when I didn't take over my oldest's assignment to write her own biography in first grade. Let's just say there were some family facts that just didn't need to be shared with the entire first grade. :) It's funny now but not so funny then.
BTW- I think your...um Jackson's, Poster looks GREAT!!!
Hugs
steph.
No matter what, sometimes as a mom, you will make the wrong decision. I had to do a family shield for my child's preschool class and chose to let him do it himself. I swear all the other moms in his class did it for their child. I was the embarrassed one thinking that they probably thought I didn't care or had no artistic talent.
Just wait. It gets more complicated all of the time. I have one friend who's very bright daughter has been doing too well on craft projects sent home from first grade, and now they are monitoring her to make sure everything looks like something a 7 year old could produce. How much help is help, after all?
Every time we get a home project, I groan with dread. Then when they are posted in the hall (which they always are), I compare with the other kids to see how much "help" was too much. I've started to err on the side of too much kid work and not enough me work, so that I can look smug and kid-friendly.
Hang in there!
Amanda, if the teacher doesn't give specific instructions then it's up to every parent's interpretation...right? :) You are a wonderful Mom and I loved how the project turned out. I have two kids in elementary now and we do extra home school work (to help offset the cost of extra-curricular activities). So I have double the opportunities to "do things" for them. I am gradually learning to let go and let their work stand on it's own...which can be very challenging with Art projects! :) Thank goodness we're learning and growing too!
Amanda,
I learned with my oldest daughter. When she was in fourth grade, she had to do a California Mission. I got an A+ on that mission...and we didn't use a kit. It was made from scratch.
Kels
This so easily could have been my story! Been there so many times!!! Sadly, I'm still trying to overcome this problem, and my former pre-schooler is now in 7th grade. I an also a perfectionist with OCD tendencies, and my Type B daughter gets rather frustrated by my "help" sometimes. Oh the things I do!
Oh bless you, sweet girl. I don't have kids yet (we're about to start trying for some) but I KNOW for a FACT I would have done the exact same thing. And reacted the same way too. Be encouraged, friend. You are not alone. Who knows what kind of embarrassment awaits me!? haha. I'll pray for a swift removal of the collages too! xoxox :)
Oh, Amanda. I'll make you feel better, too. :)
When my daughter was in preschool, the kids and moms in the class helped to make a scrapbook of memories from throughout the year. Just before the end of the year, the scrapbook would be sent home with each child so that he or she could show his family.
Well. We took our turn and shared the scrapbook on home, and I had it all set to be returned the next preschool day. Loading up my van - with my 3 year old and my baby - I put the scrapbook on the roof of the van. "Just for a minute."
I drove off, and we never saw that album again. I was MORTIFIED. Mortified! I had to explain to the teacher what happened and I still cringe when I think of it now - 11 years later.
For what it's worth, the teacher told me it wasn't the first time it had happened!
Lesson learned...I haven't put ANYTHING on top of my van since. :)
Debbie in IL
I was a preschool teacher for a long while and believe me, you are NOT the 1st parent to do their child's homework for them. It is okay! You are not alone!!
I had SO many children's projects coming back looking "perfect." It's no big deal-- I think that teachers expect it.
Don't be embarassed!! You made a good project and its pretty. LOTS of parents will end up doing the same thing throughout the year.
Amanda:
First I laughed out loud when I saw that "Daddy" on Jackson's poster was a big shark bearing its pearly whites... then I laughed out loud again when I realized that wasn't Daddy!!! :)
Oh: just this morning... typing my 6th grader's paper. Do I correct that little error? Tweak that sentence? Yes, I did. Now I'm ashamed. Lord have mercy on us perfectionist mamas.
