Input on the Light Side
OK, Siestas, we've had an intense couple of days so let's lighten it up a little bit! As a bunch of you know, I'll hop on a plane Monday and head to New Orleans to tape the updated version of Breaking Free. I'd love to have some input from you and, goodness knows, nobody can tell a story like a siesta. I can't wait for you to see how much I used your survey comments in the Esther Bible study. I've already got some great stuff from you for Breaking Free from a post several months ago where I requested testimonies about captivity or freedom. This time I'm asking you if you have some fun stories I might want to use for illustrations. You don't have to worry about how they'll fit. That's mine to worry about. You just spill the beans.
Here's what I'm looking for: CLEAN stories of something funny or amusing that has happened to you or someone you know really well that wouldn't mind you tattling. Here's a perfect example: Travis and Angela Cottrell's youngest son, Levi, recently wrote his kindergarten teacher a thank you card for showing a particular kindness to him after his surgery. You know how every little boy gets a crush on his teacher. Levi's just wild about her so, unbeknownst to his parents, he got into Angela's wallet and pulled out the stash she'd just cashed at the bank and sealed it in the card. It wasn't until the teacher called that they realized the money was gone. It gave a whole new meaning to trying to repay someone for a kindness. That's the kind of stuff I'm talking about but it doesn't have to be sweet or about children. It can also be stupid and embarrassing as long as it's CLEAN!
The real challenge is going to be keeping them short enough to post and for all of us to read. I've noticed something in blog world. Most people are so pressed for time that they pass over really long entries and comments so, unfortunately, some of the comments that took the most time to write get read the least SO, just one paragraph, everybody!! I think we could all use this today!
Thanks, Sisters! I can't wait to read them! I can always count on you guys.
You are loved here at LPM!
Beth
PS. OK, I have laughed at your stories until my stomach is killing me. (Maybe I can blow off my sit-ups tonight.) This is the latest one that nearly killed me:
Don't know how you can tie this in to anything but here goes. Years ago I had a toothache late in November and went to the dentist. He and his assistant were examining my tooth when the asst. said, "Did you see all that food in there?". I, of course, can feel the heat in my face and am thinking, "oh, I forgot to floss!" Then my dentist said, "Yeah, it's a real smorgasbord." At this point, I am just mad but voiceless because of all the equipment in my mouth and the assistant says, "Yes, the receptionist really out did herself this Thanksgiving." :) God knew how long to leave the equipment in - perfect timing.
November 6, 2008 10:56
Labels: Beth, Breaking Free
posted by Beth @ 9:34 AM
526 Comments
526 Comments:
When I was growing up we lived out in the country and had an acre of grass to cut. My dad had a riding lawn mower which he and my grandpa kept repairing and repairing year after year to cut our grass. Finally, after so many years, he bought a new one, and decided to try to sell the old one. He had it out by the side of the road and someone stopped the first evening and bought it, but was going to have to come back the next day to pick it up. My dad rode it back into the garage for the night, waving the $50 in the air at us that he had just earned. While he was looking at us, smiling about the money, he didn't realize the garage door was closed and rode the lawn mower right into it! He broke the garage door, and the $50 had to go toward buying a new one! After we all knew he was okay, we couldn't stop laughing. We even had guests over that night who got to witness it. He's never lived it down.
-Wendy
Last week my pastor husband was officiating a funeral at our church. I was in such a hurry to pick up my preschooler in time to get back for the funeral I forgot to explain to her what was going on. As we walk into our church she saw all the flowers and the closed casket at the front. She immediately said loudly "Look mom, a treasure box. Can we make a wish?" Of course, I about died but she is so innocent and such a joy.
My three teenaged sons know me too well. One day I came in from work and greeted them in the kitchen where we tend to gather. I went to the sink to wash my hands and when I turned on the water, all the while talking to my boys and husband like any other ordinary day, water sprayed all over me!!! It took me a moment to realize that the water was coming from the hose and not the faucet. They are laughing their heads off at me and yelling "We Got YOU!!!"...One of them (Finally!!!) reached over to turn off the water because I was just too dumbstruck to think!.... They had put a rubberband around the sprayer and got me with this prank. We all had a tremendous laugh!!!
Since you're going to New Orleans.... I love to sing, I sing all the time, I sing songs I don't even like and songs I don't even really know. I've always been that way. The problem is I may only know the chorus of the song or even just a line or two and I'll sing that over and over, but sometimes I don't get the words right.
The Who had a song years ago "Who Are You". By the time my husband and I were married I think it was already being played on some oldies rock stations. I'd sung the chorus of that song for years until my husband and I were in the car together and I was singing at the top of my lungs "New Orleans ooo oo ooo oo I really wanna go New Orleans....." He had to pull the car off the road to get himself together enough to tell me that the real lyrics are "Who are you, who who who who, I reallly wanna know, who are you...."
I'm leaving this one anonymously because there are only about 3 people on the planet who know that I did that and I'm keeping it that way! :)
Here's a hair tale just for you, compliments of our 9 year old, Kylie:
Yesterday morning, Kylie asked, "Mom, when I get home will you make my hair really messed up?"
"Why, Kylie?" I asked.
"Well, tonight is career night at AWANAS, and I want to go as Mom."
Me, groaning... By the way, I do fix my hair each and every day.
Humbly,
Holly
PS I did not mess her hair up, but instead gave her my apron.
I have this sickness called "Put your foot in your mouth disease." A homeschooling mom friend of mine, Christy, mother of 4, was killed by a drunk driver. She and one of her children were killed. Our community was devastated. I had only met her husband one time, but knew her pretty well. While at the funeral home I spotted out this tall guy with a beard, looking like what I remembered her husband. I went up to him and with tears streaming down my face started telling him how sorry I was for their family. This man let me go on and on for at least 10minutes expressing my sorrow for their family. When I was finished he said, "Yeah, you know I just feel really bad for Chuck (Christy's husband's name). I don't see how he is making it." Shocked and totally humiliated I was that this was NOT Chuck, I tried to play it off. "Aren't you part of the family? I know I have seen you with the family a lot," I said in my most confident voice. I was trying my best not to look so foolish. The harder I tried, the more foolish I looked. "No, my wife was just friends with Christy," he told me. I politely excused myself. As soon as I got in my car, I started wailing tears and laughing hysterically both at the same time. My tears were from my sadness and my laughing was over my stupidity.
While visiting my sister and her family over the weekend my 2 yr old son was misbehaving. So I corrected him and sent him on him way. Of course being 2 and a boy, this really didn't prevent him from misbehaving again. So my 5 yr old nephew, James came over and leaned against my chair. He then gave me some very sound parenting advice: "You know, Aunt Vicki, you have to show him who's in control.". I know you do not know this child, but I assure you he KNOWS who's in control in his family.....him!
Well... after reading your story, I think I can tell another story about my son, who also had a crush on his teacher.
Trent was in the 3rd grade & had the most wonderful Pentecostal Teacher. I came in from work one afternoon, in what I thought was a cute denim wrap skirt, and he looked up at me and said... "Mom, you look just like a Catholic." I said... son, what does a Catholic look like? He said, "well, except that your hair is short and you have makeup on." I said, do you mean Pentecostal? He said, "I don't know, is that was Mrs. Roberts is?"
As you know, Houston is a city of about 4 million people, give or take. While living in Houston a couple of years ago, I had a minor fender-bender. A young man reared ended my car while I was waiting a traffic light to change. Little damage was done and we exchanged insurance information and were on our way. A few weeks later, I was waiting to make a right turn and I felt a slight crunch to my bumper. The other car and I pulled over to a side street and a young man got out of the car! It was the same young man as the first time! In a city of millions, what are odds of that???? Needless, to say I gave him my best mother look and my carefully honed 'you need to be more careful' lecture. I guess it worked because I never saw him again.
Rebecca Walker
I teach California Government at a Southern California university. This summer I was giving the lecture where we discuss whether California is ready to face future issues, including when "the big one," the predicted large earthquake, finally happens. We had just finished saying how we were overdue for a big earthquake when, that's right, the building started to shake (this was the big earthquake LA had this summer). My students and I had that moment where we looked at each other and thought, "no, couldn't be, that would be just too weird." But finally we said, "earthquake, duck and cover!" The students were great and calmly evacuated the building afterward. I told them, "Do you see the lengths I'll go to so you people will learn?" They said, "Professor, we will never forget your class!" It was the most memorable lecture I've ever given, but definitely not because of anything I did. Seems like there's a lesson in there somewhere. :-)
My 3 year old daughter climbed into her (Pastor) Daddy's lap and said, "Daddy will you pray with me?" His heart was completely overjoyed! He took her two tiny hands in his big hands and prayed the sweetest prayer just for her. When he finished, he opened his eyes and looked into her very confused eyes with a smile. She looked at him and said, "Daddy will you 'pray' a game with me?" 3 year old speech is a gift from above!
Siestas, if you are going to be at the taping in New Orleans and want to link up with other blog readers, you might want to visit this blog: http://siestas-n-neworleans.blogspot.com. A siesta named Mary set up the blog so that you all can connect with each other. Blessings!
Amanda
A couple of nights ago, my 3 year old daughter got mad at me and said this to my husband (and please add all the east texas drawl you can muster cuz she has it!), "Dad, I think we should get mom, and get her out of this house, and take her to a house with other kids and she can be their mom." Upon my husband's request my daughter came to me a little later to 'apologize', "Mom, dad is so mean. He keeps telling me I need to apologize to you." "Well, Emma, the things you said weren't very nice." "Well, mom, I just don't like you."
About 2 minutes later, she could not get enough of me, followed me everywhere and loved on me tons.
how much are we like three-yr-olds to God sometime?
enjoy your day and thanks for the opportunity to share,
Rebecca in e.tx
What came to my mind was about 10 years ago, I was trying to demonstrate to my mom a funny way that I tripped at work. Well I made the mistake of taking off my shoes and leaving my hose on and ended up sliding across the floor right in front of her. She thought that was what I did at work. When I finally stopped laughing, I explained that wasn't the case and we both erupted into a long fit of laughter together.
It was Communion Sunday at our church, so we knelt at the altar rail as a family. My two year old son watched intently as everyone took a sip of the wine. I had just reminded him he couldn't have any until he was older. In a rather loud and entirely too clear voice, he asked, "Dat beer?"
Thanks for the smiles today! Love, Annette
I have a 5 year old daughter who is STRONG WILLED to the bone. She challenges me daily, but also keeps me laughing. One day during summer, she woke up WAY too early, so after lunch time I knew she needed a nap for all of our sakes. So I tuck her in, pray with her and walk out the door. I barely make it to the family room and I hear her. So I go to check on her, and find her in her sisters closet playing with Barbie's. I get onto her, and walk her back to her bed. Again, I head to the family room and barely get to sit down and hear a door slam. So, I go to her room to peek in the door, and it looks like she is in her bed, so I open the door all the way to look closer. She has proceeded to put her animals in her bed where she lays and pull the covers up. I could not help but CRACK UP. I am thinking, "she is 5, where in the WORLD does she get this". So, I go to her sister closet to find her again playing. I am biting my lip to almost bleeding, so she doesn't see me laughing as I walk her to her room and try to have a talk about deception. Needless to say, this was definitely one of those crack up moments in mother-hood!!
Kind of random, but they had "fire-prevention" week at my daughter's MDO a few weeks back. When i picked her up I asked her what she learned that day. She said, "mommy, if you catch on fire you have to stop, ROCK, and roll!!" it was so funny! she still tells anyone who will listen to "stop, rock, and roll" Guess she has my love of music? :)
Here's my favorite story about my daughter, Rachel.
For the culmination of "Career Week" in 2nd grade, Rachel's teacher decided to have all the kids come up to the front of the class, one by one, and tell the rest of the class what they wanted to be when they grew up. Rachel was one of the last to be called to the front, and she was squirming and wriggling in her seat; her teacher knew Rachel was just dying to tell the class her career plans. When it was finally Rachel's turn, she marched up to the front of the class and announced "When I grow up, I want to be IN CHARGE...!"
... years later Rachel does still like to be in charge of things!
I've definitely got one for ya.
