Part One
The Life of a Ministers Wife - part 1 from stephen proctor on Vimeo.
Part Two
The Life of a Ministers Wife - part 2 from stephen proctor on Vimeo.
Part Three
The Life of a Ministers Wife - part 3 from stephen proctor on Vimeo.
Many thanks to Stephen Proctor for these videos and to Rich Kalonick for our recap video. Thank you for serving us with your gifts!
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
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184 comments:
As a ministers wife it is hard to see your husband get in the pulpit and be bathed in the Holy Spirit and know he is speaking from God... but then we get a different man at home. At home he is often angry and bordering on being abusive. Why can't we get some of the anointed man?
Thanks for the post, Amanda- This must have been very special for you in many ways- the quotes made me think about you as a wife and mother and you as a daughter...thanks for encouraging and edifying these women this weekend...that scholarship was surely more than welcomed!!!
WOW, As a girl in ministry I can almost relate to some of the comments, but never to the extent of some of them. I have always respected and loved the wives of the pastor's I have served under, but this makes me respect and love them even more.
The one comment that haunts me is the wife who says they have been in ministry 25 years and when he retires she does not know if she will go to church agian.
If that is not a wake up call to the church I don't know what is.
Thanks for sharing I know I myself needed that wake up call.
Running the Race,
Carrie
Wow!! These vidoes have given me great insight.
Thank you for sharing these with us.
Blessings,
Adrienne
I have the absolute greatest admiration for pastor's wives who serve the Father along-side their husbands. Thanks for being so vunerable to share your heart in your comments. May the Lord bless you and undergird you with His awesome Presence today and every day.
My old boyfriend is now a pastor for a large church. Somedays I wish we had stayed the course and gotten married but now I realize that I probably was not up to being the partner in ministry that he deserved.
I will continue to pray for his family and especially his wife.
Thank you for sharing this powerful video.
Wow, you're right, we should be aware of these things.
I think of 1st Thess. 5:12,13:
"But we request of you, brethren, that you appreciate those who diligently labor among you, and have charge over you in the Lord and give you instruction, and that you esteem them very highly in love because of their work. Love in peace with one another."
My heart aches for so many minister's wives who feel alone and judged no matter what they do. One of my brothers is a pastor and I know his wife has told me at times they are both so tired they don't know how they will carry on but they know they are called and God gives the strength. Seeing the heart of these women reminds us that we need to love and care for our pastors' families.
Oh my gosh! That was beautiful yet sad. I plan to lavish my pastor's wife with some lovin and not just for today but for as long as she is in our church body. Thank you for the eye opener to the pain some our dear pastor's wives go through.
Thanks Amanda for this post. As I read through the comments a lot of them are echoed by women who are in ministry, either single or married. It, too, can be a very lonely place. So many expectations on you and never any time to be fed. I know these women were fed and revived last weekend.
Thank you...as a minister's wife who commented on the original blog, I needed that. So many of my feelings now or in the past were echoed. It helps to know you are not the only one.
Oh my....what a beautiful piece. As a ministers wife, I sat and wept....really wept.... as I read each word that scrolled across my screen. I have felt all of those things (and more!) at times, but thought I was "broken" or not good enough...and NEVER dreamed that there were others who struggled with the same things. What a relief to know I'm not alone. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Please pray for me!
I am not a minister's wife, but I am a principal's wife and I am amazed at the similarities. When we moved to our small town he was at the high school, and gone 4 evenings a week or so. We would go to the football games or church and he would shake hands or hug people on the way to our seats, and no one would even look my way. Now he is at the elementary and the evenings are better and the teachers really appreciate him. That makes it easier to love on them. That should be the case in our churches too--that we should appreciate the pastor and respect his family. Make it easy for them to love us.
Side note, as one administrator's family that is likely to move often, please say hi to the new principal's family when they move to town.
I'm so glad you posted those quotes, I attended and saw them first hand, it truly spoke for all of us. It made us both laugh and cry however it spoke to us all deeply, knowing that we could identify with all of it. Perhaps if more knew the burdens we carry, there would be more grace and compassion and encouragment. I'm choosing to be anonymous on this comment!!
I am not a pastor's wife, but I work as a lay minister in the church. I see my pastor's wives go through all that was mentioned and my heart aches for them.
The comment that touched me most was, "Sometimes sheep bite."
Lord, Help me to use my teeth to flash loving smiles that only bless and do not allow me to bite.
Thank you for all you do, Minister's Wives. You are loved!
thank you...
We should know, and it is unfortunate that as a body of Christ we haven't given these women an extra dose of grace and love. Thank you for this window into the hearts of these women. Thank you to the women who shared their hearts. If it were not for you, we who are outside that circle would never know what you struggle with (so many of the same things "we" struggle with, but so much more). I love my pastors wife! She is a load of fun and I have always enjoyed her. I should tell her more often!
The Journey Continues ~
We MUST keep our Minister's wives in our daily prayers!
Infact, all in ministry are attacked in so many ways and unless you have walked in their shoes ~ you have no idea what they go through!!!
What a touching post you have presented! THANK YOU AND BLESS YOU ALL IN LPM!!!
I love the scripture ~
"When you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent"
Psalm 44 NIV
When the lights go out at night, that is when the enemy can "try" and attack so many ~
Let us Be Still...
With "Heaven Bound" blessings,
Kim Safina
http://www.kimsafinathejourneycontinues.blogspot.com
PS please pray for the safety of my family as we travel to London, England in flight from LAX.
Thank you, LPM, for posting these comments. I am a minister's wife (but was not able to attend this weekend), and feel like I received a small glimpse into what Beth covered and the struggles that ALL pastor's wives deal with in ministry. This post was so very true, beautiful in many ways, but very sad in others.
I am blessed beyond measure, because my pastor husband does a remarkable job of balancing our church and our family. I am thankful too that our church seems to be very different than many out there. God is at work, and I praise Him daily that we feel loved, accepted, valued and cherished here. Of course, we never can please everybody, and there will always be someone who will criticize something that we do. But, in all, I feel like a truly blessed pastor's wife, who is encouraged weekly by our flock.
Siestas, if you are a layperson at a church, please take these comments to heart and pray, not only for your pastor but also for your pastor's wife. These are true struggles, and at times, it is so refreshing to feel noticed, loved, and valued for all that you do in ministry. (Someone sent me a bouquet of flowers this week with a card of appreciation for being the pastor's wife. It made me cry! Maybe that could be an idea of how to encourage your pastor's wife...)
Much love to you all!
Tara
PS. Beth, I know that you are not a "Pastor's Wife" but being in ministry, I know that you deal with many of these same things. I want you to know that I pray for you often, asking for His anointing, refreshment, and peace on you!
What a truly moving piece...thanks for sharing and for the reminder to treat those in ministry with love and compassion.
To the anonymous minister's wife who asked for prayer please know you are being prayed for today. Blessings to all who serve in this often uanppreciated role.
Thank you for posting those. As a minister's wife who commented on the original post and who also had the tremendous privilege of being at the conference, thank you again. I could have read those for hours. They were so meaningful and telling.
Thank you so much for this post. It helps us as members see and better appreciate what our ministers and their spouses are going through. Maybe now we will stop and think before we assume or jump to conclusions. Maybe now we will be more loving and understanding. Maybe now...
As someone who grew up in a ministry family, it not only struck me how much of what was there I understood from a different perspective but also how much more I had not even realized.
My Dad was first a pastor, and then my parents went on to become missionaries internationally and are now serving as missionaries here in the US. There is so much pressure to be perfect or at least not ever screw up...and any mistake you make can ruin everything your parents have worked so hard for. That said, I wouldn't trade being an MK for anything!
To that first Anonymous comment..sweet friend..I am praying for you right now and will continue to.
The comment "Sometimes sheep bite" brought tears. So true. I remember several drives home from church (as a Preacher's Kid) where my parents were just spent. They were exhausted and yet that phone would be ringing with a rabid sheep needing to share something.
If these videos don't change our hearts and attitudes toward our pastors and their family...then we must have very cold hearts.
oh my goodness. I just saw the first one and am about to break into tears! Oh that I will be more faithful to pray for my Pastors' wives.