I totally feel your pain, Amanda. Sometimes you just don't know what the teachers expect or what the other parents are going to do. Sometimes I just have to grit my teeth and stay out of it even though I'm dying inside to "fix" something. This past weekend I "helped" my 6th grader (she IS special needs) with a project that was way above her ability. It turned out really good (but I worried that it might have been too good - like it looked adult level and not 6th grade level), but I emailed the teacher and told her I mostly did it. She emailed back with much understanding. I just couldn't bear, like you, to send something below expectations. Just think, there could be humiliation on the other side too - what if you didn't help and the other moms did? You would have born the humiliation of not being good enough...Ah, the lies of the enemy: we are too much or not enough. Thankfully, our Daddy in heaven thinks we're just right and quite talented too (just look at Jackson's project!).
Amanda,
What a great story! I loved it and have struggled with the same as our 3 daughters have had their share of projects!
I clearly remember what my pediatrician said 20 yrs ago when our first daughter was born. He was very Mr. Rodgers-like: kind, humble, soft-spoken. He said his young son had dressed himself that morning and his shirt was on backwards. His son was so proud of his accomplishment! The dr decided to let him play at the park with his shirt on backwards. He said, "I was so proud of his effort and not embarrassed by his lack of perfection." I loved that! It changed how I parented. How thankful I am that God does not expect perfection from me and blesses my efforts.
You are a wonderful Mom! Forgive yourself and let it go. God will teach you so many incredible lessons through your children.
Thanks for sharing. You and yours are well-loved.
So, apperently when you child is in 3rd grade and is assigned to the "Endangered Species" report and has to make a project out of clay.....YOU can do it for them! I let me 3rd grader do her MOSTLY on her own, and she was VERY sad b/c her's wasn't quite up to speed! So, don't worry...soon enough you WILL be able to do it for them!!!! (sacastically speaking, of course!)
Heather
Your killing me. I'm the mom who's kid is crying because I forgot the poster all together. I thought you did a great job... A+ girlfriend!
P.S. so glad to see you are in Motherwise. I love Denise Glenn. My mom is actually on her staff(international relations). You will learn so much. Happy spanking!
Your heart was in the right place. It has been my experience, that my child's poster is the ONLY one that looks like a child did it...equally embarrassing. I guess it goes to show...mother's can't win.
When I lived in Texas, the kids did the project...here in Florida it seems the Mom's do them. It's all so confusing!
Ha Ha,
Teri
Amanda - this too shall pass. And no parent is going to remember what poster your son brought to school! I promise. :) It will all be better tomorrow after a good night's sleep.
I was the parent on pajama day when my daughter was in kindergarten, that forgot to send in her pajamas to change into.
My daughter called me in tears to bring in the pajamas since 'she was the only one with no pajamas'. The worst part was her teacher getting on the phone and said..."How could I have forgotten...a note was sent home..??!!"
Note?? what note...
I am sure the teacher was looking at the note still in my daughters backpack.
Don't beat yourself up over your beautiful poster with wonderful family memories that you will cherish forever!!
I know my daughters at times wish I had more creative talents...:)
Amanda,
The poster is wonderful! And I bet that not one of those posters was done 100% by any of the other children - there will be evidence of parent help somewhere!
You spent quality time with Jackson, and that has more value than anything else. The memories of that will last far longer than the poster will!
Your heart was in the right place. I don't have children, but as a teacher, I admit I get frustrated with parents that don't want to have their child's "self-esteem" damaged and do EVERYTHING for them, and also with those who refuse to help when the child could really use some assistance. I wish I could scream and intervene (but open mouth and insert foot hurts more, right?)
You fall in the middle with your desire for a healthy balance, so kudos to you!
Don't worry about it anymore, and enjoy this time. And hang that poster proudly at home - on the front door if need be (because it looks bigger than the fridge). It looks incredibly welcoming!