My dad is a pastor. One Sunday morning as he was guest preaching at another church, he realized that his pants zipper was unzipped. This church had a clear acrylic podium, so he couldn't step behind the podium to zip up his pants. So he kept preaching while looking for a way to subtly zip up his pants. Then he noticed the American flag sitting on one side of the stage. (You know, old school baptist churches with the American Flag on one side and the Christian Flag on the other side) He walked over to the flag, somehow managed to add a little patriotic twist to his sermon, and zipped up his pants. But his zipper got caught in the tassels on the flag. And he was stuck. Zipper 1/2 way down, tangled to the flag. By now, he was sweating, and trying inconspicuously to wrestle with the flag tassels. Realizing there was no way out, he managed to keep the patriotic twist in the rest of his sermon (thank you, Lord, for quick thinking - and strong arm muscles to carry the flag for the rest of the sermon) and then told the congregation that he "thought it would be patriotic to all process out of the church like the kids in VBS do." He finished his sermon, led the entire church in the "procession" out (all while carrying the flag) and untangled his zipper. All without anyone in the congregation being any the wiser.
I keep telling him that he should write a book. Because he has dozens of stories like this. Hysterical.
Robyn
I was 17, new to being in a city, definitely new to ever being on a bus, and had decided I'd missed my stop *miles* back. I couldn't even find a way to tell the driver until I finally noticed a crank, something like a bicycle bell crank and I started turning it to let him know I need off. I was in a fair panic thinking I had miles to walk back and I wasn't even sure where the place was anymore, what with worrying about getting the bus driver to stop. Then
I looked up in horror to see I had not been signaling to the bus driver to *stop*--rather, I had been scrolling through the signs visible outside the bus that say where the bus is going: Bethesda, Chevy Chase, Baltimore...! The bus eventually stopped for someone and I jumped off, totally humiliated.
I looked up and I was smack dab in front of the place I was headed to. God is so kind to the dorks of the world.
Our first week of homeschool we decided that for P.E. our daughters 6 and 8 yrs. old would go swimming in our back yard with my husband, while I prepared lessons. When my six year old walked into our kitchen and realized that her daddy was the one going she held her hand over her heart and exclaimed, "I can't believe I get to go swimming with my Principal!"
The other morning my husband was in the bathroom blowing his nose and clearing his throat. Well my 19 month old son was watching...after daddy was finished he put his little fingers up to his nose and started blowing and making the clearing the throat sound the best way he could. My husband and I were cracking up!!! But, he does know how to blow his nose now. ; )
One of my favorites recently from my granddaugher (not sure if this is what you are looking for!!).
My 4 yr old granddaughter Lily, playing one morning with her baby doll and baby quilt made by her great-grandmother(who had just recently passed away). Lily lovingly asked her mom, "Now mom - who made this quilt for me?" Mom lovingly answered, "Baby that was made just for you when you were born by Granny". Lily - "Mom, now where is Granny now". Mom - "Lily, Granny is in heaven with Jesus". Lily, "Aw mom - did she die on a cross too!" This comment was made fairly closely to Easter so Lily was really remembering Jesus dying on the cross for us and just assumed that anyone who died and went to be with Jesus must have died on a cross too!
Another one from Lily (who keeps us laughing) is one night while her daddy was praying with her and putting her to bed she said "Daddy, just where is Jesus cause I can't see Him". Daddy said, "well Lily, Jesus is right here with us. Lily said, "well, how come He never talks to me"? Daddy said, "well Jesus talks to us in different ways". And before he could go any further Lily said, "No cause I've tried - listen (Lily calls out in loud voice) "Jesus (pause) Jesus" (pause) - "see Daddy-he didn't say anything back". Of course then Dad had to explain how Jesus talks in our hearts and our spirits and thru the Bible. But her calling out to Jesus and wanting an audible answer showed us how much we (as children) long to hear his voice! (and of course made us laugh)
Love, Mammy
My son, who is now 19 years old - once forged my signature on a note from the principal of his elementary school. My son was in K or 1st grade. When questioned by the principal as to why my signature was so strange looking - my son replied - she was going down a rocky road when she signed the paper.
Once when I taught on pride, the Lord strongly told me to apologize for my offensive pride and self-righteous attitude to the group. Of course I was sure of many comments to come like, "Oh you are so humble though" or "You have never offended me". Instead I recieved many thank yous and hugs for my honesty. This response blessed me more, set me more free, and opened up relationships that had been strained (some without my knowledge) than I could have imagined. Oh how good God is and His ways so perfect. Learning to be real and let Him shine His light instead of trying to shine mine for Him. Shalom
My daughter received a cabbage patach doll for Christmas one year. Of course it came with paperwork for you to fill out, etc. Several months later, I came across the paperwork and it had a place for the adoptive mother to fill out information about herself. In the blank for blood type my daughter had confidently written - RED. We have never left her live that down. She is now 25 years old. When the topic of blood type comes up - I remind it about what she had written years ago.
We are trying to teach our 4 year-old daughter to stand up for herself on the playground, because she's kind of a pushover. Recently my husband was discouraged because of some happenings at work, and my daughter noticed and asked about it. He said, "Honey, Daddy's sad because people at work won't let him help people, and that's all I want to do...but they make it hard." My daughter looked at him and thought about it for awhile. Then she said, "Daddy. Sometimes when I'm on the playground and want to swing, the boys tell me I can't. But you know what I do? I do it anyway." And with that, she walked off. He was amazed at the wisdom from his 3-foot blondie.
Years ago, I was helping my dad put in an attic access ladder in the garage ceiling--helping is probably a bit loose, I was more handing him tools. He was working from inside the attic, and I on the ground. I helped him pull it all up there into place, then I hear "Oh Man!". I think that's the closest my dad's ever come to cussing! He had locked and selaed himself in the attic. I was practicly rolling on the ground laughing, it was so funny. He did eventually get out and we still laugh about it today!
Katie :)
One of my favorite stories involving my niece happened fairly recently. It was four in the morning and she woke up. Standing in her crib, Shepherd called out, "Mummy. Mummy. Sheppy's awake! Sheppy's awake now! Mummy! Sheppy play! Mum-Mee. I awake!" Save the hour, my brother & sister-in-law were rolling on their sides trying to keep from laughing out loud.
As I was giggling to myself over that story this morning, God gently prodded at me, "Do you think you are so different? Are you not often so sure that you know what is best for yourself, so impatient to have what you want that you stand where I have put you & holler at me?" Ouch! That bit of truth stung a little!
God, who made heaven and earth, is sovereign. He has the right to rule His creatures as He sees fit. And He is gracious to plan good things for us! He declares, “I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future!” (Jer. 29:11) Who am I, then, to question what He does and the pace at which He works out His plans?
I am a child who wants to get out of bed too soon, but my sweet Father knows that it’s not time. He knows that I need to stay where He has me, because He alone knows what lies ahead for me. He alone has the authority to name it and call it good. My Father knows that at this moment, I need to stay where He's put me so that I can be prepared for what is next.
I JUST WANTED TO BLEND IN. Charlie & I sat out the first few toe-tapping songs as we watched a group of twenty-somethings cut a serious rug. And then the bell tolled; I had to attempt to dance. Ugh. Sigh. Grimace. Whine. I reached for Charlie’s outstretched hand and hesitatingly followed him to the most remote edge of the dance floor. I just wanted to blend in. Not draw any attention. Shuffle my feet a few times and get back to my bench position on the sideline so I could work harder on my wishin’ skills. Now Charlie may not know the moves but he’s got the confidence. As we got on the dance floor he slung me around in a twirl……and a button on his long-sleeved shirt raked across my head trapping a huge chunk of my long brown hair in a hold that took several minutes and female hands to unwind. So much for blending in.
To make a long story short, a bit of quick background....
In 2003 I found out that my precious daughters had suffered sexual abuse at the hands of thier father in secret. When I found out, it nearly killed me, and I nearly killed myself, I was so destroyed over it. I was not a Christian then, and I was ANGRY AT THE WORLD! I wish I could take time to share the whole testimoney! God used you to heal my heart. I was sitting in a class one day, I didnt want to be there listening to a "stupid DVD", I had been in the class tons of times before watching this DVD, and the woman speaking truly loved God and her compassion and love for women showed. But, it made me sad, my daughters had suffered and were ruined, I would sit in the class and watch the DVD, thinking, my baby girls didnt stand a chance, they were scared for life, and would never heal! Till I heard you telling your story! I saw you in Gods light, and he made it clear to me that HEALING WOULD AND COULD COME! I nearly fell on the floor in tears of joy. I left rejoicing! Your testimony has touched our lives! The healing has come to my heart, and day by day, my precious daughters are becoming strong women of God! Through your scars, God showed me he is ABLE!
2:30 am. I had instructed my almost 3 year old insomniac to stay in bed - I would be right back. A minute later she was in the bathroom with me. I asked her what she was doing there. She looked at me as if I'd just lost my last marble and replied, "Well, I LIVE here, remember?"
One day not long ago myself, my husband and our son, who at that time was two and one-half years old, I were in Lowes trying to buy some supplies for a remodel project that we were working on. Remodeling projects are not something that my husband and I do together well. Tempers were short and the stress level was mounting. Our conversation was beginning to become clipped and edgy going a little like this; “comment made, counter comment and a little discussion. Idea given, idea rejected followed by a little louder discussion. Suggestion made about how the project should go, followed by even louder discussion and disagreement. All out breakdown of communication ensues, yelling and hurt feelings take place.”
At this point my husband feels unappreciated and disrespected. He responds by storming off, deciding that I should just hire a contractor to do the work.
Our son is sitting the cart with his big blue eyes and an open mouth. He has just witnessed his Mommy and Daddy behaving at their worst, and has absorbed the whole display. When my husband stormed off he looked up at me and says with wide-eyed innocence; “Daddy gonna get a whoopin!”
I didn’t know if I should laugh or cry.
I'm telling on myself: To keep it short and set the scene, we are living in the middle of a remodel that had to be stopped for 6 months due to my husbands bypass surgery. No kitchen, doors and lights covered with plastic. When we were trying to put it back together enough to live in it, I had to reconnect the cable wires and all that went with it to the TV. When I turned it on, the cable box didn't boot up right. So I'm thinking GREAT! someting wrong with the cable box. I have been graceful through all of this, but Now This! So I call the cable company and with a bit of a whine explain my problem. The guy (who was VERY patinet and kind) first thing ask me to go behind the tv and see if everything is hooked up correctly. For some reason, that put me over the edge. I began to tell him I have hooked up cable boxes for 25 years. I KNOW there is nothing wrong with MY hook up, could he JUST SEND A GUY WITH A NEW BOX!. In the middle of my speech, my husband takes a wire from one spot and plugs it into another spot and immeditely the sound comes on the tv so that the guy on the phone hears it. As much as I want to cover it up....he says (very politely) what was that sound? Is that you TV? Is it working? What did you do? I had to tell him my husband changed the connections I had done......oh for just a little place to crawl......
My three year old decided to experiment as three year olds do, by putting a small bead up his nose. We were able to get it out after awhile and lectured him on not putting anything up his nose. The next night, while tucking him into bed, I noticed he was sniffling and I thought to myself "Oh no, he put something up his nose again", so I asked him if there was anything up his nose. He said seriously, "yes". I said "what"? His reply (again very serious)..."buggers".
This morning a good friend of mine sent me the link to her updated family website. She posts cute things that her kids are doing and saying along with adorable pictures. But what caught my eye is the comment that she posted regarding a statement that her 3 year old said. They were in the living room. Her son was sitting on the couch and said "I'm sorry Mommy". For What, she replied. "I'm sorry for making messes." She replied "Caden, you didn't make any messes honey." He said "I was thinkin bout making one." Kids, you never know what they may say!
-Alivia Newman
one more funeral story: something about the juxtaposistion...
The wife of a friend of my husband's passed away unexpectedly. The time came for him to pick out something for her to wear in the casket. It was a really tough thing to do. He wanted her to look really nice, and he had seen her all dressed up in a beautiful outfit just the week before, so he grabbed that one and headed for the funeral home. During the visitation, his grown daughter took one look at her mom in the open casket, and gasped. "DAD! Where did you get that dress" He said, "Why, don't you think she looks nice?" His daughter said, "That's Sharon's dress. (her mother's best friend.) She borrowed that dress from her last week.
In my first 2 months of marriage I was trying to cut back a bit on my calories and drink more water so my jeans would fit the way I liked them to pre-honeymoon! Nothing major.. just a few pounds. Well, one evening I realized I still had 2 water bottles to drink...what goes in must come out. I drank 24 ounces right before bed and you guessed it. I woke up at 2am BECAUSE I HAD WET THE BED.. yup right with my husband next to me. Ya know..dreaming I was on the pot! Y'all I was in shock because it was the first time I ever remember doing that (I can't remember toddler years). My husbad graciously helped me change the sheets after we both laughed until we cried! After that I slept with a towel under me for 2 weeks.