Thank you for this post. I was moved to tears. I more fully understand now my own pastor's wife. I have heard some of these same comments from her occassionally and i've known her path is not an easy one. I ask God to bless her and all the others abundantly.
Thank you. As a minister's wife, these videos hit home and have encouraged me so much today.
Thanks for sharing this.
That was powerful... I am not a ministers wife... but my Dad was a minister... so I am a preachers kid... I understand... I have so much respect for my Mom... for you all!
Praying for you girls! You have a HUGE calling... I have so much respect for you! Know it can be tough! You all are amazing!
God Bless precious girls! Emmy : )
This broke my heart. My son is a pastor and I just had to stop and call my daughter in law and encourage and uplift her in what she does.
Wow, I am amazingly moved by the comments the women shared. My heart is in my throat with emotion. I would never have guessed that being a pastor's could be so hard.
By these comments I am reminded that a pastor is (often) a man, a husband, a father, a grandfather. A pastor's wife is often a mother, and sometimes a grandmother. Their relationship and their family are BEFORE their roles in the church. I would imagine the church (in general) doesn't respect this fact. I want to. And, I'm betting it is hard for a man to recognize that all these things are first - before the church. Yes, the church is a HUGE responsiblity but in the end it is God, your spouse and your family that you want to have remain. I can't imagine how tough WE make it for them.
I'm sure I have expectations that are not reasonable of a pastor and perhaps even a pastor's wife. I probably don't even know. I did try to reach out in friendship to our new pastor and his wife. I started out only hoping to befriend them and make them feel welcome. To allow them to come to my house and just BE humans visiting with other humans and breaking bread. Especially because we are almost exactly the same age and have young kids close in age. I asked a few times and each time it was "yes, we'd love to, we're so looking forward to it" but it would never pan out. I started to feel put off and actually rejected. Reading these comments help me put it into perspective. They probably feel a bit like it's a duty, furthering of their job. Oh how I wish I could tell them I don't want that from them when I invite them for dinner.
I appreciate the perspective. I really do and so appreciate the honesty. Thank you for sharing. I hope that I can better understand what I can do to help our pastor's wife.
Blessings.
Thank you for the insight. I agree with Mell in Pat that we should be giving these women an extra dose of grace.
Wow. I am a new pastors wife and have begun to taste some of the bitter parts of ministry. I was given so many different pieces of advice when entering into this role, and it really is so hard to know how to act, how open to be and how not to just lash out when you get tired of only hearing the negative. Thanks for sharing this! I wish I could have been there.
one word that bets describes how I feel after seeing this again:
Validation.
Thanks
I was just sobbing watching these. I am an ordained minister AND minister's wife for 14 years today. I have not been in my "own" church for 6 years now and I can say without a doubt it was easier to be the pastor than to be the pastor's wife!
Thank you for the insight. I agree with "Mell n Pat" that we should be pouring out an extra measure of grace on these women.
Lauri
PS...I am now on Google/Blogger and I think I might have already gotten this post thru but I'm no sure...so apologies if this is a repeat...otherwise PTL I'm a bit more technological than before Yea!
Thank you for sharing that. My husband is a youth minister and I feel ALL those things. The hard part is that he is the fall guy: everything is his fault and he isn't respected as a "pastor" or "minister" and that hurts.
However, I know we are doing what God wants and we love it. It makes me want to do better about being an encouragement to him. Thank you for sharing.
Bethany Jett
As a former (or not so former it follows me around a lot) PK (preacher's kid), I have watched my mom, my dad, my family and I go through many difficult things. I haven't sat under a pastor for over four years. I miss church and I want to go but the pain is still so real. Sometimes it hurts to bad to give it to the Lord and be free. Ah. Please pray for the pastors, pastor's wives, and their children.
This is so powerful. The comments were so honest and transparent. Looks like it was an awesome event.
God Bless,
Monica
http://beautifulinjesus.blogspot.com
I am so sorry minister's wives, I am so sorry.
Thanks for the post Amanda. I certainly have a new appreciation for those wives and women!! I WILL pray for them. To you wives of ministers I have a completly new understanding for so many of you. I pray God will bless your homes, children, husbands and your ministries. Most of all I will pray for YOU!!
Thanks you for posting these. It was an incredible reminder for me of the need to be praying for an encouraging the wives of the pastors at my church.
Wow, those are wonderful videos. I wept as I read every word. I am a minister's wife and I have felt and thought most of those things. It is nice to know I am not alone in how I feel, even though many times I feel alone. Thank you for your encouragement to us. :)
Powerful...
Thank you so much for sharing your hearts and your man.
My mother-in-law is a minister's wife, so were both my grandmothers and my mother.
I know enough to know that it takes a very special woman to be married to a minister. Thank you all for all the sacrifices you make for us, both seen and unseen, on a daily basis.
I sat here watching/reading these with major tears welling up in my eyes. I didn't know that my husband was going to come home for lunch today. He did right in the middle of me watching these videos. The timing was truly a God-thing.
We were attenders at our church for 5 years because my husband went on staff there. This helped the transition because I already had a group of friends who saw me as more than "just the children's pastor's wife." This didn't help because people who were our friends "turned" on him for decisions that needed to be made.
I loved the comment, "Sheep bite." AMEN!!! It is so hard to know what is said to my husband in email and in person and then see those people in volunteer leadership roles. I hate the fact that I want to leave the sanctuary when they are on the worship team for the week or that I position my seat so that they are blocked from my view. It hurts so bad...
I love my friends who respect me/my husband enough not to talk about church things in front of me.
I don't like that nearly every social setting we're in means my husband will be talked to about church stuff almost the whole time. He does have a life outside of church, too. Can people let it go and not feel the need to tell him "what needs to change at church" at every social gathering or lunch? Do they not think we have feelings about "what needs to change," too, but have no freedom to share that with anyone?
Even though it is hard (really hard) and my marriage has been under attack (really attacked), I will never back down from looking at my husband and saying, "This is something we were BOTH called to. Not just you. US. And because of that, I can take the fire."
Glory to His name. Glory.
Thank you for posting those touching videos. It is a reminder for me to pray for my ministers wife and their whole family continually.
It is a lot for me to think about, as my husband is going to school to become a minister. I am looking forward to being in the ministry, but I also know that it will not always be easy.
Bless you minister's wives!!!
Brenda
As I read the comments from the ministers' wives, I could not help but think of Billy Graham and his family. How Ruth Bell Graham handled "giving up her husband" to reach people. How she managed to raise 5 kids on her own and did a good job at it. She always said she clung to the Word of God....clung to her God to the very end.....
I'm not sure we think of her when we think of ministers' wives or think of the challenges she experienced over the years being married to Billy Graham and a lifetime of service.
Is it worth it? I can't answer this because I am not a minister's wife. I am a wife and my husband has a different mission in life...one of honesty and caring for people in the business sector. So, I feel like I have experienced some of what these ministers' wives are expressing. It is not easy living life.....it is not easy being married.....it is not easy raising kids....it is not easy working in the corporate world...but we do what we are called to do. Beth tells us we are the generation of today....it is our turn to rise above and do our best....lean on God and make Him Lord of our lives.
At 40, I have standards, but most expectations are completely depleted because of the world we live in today. My mom and I were discussing just recently that the enemy is really throwing damaging darts at the church today. His full impact is not the non-believers, it is the believers. These ministers' wives are speaking candidly and seriously to this very reality.
I'm sorry this is so long, but it breaks my heart to see ministers and their families being attached so blatantly. Quite honestly, it makes me mad and angry to know the enemy is this far behind the our lines!! Oh Lord, our prayer is to keep our eyes on you and live in your Word until you come for us.
Thank you so much for sharing these. I am a minister's wife and can relate to so many of these. It is a lonely to be a pastor's wife but very rewarding to be where God wants you. I like the quote "Sheep sometimes bite". That is true!