Oh Amanda-how I can sympathize with you. When my son was in kindergarten, I worked a whopping 1 1/2 hours away from his school. One morning after I arrived at work, it was to my horror that I realized it was "FARM DAY" and I had forgot to pack his lunch and send his "Farm" clothes. I called my sister who was staying with us at that time and asked her to please find a way to get to my son's school and take his things to him on this ever so special day. And boy did she find a way. She called the only person she had met in town besides us--the mayor's wife. Bless both of their hearts. They got a lunch packed and picked out some nice "farm" clothes and proceeded to his elementary school and into his classroom and presented him with his goodies...only to hear him say "what are you doing here? Today is not farm day...that is next week." They were embarrassed, I was so embarrassed, and my son was so embarrassed. So take heart-we are mothers and women and we are fixers. That is the way the good LORD made us. Most all of us have been in the "lesson of life" shoes.
Much love,
Tisha
Amanda, At least your poster was beautiful. I probably would have made my child's poster and it still would have looked like a child did it. Art is not my gift. This will pass quickly and you'll still be talented and artistic. Something you can pass on to your children!
Amanda, as a retired teacher I can tell you a much worse story than yours. I had a child in 2nd grade one year whose mother always did her homework. When they had to write a story, the mother made up the story, printed it in her best printing and drew a beautiful cover picture and honestly believed that I would think that her daughter did the work. So, don't be embarrassed as you're just starting out and you'll learn much more quickly than this lady did. BTW, I really liked your poster. Maybe you could make another one with Jackson and let him do more of the work just to see what he can do. He's bound to have inherited some of your talent.
Thanks for sharing your story and I must say that I, like Beth, had a good laugh. Hang in there, Girl, it will get easier.
Oh girl. I haven't had to do a "project" yet, but I'm seeing my OCDness everywhere...
Hearing my son say to his friends when they come over, "If you want to play with that toy, you'll have to put that other one away."
Hearing him say, "If I'm wearing a jacket it should be zipped and to wear my hood up."
What have I done?
(and by the way, I'm a scrapbooker, so I know there will come a day...)
I think it is a brilliant idea if we were assigned projects like this by say - our Sunday School teacher. Then all those creative juices could be set free and we could color and cut and paste and glitterize to our little hearts content. Then when our children have a project we can hand them some supplies and tell them to handle this on their own "cause momma is gonna add sound effects to her collage." It's an idea.
I read your post this morning and have had the giggles all day. Everytime I think of it, there I go again. Too funny.
Oh goodness, I am sorry for your embarrassment but that is too funny! Mostly b/c I am sure I will be experiencing that exact same thing in a few years! On the plus side your poster looks gorgeous! :) I think I am going to be very afraid the first time my daughter goes to school and comes home with a project. Between you and BigMama I don't know what to think!!!
My kids start kindergarten next year and have never been to preschool...thanks for letting me learn from your mistake! I wouldn't have known what was expected either!
sounds like the time I got a "C" on a 6th grade science fair project.
i feel your pain, dear, being another mom who was too OCD to do crafts with her son!! i wish i'd gotten over that now, as he doesn't have a creative bone in his body and has only me to thank for that! i implore you, get out the crayons and let him color outside the lines. or take him to your mom's house and let her do it with him so you don't have to watch!
and i'll echo what the others have said...the years you'll be doing said projects are MANY, so either prepare to wear sunglasses a lot when picking up your child or find someone who can be your "hotline helper" for assistance when craft projects come home!
Oh my Amanda I feel your heart on this one. Last year I created my daughters Science Fair project for her and she's in 5th grade!!!!!!!!! She did paste the pieces of paper on the display board and told me what she wanted but I did all the writing. As for the project itself she watched and told me what she thought we should do but I did the labor of it.
we do it I think for fear of our children failing. Over time I hope that I will learn to let go and allow her to do for herself more.
you could always get together for Jackson and create a new banner and ask the teacher to post it instead. Of course keep both and hang them in his room when they come off the school walls.