Humbled. Let's leave this one anonymous!
My little nephew, Canann, who just turned four, never fails in providing me some good stories. He had just learned the meaning of something that is broken. Ex: "my truck is broke, fix it aunt Katie!". One day he overheard his pawpaw saying that he was broke...refering to his lack of money. Without missing a beat, Canaan grabbed his pawpaw's face and said with a VERY affirming voice, "Pawpaw, you're not broke, you're fixed!". Our hearts just melted at his innocence, and I will never forget that because my Father always reminds me of it when I feel like I'm just a mess and hopelessly broken...I sense Him cupping my face in His hands and saying in His affirming voice, "Katie, you're not broke, you're fixed."
When my 20 yr. old son was 4, my grandmother died providing a great opportunity to talk about heaven. A week later there was a funeral at our church. As we drove by that day, my son (who was facinated with cars) commented on the dark blue hearse. I explained it to him the best I could, hoping he would understand. I will never forget his response: "I hope I get to go to heaven in a big blue car like that!" Guess the explanation was as good as I thought.
I have just recently been through a heartbreak, so when my church had emailed me saying they were going to host a counseling DVD night about confidence and finding love at first sight on Monday night; I figured it would be worth it for me to attend.
After weaving in and out of the freeway traffic, I found myself walking into the room where it was to be held at our church. The candles were beaurtiful and the gentleman up at the front was singing wonderful praise songs. Rows and rows of chairs were set up and people had already sat down, so I found a chair in the back. As I sat there, I kept thinking, "when are they going to start the DVD? Its getting late." As I was singing and being part of the worship, God gently wispered in my ear, "It's tuesday,"
I was attending the recovery meeting we hold at our church.
Maybe God was trying to tell me soemthing.
My husband has an awful habit of snacking through the night, sleeping and eating, sleeping and eating, it only bothers me when I hear him crunching one second and snoring the next...(very dangerous)but I had to laugh the other night when I awoke as he was discovering he had been sleeping on half of a blueberry pop-tart....
Don't know how you can tie this in to anything but here goes. Years ago I had a toothache late in November and went to the dentist. He and his assistant were examining my tooth when the asst. said, "Did you see all that food in there?". I, of course, can feel the heat in my face and am thinking, "oh, I forgot to floss!" Then my dentist said, "Yeah, it's a real smorgasbord." At this point, I am just mad but voiceless because of all the equipment in my mouth and the assisstant says, "Yes, the receptionist really out did herself this Thanksgiving." :) God knew how long to leave the equipment in - perfect timing.
Here's one from my daughter, Melissa, who gets her "blonder than she pays to be" tendancies from her mother :o) ... A couple of years ago when she was about 11 she asked her dad and me, "You know those seeing eye dogs? Do they actually drive the car or do they just tell the person when to turn?" We howled over that one! There are many more Melissa-isms! I love that girl...
Hi Miss Beth,
Well, I must have looked at the dates wrong, and have been praying hard for you every night THIS week! So, now you'll just be doubled blessed by our Lord, as I get to do it again next week! How funny He is... He must know something that I do not know about this week... =)
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Okay, now for my "little story"...
I'm not sure what lesson it is in, but where ever it is where that you had written about Lazarus coming out of the grave; then at the end of Day 5 of that week, you asked us if we might be "part of the living dead"...
Well, that hit me like a ton of bricks, as I realized that evening that I did not know what salvation in Christ Jesus even meant, and I ended up finding someone from your church the Monday after Palm Sunday of 2003 who explained things to me, and gently led me to Christ the next afternoon.
And, the funny part: The Lord must have been driving that car for me that day, because I was so scared that afternoon that my students spent their class periods reading silently, because all that I could do was pray to Him to help me find someone who could help me with this huge issue in my life.
And, I drove an hour or more to find the person that God had led me to, but I have no recollection of doing any of the driving, whatsoever...
And, that goes for driving home afterwards, too, as I was "on Cloud 9", as the Spirit's coming into my shattered heart was the most extremely powerful and loving, and yet peaceful feeling that I have ever experienced. And, I didn't really understand "what had just hit me", because I was in a fog like time, just accepting this amazing amount of love and forgiveness that the Holy Spirit had brought with Him into my little 'ole heart.
And, mind you, I did not miss any stop signs or red lights going either way, nor did I get into a big accident... This is how I know that it had to be God who was "driving that car" that day, and not me !!!
It was both the most frightening and most exciting day of my entire 35 year life at the time, and so far, at 41, nothing has changed that fact.
I guess God just knew what was ahead for me were things that I simply could not go through by myself, without His Spirit being inside of me!
Hallelujah!!!
Love in Christ Jesus,
Jennifer O.
Southern Wisconsin [formerly of Houston, TX]
Our son Caleb could have been named "scissor-hands". One time he cut the phone cord in two (remember those). I put on my slip for church one Sunday and it fell to my feet. Caleb had cut the straps.
One time he cut his own hair. He was supposed to be in a wedding in a few days so I took him to our barber to see if he could even out some very jagged edges. He was about four years at the time and was resisting the idea of the barber fixing his hair. I explained to him that he was going to be the ring bearer in our friends wedding so we needed to get it trimmed. His reply, "Mamma, who do I have to marry?"
When I was in high school we were playing silent football, and I don't remember the reason why but I had to go and do something inside. I got up and with a HUGE group of friends watching ran SMACK into a glass door. I was so embarrassed. And to make things worse when I was a little girl I ran through a glass door and actually have a huge scar (80+ stitches) on my knee. We actually laugh about it whenever someone brings it up now! Needless to say I frequently had friends put sticky notes on their glass doors to help me out. And I'd be lying if I didn't say I still feel for the glass door to be open to this day to make sure it really is. I hope my daughter doesn't inherit my "gracefulness"!
I was 17 and had just started working at our small town drug store. I asked a shopper if I could help them. He asked if we had butterfly bandages. I said, "No, but we do have some with Snoopy on them." Needless to say, I never lived that one down. Butterfly bandages. Who knew! :o)
Beth, A few years ago, we were having a fundraising dinner at church. A few of us ladies were in the kitchen working. Some were talking about all the desserts they'd like to try. One of the ladies (who would really do anything for anyone) said, don't eat the red velvet cake. It's store-bought and it's nasty. Unbeknownst to her, I had made the cake. I didn't know what to do because I didn't want to make her feel bad, but I thought it might come out later and she'd feel worse. So I said, no it's not store bought, I made it. Bless her heart, she felt terrible. I assured her that it was no big deal. I believe this happened on a Saturday evening. Our pastor (who loves a good laugh) told the story during the Sunday a.m. service the next day. My dear friend's face was turning red. I just got up and told her out loud that I loved her and went and gave her a hug. Everyone laughed. She's been an even dearer friend ever since.
I have to tell this story. I am sure my siesta friends will agree that this story must be told.
This happened after the Siesta Fiesta in San Antonio at the p.j. party.
I found out about it after the fact. I am sitting on my bed exhausted and Fran and Steph(OceanMommy) come in my room. Fran has this panic look on her face and so does Steph.
I ask them what is wrong. Fran procedes to tell me that a girl who had stayed in their room had given them bags with little gifts in them. Well, Fran had forgotten to buy a bag to put her gift in for the p.j. party gift exchange. She decided to use the gift bag her roommate had given her but she took out the gifts. She put her siesta gift in the bag and headed for the party.
Come to find out that after the party they all went back to their room and Jenny was packing because she was flying back before them. Jenny picked her gift bag and was looking through it and said, "hey where did this towel come from?" Fran realized that she had picked up Jenny's gift bag by mistake. The funny thing is that all that was left in Jenny's bag was an opened thing of lifesavers and a few pieces of gum. LOL!!!!
We were horrified because we were sure the siesta who got Fran's gift thought she was the cheapest siesta around. ROFL!!
If you are the Siesta who got Fran's present, we apologize.
Sorry if this was too long but we still laugh about it today!!
Much Love,
Patty
Trying to come up with something funnier, but it's not happening. Going to tell on myself here.
This is how I got my blog name...
We were at a leadership banquet at church and hubs and I were sitting with some very good friends. The 3 couples of us were having the greatest time just chatting away. As most conversations do with me, it came back around to food. We started talking about this potato casserole that is so good. My girlfriend said, "Oh yeah, I make that. That's the one with the frozen hash browns and cream of mushroom soup." Thinking about how much easier hers sounds, I said, "Oh no. Mine is WAY more homemade than THAT." The table got really quiet and everyone kind of looked at me. "Did I just say that out loud?" "Yes," they all replied. Laughter errupted.
Trying to think of more...
Ooh - this one I can tell on myself. God is so sweet and gentle to make me laugh when He works in my heart to convict me sometimes. My small group is working our way through K Minter's No Other Gods and through it, one of my functional gods has been revealed to be others’ perceptions of me. Sweet Jesus had me laughing in the aisles of the grocery as He pointed out how ridiculous this idol is. I have so elevated others’ opinion of me that it functions as a god because I will do all sorts of things for the sake of my image including this little bit of craziness: when I buy cat food at the grocery, I also buy dog food…even when I don’t need it! So concerned am I that some stranger might think I’m a crazy cat lady that I will not only buy dog food, I will hide the cat food beneath it! What foolishness is this! (PS – I do have a dog, too – I’m not that crazy – but trust me when I say, her food shelf at home is rather well stocked!)
I was hand-stitching a hem one morning and I dropped a needle on the floor.
I cautioned my young son to be careful not to step on the needle. He immediately looked concerned and said "And all the air would go out of me?"
Melissa H.
My daughter was playing outside on the porch with her little friends and as I was walking toward the screen door to go outside I tripped and starting a running fall. with arms flying and my legs building momentum I looked to the screen door to stop my fall. My daughter outside, saw my dilema (sp?)and realizing I was going to hit the screen door she opened it and I continued my tumble. If I hadn't turned to stop myself on the porch railing I would have gone down the steps into the street!!! This happened in a matter of seconds. it was just like those silly cartoons. We still laugh about it.
A few years ago my husband and I attended a church conference at a hotel. The woman sitting in front of us had loud gas bubbles rumbling through her stomach. I felt for her as I can so relate. During prayer she leaned over and held her stomach to reduce the sound. (I know I was way more focused on her than the prayer - but for good reason.) Unfortunately for her the gas could not be contained. Unfortunately for me, it was freed in front of my bowed head and face. My husband and I lost it. Do you know how hard it is to contain laughter during prayer? A lot harder than containing gas.
Here's a kid one that I just thought of...
The other day, hubs went in to get our 3 year old son up to go to daycare. I was taking our daughter to school that morning so we had already left. It was the first week of school and Nathan was having a little bit of a hard time adjusting to having to get out of bed and not being able to just linger and lie around in bed like he had become accustomed to doing during the summer.
So, Mike opened up his door and saw some movement, meaning that he was in fact awake and just lying in bed. He takes a couple of steps into his room, and the conversation goes something like this:
Nathan: "Close the door." (in kind of a nasty tone)
Dad: "A) Don’t speak to me that way; and B) It’s time to turn the light on and get up and get dressed."
Nathan: "A) It’s not time to get dressed; and B) Turn off my light!"
Dad exits stage left laughing the whole way. I mean, what else can you do at that point?
My oldest son was about 2 and he went fishing with his daddy one day. Dad would cast out the line, and my son would reel it in as fast as he could. After a while, they had not had any bites, so Dad cast it out and said, “This is the last time before we go home.” He handed the rod to my son who just held it. Puzzled, Dad looked at him. My son looked up and replied, “My fish coming soon!”
Here's my tech-babe! My daughter was pretending to be the gate into the laundry room. I asked, “May I come in please?”
She replied, “Press the ‘Are you sure?’ button!”
A few days after my daughter was born I had to take her to the ER with jaundice. A BRAND NEW tech (first day, first patient) was trying to draw blood from her little arm. Couldn't do it. It was awful. She was screaming and I was about to. Later, after an intervention by another tech, we sat in the waiting room for 2 1/2 hours. So stressed and hormones raging, I got up to hunt down the doc to get some news. I looked down and noticed that almost my entire front was soaked. Two giant circles. You get the picture. Right through 2 shirts and a very thick sweatshirt. Can you say Moo??!?!?!?!?