Sobbing inside my soul because of my ability to relate to the fishbowl existence--not as a minister's wife like my godly, godly mama is--but as a child of one of the most under-appreciated servants of God Most High that has ever lived. The whole family is called to a life of unreal expectations and an impossible high standard that no lay person puts on him or herself. Until we understand Biblical authority and how much Christ esteems His beloved messengers and get some holy fear of God in us, we will continue to attack each other so that Satan doesn't even have to do it.
Beth, Revelation tells us that God Himself will wipe away all of our tears one day. What will we our crying be for? Will it be for the superficiality of majoring on the minors and not respecting the authority of the shepherd He put over us? Are we so consumed with ourselves that we cause great sorrow to those who need our encouragement the most?
My parents have faithfully served their Christ with lives laid down for almost 50 years. The stamina that they have had certainly has come many times from Him IN SPITE of whom they were serving. Jesus, forgive our nastiness, our slander, and our wounding your anointed ones. If we could only see how piercing that is to the heart of God and how it withholds His blessing, we would pray and encourage and fear criticizing those You have ordained for our spiritual instruction. And be with the wide-eyed, precious ones who are living in his home deciding whether this Body of believers is really for real or just phony. And the ones they are looking at are the ones in his congregation--us.
Our pastors' wives are so precious. It makes my heart hurt to think they have gone though these kinds of emotions. I can relate somewhat as a career teacher/educator, and how people put big expectations upon us as well. I will remember these posts when I see the "first ladies" of our church, and offer up a special prayer for them. Thank you Beth, for doing this event for these very special people.
As I watched the videos and read the comments, tears just welled up in my eyes. It just breaks my heart to get a glimpse of their pain. It gives me even more specific ways to pray for these women. Had to chuckle on the "we'd smoke something if we could" comment. I know that there are also many minister's wives who are out there thriving and serving, but we all get weary at times. May we lavish some love and mercy on these previous women!
Absolutely overwhelmed by your comments ladies. May you be a group for which we unceasingly pray...
I have to say that My Mother-in-law was a Pastor's wife (they just recently retired) and I had been dating their son since about 2001 and up had been attending their church.. well It wasn't just the pastor's wife that is often talked about in the sermon.. I ened up living with them for 2.5 years while my then fiance served in Japan and Iraq and I couldn't tell you how many stories were told about my life and things I had done or said.. I have great respect for a pastor's family as a whole because while I only did it for about 4 years I could not imagine do it all my life. it was hard as some of the things I would have rather they just been left alone. And I was "suppose" to dress a certain way etc.
I have to say that My Mother-in-law was a Pastor's wife (they just recently retired) and I had been dating their son since about 2001 and up had been attending their church.. well It wasn't just the pastor's wife that is often talked about in the sermon.. I ened up living with them for 2.5 years while my then fiance served in Japan and Iraq and I couldn't tell you how many stories were told about my life and things I had done or said.. I have great respect for a pastor's family as a whole because while I only did it for about 4 years I could not imagine doing it all my life. it was hard as some of the things I would have rather they just been left alone. I also could not dress like the rest of the teenagers in my church with their jeans and tshirts I wore stalkings and heels and dress suits much like my mother in law..
Those comments from the pastor's wives have left me speechless. First of all, I want to thank them for being so candid and for sharing them with us. And now, like so many others I want to go pour out alot of love on the wives of our pastors at our church. And I will be more diligent about praying for them all. Thank you for sharing all of this with us!
Sacha
As a pastor's wife, I can relate to these videos on many, many levels. Thank you for making me feel like I am not alone.
as a minister's kid, i just watched and nodded my head throughout all the videos. i have never known so many back-stabbing, vindictive people but through the church, the very ones that are suppose to be drawing in the lost. why would anyone want to be a part of that?
i have also seen pastors brought to a breaking point, that they become emotionally unstable and turn on their staff. they can confide in no one but their wives. what a large burden to bear.
I read these comments and weep. I couldhave written them all. I am sooo tired of serving 24/7. People don't realize how many families are sacrificed to the "church" . My husband works 80-90 hours a week, and has little time left for us. He is exhausted, frustrated and severely underpaid. If i could go back, I would never choose this road again.
I will be praying for all minister's wives! Many thanks for all the women who shared their hurts and frustrations! I know that I personally had no idea! You are all such special and amazing women! May we all have a new apprecaition for what goes in behind the scenes, and deep in these women's hearts!
Thank you so very much for this insight into the life of the minister's wife. I am humbled by their thoughts. It gives me a new perspective. We have an interim pastor right now, and his wife is such a blessing. I surely want to be faithful to pray for these ladies. Deidra
Wow, I don't know what I expected but that sure wasn't it. I guess I'm naive. Thank you for opening my eyes.
Thanks so much for posting this. As a pastor's wife, it's just so freeing to know that if I feel any of this at times, (and I have), that it doesn't make me alone or less of a believer.
Or unworthy of the calling my husband has.
Thank you again.
What powerful videos. I am a minister's wife and can agree with every comment made. Unfortunately, the comments that were positive, I have to admit, my first thought was, "Well, they haven't been in ministry long enough.". It is truly a very lonely path sometimes. One that is critiqued at every turn. However, I wasn't guaranteed a bed of roses when we were called. Blessed are the persecuted for my name's sake!
Thank you very, very much for sharing this. It was a much needed perspective, really an eye opener. Thank you again for bringing these things out into the light.
Wow. I'm deeply humbled. Breathless and without words, really. Grateful more than I can express for the daily sacrifice and service you willingly give. I'll now pray for pastors' wives with new zeal, empathy, and fervor. Thank you.
Props to Stephen Proctor and to the vulnerability of these women.
I had no idea. My eyes have been opened, and my heart has been flooded with compassion.
Kelli
I LOVE YOU TRACY B. (my pastor's wife gsbc)
I originally read this post (watched the videos) about 4 hours ago. I'm back because the minister's wives comments in the videos have haunted me and caused me to examine my heart in how I have treated our pastor's wife. If I wasn't at work I'd be down on my knees asking the Lord's forgiveness.
Thank you, Beth and LPM, for heeding the Lord's call to put on this conference for minister's wives and thank you for sharing with the rest of us some of their challenges. I stand convicted.
This really hit my heart. I struggle with my husband's work associates and how intimately my husband knows them just because they work so closely day in and day out.
It is a real struggle. My scripture cards have really helped me not fear and to replace the negative thoughts with God's thoughts.
I'm a pastor's wife who commented on the original but was not able to attend the conference. Thanks for giving us a taste. Thank you also to the many women who have left sweet and merciful comments today. Be sure to spread those on to your pastor's wife; she needs them. To the commentor who said she had tried to invite their pastor and his wife over for dinner several times without success, don't give up. Sometimes we ministry families do indeed confuse people's sincere invitations with just another invitation to "talk church." Assure the wife that you just want to hang out and get to know them personally. Steer away from church talk as much as possible and you will probably make a great friend. I'm going to specifically pray that your efforts go well and are well received by your pastor and his wife.
Thanks Beth and Amanda for sharing this little bit about ministers' wives. It is a peculiar role, but such a blessing too.
you were right.
we should know these things.
we should pray more, love more, and remember our pastor's families more often.
thanks.
Oh wow! I am in tears from laughing and crying. Thank you for posting these comments. From a PW: THANK YOU!!! I don't have time to watch the other 2 videos b/c I have to leave for "church" soon...and don't want my eyes to be swollen! LOL B/c ALL PW's know that everyone will want to know what is WRONG??? ha ha ha LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!! Can't wait to watch the other 2 videos.
All these comments are right on.....so true! To all those women out there who hold us up in prayer - thank you so very much!
Thank you for sharing these. I wish I could have went to the conference!
From a pastors wife!
I'm going to comment anonymously today...many of those comments on the video I echo in my heart. I'm afraid that one day, I'm going to burst. Like the first anonymous I'm tired of my husband treating those he "ministers" to better than he does me and my daughter. Part of me wants to call him out on it in front of everyone. I know this sounds bitter and angry. It is something I have to pray about daily. Sometimes I wonder if I married the right person...I'm so tired of it all. I'm so tired of not being "myself".
I am not a minister's wife, but I have always had a heart for them and what it must be like.
I noticed that many, many wives said their marriages were under attack.