Hang in there motherhood is a life long learning experience so they tell me. I'm only 34 with an 11, 10 and 7 year old. I fear I have a long way to go :)
I think all of us moms would like to thank you for sharing w/ us! My sister and I would say you get the "mom of the year" award for that one. My baby just turned NINE this wk (so sad)... Anyway, I still have a tendency to want to do projects like this for my 2 - 12yr olds and my 10 yr old. I have perfection and control issues that I'm still working though(lol). All of the other moms are probably thinking they should have been more involved after seeing your project...
1blessedmommy
Amanda - My daughter's kindergarten homework last week was to make a scrapbook page. Same issue, is it my work to do w/ her or her work to do on her own. Of course I stressed over if I could use a nice piece of pink scrapbook paper from my supply instead of the wrinkled piece from her backpack? It was such a busy week the next thing I knew it was Thursday and it was due Friday! She helped pick the pictures (per-selected) I cut the pictures to size, she arranged them, I straightened them, I glued them down.
Friday morning at the bus stop I peek in her back pack to see 1 of the pictures already fell off....
To me it depends on how interested they are in a project. I will take baby steps away from helping, and avoid being the mom insisting something is fun....when to them it isn't.
Amanda, Let me give you a little chuckle of your own. My daughter just started her freshman year in High School. Her assignment for Theatre Arts was to create a star and decorate both sides with items that tell who she is and what she is about.
I have an entire room in my house organized with every adhesive, paper, sticker and gadget that can be used to scrapbook. My hubby calls it the "Woman-Cave."
My daughter who knows her mother VERY well hid the assignment from me until a friend "outed" her. I could hardly restrain myself. Off I went to the store for more stickers, gadgets, poster board, etc. etc. I even invited her friends to come over and do their stars with her. (commence with the eye rolling)
Then, in front of the entire family she says, "Mom, are you going to let me do this? Or, should I just pick it up from your desk before school on Tuesday?" (hoots of laughter from the hubby)
After a weekend of peeking around the door to see what it looked like (think..."caaaaake, caaaaake" as your Mom shared in the simulcast), I finally heard the words of an angel..."Mom, I need you!! Can you help me? Hurry!" (Yes sweet girl! Crafty-Mom is on her way to SAVE THE DAY!!)
Well, "help" consisted of solving the crisis by assisting with the removal of spray adhesive from her cell phone. "The buttons are stuck! Mom, I can't even text!" (hopes dashed)
Feel free to just have a great big belly-laugh at my expense. I certainly did when I relayed the story to my friends.
I got in trouble by the teacher when my son confessed to his teacher that I had done his project. I tried to make it look like he did it but she caught on right away. The sad part was how badly I wanted to lie to her to cover up for my humiliation!
That is HILARIOUS!!! Thanks for the laugh! I bet the teacher got a good kick out of it! :)
FROM ONE AMANDA TO ANOTHER AMANDA:
I am a K-1 Resource Teacher this year and have taught K, 1st, and 3rd. over the past 17 years of my teaching career. IN YOUR DEFENSE: As a teacher,I have always tried to put myself in the parents' shoes. I would have clearly stated in the directions that I wanted the child to do some of the work as well as the parents. To compare, if I had to come to LPM and do YOUR job, I would need very clear directions about what to do. Just like I would need those clear directions from you, You need clear directions from your teachers. Also, don't EVER be afraid to ask specifics on an assignment. Any teacher who is unkind or unwilling to answer your questions shouldn't be teaching. I'm sure Jackson has a sweet preschool teacher, she just needs to remember parents aren't in "education" all day long and need more interpretation. From all I see in this blog; YOU are a fantastic wife and mom! Have yourself a nice long weekend! Blessings, Amanda (Olive Branch, MS)
Sweet Amanda, there is no way I can give you advise. I am laughing so stinkin hard I cant breathe. I am so sorry but this was probably the best post I have ever read...sorry at your expense. But I needed to laugh today...Praise you Jesus for the Moore ladies who you have given an incredible writing gift...Yes I have done stupid things with my four boys, but I cant think because I am still laughing. Love you much!!