My sister won't mind me tattling. In her own words:
Being that I have 3 kiddos under the age of 2, getting in and out of the car is always a workout! It goes something like this: take in purse, diaper bag and anything i got while out and about, then proceed to take the kids in one at a time. So, when we got home from some errands today, i got one of my little guys out of the van (yes, i am a mini-van mom and proud :) and took him inside. I then went back out, unbuckled my girl and let her walk on inside. I then got my other little guy out of his seat and went to go inside. Um... yeah... for some reason the door wouldn't open... and that's because my sweet little 2 year old LOCKED IT! Purse, keys, anything that could open the door is sitting inside. Panic quickly set in and i'm yelling at the top of my lungs for my daughter to come and open the door for mommy. I can hear her crying on the other side of the door, not knowing what to do. I went in the backyard to look through the window to make sure my other little guy was ok inside (they are crawling all over the place, thus get into everything). What to do, what to do. After about 25 minutes of trying to get my 2 year old to open the door, I debated whether i was going to break a window or bust through the door. Thankful a pick ax does wonders to a garage door. And God has given me the grace to know this to shall pass. Oh would you like to see pictures? (http://emphoto.typepad.com/erin_mcfarland_photograph/2008/11/life-with-a-two-year-old.html?cid=137793488#comments)
I CAN NOT WAIT FOR NEW ORLEANS!! BRING IT!!!
OK, the other day my brother had his 18th bday and all of his friends were over at my parents house. I decided I was going to take my moms bicycle out for a ride. Well, I started out of the driveway and saw my 3 year old running out in the road to follow me. I put on the handle brakes and hit down on the bar in the middle of the bike...flew out into the street over the handle bars and the bike landed on top of me. All because I was worrying about her. pause some guy is sitting here staring at me in the food court...I may wave. Anyway, all of my brothers friends see me in the road and I hear them say dude your brother is laying in the street as my child tries to get help. NO good Samaritans were found in the driveway. LOL
And another is that I have been watching the Bon Qui Qui video (which is clean if you google it) and we go to vote and there were ladies from a restaurant handing out food. My 3 year old looks up at me and says, "Mommy where is Bon Qui Qui?" I about died. You'd have to see it. We need to step up the scripture memory if she can get the Bon Qui Qui video down.
When I was in college I attended a Sunday night chapel service. The student who was praying said, "Lord, please speak to us." At that very moment there was interference through the microphone she was using, " I'm over here in front of Fant Library." I totally lost it then, and 40 years later I can still laugh hysterically about it. Since then I have often wished that God would answer that promptly and that audibally.
Several years ago when my two oldest boys were in 1st and 2nd grade, they brought home their report cards. My oldest son, David, received all A's and I told him how proud I was he got "straight A's". Well, my little 1st grade boy, Tyler, got A's and B's and after I had commented on David's "straight A's" Tyler looks at me and says "Mommy, were my A's crooked?" It took me a minute, but then I understood what he was saying...Oh, my goodness, so sweet!!! I was quick to tell him his A's were perfect and so were his B's!!
A story from a friend's mom...
She was carring her 4year old grandaughter and tripped and fell. The grandaughter was fine but the grannie hurt her foot. Later that evening the grandaughter was consoling the grannie and said... grannie don't worry, I am going to take care of you, will you get me some chocolate milk. Precious!
My brother's family was sitting down to dinner one night and they all bowed their heads, closed their eyes and prayed over their meal. When finished, Maggie the 3-yr old said, "Mom, Seth Boy (the 2-yr old) wasn't praying but instead he was looking all over the room." Mom then asked Maggie, how do you know that Seth Boy was doing this? Maggie looked at everyone and said, "Oh man, BUSTED!"
My kids love to listen to their Bible Songs cd in the car. The song, "Joshua fought the battle of Jericho" is one of their favorites. One day as we were riding along in the van, my then 2 year old little boy busts our singing, "Joshua fought the battle of cherry-coke, cherry-coke, cherry-coke..." It was hilarious! He really thought that's what the song was saying!
I have two funnies for you.Both are about my precious daughter Hannah who is now 17. When she was about 7 years old she ask me, "mama when am I going to see my nanny and papa again" and I replied,"why baby" she then said,"because I am just craving my nanny and papa". I thought it was so sweet and I ask my mom why my children love to come to their home so much and she told me, "because we just love them to pieces". I really feel like that is why we crave God so much, because He loves us to pieces. I have countless stories about my children, but one more real quick about you Beth. My children have grown up seeing me study many Beth Moore studies and watching many videos. As I was preparing to lead a weekend retreat using the Loving Well Study Hannah looked at me and said, "you know mama you could be the next Beth Moore" as always I ask her why and she said,"because you are a good teacher." I was so tickled but more than anything I was moved to tears with gratitude to God for showing me some of the fruits of my labor. Beth, did you know that you are so famous that there could be a next you! You are famous for the TRUE FAMOUS ONE!
Love in Christ,
Dana Chaffin
Madison, GA
Several years ago when my two oldest boys were in 1st and 2nd grade, they brought home their report cards. My oldest son, David, received all A's and I told him how proud I was he got "straight A's". Well, my little 1st grade boy, Tyler, got A's and B's and after I had commented on David's "straight A's" Tyler looks at me and says "Mommy, were my A's crooked?" It took me a minute, but then I understood what he was saying...Oh, my goodness, so sweet!!! I was quick to tell him his A's were perfect and so were his B's!!
I dropped my oldest Ryan off at his second day of preschool last year. His teacher was telling me how he had hit it off with this little boy named Charlie and they were glued at the hip. I told her that he had talked all morning about a little boy named James. She said we don't have a James in our class. I don't know where Ryan found "James" but he couldn't stop talking about him. The next day I picked Ryan up from school and his teacher told me that she had figured out who James was ... James was one of the trains ... From Thomas the tank engine. Charlie and Ryan were train buddys and played with James together.
This might not be the type of funny you are looking for -- but it is funny to me. I just gave birth at 42. I have a 25 year old and a 15 year old and two grandkids. After trying for another child years ago, I was diagnosed with blocked tubes. 12 years later (and of course no birth control)I found myself pregnant. Did I mention my husband will be 60 soon? God has finally convinced me that He is in TOTAL CONTROL of my life. hee hee
Good timing as this story just occurred last night...
My daughter, who's in the third grade, came home and bashfully showed me a homework paper with all kinds of writing on it. At her school, they don't take grades on homework - only check it for accuracy - so I was a bit confused as I always double check her work and hadn't seen this particular one.
Apparently, she rushed through it Tuesday evening and missed over half of the problems as she neglected to give it to me to double check. Due to the numerous errors, her teacher had sent it home for me to sign. Guess what? It was signed all right but I didn't do it!
My 9-year-old told her teacher that 'dad signed it but his writing was so messy I had to write over his.' Now, mind you, I did not find this funny AT ALL when it first happened but my husband thought it was hysterical...mainly because she's so young and has always been such a good child and the fact that she hasn't quite mastered cursive yet.
It reminded me that we may as well go ahead and confess when we fall short because the Father always knows and we'll eventually be held accountable.
My 3 1/2 yr old son had been with me running errands. He had been doing a very poor job listening and behaving, so while I was putting him in the car, I told him he was going to be in big trouble when we got home. He got in his seat and sat there for awhile, uncharacteristically quiet. Then he piped up and said, "mom, I prayed and asked God and Jesus to help me not get in trouble."
This is a hair one, or lack there of. I was at my son's house and his 4 year old son was giving me something that he had made at pre-school. He was quite proud of it and I thought I was making the appropriate noises about it but all of a sudden he looked up and took off crying at the top of his lungs. My daughter-in-law and I looked at each other in puzzlement. I said what did I say and she didn't think I had said anything to make him cry. She took off after him and he said grandma scared him because I had my hair on and he was used to seeing me without hair.
I don't like wigs either, so ever since, I have on a hat or just bare headed. Having no hair to worry about is very freeing siestas.I just don't recommend having chemo to go without. Shave it instead.
Vicki
Hi Beth!
My name is Elizabeth Williams living in Mississippi and I will be in your audience all of next week if I can swing a babysitter for every night! :)
Anyway--The most hilarious story I've heard in a long time is about my husband as a poor freshman in college. He got the bright idea on a SEC College Gameday to put on his orange hunting vest and stand in the entrance drive of his dorm and charge $10 a car that wanted to park. His dorm was very close to the stadium. So he was making serious cash until a policeman drove by, asked him what he was doing, and he told him it was for a dorm fundraiser (not really)! He was asked how much he'd made and gave a dishonest, low amount all the while he's stuffing cash into his sweatshirt, while the policeman is calling in his ID over the radio. The policeman told him to wrap it up and not take any more cars until he had official written permission. Ha! I guess when you are desparate to make money to eat and survive as a college student...you'll do about anything. Of course my husband tells the story much better than I.
But that's it in a nutshell.
Can't wait to be with you next week. Lord knows I need this fresh word from God and spiritual awakening. I sure hope we get to meet.
Love, Elizabeth Williams
Pass Christian, MS
I run a daycare, and I started to put on weight, two twin five year old girls, Debbie and DeDe looked at me and DeDe said, "what is wrong with your butt?" I tried real hard to see if maybe I had sat in something, or maybe my pants were tore, and I asked "what is wrong with it?" Debbie chimed in (she was the "evil" twin)and exclaimed, "its getting big, real big, like this...." and she proceeded to demonstrate how big my butt was getting.
Last spring on a Thursday, one week from the tornado touch downs that affected our friends and family (a family friend lost her baby) was spent part of the time in the walk in closet praying and singing as storms once again raged around us. Gage, my four year old grandson was singing over and over...My Redeemer Lives...I sang with him a while but when I added (as melodically as I could) "O yes He does. Gage responded, "Hey, those words don't live in that song!"
What does this have to do with First Grade Faith you ask? I was waiting on Hunter, my first grade grandson, to get off the bus so we could head to his house and fix dinner for his mommy and surprise her. It is amazing what you hear when you really listen to children. I mean REALLY LISTEN... Hunter talked about having to go to the 'libary' during lunch because of the storm - not once - but twice. Then I heard the words that melted my heart. "Gage, I was so worried about you." We told Hunter we were worried about him too and had said a prayer for his safety. Then Hunter responded, "I prayed two times! I prayed with Brad two times and I prayed with Joel two times. That makes four times!" He then told us, "I said, Lord, please don't let the tornadoes touch down. And, Granna, you know what? They didn't! Yep, it was all because we prayed to the Lord." I can just imagine those three little boys in the crowded public school library waiting for the storm to pass along with hundreds of other children, talking, laughing, and playing as first graders often do. But here, three little boys huddled together in prayer. Knowing without a doubt that the Lord would hear and would answer. A little band of believers....O to have the faith of a child!
One night I was tucking in my 4 1/2 y/o son and we were praying and talking about sin and what it was. My son remembered taking some lip gloss from my sister, so I told him to ask God to forgive him and He would. He says "OK, but first I've got to get rid of this smile" and he turned his head. Then he says "it'll be a few more minutes". I kind of started to giggle and he says "it keeps coming back". I lost it at that point and we both started laughing.
After having a very in depth conversation with my new boss that I had never met.. I said... yes, we can kill a bird with two stones..
YIKES!
My daughter Sammie didn't like chocolate as a child. So when she was 4 and tried to explain hell to her 3 year old brother, Andrew she put it this way:
"It's really hot there. They make you work all the time and (her voice growing in intensity), they make you eat CHOCOLATE!!!"
My three year old niece Regean was at church with her parents. As the usher approached her pew with the collection plate she gestured at him and said, "We'll get ya next week."
Here's a cooking disaster:
I got married in May 1989 when I was 23 years old. I had never cooked fresh green beans before. My in-laws plant a garden (they still do to this day and they are 73 and 75 years old) and had given me a huge "mess" of green beans.
So, after the green beans were broken and strung, I got out my brand-new Farberware 6-quart stock pot, placed the beans, some seasonings and salt in them and filled the pot with water. I brought the beans to a boil.
Now at this time, I thought everything had to be cooked on high! My beans cooked and cooked and a little while later I smelled something burning. By the time I got to the kitchen and moved my brand-new stockpot off the stove, the beans were completely dry and there was a huge burned indentation in the bottom of my pot - it was so hot there was nearly a hole in the bottom of my pan.