Campus Crusade for Christ's Family Life department offers FREE conferences to their A Weekend to Remember for pastors and their wives.
This could be a huge blessing to our pastors and their wives.
You can google it for more info.
Thank you for sharing this post. I am not a pastor's wife but I felt so much compassion as I read through their comments. The comment that really got me was "sometimes sheep bite." Oh, ladies (myself included), may we learn how to use our mouths in ways that are more pleasing to our Father....to edify and encourage one another.
I hate so much I wasn't able to attend this conference but thankfully, it was because I was at a retreat with the women from my own congregation whom I love dearly - and I'm pretty certain love me back.
I hope this was a time for to refocus on the positives of ministry. There are so very many wonderful things about serving Christ by loving His people even when they don't seem to appreciate the time and emotional energy we pour into it.
When I get discouraged, I claim Hebrews 12:3-4 which says, "Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood."
I'm not at all diminishing the difficulties, believe me, I've experienced a belly full. But truly, this life is about perspective. If God wasn't continually giving me a fresh dose of that, I would have begged Luke to quit a long time ago. As it is, if he told me he was leaving ministry I would curl up in a ball and die!
I thank you all who expressed such honest feelings. You have opened many eyes ~ including my own. I pray for all of you, and will now be more mindful of finding ways to encourage the ministers wives in my own church.
I am completely overwhelmed. I am literally turning off my computer this minute and going hug my minister's wife! I love her so much, and I'm pretty sure she knows it, but I feel a holy compulsion to remind her RIGHT NOW!
Wow. Can I just say that while reading all of those comments I could agree with almost all of them. The woman who commented about having it hard to share her husband with emotionally needy women. That is hard for anyone to see. Thank you again ladies for this. And thank you for the encouragement and eficiation that is so needed!!!! Sometimes we feel completely lonely and that we have no one to turn to help share our burdens.
Blessings,
Tiff~
thank you.
Oh how my heart goes out to all these women!
I am not a ministers wife. Watching these videos brought tears to my eyes.
Thank you for sharing these.
Wow. I'm not a minister's wife, but as I read each statement, I could see how true they were. I pray we - as the Body of Christ - learn to grow up IN HIM in all things... that we will not be takers from our pastors, their wives, and their children... but that we will be givers to them, instead. I pray this changes our prayer lives where our pastors are concerned.
Thanks so much for this eye opening post.
Tears are pouring down my face as I think of my mother, a pastor's wife. The children (like me) see and feel a lot of the same. Don't think for a minute they don't. I'm 40 and the memories get the best of me sometimes. Oh, the stories! God sees and knows! As a young teen, I just knew by the Holy Spirit within me, that I had to always press toward the mark. God is faithful. (Oh, I didn't marry a pastor. God answered that prayer.) I'm still serving him. I've beat the odds. Praise God!
I have had great concern for my own pastor wife, pastor family for that matter. As much as I appreciate the insight, I would also like to know what I can do to help support my pastor family. I pray and give words of encouragement but sometimes I would like to do more but don't know what.
This was timely. The best way Satan can get in is from the inside out, not so noticable. I have seen the way the body of Christ acts, both good and bad. I come from a family with pastors for over 8 generations. I can remember my grandmother taking off her shoes and pounding them together to shake the dust from her feet because the church they were ministering at would not accept the Gospel. My favorite comment out of those was "Sometimes sheep bite". God forgive us for the way we have acted and help us to help our shepherds instead of hindering them.
Lisa in Kirkland, WA
Thank you. It is very lonely place sometimes. Reading these comments, reminds me that I am not alone, and makes it a little less lonely.
My husband was a minister for many years. I remember many of those feelings...and then some. My sweet husband was more supportive to me than I was to him, I think. He let so much just slide off of him, in situations where I wanted to be "loud".
I need to affirm my pastor's wives more.
Melana
THANK YOU SO MUCH AMANDA FOR SHARING WITH US SEISTAS, I WOULD HAVE NEVER GUESSED OR EVEN KNEW HOU MUCH MINISTERS WIFES OR PASTORS SUFFERED LIKE THAT, IT SURE MADE ME STOP DEAD IN MY TRACKS AND THINK ABOUT MY PASTOR AND HIS WIFE AND A FEW OTHERS WE WILL DEFINTLEY BE PRAYING FOR THESE GODLY MAN AND WOMAN WHO SERVE US DAILY. I WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY AS WELL, ALSO I WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOUR MOTHER AS WELL SHE IS AN AWESOME LADY AND SHE ROCKS. THOSE MININSTERS WIFES WERE BLESS TO HAVE YOUR MOTHER THERE TO SPEAK I PRAY THEY WERE ALL BLESSED AND WALKED AWAY WITH A NEW REVIVAL IN THERE HEARTS. LOVE CAROL ALBUQ. N.M.
Thank you for posting these. It helps so much to know that we are not alone--loneliness is a common struggle for me. Even other minister's wives (at least in the tradition in which my husband serves) are often stand-off-ish to one another. I don't get it!
Beth, you certainly have the heart to minister to us and I thank my God for you and your ministry! I'll take more of your ministering any time the Lord leads you! :)
I never knew it was so hard and lonely to be a minister's wife. Thank you for sharing. It has opened up a new avenue of prayer for me.
Amanda: I LOVED THESE while there, and I am so glad to have the privilege to read them again, and I love the soulful music that accompanies them. When I was at the conference this weekend, these heartfelt thoughts from my peers touched me beyond measure and I literally WEPT (and laughed...)!
This conference was hands down the best I have ever attended. You could tell it was much prayed for.
I have never felt so safe and so loved and the prayer time for the widow of Rev. Winters was a time I will never forget. To hear 1,200 women praying together!
Beth's messages and the worship time with Travis were so on. I loved the hymn sing on Saturday morning!
I sure love y'all and this blog community is so great!
Love,
Georgia Jan
I'm not a Minister's wife, but I now have a whole new appreciation for the sacrifices they make...wow!! Thank you so much for sharing!
I have been a Pastor's wife for twenty five years. It has been the hardest thing I have ever done (next to being married and being a mother) - but I would not trade any of it. We have been in many churches - many "killer" churches, I can honestly say that it has been worth the journey (years at our current Sr. pastor position)to be where we are today. I want to encourage you fellow sisters - it is not an easy road, but if God has called your husband - put your feet in his shoes, walk his shoes to the closet (praying all the while) and KNOW, you are called too. This is not a job - it is a calling, if it wasn't I would never have made it this far.
My heart has been burdened for our staff wives, thanks for the videos Beth - amazing. I plan to show them to my pastor, husband, keeper of my heart, and hopefully to the church. How timely.
ONWARD Christian Soldiers!!!
Wow. I have a whole new perspective on ministers' wives. Thank you for the insight.
Thank you, dear pastor's wives, for sharing your heart with us. I know I am not alone in saying that all YOU do for your congregations is so appreciated and valued. You are so, so dearly loved first and foremost by your heavenly Father, and also by the women like me you so faithfully serve. I loved reading these posts...now I have more specific direction on how to pray for my pastor's wife and all pastor's wives in general.
Love,
Kristen
Wow, very moving videos.
I, too, have a new insight to a Pastor's Wife. I've always been told I'd make a good Pastor's Wife... we'll see what God has in store. I've been in children's ministries for over 10 years and can feel some of those things. I'm praying for all the Pastor's Wives out there! :)
Thank you! Although I'm not a christian and not sure if I ever will be, something keeps bringing me back to this blog. So thank you to everyone who shares on this blog.
P.S. I love music of any kind! What is the music played on the videos of "The Life of a Minister's Wife"?
I am so writing a letter to my Pastor's wife now...I so love her and don't tell her often enough.
Thank you Beth for loving these amazing women of God who are so often over looked.
Amanda, you are a treasure and I hope you know how loved you are.
Very moving videos. My heart breaks that so many minister's wives are hurting so badly. My husband has been a senior pastor for over 10 years. All I can say is that we are very blessed. I absolutely love being his support. We share the joys and we share the hurts. Is it always easy? No. But we love our church with all that we have and they feel the same about the two of us and our two kids. He does a great job of balancing our family and church. We are the exact same people in our home that we are in front of our church.