Amanda...
Oh yes, totally get that.. though thank goodness our preschool teacher didn't do that to us this past year.
The thing that I had trouble with was thinks like bringing a "treat" in for his birthday... like remembering that...
And things like, I was bringing Peter to school the last day before christmas and saw all the other kids bringing in presents for their teachers. Hmm, yeah, didn't even occur to me. At the time there was no money either...
So, that afternoon I found two Christmas latte mugs i had around the house, found some old white and red tissue paper, green string from a ball of yarn the cats sometimes play with, and an assortment of single serve hot chocolate packets I had gotten recently.
stuffed the mugs with the hot chocolates, wrapped them in tissue paper, tied with green string and put Peter's name on them... I didn't let another holiday sneak up on me like that again! :) Valentines, Easter and the last day of school, Peter and I went to the local Hallmark store, and he picked out the scented candles for them and votive holders, candy, cards, etc.
Now he is in the big elementary school and I am wondering what I will mess up this year! :) Maybe by the time our kids are 20??? Nah, we won't have it down even by then! :)
Have fun entering the world of schooling and all the "unspoken rules" we will all encounter there!
God bless,
Heather
One of your best posts Amanda...I laughed! So sorry, but I LAUGHED! Cause I've had the same feelings of wanting it to look a certain way too. I even was an elementary teacher. I think I finally let go with my first when he got to be about 4th grade and it just 'wasn't cool' to have mom help ANY MORE!
Dear Amanda, my prayers are with you. As you are just starting the school years, know that your worry and occassional embarrassing actions will happen again! Laugh and go on! Take this experience and realize that Jackson still loves you unconditionally - whether the poster was completed like all the others or not. My daughter is 16 and started a new high school this year after a recent move. It a season in our lives that has us praying to the Lord for everything surrounding a young woman's transition in what can be a difficult environment. God is good!
Oh believe me I have had worse embarrassments than this. Just a word of warning those little memos you get from school are evil because they do not tell you everything. Can you email the teacher at your child's school. If you can you have to ask questions because it is like you have to read between the lines. I had so many embarassments because of these memos. I feel your pain!
So funny Amanda! Been there done that! We all make that mistake, at least one time! You made a memory! It's all good. You are a great mama and there is no shame in that.
Love ya, Vicki
Oh my goodness. That is so funny Amanda.
Oh yes, I have done stuff like that before too. I let them do it, but shamefully try to change their mind and do it "my way".
My youngest who is 8 had to do an "All about Me" poster last year in 2nd grade. I about passed out when she did it on her own. Amanda, she DREW a picture of herself instead of using 1 of the hundreds I have taken of her! Drew it. Unfortunately she is not as passive as the 19 and 15 year olds. I think they tipped her off or something because she lets me know about these projects after she completes them. OH my goodness I have realized from this post I have another problem. Just last week she had to take some things to show & tell about herself. I tried to change what she wanted to take. I need to go now and google this to see what the recommendations are for it. LOL...
Dear Amanda,
Welcome to the club! I have 3 kids that are now in high school & college. I still remember those projects that (we) would do togehter like it was yesterday. We've all been there. Enjoy these moments now...they go fast!
Love & prayers,
Grace Friendswood, TX
It is such a mom thing!!!! To want to help your child. We sooo want them to do what we think would be right! I have fought that with my fourth grader.Last year, mom would HELP with her homework and I realized I was just giving her the answers! God knows your heart,give evrything to him.
In His Love,
Angela Goodwin
Amanda,
I LOVE your honesty and humility. It is so difficult to share embarassing moments. I just wanted to share a word of encouragement. I have never been a mom..or been in this specific situation, but the fear of not measuring up to others standards on any level is very real. I remember in high school, i would always hope someone else would have forgotten to do their homework, or someone else's project looked simliar to mine. Or in college when i wouldn't study for a test, i would always hope someone else wouldnt have either. There is just something comforting about someone struggling just like you..or doing that art project just like yours. It wouldnt have been so traumatic if just one person had done the same thing. I still haven't figured out why we are like that.