Here comes the funny part - I got out my Farberware owner's manual and proceeded to call Customer Service. I explained (nearly in tears) that I was newly married and had attempted to cook my first pot of fresh green beans and that I had boiled them dry and the stove almost burned a hole in my 6-quart stockpot. The lady was so nice that she told me she was sorry and that they would send me a brand-new stockpot in the mail to replace the one I ruined.
A few days later, I received a brand new 8-quart stockpot and lid to replace my ruined 6-quart pot.
I have told this story many times over the past almost 20 years and it never fails to get a laugh!!
Angela in Tennessee
One of my favorite stories with my oldest daughter is the time we went to Disney World and had a fabulous time, she was four. At the Hall of Presidents where we went to cool down and sit down for awhile she was very studious of all the pictures, etc. I love history, I was really into it. During the presentation, when the curtains roll back and you see all the presidents on stage, she stood up in her seat, with her little blond pigtails just a bobbin' and said, "Hey, what is this a men's meeting? Where are all the women?" Loved it! Love you Beth!
Love and Blessings, Debbie in Tennessee
A friend of mine said she took her two children, about ages 5 and 6, to the funeral home for the first time recently. She said her little girl went up to the casket and took a good long look. They then when they went through the receiving line. Her daughter looked up at the first person in line who was standing right next to the casket, nodded back at the person in the casket and stated, "ya know, he's dead".
After having my 3rd baby and being VERY postpartum I took all 3 children (ages 6, 3, and 1 month) to our fall festival by myself, while hubby was at home watching football. It was a disaster. After getting into the car when it was over I put the kids in their car seats. I sat down in the driver's side and turned on the car and just sobbed. During my "pity party" I looked over at the passenger's side and there sitting on the seat was a lemon cake my daughter won in the cake walk. I took the saran wrap off and started stuffing as much cake as I could into my mouth, one handful after another. I did this all the way home! Is food a love language?
My 5 yr. old, vegetarian grandson spent the night with us last night. During dinner he was very inquisitive about our chicken pieces - especially the bones. When my husband had just about picked his piece clean, Elijah said, "Big Papa, is that the chicken's toes?".
"G" in B'ham.
My two year old red headed nephew, who is full of fire and personality does so many funny things we could write a book. I think this is one of the cutest though. He is now in preschool along with my 4 yr old at our church. Needless to say a lot of our "church" friends work at the learning center with our sons. This year my nephew is learning to pray before he eats. They sing the "God Our Father" prayer that repeats itself until you say Amen. Well....my nephew does not like to waste time when it comes to his lunch. Recently we told him to say the blessing before we ate so he proceeds to say, "Godder Godder Amen". I suppose that would be God Our Father all in one with the repeated word. It was so cute the adults were laughing hysterically and of course my 4 yr old has to correct him and do it the "right way". As you know when we finally made it through the blessings my nephew had pretty much finished his lunch. He does not have a lot of patience yet.
Tonya in Florida
We were at a business meeting at church and they didn’t have childcare. (Yes, that's hysterical, isn’t it?) We were voting on a huge decision for our church’s future and our pastor asked several people to pray before we voted. In the middle of the 2nd prayer, my son, 5, had the giggles and couldn’t stop laughing. We were trying to settle him down and his sister pinched him really hard and he yelled, “Ouch, sissy, that hurt!” and continued to giggle. I tried to pick him up and take him out of the service and he was a limp sack of taters! He giggled as I was picking him up and he shouted, “Mommy, that tickles!!”
About a year ago I had a long conversation with my boys in the dark at bedtime about all sorts of things, including sin and why people act yucky. I explained that it really all began with Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden, when Eve chose to eat the apple even though God told her not to. At that, my six-year-old, Mathieu, said, "That's what I hate about Adam and Eve. They ate that apple and then all this sin happened. If they were hungry, they could've just roasted a chicken." :)
Linda in MN
My 10 year old grandson, Noah, was watching the election results Tuesday evening when he told his Mom, "If Obama wins I am going to learn Chinese and move to China!" He and his 8 year old sister, Kaylee, go to bed early so they waited until the next morning to hear the results. Julie, my daughter, found Noah up early and dressed for school and standing before the TV listening to the news of Obama's win when he turned to her and announced, "I've got to buy a Chinese textbook now and learn Chinese!"
The following story took place when Ansley was around four years of age. We had recently fenced in our back yard and Ansley wanted to play outside by herself. Well, I thought I should let her feel like a BIG girl so I agreed to let her go outside. I gave her strict boundaries and told her the rules. “Ok, Mama”, so outside she went. One of my rules…”Do Not go out of the fence.” Well, my nose was glued to the window watching her as she played on her swing set, then she would jump off and run and jump with her hand outstretched she would twirl around as if she was stating…free at last….I’m free at last. So I giggled and walked away from the window, with a sense of she knows what to do. Well, I looked away for maybe two minutes and when I looked out – she was gone! My heart sank to my stomach, then I heard the doorbell ring. I opened the door to find my precious little Ansley holding the mail that she had retrieved from the mailbox which was located on the street! YIKES! “Here Mama I brought you the mail.” As if I would appreciate it after she broke the rule! My first question, “Ansley, why did you leave the back yard and walk to the road and get the mail?” She replied, “My body said yes, but my Spirit said no.” After a big hug, some time out and a giggle (that she didn’t see) I told her to listen to the Spirit next time. How precious is that? Children are precious treasures!
My nephew had come to our house to spend the night on Saturday and go to church with us Sunday morning. That afternoon his daddy, by brother Pat, was to pick him up. After lunch I went to take a nap and my husband was in the living room catching up on his Bible study for class that night with instructions that Pat would be over soon. Not long after laying down, my son came in to ask me if he could go with his uncle and cousin. I said he could. After getting up a little later, I asked my husband about our son leaving. He had no idea he was gone and I was mad because I assumed he'd sent our son to ask me if it was okay. (When my brother stopped by my husband was apparently in the backyard). So I'm dumbfounded that my husband didn't know our son was gone and just getting started on fussing at him. He had his Bible study lesson open and calmy looked up at me and said "Well, it says right here that Mary and Joseph didn't know where Jesus was for 3 days." I just shut my mouth and walked away!
Dawn Holmes
My younger son, Mark, was always attentive to Bible directives , so one day he and his older brother were on the couch watching television together. Something came on the program that caused my older son, Scott, to exclaim, "Holy Moses!" Immediately, Mark (5years old at the time) said, "Scott, you used Moses' name in vain!"......I was in the kitchen and heard it and somehow it made me proud! <><
Imagine my shock when I saw my otherwise compliant 2 year old (I know, an oxymoron, but my second born made up for it!) coloring on our new linoleum kitchen floor with a purple crayon! I immediately exclaimed, "Hannah! what are you doing? Just wait until your daddy gets home; you'll be in big trouble!" I handed her a dish towel which she promptly put to use scrubbing with all her might saying, "Ooh,ooh, come on, come off, before 'Big Trouble' comes!"
Thank goodness the crayon marks peeled away before B.T. got home :-)
allyson
How about the fact that a few weeks ago after I cashed a check at the bank during a very crowded lunch hour, I thanked the teller and then proceeded to drive away with my money AND the tube that sends your money back and forth. So of course I am oblivious and can't understand why the man behind me is honking so loud, or why everyone else in all of the very crowded drive-through bank lines have started to honk as well. When I realized what had happened I had to drive back around to the bank and get out of my car and hand the man the tube so he could do his banking. Menahwhile, half of my church congregation is in line (of course), and people proceed to roll their windows down and laugh hysterically and say "I didn't know that was YOU!" Just a day in the life! :)
Mama always said to wear clean underwear, didn’t she? This story proves her right!
My husband and I were at a funeral and just happened to be sitting on the front row. The funeral had already had some mishaps and faux pas (such as the Pastor announcing that the “nut’s” gone – meaning the deceased), but the biggest was about to take place. As we watched the mourners solemnly pay their last respects to the dearly departed, one particular lady caught our attention. As she stood in front of the casket, nose in Kleenex, suddenly, her skirt fell to the floor. Unbeknownst to her she is now standing there in her blouse and lovely beige slip! However, her husband is aware of her lack of clothing! Being the helpful Henry that he is, he proceeds to give her a huge nudge in her side and points to the floor. (I guess he’s too shocked to be a gentleman and pick it up for her.) Greatly embarrassed, she reaches down, grabs her skirt, pulls it back up and hangs on to it for dear life! Have you ever HAD to swallow a laugh . . . at a funeral? I thought I would die trying to hold it back. Later, I laughed until I cried!
Loving the lighter side of life,
Sherry
The classic difference between boys and girls..
My two children, right after Halloween, discussing what they wanted to be next year...
My 6 year old girl saying, "Daddy, next year I want to be a bunny rabbit!"
My 9 year old boy, without missing a beat, says, "Next year, I want to be a bunny rabbit hunter."
Classic!
A few weeks ago I took my 1 1/2yr old son to the park that has a nature center and kids play area. The theme happened to be underwater. I put on a hand puppet of a shark and said "Jadon look the shark is going to get you". I pretended to bite him with the puppet. He started hopping backwards and with the highest pitch I have heard him do yet he said, "ooo shark" over and over, the whole time looking at me like he was really bit. He wouldnt come near the shark for me to show him it was only a puppet. Poor thing but it made me laugh so much!
I was in a speech tournament back in high school and was in the middle of a dramatic piece when my mind went completely blank. I quickly dropped my head and started praying, "God help! help! help! help! help!" All of a sudden I remembered the line, lifted my head and continued on. I was horrified and dreaded facing my coach after the tournament. But lo and behold, I won first place in that round! In their comments, two of the judges wrote, "Great dramatic pause!"
Linda
One day my husband and my son were pretending to be animals. They would try to be the strongest animal. After naming some animals my son said, "I'm a T-Rex", and then my husband said, "I'm the Daddy T-Rex". My son thought for a minute and said, "I'm the Mommy T-Rex".
What a proud moment!
While student teaching last semester, I would come home everyday from school just exhausted. This one particular day, I was so tired that I went to bed pretty early.
I woke up the next morning, looked at my alarm clock and it said 6:30 a.m.! I was still compltely exhausted (like I'd barely slept at all!) but was in a panic because that meant I was way late!
So, I hopped out of bed, jumped in the shower, could barely even open my eyes in the shower, then got out of the shower to realize I didn't hear anybody else in the house awake. I was so confused, but come to find out, it was only 2 a.m.!
I took a shower at 2 a.m. in the stinkin' morning. No wonder I was exhausted and confused! It wasn't time to be in the shower! And better yet, none of my family heard me in the shower!
I so joyfully climed back in bed until it was time to really get up.
Lindsee
After finishing seminary, my father moved our family to a small country town to start a Church. After a few months of having meetings in our home, the Church was beginning to be established. One day my dad was leaving, dressed in his best suit, to officiate his first wedding when he passed my two brothers playing outside. "Where are you going, daddy?" my brother said. While continuing to walk by, my dad said,"I'm going to marry somebody."
Completely heartbroken, my brother immediately started to cry and asked,"Don't you love Mommy anymore?" Needless to say, my dad had to slowdown and do some explaining!
I just recently took my 4 little girls to visit my Grammpa's grave. They were not able to attend the funeral 2 years ago in NE due to flights and what not. So, while there, my girls decided to sing Grampa a little song....the ABC song. As we walked away, one of my 4 year old twins said, "Come on mom, let's go find some more friends to sing too" as she looked around at all the headstones. ;o)
We were out on the church hayride for our Fall Carnival last week and about two blocks into it, we get pulled over by the local police. They tell us we've violated 2 state laws: being in an open air vehicle without a parade permit, and having children under the age of 18 in an open air vehicle. So...we start to hop off the trailer and walk back (2 blocks, mind you) to the church when the officer announces we can't leave because he has a supervisor on the way to "determine what we're going to do about this situation". Wow. The sargeant decides it's too unsafe to walk back (did I mention it was 2 blocks), so we start calling folks at the church to drive the 2 blocks to pick us up. The kids are crying thinking we're going to jail and I'm mentally composing my complaint letter in my head. But we calmed the kids down, and made it back, rebel lawbreakers that we are, and had a funny story to share.
I can't wait to read all the funny stories. I need them! ;)
I've read every one of these and I'm laughing outloud! Robyn's story about her pastor dad and the zipper is hilarious!!!
The only story in my mind at the moment is when I went to the wrong funeral home for a visitation for a coworker's dad who had died. I was the first person at the visitation (also for an elderly gentleman) and as I was talking to his daughter and the whole family was listening, I realized I was at the wrong visitation and tried SOOO hard to back out of it but she had figured it out, too. She was teary-eyed and I felt for her but I could not stop my very inappropriate laughter either!!! Ugh! I was soooo humiliated!