I am praying for those of you who are in difficult situations.
Wives of ministers, y'all deserve more than a two-day conference. Really. Maybe a two-week cruise...beginning on a Sunday and ending on a Sunday!
I know your heart loves Jesus. And you battle hard against the enemy that comes to steal, kill and destroy. Beth's messages must have really ministered to you all so much! Only Jesus Christ can carry the burdens you all are carrying.
May the Holy Spirit comfort you, direct you and protect you. One negative comment must NEVER trump a dozen positive comments you receive. And yes, set your heart to pleasing God and no other. Put on the whole armor of God and when you have done all...stand. You are mighty warriors of The LORD. And sometimes the greatest place for battle is on your knees in prayer.
I love you all. Young or old. Weary or resting. Real or masked. You are all my sisters-in-Christ. And when you hurt, I hurt. I am so sorry for all you go through. I will hold all your shared, anonymous LAMENTING in a very tender and precious place in my heart. May God turn your mourning into dancing.
And just like Paul said...may we greet each other with a holy kiss because we love each other, as the Father loves us.
He adores you, minister's wives. He prepared this past weekend for you. Take heart and press on. Your reward is coming...
Shonda, I am so glad you stopped by the blog. I am not certain what the music is on the video. I, too, really enjoyed it and will ask my Mom tomorrow and get back to you on here.
These videos are very enlightening. I had no idea exactly what pastor's wives faced. The world and even the church can be a mean place. Forgiveness and perseverance, unconditional love, constant filling of the spirit! To truly care for other's souls (Phil. 2:20). Balance in ministry, marriage, and family time. He is able. Pastor's wives are some women who need prayer and encouragement!! My older sis will be one soon...I am def her prayer partner for life!
1 Peter 4:12-14
1 Peter 4:13 (AMP)
"But insofar as you are sharing Christ's sufferings, rejoice, so that when His glory [full of radiance and splendor] is revealed, you may also rejoice with triumph [exultantly]."
Blessings, Love in HIM, ((HUGS)) to the pastor's wives!
katiegfromtennessee
Thanks for the encouragement, but honestly I'd still give anything to have another calling. I hate nights like tonight when church members are so hateful. I wish we could get out!!! Sorry to be so angry, but I need to vent!!
Wow, "Sometimes sheep bite". Thanks to all the women who opened up their hearts to teach my heart how to love on our Minister's wives.
Peace,
Kim Feth
Apex, NC
Dear Pastors' Wives,
Thank you for these comments. Thank you for laying down YOUR lives. Know, please know, you do have sisters who are lifting you up in prayer. Hang in there, for great is your reward (Heb 10:35).
In love,
Amy
Thank you so much for this post. The Lord has opened my heart to pray without ceasing for these precious servants of God.
Love,
Sharon
Thank you for sharing our heart we cannot, our feelings we cannot, our comments we cannot, our burden we cannot, our souls we cannot but our husbands and his time and talents we do. SB
Shonda (and Melissa)
On Vimeo, it says that the music is from the Glory Road soundtrack featuring Alicia Keys.
Beth,
I have had the privledge of serving with some of the most incredible Pastors and their wonderful wives. One in particular in Arkansas comes to mind. We were in a small town called Wynne where everybody knows everybody. I remember how very hurtful the "Body" became to this pastor's family when God called them to another church. It was heartbreaking. All was great until they had to go....HAD TO GO (you understand....God called!!!)
I remember a pastor's wife, friend of mine who said to me once....."everyone assumes you have a lot of friends and you don't. You have to be so guarded with everyone, for fear of someone turning or twisting words you said or did not say."
These hardworking women are just human like we are. They bleed when cut, cry when hurt, they need rest when they are tired, they need to have family time, romance and dreams. They are not super human!!! They are called to do the hardest of all jobs it seems. Helping to lead lost souls to eternity.....it is an incredible responsibility.
Beth,
I have had the privledge of serving with some of the most incredible Pastors and their wonderful wives. One in particular in Arkansas comes to mind. We were in a small town called Wynne where everybody knows everybody. I remember how very hurtful the "Body" became to this pastor's family when God called them to another church. It was heartbreaking. All was great until they had to go....HAD TO GO (you understand....God called!!!)
I remember a pastor's wife, friend of mine who said to me once....."everyone assumes you have a lot of friends and you don't. You have to be so guarded with everyone, for fear of someone turning or twisting words you said or did not say."
These hardworking women are just human like we are. They bleed when cut, cry when hurt, they need rest when they are tired, they need to have family time, romance and dreams. They are not super human!!! They are called to do the hardest of all jobs it seems. Helping to lead lost souls to eternity.....it is an incredible responsibility.
Wow, thanks so much for sharing that with us- both LPM and all the pastor's wives. That was truly powerful, and has given me a new perspective. Thank you.
I know I am echoing a lot of these comments, but as a pastor's wife I want to say thnak you. It is reassuring to know that I am not alone in my emotions. But it is equally encouraging to see all the comments from women who are not minister's wives that now "get it". Thank you.
Excellently done gang!
You hit right to the matter! Thanks for a great up-close and personal look at some very special people!
Such a poignant post. I've passed it on to some friends of mine who are in ministry. Sometimes it helps just to know you are not alone. I hope they will feel encouraged and validated. Thanks for sharing this!
My best friend in the whole world is my pastor's wife. I had just became a beliver when they came to the church I was attending. I know that she felt many of things you all have mentioned in your comments. The spiritual attack on the ministry and on pastor's and their wives is never ending and absolutlely overwhelming. It's hard to believe that most of the attacks come from the Body of Christ but they do and the scars they leave are deep. I would just like to say to all of you...Bless your hearts for your sacrifice and your faithfulness to press on. May God bless each one of you with a faithful girlfriend you can laugh with, cry with, pray with and love. Thank you Beth and LPM for your ministry to these wonderful women. Lifting you up in prayer, Pastor's wives you are not alone...even if it seems that way at times. The comment "Sometimes Sheep Bite" was so very sad and so very true.
Heb 10:35-36
Very beautiful work. The videos and the amazing women sharing their hearts. I commented on the original post and realized then how liberating it was to have a voice protected under that "anonymous" label. :-) This is a gift for minister's wives. We are not alone.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. This video has given me a new appreciation for all minister's wives and their families. I have a couple of ministers within my family and this truly does bring a new understanding of them.
God Bless you Amanda, God Bless Curtis and your lovely children and of course your ministering lovely Mom!
Nancy
Stockbridge, GA
WOW. My heart is bleeding and I can't stop crying. Thank you so much for sharing the hearts of these precious women with us. It has opened up my eyes in so many ways. I know how to better pray for my pastors now... I love them so much and I'm sure they're going thru the same things. I pray God will give us a heart to pray and to be an encouragement to them.
Whoa. Who knew? I'd never thought of the 'other' side of this in this respect. I've been one of those that have been too judgemental at times. For instance, we've had the same pastor for 30 years. His wife doesn't wear make-up, sits in the back of the church and never gets involved in anything with the women of the church. As much as I love her, I've always thought she should do more. BUT, at the same time, she raised five children - 3 of her own and 2 that were orphaned as young teens when their parents were killed in a car accident and she worked full time. She always said "I didn't marry a preacher." She didn't. He was called to the ministry after they were married and started having babies. I always thought that was a cold statement. Perhaps not. Thank you for sharing this with us today. My heart has turned. Not only will I be more compassionate towards her, but I will also be more on the ready to defend her.
Beth, thank you for listening to us.
I couldn’t stop crying as I watched the videos.
To every pastor’s wife:
I pray a double portion of God’s blessing, grace and peace upon you. I pray for His protection over your marriage, your family, and the ministry he has called you to. I pray that you are given strength and endurance for each day and each situation.
Thank you Beth for being faithful to minister to women who so often go unnoticed and unappreciated. Thank you for opening my eyes to new ways I need to give back to our pastor and his wife.
God bless each one of you.
One of His grateful sheep,
Kim
I have a friend who is a missionary wife. When I hear her describe their longing to be with family, bugs in their rice and almost being killed by the natives in their village it really helps me to put my life in perspective. I once complained to her about church issues and she said, "Girl, time to roll up your sleeves and get dirty." God knew I needed her as a friend.