As i was reading your thoughts this morning..God gently reminded me of the place in his word where it says we shouldn't compare ourselves to others. God knew that he would need to speak this specific word over us because it is something we all struggle with. I think times like these teach us to be less judgemental to those who have made equally embarassing mistakes!
Personally, i LOVED your collage. It was beautiful!! So take heart...that God loved it and he doesnt compare us to anyone else!!
I've been on both sides of this little drama! Here's the thing: honestly, no one is going to notice as much as you did. And in the big picture (no pun intended, here) it's not going to make or break his preschool career. He won't be forever marked as "that kid whose mother did his first project for him"!
I would make a date with his teacher, and prostrate yourself on her little table, admitting your complete ignorance on this school/parenting gig....teachers love parents that need them, and often, they feel intimidated by PARENTS. It's a crazy insecure thing that just keeps going in circles until someone humbles themselves. (That someone, by the way, was usually me. Because I was the most clueless one in every school relationship, regardless of which side of the desk I sat on.)
Maybe this is your opportunity to start a book: Hand Over the Gluestick, and No One Will Get Hurt; Lessons in Preschool Parenting.
Currently working on the Daniel study and also Me, Myself and Lies, there are several things I learned about my childhood. Unfortunately one of them was that I never wanted to do arts and crafts projects because my mother and my sister were always so good at it and they hoovered over me telling me what and how to do what comes next...on my projects! So eventually (about 4th grade) I decided if those projects were assigned I was not interested and I knew if I told them about it the night before they would do it for me. I would rather write a book report anyway! Well I love to let my 4 year old go to town with the things she does. I help her on certain things so she learns to follow directions, but that is the extent of it. We don't do projects to look exactly like the picture and when we are painting pottery she gets to pick the colors and just paint her heart out. Now I wouldn't do that, because as I moved away and do not have my helicopters in the air above anymore, I LOVE to do crafts!!! I want her to enjoy it too. These lessons all come in our own time. Sorry to hear you felt embarrassed. It's okay though because every parent does something worth laughing about!
This reminds me of the simulcast ....Do GOOD,not do RIGHT". I don't think anyone could ever out-do me on humiliating moments!!
Amanda - I too have been there and it is very hard to let go and let your kids be. I had the reverse last Valentine's Day - My 6 year old wanted to do her own card box, no help ( and it showed!!) She was so proud of it! All the other kid's boxes were works of art!
The bigger lesson here is to let our children own what belongs to them!!! For better or worse!!!
ps - it just as easily could have been the other way for you - Jackson's his own work and the others perfect! Either way, it is hard to stand out!!!
kae h, jacksonville
Amanda -
Thanks for sharing your story! You see, my son is also in preschool. Just this morning my hubs was reminding me that I needed to get ours in to the teacher. So now I know, I wont be doing it myself, but letting my son do it. What great timing!!!
Blessings my Siesta!
Well Amanda...Here is your opprotunity to make your own collage.
Any pics of your trip, we would love to see your creative touch on your won art project.
Amanda - I was a kindergarten teacher for 10 years before I became a mom & I think that everyone else should of put as much pride & effoert into their banner - that word banner to be displayed was very hard to read!!! Definately better to err on the super creative side!!! One year when my husband taught 5th grade they had a solar system project, one of his student's dad was the head chef at a hotel here in Dallas - he and his pastry chef had a great time creating the planets in chocolate!!! I'm not even sure that the child was present in the creation of that project! It is always such a toss up in what will come back when you assign a project - just stay really involved in Jackson's class and you will get the hang of what the teacher is looking for & every teacher is different!!! Be proud that you poured a lot of time & love into that banner & didn't just have Jackson color it while you cooked dinner!!! youre and awesome mommy!!!