Missy in SC
My very whimsical and self-proclaimed scatter-brained friend was leading "Breaking Free" to a group of college girls. Mid Bible Study, she lost her book and it was never to be found. We all got a kick out of joking that she got so free she just broke on free from "Breaking Free"...
A few days ago my 3 year old son and I were reading a story out of the Everyday Children's Bible. The story for the day was of Jesus overturning the tables in the temple and running the sellers out. All the stories have pitures, and this particular one showed Jesus and the tables overturned and things everywhere. As I started reading the story my son said "There's Jesus." I said that he was right. Then he said "Jeus making mess". I continued to read the story so he could here why Jesus was upset and all he kept saying over and over with increasing concern was "Jesus making mess, Jesus making mess." We never got through the story, but I could see the wheels turning and him wondering why Jesus was making a mess when we have told him not to make a mess when he was upset.
I am originally from WV, and yes we talk funny there too. I currently live in the upstate of SC, i am an athletic trainer (sports medicine). I have 2 student trainers that help me during the school year on the sidelines. We are composing a list of words only used in the South like, Transfer truck (which really is a 18 wheeler) or calling a garden hose a hose pipe? LOL but our favorite was at a middle school game during halftime, a sign was held up by some of the Jr. High kids that read "we love our Cheerladers!!!" totally a new word for our list, and only in SC :)
Holly
My daughter came home from kindergarten one day telling me her wonderful, sweet, beautiful teacher had said a bad word in class. I couldn't believe it and proceeded to question her about this word. Apparently, it was in a book this wonderful teacher was reading to the class. Well, I couldn't imagine what kind of book THAT might be! So, I finally pried it out of her. Can you possibly guess the "bad" word her teacher had used? "Shut-up"
I thought of another! :)
I have two daughters named Lindsay and Peyton. Lindsay is in high school and Peyton is in 3rd grade.
Peyton and I are in the kitchen getting breakfast ready. Lindsay comes into the kitchen wearing a new outfit and says "Mom, does this look dumb?" And I say, "You know we have a special alarm that goes off in this house if somebody tries to walk out of here looking dumb. I don't hear an alarm, so you must be looking good." Lindsay smiles and turns to walk away. She turns back around and says, "What about my hair?" and Peyton goes "BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!!!!"
Two months ago the warning light on my car's dash board turned on alerting me that something was wrong with my brakes. I knew a trip to the repair shop was in my near future. This completely annoyed me because my husband is always the one who handles this sort of thing. He was out of town on travel so it was completely "up to me".
I called the dealership and they asked if I could bring my car in right away. The drive would be approx. 45 minutes so off I went. Half way there I realized that the mall was only 5 minutes from the dealership. Oh, I hadn't been to mall in months and what a treat that would be! I absolutely LOVE to go shopping but knew I shouldn't be spending any additional money right now. I prayed right then, " Lord, you know I LOVE to go shopping and I REALLY want to go the mall. This is a huge temptation so I need You to do something to keep me from going." Thirty minutes later, I pulled up to dealership and proceeded to get out of my car. At that moment, I realized I didn't have any shoes on!!!! Needless to say, God answered that prayer. I never made it to the mall but boy did I look ridiculous walking about the car dealership barefoot. Oh ya, the place was packed with people too!
Sweet blessings,
Leah
P.S. I grew up in New Orleans. A great local cafe there is called "The Gumbo Shop". You should try it out.... delicious!
My son had just started his first year of pre-school in a Christian school. He had gone to SS his whole life & ws 4 yrs old when this happened. He LOVED Mrs. Walker & enjoyed school & learning & especially answering questions. One morning Mrs. Walker asked if anyone knew what the Trinity was. Hands shot up & she called on my son, knowing that he was a Sunday School boy & hoping that the answer responded would be the right one. He proudly responded, "Yes it is God the Father, Jesus the Son & the Holy Mackeral!!" Needless to say, when I picked him up that day, the entire staff was waiting anxiously to tell me. He had heard me use that expression 1 time too many, lol. He remembers that day so clearly as Mrs. Walker so kindly corrected him. He is 20 years old now & in Bible College.
Blessings on your taping, Beth!!
Last night a friend ask me to help her fix the drawer on her computer table. I put some small tools in small tool bag I had bought from Sears. As we were sitting talking she said, "Oh did you get a new purse?" I realized she was talking abuot the tool bag. I told her yes, many women shop at Coach for their purses but I really prefer Sears. That's when she saw the Sears stitched in the side of the bag. It was pretty funny.
This has been so good for a laugh! Especially the story about the preacher-father with the flag! I have tears rolling down my face from laughter!!!
Ok... here's my story:
I'm directionally challenged in a major way, so when I travel to speak for women's events, I always take a driver with me. One night a friend was driving me home from an event about 2 hours away. We were talking and having a great time, when I realized I hadn't called my husband to tell him we were on our way home. Just to be silly, I told him what mile marker we just passed and flippantly said, "Do you know where we are?" After a long pause, he said, "Yes I do... and Jen... you're going the wrong way!" We should have been close to Nashville by then, when instead, we were about to head into Memphis! And neither one of us noticed! (Scary... I know...Lots of possible applications here!) Needless to say, we turned a 2 hour drive into a 4 hour one, and I've paid attention to which way we're going ever since! :-)
We have been actively teaching our boys good table manners. In doing so, we ask that they clear the table for us after dinner, but they have to ask us first, "May I take your plate?". One night, we had family over for dinner and our 7 year old was clearing the table. He went to clear his dad's plate, asking if he could take his plate, and my husband told him to ask his Aunt first (ladies first). My 7 year old was very confused, but obediently turned to his Aunt and said, "May I take his plate?".
It is now a family classic!!
One more thing, I attended Breaking Free this past Spring here in Houston. The assignment you gave us at the end to write our letter, have it read by someone we respect and trust, and have it sealed by their signature was single-handedly one of the most powerful (and difficult) things I have ever done. I hope you will consider adding that to the updated Breaking Free!
Ok, one Saturday evening our tiny little family sat down to eat together and my daughter who is a natural born comedian stretched her arms out for my husband and myself to hold her hands and very loudly and jovial she boasts
"H-E-L-L-O ? ? ? . . . .IS THE BLESSING NOT POPULAR ANY LONGER IN THIS HOUSE ?!?!" Needless to say, way all burst out in laughter and the LORD just so blessed us that moment . . . out of the mouth of babes. Praise His name!!! Love you all, Alisa in Cheraw, SC
This last summer my husb and I were on our way to our fav place on earth. It is two hours away from our home. We had just entered the town and my husb turned to me and said, "I forgot the keys to the trailer". I choked down my howls of laughter and told him we should turn around, drive home and get them. I also told him that since I had delt with his MAJOR boo-boo so well, he needed to remember and treat me the same when I make a big boo-boo. I haven't made one YET, but I'm kinda looking forward to it. By the time we drove two hours home and two hours back to the trailer, even he was laughing. You can choose how you will react to stuff. Fortunately, I usually choose to laugh.
Susie in wa state.
Ok - I hope this story would be considered clean.
A few nights ago while tucking in my 5 year old daughter for the night she requested I read several books before turning out the lights. I told her mommy could only read ONE book, because I was "all out of gas" for the day, meaning "out of energy." She interpreted my comment to mean out of another kind of gas. So she said, "that's ok momma, just take some real deep breaths and maybe you'll get some more gas."
I'm dating myself here...
This was when cordless phones and blue Kool-aid were new. I had a glass of Kool-aid in one hand and the cordless in the other sitting on our outdoor swing.
Yeah. I answered the Kool-aid.
We live in San Antonio and were at Six Flags a few weeks back. I have a very hyper 4 year old son (Jordan). (He is my Melissa and I have to say there has been more than once when I thought that one of us was not going to make it through the day alive). While we were standing in line for one rides, he climbed on the top of the railing and started singing at the top of his lungs over and over "OBEY THE LORD, THE BIBLE SAYS, OBEY THE LORD, THE BIBLE SAYS"... Lord have mercy we have a preacher in the making on our hands.
Here's an entry from my blog from about 4 years ago:
My 4-Year old has a unique understanding of things. Sometimes I wish that I thought the way she did. She started Kindergarten last week and is learning this week about Creation - specifically the first few verses in the Bible. So, she has been asking a lot of questions - and I am loving it. Yesterday, on our way to school, she asked me if Jesus was God - and if so, how.
Well, I explained to her that yes - Jesus was also God - and then gave her the ice/water/steam analogy in the simplest way that I possibly could. She then said - very matter-of-factly - "Oh, I see - His first name is Jesus and His middle name is God."
Recently a family member past away and my children accompanied us to the wake. My husband explain to them that the person was with Jesus and the body in the casket was not the person. For reasons unknown to me he decided to explain the rapture to them also. Weeks later the conversation came up again and my 10 year old son was discussing how when you die your body stays on earth. My 7 year old daughter interupted him at that point to say,"There is one disease that if you have it Jesus takes your body too. What's it called? It starts with a R. Rapture?
-Karen (Beth, I'll see you next week in N.O.)
I was in Petsmart awhile back with my shepherd/husky Ella. We were coming down an aisle and all of a sudden I see a little blonde streak heading towards us, squealing “ooo! pretty, pretty dog!”. Before I could say anything to her, the little girl’s mother came high-tailing it right after her. “Sarah! What have I told you about running up to strange dogs?!” The little girl, who looked to be about 5, stopped in her tracks and heaved a huge sigh. She looked at me and said, ‘Hi my name’s Sarah, what’s yours?” So I told her. “And what’s your doggie’s name?” And I also told her that. Next thing I know, she’s squatted down about eye-level with Ella, who all along has been very patiently waiting to be paid attention to, and she said, “Hi Ella, my name is Sarah”. Then she turned to her mother, put her hand on her hip, and said, “There Mommy, now it’s not a strange doggie anymore!”
I just heard one about my daughter (age 9). We just lost a precious minister in our church. His funeral was Oct 27. We had Trunk or Treat that Friday (Oct 31), and the minister's widow came dressed as a clown. She had painted a big red smile on her face because as she told her girls, "that way she would be smiling even though she didn't feel like it." My little girl told her, "I guess that didn't really work for you."
Oi. That child's momma needs to teach her manners. LOL Bless the child for seeing the truth of the matter, that the widow still hurts even though the minister is no longer in pain.
Hugs,
Melinda
My story actually happened in New Orleans.
A group from my church went down for a missions trip last summer.
We had planned to go to the French Quarter one night, and to one of my dear friends, that meant she needed to dress for a party. Part of her plan included spray-painting her hair gold. She proceeded to apply the paint to her hair and became concerned that it was too flaky...in her words "it looked like manna". Someone asked if she had read the directions...that maybe she had not shaken it up enough prior to application.
Of course, she had NOT read the directions.
If she had, she would have realized that she was spraying paint onto her hair that was intended for use only on surfaces such as pavement or sidewalks! Under no circumstances was it to be used on hair!
Luckily, no permanent damage was done and we were given the gift of laughter for many days afterwards.
This conversation took place this while we were getting ready to go to school. Emma, my 10 year old daughter, was sitting at the breakfast bar, looking at some old baseball cards. My husband and I were sitting on the floor and I was changing Caleb, our 2 yr. old.
Emma: "Momma, there's a team called the Expos."
Me: "Uh-huh"
Emma: "I can't believe their mascot is markers."
Me: "What?" I look at my husband confused.
Emma: "They're the Expos Markers!"
When my daughter was six (now almost 11) we were entering a public restroom. She pointed at the Braille underneath the women's sign and said, "That's for blond people."
At my 4 year old daughter's school last month they studied Moses - from birth to old age. At the end of the month they were studying the Ten Commandments and everyday she would come home reciting another commandment. On this particular day she said: "you shall not worship idols". Now assuming her teachers had talked to her about what idols are, but not sure, I asked her, "Emma Claire, what are idols?" And she responded (with that 'duh mommy' voice) while pointing, EYEBALLS!!!! My husband and I laughed so hard - you should never take it for granted that they know what they're talking about!