I am so moved to read these messages...I am not a pastor's wife but this brought tears to my eyes and I will definitely pray differently now for my pastors' wives!
I loved these this weekend, and I love them now. Some made me cry and some made me laugh.
I am in such a good church right now, but I know the bitter taste of some churches that consider my husband the "hired hand". I am praying for those hurting wives. I was once there and could be there again so quickly.
These videos were sooo powerful! I am not a preachers wife- and there hae been times I was very judgmental about their lives. Thank you for opening my eyes! God touched me (once again) thru this blog! I email/wrote letters to all my pastors wives just to encourage them! Thank you again!!!
I work in a large church as a ministry support person and fear that our "activities" and "ministries" are sucking the very life out of these couples. Many of them have young children. I appreciate the raw honesty in these videos. Thank God for real women like Beth Moore and a few others who these ladies can dare to reveal their struggles to. Thank God.
Wow! I never knew. Let us all pray for those who are spiritually feeding us.
Thank you for posting these. I wanted so badly to attend the conference, but was unable. I've been married to my husband for 3 years this year, have been in a relationship with him for about 7, all of which have been during his ministry.
In those seven years, and over the course of going from girlfriend to wife, I've lost some very dear female friends because I now demand more of my husband's time and energy than I did as a girlfriend, I suppose. He has made some decisions based on what was best for his marriage, and as a result we are now constantly the topic of gossip among several ladies.
I sing, a position my husband appoints(I'm not the only singer), and now my position on stage as a worship leader is called to question because of our relationship. Behind my back my motives are questioned, actually their not questioned, I'm just accused of being a diva and getting to sing because my husband is worship pastor.
His dad is really sick right now (has been given a limited time to live) and some of the ladies have made comments like, "he can respond to emails about his dad, but when I have a question it takes him forever".
I never thought going into this role that I would reach a point where I hated the church and the people of the church, but I'm there. It's tough because I know my husband is doing what he is supposed to be doing (and that I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing for that matter) and that all of this is just persecution and the effects of a fallen world.
But I still bleed when the sheep bite, as so appropriately described in an earlier post. It's very hard to be loving to people who don't make it a secret that they dislike you, especially when they were once your close friends.
Thank you for allowing me to see that others are experiencing similar situations, it helps me to not feel quite so much like there's something wrong with me that makes them hate me so much.
I'm sorry. Please forgive me.
I am not a pastor's wife but have a very dear friend who is. I have watched what they endure and what it requires from her, her husband, and their children. Thank you for doing what you did for pastor's wives. They had to have been nurtured by God just by having that silent voice with you over the blog.
Some of those statements just broke my heart! Why does church have to be so hard? Especially for the ministers and their wives? I'm thankful that -so far- my biggest challenges in being a minister's wife are the time crunch and disillusionment. But even those should not be as bad as they are!
This was moving on so many levels! Thank you to all the pastors' wives who shared their hearts. You have given me a small window of understanding and greater compassion.
The Church was not meant to function like this! My heart is broken for the way we have turned away from our First Love. Jesus is coming back for a bride who is radiant, not one who is broken.
Oh LORD, let us remember 1 Cor. 12specifically v 25, "so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other". Let us commit to love the Lord with all our hearts and love each other more than we love ourselves. Jesus, make us love sick for you that we could get another glimpse (revelation) of Your reality. Change us God! In the meantime, take these ashes and provide a crown of beauty, raise up these oaks of righteousness that they would be a display of Your splendor! Repair the hearts Lord. Center the gaze of those who have been wounded, who sacrifice and offer themselves as a fragrant offering for you. May their jaw be set as flint Lord while their heart remains tender and available for Your work. Give them strength and joy in the midst of their circumstances. Spirit come, move, ignite our hearts for a passionate relationship with the Godhead.
Only in Jesus Name,
Amen
so many of the comments brought me to tears. what a hard and lonely road our dear sisters walk.
let's pray for them daily.
Lord, help me to be a better friend and prayer warrior from my pastor's wife, Leslie.
hugs,
mary
I sit here VERY humbled. Ministers wive will become a part of my prayer list. I knew they struggled, but never realized how much. Thank you ladies!
I heard the conference was wonderful (from a minister's wife, of course).
Thank you Beth and Co. for ministering to those who minister to us.
The quote "some sheep bite" really affected me. Ouch! Just wanted you all to know many are praying for our ministers and their families. Again, I thank you for building up the body of Christ!
With a grateful heart,
Kathy
Love,
Kathy
Thank you....I have a whole new respect, and new prayers.
Amanda, thank you sweetie for this post.I knew of some of the struggles pastors wives dealt with, but I sure didn't know alot of them.
We Sisters in Christ need to lift those women up in prayer daily.
Dear Heavenly father, would you please reach down and touch each pasotrs wife today, strengthen her, bless her, hide her behind your cross. Touch her heavy heart, fill her lonliness, heartbreks,and strugles. Give them dear Father a 'real' godly firend she can have go through her life with, one she can count on. Help us Father remember these Sisters who work hard and are not noticed or appreceiated. Who are commemnted about in unkind ways. Bathe them in your love Dear Father. In Jesus name I pary. -Amen
Yous sister in Christ
Amanda -
Thank you so much for making us award of the struggles our sisters in Christ are having.
We are at war aren't we? a Spiritual war. They need our love, support and mostly our prayers.
Pastors wives in the USA.....what can I do to help you?
Becky/Brentwood
WOW!
I am just sobbing!
The testimonies,music, and videos we amazing and so touching
I want to call my minister's wife and tell her how much I love and appreciate her
We often pray for our pastors but forget their wives - not anymore
Thank you
Kim
I am bawling my eyes out right now. Some of those comments tore my heart out. I am committing today to pray for my pastor and his wife and family more than I have in the past. I had no idea the "junk" that our sweet pastors wives face. God help them in their fight, help them to stay the course.
Wow, these are so awesome. I'm not anywhere close to being someone's wife right now. I won't even sit near a man until I finish school (which will be in December!Yay!)
But reading the realness of these women, it just gives me so much respect for them.
I have watched these now twice and wept both times. I am not a pastor's wife, and I had no idea of the hurt and stress of that calling. I hope that we all will use this as a reminder to pray a hedge of protection around our pastors and their families and for the Lord to "set a guard at our lips" that our words would be kind and not "bite" the shepherd who is so diligently praying and watching over us.
It is our job as the body of Christ to pray over our pastors and their families daily. I commit to do a better job of being a "sheep".
Melissa - I believe the music on the video is from the movie soundtrack "Glory Road" featuring Alicia Keyes.
I am a minister's daughter. I wouldn't trade that heritage for anything. Growing up though, I knew one thing. I didn't want to marry a preacher. I often resented the expectations placed on me and my family by church members. It has taken me years of drinking in the REAL Jesus to overcome the habits and mindsets I acquired living in a bubble. But to God be the glory! It made me who I am today. Instead of marrying a preacher, God called ME to ministry as a Bible teacher and writer of studies. Wow, never saw that one coming.I went kicking and screaming for a while, but then realized to serve My Jesus in ANY capacity is an honor and to share Him with others is Divine.
My heart BREAKS for minister's wives struggling. My Mom has struggled for years. I think she'd like to quit going to church one day as well,if she thought she could without dishonoring my Daddy. Years of neglect from members and almost abuse from a senior pastor have caused deep wounds. My brother, a pastor, is now without a job after his wife of 20 years left in October. The pain is there and its deep and multi-layered. There is no other experience on the planet like ministry. To understand it, you have to live it. It's that simple. Thank you for offering this conference to these women. THEY NEED IT! May God reach into each of their lives and love on them in an endearing way and show Himself mighty on behalf of His Beloved.
I'm so thankful to have been a part of the weekend. I am brand new to my calling as a pastor's wife, even though I am in my late forties; and I learned so much from these precious women of all ages and stages.