I am an OCD mom and proud of it....sometimes it takes the mom helping or rather controlling the project (or situation) to let the child know that it IS important to take the time to think it out and not just slap it together. All aspects of life need to be thought out and not impulsive or slapped together. Doesn't God our Father have a HUGE hand in our daily life projects? I loved your project and it is something that can be framed or put on the fridge when it comes home instead of the trash. I am on my 3rd child and still maintain a huge part of doing projects.
I can relate to how you feel. I taught 1st grade for 33 years and there are times when teachers make assignments and forget to make it extremely clear that it is a parent child project, or I should say CHILD/parent project. We as parents have a tendency to want our child to not be embarrassed if what they do is not up to the quality of the others but one thing to remember your child will be proud no matter how it looks as long as you take the time to help them. To them it is the best creation because it is them. Please be assured that you want to monitor some of the work so that it doesn't look like there was no parental assistance but children are so creative and that is one thing that is being taken away from our children in schools today. You are such a good mom, and so involved with Jackson and now Annabeth, so don't feel too bad "YOUR" poster was absolutely gorgeous. Next time let Curtis help Jackson and see what they come up with, it is amazing what daddy's do with these kind of assignments. sometimes they are worse than moms with the extravaganza.
I hear ya, Amanda. I struggle w/the same ocd-ness... and I'm a preschool teacher! When my son was in preschool, I forgot his show and tell on the first day of show and tell. When my daughter was in preschool, I at least made it about half-way through the year before I forgot show and tell, and she reminded me about it for a week! "Mom, do ya still feel bad about forgetting my show and tell?" It makes me a much more forgiving preschool teacher with my students and families!
My son is now in 7th grade, but 2 years ago when he was in 5th, I was helping out at the halloween party in his classroom. A bunch of moms were there and we were standing in the back of the class waiting for the kids to get back from gym. We were eyeing the desks, etc. And I leaned over to the mom next to me and pointed out a desk that not only didn't close because it was crammed full, but there was also a pile under the chair. So sorry for that mom! Well, the laugh was on me when my son came strolling into the room in front of all the mothers and yes, sat right down at THAT desk. I was horrified! It shouldn't have surprised me since his bedroom is decorated in "exploded dresser" motif. Just think, you can use your poster to spiff up Jackson's room when he is 12!! In the meantime, we'll eat our humble pie and pretend it's French Silk!! This too shall pass....you're a great mom!
That is hysterical I had to take a break before I could type. You got to love it. I am not a mom yet but I am so filing that away in the back of my mind for when I am. I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall to see your face though when you saw the rest of those posters.
Yesterday I took my 5th grader out to his new school so he could practice his locker lock. He had trouble at first perhaps because I was screaming, "RIGHT! RIGHT! WAIT! I MEAN LEFT! LEFT!!" Then I said to him, "Why don't I just be quiet and you try by yourself." He opened it perfectly. This stuff happens all the time when you're a mother. All. The. Time. If it's not your turn, it's someone else's.
I am a bit OCD myself, love crafty projects, and DON'T let anyone help me with them (in fact I have quit scrap-booking and gone straight to shutterfly photo books because they are just much more crisp, clean and symmetrical, but anyway)... I also work at a preschool, AND am the mother of a 3 and a half year old. So some of that obsessive-compulsiveness had been FORCED (and not gently) to the wayside :-)
Be comforted: neither the child or the parent is being graded :-p
Here are a few tips on how you can involve Jackson so he has ownership of the project while maintaining your desire for things to look good as well as to create. Not that you will probably be given a family collage again, but since that is the example you gave, that is the one I will use.
1. Let Jackson paint the background all by himself. Paint is fun. And after it dries, it should be at least somewhat colorful and fun to look at. It will also be obvious that Jackson took part in the project.