I'm a 1st time mom with a 7month old, and have some how gotten into this warped bubble where I think that I don't have to look in the mirror anymore when leaving the house. Last week when I got home from the store, I went to use the bathroom and my hair was standing straight up in the clip on top of my head and I had pizza sauce on my chin, remembering that before I left for the store I had given my infant kisses and he had grabbed a handful of my hair. What a goof I must have looked like to the cashier, just talkin' away to her! And I would love to say that's the only time it's happened!
We live in the same town with my in-laws, after having lunch with them (at a restaurant) one Sunday after church, my 12 year old thought he would sneak into grandad's car and go home with them. Well he did manage to sneak into the car... but...it wasn't his grandparent's car it was another older couple's car who were watching out the window of the restaurant laughing at him as he realized his mistake and jumped out of their car hoping no one noticed. Of course his dad and I as well as his 3 younger brothers all noticed and have all teased him mercilessly about it.
I hope this passes the clean guideline . . . . . .
When my son was four, he decided to go . . . well . . . . #2 in the back yard. This had always befuddled me as to why he did it. He told me eight years later he wanted to see what it was like to be our dog.
My daughter, age 28, was asked to read a scripture in her Sunday School class that she was attending with her new in-laws. She said "Pontius Pilates" instead of Pontius Pilate. We still laugh about it.
We were at my cousin's wedding sitting in the second row. The minister, all dressed in full white regalia got up to perform the ceremony. He had a wireless mic so when he spoke it boomed out all over the church. My 5 year old son looked at me with awe, shock, reverence, and fear. "MOM??? IS THAT GOD??? This is the same sweet angel who, in the before post, wanted to know what it was like to be a dog.
Okay, I'm going to tell on myself with this one. Several years ago, after my daughter's baptism on a Sunday evening, we had friends over after church. We were having a great time playing our favorite game, Catch Phrase. We always played boys against girls. It was my turn to give clues so the other ladies could guess what my word was. I quickly glanced at the word and began to give my clue. I threw back my head, closed my eyes and pretended to be in a "coma". My best friend guessed immediately. All was well until I glanced at the word again as I was passing it to the next person. The word was NOT "coma", instead it was "comma". We had to stop the game because I just LOST IT! We have laughed and laughed over that one!
Jill in KY
When I was applying to college I only sent in ONE application to ONE school because I knew that's where I wanted to go.(I did do early admission though just in case I needed a backup plan. ;)) I was SO stressed about writing my essays, and had asked my mom (former English major) to edit them for me. The school's website had already crashed once and lost all of my information, so you can imagine how on edge I was at trying to re-submit my life story to these people. Apparently my exhaustion got the best of me because my mom BURST into laughter about 3 lines into my essay as I had begun a childhood story by saying "When I was a little BOY..."
From her rolling in the floor state she politely said, "Well honey, I don't remember those years..." Needless to say, it was a nice moment of comic relief to that hectic time. :)
The other day my little girl was being very creative and put together something that I never dreamed her little four year old brain could do- this involved moving a chair reaching an unusually high box of scissors and glue, cutting and making a card for her bestest friend. finishing it all with an envelope from her daddy's office and a sticker in the corner as her stamp-
I, upon finding her said "Wow, baby girl that is amazing, you did a great job, where did you come from??" her response "You!" with a look on her face that said you should know that.
We were heading out the door on our way to church on Mother's Day. I turn to my husband, who has a little bit of hearing loss from his time in the military, and say, "We can't forget to call your mom..." He turns to me, with a completely confused look on his face and says "Car bomb?!?"
Now, when he doesn't hear something I say the first time, I just say "car bomb."
This past winter brought lots of snow to our area in Idaho where we usually don’t get much.
On Valentine’s day the ground was still covered with 2+ feet of snow, I had walked our half mile
Driveway and on my way back while talking to my Mom I noticed something ahead flopping in the snow. It was a doe with her front foot caught in the barbed wire fence. I told my Mom I would
Call her back and went cautiously over to see if I could help. The doe was calm while I talked to her and tried to set her free. All of a sudden she
Started kicking like crazy and her back foot hit my chin really hard at the same time she freed herself.
In a daze I grabbed my chin and rushed home (distance of a city block) to put ice on it! Just as I got to the door it dawned on me that I was surrounded by tons of snow that would do just as good as ice cubes!
:>)
What a wonderful idea to bring laughter in our lives today! TOO FUN! Thanks dear sweet BETH
A few years ago when my daughter was 2 1/2, I had a big fight with my mom on the phone. When my husband got home, the flood of tears came as I was telling him all about our conversation. My daughter came into the room sees that I am crying she asks, "Mommy, why are you crying? Is it because we haven't hugged in a while?" That brought on tears of joy.
God is so great to allow us to have these blessings in our life!!
A couple years ago when my son was 4, my husband and I got on a huge mission to get ourselves completely out of debt. So we set up a budget and I enthusiastically made sure we stayed within our means. I don't think I realized how enthusiastic I had been about it till my husband took our son to breakfast one morning at McDonalds. My husband ordered our son the usual but he wasn't hungry so ordered nothing for himself. Later on, some friends came in and asked what they were doing which my husband replied having breakfast ofcourse. They then asked where was his and my son quickly responded "We're on a budget!"
-Christy
I have been serving in Armenia as an MK teacher for the past 5 months. This is one of those stories that is only funny because what could have happened, DIDN’T! The following conversation took place in Armenian between me and a taxi driver during the first minute of a long drive from a friend’s apartment to my house.
Me: You are busy tonight? (I asked this because I had to wait 30 minutes for the taxi to pick me up because the taxi company we called didn't have any taxis available at the moment. This is unusual here. They usually come in about 5 minutes.)
Male Taxi Driver: What?
Me: Are you busy tonight?
Male Taxi Driver: Uh...I'm working.
Kristy: Thinking...Um yeah, mister...you're driving a taxi. You're obviously working. Then the light came on in my head...
Me: Oh, no...I mean...um...taxis...um...
(Stuttering and sputtering as I don't have the language to explain myself out of this one.)
At this point, he turned up the music in the taxi really loud, probably so he could stop me from propositioning him for a date...or who knows what else. As I sat there for the rest of the excruciating drive home I could hardly control myself I wanted to LAUGH OUT LOUD!! I was so embarrassed and I'm sure he probably thought he had picked up a crazy desperate American woman. Thank the Lord he didn't tell me, “Yeah I’m free tonight.”, but that he drove me home without another word. I could have gotten myself into some real trouble. I think from now on I will not try to make small talk or practice my language with the driver when I'm alone in a taxi late at night! I continue to praise the Lord for His divine protection!
When our daughters were 7, 10 and 11 we were on vacation one summer about the same time that the Southern Baptists were boycotting a particular movie company. We were trying to decide as a family what movie to go see and each movie that our girls would name were either made by this company or else rated PG13. SO their daddy (a southern baptist preacher) would say, "nope, not that one" after each suggestion and finally after naming at least 6 movies our youngest child looked up at us and said so seriously, "sometimes, I just wish I was a Methodist." We laughed so hard and still tell that story about 12 years later.
Years ago, when I was single, a friend's college aged daughter announced to a bunch of us single folks that she had recently had her belly-button pierced. She was actually the epitome of purity -- the kind of kid you'd want your daughter to be. This really intrigued a lot of the guys around the table... and invoked a lot of questions. After about twenty minutes of the questioning, I finally had enough... So I looked around, looked down at my own (quite round) belly and said out loud... "Hmmm...Belly button ring, huh?????" Then I shook my head, "Nah. I couldn't find mine to pierce it!"
Many years ago prior to sitting down to eat our evening meal there had been a disagreement between me and my little sister and things had not yet been resolved. It was her night to say the prayer before we ate. She bowed her head and in the sweetest voice (wanting to "fill God in" on the situation) prayed--Thank you God for the food, thank you for Mommy, Daddy, and my ugly sister. Amen
Sadly my family has dubbed some of the things they do or say as "A Jenn Moment"
Some of my more shining and stellar comments are goofs are these:
I was dating a guy in high school who was part of a 6 child family. On the phone with him I said, "So, you're an only child except for your brothers and sisters?"
My aunt and uncle came up with my cousins one 4th of July. While we were watching the beautiful display of fireworks exploding in the sky, I looked at my uncle and said, "Wouldn't this be great in
3D?"
In an effort to help my mom, I decided to make stew for dinner. So proud of my creation.......pride yeah, my downfall. When she got home she asked me why I had the powdered sugar out. I rolled the meat in that instead of flour.
And my crowning glory.......A friend had literally been alienated from her family because of a difference of religions. I was distraught for her and said indignantly that "God would never ask you to choose between your child and Him." My mother reminded me of Abraham and Isaac. To which I replied, "Oh, I forgot, he had to shoot the apple off his son's head."
And with that, I will stop.
My two year old son had just learned what a rooster was and how it says, "Cockadoodledoo." My husband and I were eating at a restaurant with him one evening, and my son kept turning around in his seat yelling loudly, "Cockadoodledoo!" We couldn't figure out where the rooster was, and then I turned around and saw it: Only it was no rooster...it was a man wearing a cowboy hat with a Kentucky waterfall mullet spilling out the back! I couldn't argue...I could see the resemblance!
This story is a favorite of mine. Actually belongs to my dear friend but I am certain she would not mind my sharing.
One Wednesday afternoon, as they were preparing to leave for church, little Morgan walked in on her mommy in the restroom (this will be important in a moment). Later, when Mommy was at the door of Morgan's class picking her up, from within the classroom, Morgan yelled, "There's my Mommy. Right there! She's the one with the hiney pad I told you about!". I guess maybe it's questionable how "clean" this one is but, in a room full of women, I thought it might be okay.
As a child, looking at my parents wedding picture I remember looking at my parents wedding picture and asking...
"Mommy, Where was I when you got married?"
MOM: "Well, Andrea you weren't yet."
ME: "Huh? Oh yeah... I was porbably down at Aunt Dorothy's!"
-Andrea T.
I teach a fabulously funny group of kindergarteners each day. I absolutely adore them, and they think I'm terrifically silly. Earlier this month I could not find some papers I had just gotten ready for us to use, and I said, "I think I've lost my mind." One of my little boys ran right up to me and said, "I'll be right back." Thinking he needed to use the restroom I let him go and thought nothing of it. About 30 seconds later he comes running back in. "It's not there!" He yells. "I checked the lost and found and it's not there!"
When my husband and I were first married, we were two uber-broke college students. We were moving to Canada right after the wedding and as such we couldn't take any wedding gifts with us, so we just received some cash and gift certificates from folks to get the basics. But the first nigh tin our Vancouver apartment, all we had were two plastic travel mugs and a crepe-making pan (no joke, someone didn't know the no-gift rule and bought us this very practical item) and some ramen noodles. I had gotten sick on the plane so Caleb faithfully boiled the half-inch of water in the crepe pan and made us ramen noodles, and put them in the plastic cup.
But then (and this is the good part) we realized we didn't have any utensils. So... we used disposable razors to fish the noodles out of the cups (with the plastic covers on of course). This story, when told properly, always kills people.
I work with 6-8 yrs old in our church Awana club. I was telling the story about Abraham and Sarah receiving the news from the Lord about the birth of Issac. I may have made a bigger deal about Abraham and Sarah's ages than what I should have. I asked the young ones what do you think Abraham and Sarah did when they heard the news they were going to have a baby? One very sweet young girl you had never been in church yelled, "They got a divorce." It is funny in one since but very sad in another. On a side note. The Awana missionary which happens to be a close friend of ours was visiting club that night. He had a great laugh that night. Just shows the importance how much we need to share the gospel of Jesus with the lost world.
Terrie
My youngest Granddaughter, who is only three, is fiercely independent. On a walk one day through a crowded park my little Lola was leading the pack and announced that she was "the leader." Her dad caught up with her and said "Lola hold my hand." She turned to him and said "Leaders don't hold hands." What an attitude. I thought about it later and that is true, it takes independence to be a leader but most of all faith in God who will never leave our side.
When my time as a journeyman in Eastern Africa was coming to a close, I only wanted one thing...to get the perfect picture of a leopard in a tree. Everyone in the mission family knew I was praying to see a leopard, and all my friends were praying with me as we headed out on my last safari. That night at the camp, I was walking on the path from my friends' tent to mine when I heard the unmistakable sound of a cat screaming in the tree above me. I looked up and saw something with golden fur coming out of the tree above me. I took off, running back to my friends' tent and blasting my way through the canvas to safety, much like a cartoon character who leaves a shape of himself in the door. When we looked out the window we saw a bleeding impala sitting in front of my tent, and thought "What cats carry their prey up trees?" Leopards. From then on, I became known as the girl who prayed for a leopard but wouldn't look up when God gave her one!