The most sacred, humbling part for me, (though there were many) was at the end of Beth's teaching Saturday morning, when she shared about a young neighbor and ended by saying in an awed whisper, "Ladies, we work for God. We work for God!" I am weeping just recalling that electric moment.
Even as our amazing Savior suffered the worst to secure the best for us, how privileged are we to endure hardship for His precious, precious name. The prayers and outpourings of love here on this page will be tucked into my heart as a great comfort as I begin this journey of the rest of my life. I hope I can always be, as that precious sister said, "a maidservant to those my shepherd husband serves."
I would like to say thank you to all of you out there who are the wives of pastors and to those who serve in the ministry in other capacities. I have been in the ministry on several occasions. first at a camp and then in a church. the camp was awesome -- we seemed so unified. the church work was awful. i saw sides to church staff i didn't want to see. everyone was in it for their area without regard to others. i hated it. i can't imagine what all you go through and without any affirmation or appreciation, but instead a big helping of judgement! thank you for all you do! Jesus sees every bit of it!
love in Christ,
Kimberly, alabama
Wow!
Who knew. I am so glad that the ministers wives shared their, thoughts, concerns, feelings and hearts with the rest of us. When I read them I saw truth in each comment. It hurts to see how we as the sheep view our shepards and their families. How difficult for them to deal with us always looking for the faults or for their failings.
I have a whole new respect for Pastors, their wives and their families. My heart goes out to them as well as my prayers.
Thanks for opening my eyes, and I pray that God's calling on your lives never dims because of the actions of some of the flock but that instead you see the difference you make in the lives of those who are following God's plan because YOU are faithful to your calling.
Thank you and God Bless You all!
Love, Lori
Thank you so much. Being a pastor's wife, I related to so much of that.
-- Anonymous
BTW, I'm not surprised at all the comments by "Anonymous." That's how it goes with wives like us. And that's ok.
What a humbling thing, I cannot even imagine all that ministers wives and their families go through. Thank you so much for sharing with us and highlighting what they go through. Makes me SO much appreciate all the more our own pastor's wife, whom I already love dearly. She truly has the heart of Christ.
Praying for you all - with much LOVE in Christ.
As a single woman, one of my dreams is marrying the man that I will serve the Lord with. At times I have wondered about what it would be like to be a minister's wife. Thanks for the honest look into what that is like. Beautiful and difficult! I have so much more respect for these wives after seeing their thoughts! Bless you all!
My husband has stepped away from ministry because of the "constraints" that are placed on him to perform in a way that God hasn't gifted him too. Churches don't understand that its not about performing its about participating and it doesn't always happen inside the church walls. We can't be all things to all people, yet are expected too! Sometimes I've felt that ministry comes first, no matter what! and I wonder, myself, if I would lay my life down for anyone there. Christians "hurt" out of Christian "love".
Thank you for bringing out a video of what we truly feel without judgment. . . its a blessing to know that we aren't walking the journey of ministry alone.
I have a dear friend who is a Pastor's wife. She and I worked closely together in ministry and shared our hearts and our lives with one another. She could vent to me about her husband and know my heart would not change toward him as my pastor. She hurt so badly because the pressures on her husband as the Pastor were so great, expectations and demands so high and his well-being so threatened by the demands of being a small town preacher.
Let's face it, most Pastor's are not just under-shepherds. They are expected to be grief, marriage and life counselors/coaches, they are expected to be "in-human" without all the faults, the needs and the messies that make up life for the "congregation." They make a judgment call or a bad decision and it is up for discussion at the next business meeting.
I used to cringe when I realized my Pastor was defending himself in a message from the pulpit. Not necessarily because he needed to defend himself, but because the people of our church had left him feeling he needed to defend himself. Sometime the church shoots its wounded, and unfortunately those who are most grievously wounded are those who minister at the top.
We have since left that particular congregation, but that man and his wife will forever be my spiritual mom and dad. They walked me through growing up in the Lord and some of the stickiest, messiest and ugliest moments of our life in the last ten years. They loved us deep and long, imperfect as they are and they still cheer us on like a couple of their kids gone off to college. They are sweet and precious memories and blessings to us still.
I recently went to visit her one morning from a prompting of the Lord. I just drove to her house. I went in to share the most wonderful news, but as I did and reminded her of some of the miracles we witnessed together she broke down and cried. She and her husband had come under personal attack (again) and she was under it. So we pulled out the Word and read it... we prayed it and I reminded her the assault was coming because they were doing the Lord's will. She acknowledged it but she also said it hurt her so deeply.
"I won't trust anyone anymore. I just can't. You have no idea how hard this is. I just want to walk up to those people and hit him for hurting me and my husband. But, I have to go in and smile and be nice and pretend nothing has happened."
My heart broke in two for her. Jesus come turn the tables in houses where the focus is on the external and not the internal. Thank you that you judge a man by his heart and not his outward appearance.
From this heart please accept my heartfelt thanks as one of many who have been your friends in time of need. "We love you. We appreciate you. We see your sacrifice and hear your heart. I'm so sorry that you've been hurt by members of your church like me. That we have thought ill of you, talked about you behind your back and started discensions and misgiving in the congregation. I'm so sorry we judged you harshly based on our standard when our own lives were never up to parr. I'm truly sorry that you have to protect yourself from the likes of me and that you feel you cannot trust anyone at all. I'm sorry you are tired, and threatened by all the people who share your husband's care and concern. We should consider you more, and I for one will. You bless us beyond measure and you are graceful beyond words. God is so pleased with you and He loves you with all His heart, and I do, too."
Blessings to you, My Pastor's Wife.
I, too, am a pastor's wife and can relate to many of these comments. Sheep do bite and sometimes those bites cut deeply and take a long time to heal.
These words are so true. Watching my mother as a pastor's wife truly broke my heart everyday. People heap their concerns and criticisms on her, she worked all day, then came home to be additionally burdened by her also stressed out husband and children. With no one to share her heartache with, she spoke only to God and it was enough for her. There needs to be more support in place for the wonderful, lovely ladies serving as "pastor's wife".
I would encourage anyone who wants to pray for their Pastor and his wife to go download the 30 day challenges here: http://www.reviveourhearts.com/challenge/
It is life changing to fervently pray into not only your pastor's life but his wife's. This was something I was lead to do many years ago after our pastor's wife shared her heart with me. I still daily lift her up.
These comments pierced my heart. I pray for all of you that so openly shared. I also pray for all of you that didn't share. Know I will forever remember these comments.
Love to all,
Melissa
I am overwhelmed and undone. I want to say a huge THANK YOU to all of you ministers wives. You are the best! Don't give up on us sheep, I know you won't!
Could you post Tavis' "Before he speaks" video....
Thanks so much for sharing those!! One of my best friends is a pastor's wife and in confidence she has shared some of those same feelings to me. I copied the linked to that blog and sent it to her to watch. She appreciated it so much and it comforted her to see that other pastors wives feel the same way at times that she does.
Thanks again!!
I am not a minister's wife but I know several, including my minister's sweet, sweet wife. I can honestly say that, until I read this post and got to know my minister's wife, that I never gave much thought to exactly what the life of a minister's wife is like. I can honestly say that this was a HUGE eye opener for me and will help me to better pray for my minister's wife.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Yours together in Christ,
Stephanie Barnes
Douglasville, GA
Working with many minister's wives, I can definitely attest to some of these. However, after these videos, my heart so goes out to them. Their lives are truly lived in an unperfect fishbowl that they sometimes want so badly to be perfect. Or really, the outsiders think they should be perfect. How dare us! Thank you for sharing these!