2. Let Jackson pick the pictures. (see? you did that :)
3. After you cut out the letters, ask Jackson to help you find the next letter that you need. Very educational, lol.
4. Put the glue where YOU want the picture to be, and then let Jackson push it on... (and there just may be a little extra straightening to be done, but Jackson TECHNICALLY glued it ;-)
If you can't decide whether it is something that the parent or the kid should do, let the kid do it. Because Jackson will always be proud of what he did at this age regardless of what the rest of everything else looks like.
Have fun!
And thank you for the giggle... we had a mildly traumatic day in my class at preschool today. I was in need of a lighthearted preschool story that didn't involve copious amounts of blood. ay-yi-yi.
Darling Amanda! You only need to worry about this if you are STILL doing it ten years from now. Something tells me that you have learned how to navigate this issue very early on. Relax and enjoy the time spent with your son!
Oh that is so funny! We have all been there! Here is my story.(one that sticks out) Mind you, this is my 3rd child and she was old enough to have her first spanish class, probably 9th grade. The assignment was to make a family tree that was unique, he didn't want to see any trees or houses involved. So, as we gathered at a family meal, with aunts and uncles and the like, we discussed said project. All adults voicing their ideas. The winner was...make a flower pot with flowers and put pictures in the flowers! COOL! So, I ran with it. I got silk flowers at AC Moore, bought a plastic flower pot which I then cut in half to glue on the foam board, grass stuff, little bugs, oh you name it! Then came putting it together cutting out the pictures, gluing, etc. I did let my daughter help with some of those things. Then, the BEST part, my grandson was maybe 2 or 3 at the time and he had been a bumble bee for Halloween that year! PERFECT! I took apart an old flashlight, used the spring, cut out our little bumble bee and glued him on the spring near a flower. Oh it was precious. Now, my daughter was not TOO put out with me, and who would know???? It LOOKED like a 9th grader could accomplish this feat. I could hardly wait to hear what "my" grade was! To my delight, it was an A+, AND he was so excited and thrilled with it that he wanted to show it to his fellow student teachers, take pictures, etc. I still have this masterpiece in the attic. :) It is so easy to get carried away with projects you like, now math, forget it! There have been many others throughout the years, I am so perfectionistic when it comes to those kinds of projects, my child's would have looked just as wonderful as yours! Even in BSF when you take your 2-4 year olds, they have "quiet time" on a towel. Not my kids...nope, bought them "kinder mats" so they had a nice comfortable quiet time. Oh boy! Glad that is all over!
You ARE hillarious!!!
This made me laugh until I cried. My 5 year old has the same assignment due on tuesday. My problem is the opposite of yours: I lack one ounce of creativity although I do have to admit to being somewhat a perfectionist. I'm an accountant. I don't know if I'll live through the next 13 years of class projects! Thanks so much for sharing. I even emailed my son's teacher and told her she had to read this blog.
You did teach me something, though. I'll be writing our name very small at the bottom of the poster :)
Chrystal
Dear One, the most humbling experiences in my life relate to raising my sons- the first child does seem to get our most "neurotic" tendencies- a wise counselor told me once that a little "benign" neglect (the emphasis on BENIGH) can be very healthy for a child- You are a wonderful person and your children are most fortunate and blessed to have your and husband as parents- they have a marvelous foundation in you! I know for a fact that the healthier, happier and balanced the parent, the more the family is resilient and blessed. Your children have a double portion with the addition of fabulous God centered grandparents.
You cannot win on this. Had you let Jackson do his own thing, the other drawings would have been mom master pieces. God keeps me humbled and also laughing at my self, because I tend to take things just a wee bit too seriously.
I've been there!!!! Only, I was a new preschool teacher and in my great desire to show that I could do cool stuff with kids... I kinda did it FOR them. Parents came in and when I proudly presented them the beautiful artwork that their kids did they politely said to their three year olds, "WOW!" and "Gee, I didn't know you were so talented!" How embarrassing.
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