After watching these comments and reading the posts I find myself nearly weeping. I can relate with almost every woman here. I too am a senior Pastor's wife. One of my differences is my man desperately loves me and is the same at home as he is in the pulpit. Had it not been for the humbling of what we call our "wilderness" in the ministry neither of us may be who we are. We have been married in the ministry for 18 years, my husband was in the ministry for about 5 years previous to our marriage. We have experienced that the world comes to church and often still acts much like the world. Lost people act lost. When the Holy Spirit is not welcome in the life of a believer or in His church, He is silent, grieved, but silent until there is sorrow that leads to repentance. We have endured much, lost much, grieved those losses, still grieving some. But this I know; I cannot imagine any other life. When we retire, if we ever do, I think we will still find a way to invest in people even though we will be flat out exhausted. I fight my own insecurities every stinking day and have experienced the pits of my own making and pits I was thrown into and not by my own choice. I am not here without scars of my own. I am flawed and imperfect and so are my children, albeit the most handsome things. But this I also know, I am NOT a victim. I am a victor and I have a choice to make, even in a beaten down place and that is to fight this good fight because it is not against flesh and blood that we war. These people who wound us, it is the enemy, and I must keep perspective. I must bless those who curse me, or my husband or my children and love those who despitefully use me, or my name, or my husbands. I must choose Christ-likeness. He is after all, is why we do what we do. He is worthy and I am honored. And before this sounds like I am being pious, I have not always been at this place!!! It has taken me many hours in His word to heal from the wounds made by others, but He IS healing me. He is the God who sees and He knows and He acts. In His time.
Thank you to all who made this post possible. It was very profound and touching. May we always lift our dear sisters up in prayer and show them our love and support for a tough job, well done!
Praise God - for a weekend jsut for them!
Beth, I hope you will do this again because I missed it! I would LOVE to go to a conference like this and hear you and Travis, etc...!
I am a pastor's wife. I laughed when we were dating and he said he was feeling "called" into the ministry. My girl friends would joke that I would marry a youth pastor some day. I never thought I would (he was a business major so I thought I was "safe"). I honestly had to think about if he was the one for me after that. I am so glad that I said "yes" when he asked me to marry him 10 years ago. Our life has not been easy, but it has surely been blessed by more better days than bad days and a peace in the middle of all of it. Thank you Lord for your faithfulness towards your servants!
As a pastor's wife, I can relate. However, my prayer is for my kids. As much as I am under a microscope, so are my precious little boys. Little boys who never asked to be in this position where people feel they can correct their behavior without consulting me or my husband first. Sundays are the hardest day for me. While my husband is doing his job, I am basically a single mom in charge of 3 little men who just want to be normal, not perfect. Sometimes it would be nice for someone to just ask "can I carry something for you?" (all the sunday school papers are the hardest to corral) While being a pastor's wife is hard, God and I can handle it. I just want my boys to find joy in being at church and not pressure. Please pray for PK'S.
First off, I'd like to say Thank You to all of you who have expressed support for your pastor's wife. You truly brought tears to my eyes, and hope to my heart.
I've been a full-time PW for the past 6.5 years, and I'm 49. Obviously, my husband hasn't always been a pastor.
These have been the hardest years of my life and of our marriage. We are currently in counseling to help us save the marriage and his ministry. At one point, it was the ministry or me. Thankfully, we have come a long way in just a few months.
My practical advice: please cut your pastor and his wife some slack (it's called grace); and pay your pastor well, including benefits.
Thanks.
Thank you so much for posting this--it brought tears to my eyes. So encouraging to know that I'm not alone in this contradiction of loving what God has called us to and at times feeling so unfit and tired.
I sit here with tears streaming down my face. I am a pastor's wife who didn't get my comments in on time but as I read the comments left for the video , I saw what I wanted to say over and over and over. It's Sunday afternoon. My children and I just had lunch alone because my hubby had to stay after church and prepare for an afternoon meeting with some very bitter and biting sheep. I keep waiting for this to get easier...it doesn't. And I too wonder what God is trying to teach us through this. I thought my prayer life increased by leaps and bounds when my children first started driving. That increase doesn't even compare to the power of my prayer life for a husband who is so often bitten by his flock.
What an amazing weekend! As a sr pastor's wife, what a true blessing every last thing was. Thanks to everyone who worked so hard for us and for all the prayers that went up before and during the event. And let me just say....It was truly "vintage" Beth Moore. What a WORD! Love you!
I loved reading all the way through this, and I quickly sent a link to my Pastor's wife. Thank you all for sharing your hearts! It was an amazing read, God bless all of you!
Angie
Reading the comments just brought me to WOW!!! I'm not alone... I'm not crazy, and It's not just me...
As a minister and a Pastor's wife, I must say... The last few years have been very trying. Personally & spirturally... I had so many questions as I seen things from my prior leadership-how he treated people so wrong and how he abused and took advantage of the church for his own personal needs. Things that just weren't right, and there where so many things that where just carnal. My resentment wasn't toward him, but toward God. That our God of the universe sat back and allowed this disfunctionality in the church. Af Many people have fallen away and many people just don't attend church due to the pain/hurt of one man. My husband who is now the senior pastor, is humble and so different in many ways. Now as a Senior Pastor's wife, I am very concerned for the sheep that's wounded and hurt still from previous leadership. I haven't found my position fully. As a minister for many years, I resigned all to stand byside my husband. When I did that, it seems all hell broke lose in my personal life. I am thankful for my husband and my family. And thankful that God has been patient with me during these times/seasons of my life.
Please pray for me.
I pray I never forget the reading of these comments. I pray that I never take my lovely pastors' wives for granted again. I pray to be a blessing to them.
Oh Lord, let this be seared in my brain.
Deb
Cathay, ND
Thank you for sharing the hearts of these pastors wives. I'm to tears. Oh, Lord bless them. I have a friend who is a pastor's wife and over the years she and her family have taken GREAT hits. I'm thankful that you have reminded me to pray for my pastor, his wife and family. Just seeing all those women in the video that serve along side their man touched my heart.
THANK YOU Amanda, Beth and Lproof for giving us a glimpse into the world and heartache of a minister's wife.
As I sit reading the comments I am bawling my eyes out. I had no idea. Yet shame on me for not knowing. Have I ever asked? Noooo. It is easier to remember to pray for your Pastor but rarely think to cover in prayer his wife and the PK's. My heart is absolutely broken over the post "after 25 yrs when hubby retires I may never go to church again". I am praying right now for that dear wife. The comment "Sheeps sometimes bites" boy howdy do they ever.
As a layleader I can relate to so many of the comments having experienced some myself. When you add the dynamics of the Pastor is your hubby you want to protect, defend, nurture etc. This posts was totally eye opening.
I will do something with the knowledge of the pain, frustration etc. to let my Pastor's wife know that they are really appreciated for the tremendous sacrafices they make.
God Bless Minister's Wives. I think He my have an extra large mansion with many crowns and jewels in heaven for them. Know that you are loved even if we don't say it often.
Thank you so much for posting this! It was great just to read the comments and say "Amen!" with these precious women! I'm doing Beth's Esther study & "It's tough being a woman married to a minister!" I was greatly encouraged through the videos though! Thanks, Amanda for letting us have a voice. I love God and I love serving Him! That's the only reason I've hung with this for so long, because the Body of Christ is so beautiful, but it can be so hurtful as well. ...to know the fullness of Christ. That is the reward..Jesus Himself!!!! Girls, don't look to the Church to sustain you! It's ALL AND ONLY JESUS CHRIST that can sustain!
This is overwhelming. My heart has always ached for pastor's wives being a pastor's daughter. My mother will be 89 next week; a pastor's wife for 55 years. She could not have a close friend because confidence would always be broken; she shared Dad with every beautiful and broken woman; we were raised to put church people first, our family second.
Reading these comments made me cry. Having a mom and a niece who are pastors' wives, I know life can be more than tough at times. Praise God that there are ladies out there thriving in their roles.
I want a bumper sticker that reads "Sometimes sheep bite!" When were are out in our car we can give a friendly honk and know to pray... I guess we need to remember that those sheep are biting because of the enemy.
Wow these videos just brought me to tears. I am a youth pastor's wife and did not grow up in ministry...so have only been at it for four years now. It has been a huge change and challenge to learn a new way of life pretty much. These videos truly blessed me I can't tell you what it meant reading through them. Thank you for sharing that.
P.S. I started reading through some and just to add to a couple of the anonymous posts - not all pastors are different at home I know several including my own who are the same preaching as they are at home - I love my husband and am so incredibly proud of Him and how he serves the Lord with all his heart and has brought so many into the kingdom and yet always makes sure he has the family time we all need! We truly feel like his first priority! Thank you Lord for wonderful men of God like my husband!
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