When my youngest was 4 he attended preschool. He was having some problems getting along with another child. On the way to school one morning we prayed. I prayed first and asked God to help the two boys to be kind to each other and to remind my little boy not to get angry if the other child hit him. When it was my son's turn to pray he said, "God, please remind Tyler not to hit me because you know I'm going to hit him back."
When my 25 y/o daughter was 3 y/o she had her first Lord's Supper experience in "Big Church" as I took the bread and pass the plate to my husband with a loud voice she said "Well I like those too." The distraction of the bench shaking from everyone trying to hold ther laughter, was more than her words.
Marilyn
for Halloween, and so I got her a little stuffed dog from Wal-mart and told her his name was To-To, (she has not seen the movie, she's only 5 and we weren't sure she was ready), anyhow, the next morning she woke up looking around for her little dog, she came and asked me "mommy where's the bag with my new little dog, doo-doo?"
My husband and I cracked up! She's so cute!
My brother-in-law used to kid around with his son Jeremy (who was about 3 at the time) by sneaking up behind him and grabbing his little behind and say "Rreerr". Well one day at church Jeremy saw the pastors wife bend over in the aisle to pick something up, and he ran over and "Rreerr"ed her on the behind!!! The family was mortified, but it's a story that we bust up laughing about now! ENJOY!!! :D
Groovewoman♫
I was crying to God about the fact that no one seemed to be interested in me and how I felt invisible & unattractive blah blah blah - just one of those single women moments... So sitting at a stop light mindlessly eating fries I hear a male voice ask for some fries. When I turn to my left I see a man 2 years younger than Moses with ONE tooth in his mouth grinning at me... After that I was SO over myself! Moral: Be careful what you ask for or at least be specific!! :o)
When my son was in 3rd grade he got in trouble with another child for talking during a quiet time. He brought home a "think sheet" to fill out. The sheet has questions like, what did you do, why, etc. One question was who do you need to apologize to. My "holy" son-or so I thought-wrote Jesus. With pride in my heart for teaching him how to live righteously I talked with him about this. I said, so should we pray to Jesus to ask his forgiveness? His response-It's Jesus (Hay seus) mom, not Jesus!!!
I used to work for an oil company. One of the guys that I worked with told me that he used to work with a guy in the field that called EVERYTHING a "WuKaw". I guess the interpretation is a wierd slang of "whatchamacallit". One day, my husband and I were planning to see "The Phantom of the Opera". Neither of us had been to something like this before. So I called to purchase the tickets over the phone. I was connected to a foreign lady. She told me that I could pick up my tickets at the "WuKaw". I said the what? She repeated it. I had no idea what she was saying. So I told the guys in the office what it sounded like the lady had said. After they finished laughing their heads off, they explained that the lady said the "Will Call" and then explained to me what that is. I will never forget that.
My mom found a letter tucked away in the back of my closet written by me when I was in 2nd grade. It went something like this:
"Dear "Boy",
Do you like me? If you do, here's 50 cents. (Then I had taped 2 quarters to the paper.)
If you do not, then I'll need my 50 cents back.
Either the letter never made it to this boy or he just sent the whole thing back! My husband has frequently joked with my why he didn't paid for asking me out. He's a stinker!
My sweet husband and I just bought 20 acres in Harper Tx... in the Hill Country...and I had just read the Breaking Free book for the first time when we made one final trip up to close the deal. When we arrived, the banker asked us if we had a name picked out for our new ranch as they wanted to send us a sign for our fence gate...and I blurted out quite loudly, I might add... BREAKING FREE RANCH...
my hubby looked at me...the banker looked at me...and I turned red!...but after a few seconds...and a little thought, my hubby said "It's PERFECT.." we ARE breaking free now that all five of our children are grown! Little did anyone know where I got that from (except my Jesus) because I was so inspired to let God Break ME FREE...from years of great saddness... What a Great reminder that He has done what He promised... than to live on a ranch called Breaking Free!
signed,
BFR
Let me start by saying that my husband and I are teetotalers - no wine at meals, no beer with ballgames, no alcohol has ever even been in our home. When our son was in kindergarten, his class had a police officer come in to talk to the preschoolers about safety issues. Of course he included in his talk about the dangers of drinking & driving - to which my son raised his hand & explained to the officer that when his dad drink & drives - he is very, very careful! We were in the car on the way to church when he decided to share this story with us - my husband yelled. “COFFEE, son - your dad drinks only COFFEE!” My son replied, “Yep, & you had better be careful!” I thought my husband was going to spit coffee from his ears! Our son had no idea that drinking & driving didn’t include things like diet coke & coffee!
This is one my dad told me about his family. This took place in Bismarck, Arkansas just outside of Arkadelphia.
They were playing cops and robbers and were hitting each other with sticks. (The hitters were cops and the robbers got hit.) One of them picked up a stick thinking it was hollow, but it wasn't. When they hit my uncle on the head, because he was the bad guy, he hit the ground. He did not get up because they knocked him out. All of them were afraid if it got quiet, my grandmother would know that something was wrong. So they stood there and sang "Nearer My God to Thee."
Daddy never finished that story, but I am sure that my grandmother put that correction stick to their body somewhere.
"Breaking Free From a Dress"
I should have known as soon as I put the dress over my head that it was too small, but wanting to believe it would fit, I yanked it down over my hips. Nope- way too small. The trouble started when I tried to get it off- it wouldn't budge. After many gyrations (picture doing the twist w/ your hands over your head, in your bra and underwear), I had to admit defeat. I stuck my head out of the door, and calmly asked the attendant to come and cut the dress off of me. Well, it took some work on both of our behalves, but between the two of us, we got the dress off, and no scissors were involved. I learned my lesson- if it feels tight on your shoulders- there's NO WAY it's going to get past you hips! :)
Rachael, South Dakota
When we were growing up we played football many an afternoon. One day Mom called us in for supper. She told my little brother who was in his elementary years to ask grace. He bowed his head and said, "Down, Set, Hut"!! My twin sister and I about fell out in the floor laughing while Momma tried to keep a stern face. Finally, she gave in to the laughter and my embarrassed brother tried it again with "God is Good, God is Great...
It doesn't look like it posted the first time, so here we go again..
(sorry if it did)
When my daughter Abbie was 3 years old we were at a resort hotel in the south. At the pool, we met a family that were "brown/black". They had the most adorable little children, we were all mesmerized by how cute they were. Abbie couldn't help herself, she was in awe, touching the little girls arm, patting her skin. I could see the wheels turning in Abbie's head, then this big smile appeared on her face and she turned to the mama of the family: "When I grow up, I'm gonna be black too" she proudly announced! We all busted up laughing!
When Abbie was about that same age she was learning that things she watched on her videos, like Bob and Larry from the Veggietales weren't really real people, they're just cartoons. At this time I was flying out to Portland, OR for a LPL conference. I was explaining to Abbie that I was going to listen to the lady that taught on my Bibilestudy videos.
Abbie's eyes became big like saucers and she blurted out: "Mom, she is real??!!"
Beth we thank you for being real, that you've shared you stories, your life, your love for Jesus, the Word, with us.
You are precious!
-Anki
My 3-year old Audrey recently asked her Grandmother if she knew what she "keeped in her heart?" and Grandmom said "no, what?"... to which Audrey replied "....just some blood and God."
Now, I love that. My husband wants t-shirts. ha
I've NEVER posted on a blog before-- but this just happened yesterday and I had to. You'll never know what your blog means to me. I've been around of a lot of less-than-contagious Christians lately that have me really beaten down. You always turn my eyes back to the face I need to fix them upon (and thats not Beth- but I think you knew that! ha).
We grew up in Houston attending every service that our church had. I believe my mother left the hospital and went immediately to church service with all five babies. We knew that if we acted up in church we were in trouble. My daddy would actually take us out of church and spank us. (You could spank then.) He would bring us back in and dare us to cry in church. My brother was little and my dad took him out for misbehaving. As they were walking down the aisle, my brother yelled, "Somebody help me. Help me Please." He still got his spanking and we still talk about that even though my daddy and brother are both in heaven. I know they are sharing that story up there.
One Valentines Day when things were tight financially, I was so excited to have found a free massage class for couples at our local library. I thought it would be the perfect gift and that my hubby would be so happy that it was free! However, his response was not what I'd imagined it would be. It sounded like good, spontaneous and free fun to me. And, initially he was okay with it. That is until he found out it was at the library and that he was required to wear his swim trunks- in February!
I just could not understand how my good intentions were received so differently than I had planned!
He did humor me however, not wanting to upset his new bride, but did. not. wear his swim trunks. He drew the line at that.
His family still teases me about it to this day. I now understand just how private my man is and how horrible that gift was for him ( : But unfortunatley, not until a few Valentines Days later and a few other 'bad' gifts (think free singing telegram to his workplace from costumed music students from a nearby college).
I much better at gift giving now. I think ( : But, now when my husband encourages me not to get him anything for Valentine's Day- I think he is dead serious!
Absolutely love Robyn's "3girlsmom" story...truly had a LoL moment here in the office over this one, to which my boss asked, "What so funny over there? Share!" I was only half way though... to the point where he got stuck... and told them all here in the office what I knew. We all laughed. Then my boss very curiously asked, "So how'd he get out of it?" I replied, "Don't know...Hadn't got that far."
"Well keep reading and let us know how it turns out..." So I did! I almost couldn't let them in on it for laughing so hard...
March on, oh children of God, and onward, His blessed soldiers.
I love God's since of humor!
This week my 5 year old asked me if rain was God peeing from heaven?
WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD??
SARAH PALIN: Before it got to the other side, I shot the chicken,
cleaned and dressed it, and had chicken burgers for lunch.
BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a
change! The chicken wanted change!
JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he
recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One! that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about
me.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the
satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black
chickens.
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize
that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems
before adding new problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not
live his life like the rest of the chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to
accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2008, which will not only
cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken 2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never crash or need to be rebooted.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
BETH MOORE: Supperman? What is that yummy, lipsmackin' smell comin' from that kitchen? Did you find it on the road?
My precious daughter is student teaching first graders. She and her husband just recently found out they are expecting (hooray, I'm gonna be a Grandma!)so she is tired and a little cranky. Her students had been out of sorts since the time change over the weekend and by Tuesday afternoon she was at the end of her rope. She told the little darlings they were driving her crazy and they needed to glue their bottoms to their chairs and not move! You guessed it, three of the precious little ones pulled their glue sticks out of their desks and proceeded to glue themselves to their chairs. Teachers, bless your hearts! I'm sure you could all write a book.
Last week while babysitting my 5-year old grandson, I commented on the fact that large slits were cut in the knees of his blue jeans. Before he could respond, my adult daughter said, "Mom, they make them that way...that's the style." (as if I weren't cool enough to know that!)
Yesterday when I kept him, he had on another pair just like them. I couldn't resist...I said, "Hunter, your jeans have huge holes in the knees," to which he replied, "They put them there to make it easier to scratch when I need to."
While traveling in Scotland for a week by myself before heading to a bible school, I stayed at several wonderful bed & breakfasts in Edinburgh. I enjoyed the large, plentiful and filling breakfasts that my hosts presented to me each morning. How delighted I was to see a breakfast offering called "black pudding"! I thought to myself, "Pudding for breakfast. Yum!" I ate the black pudding, thinking to myself that it didn't quite taste like chocolate. It didn't even taste like burned chocolate, like I kept trying to convince myself.
A week later as I was telling my new bible school friends my experiences at the bed & breakfasts, one Scottish friend said he was impressed that I tried black pudding. "You do know what black pudding is, right? It's fried pig blood." I nearly ran to the bathroom, but not before I realized this very important lesson: sometimes it's just better to ask what it is, rather than assuming it is chocolate.
I have a daughter that is grown now, however, when she was little she was the "princessa" of the household! She was the youngest of three children and had fun many times at their expense.
When she was three, she came running up the hallway around the corner and jumped up on the couch and settled in with a HUGE grin on her face...about the same time, I heard the older two siblings screaming "MOM"! EWWWWW as they came running into the living room! They showed me that Kaitlyn had put soap on their toothbrushes and they had soap in their mouths! I looked at Kaitlyn and her little sweet face with dimples and her sweet smile and asked her to go clean off those toothbrushes...so she did.
Again, she comes running up the hall, bounds onto the couch and settles in with that same little smile.
The older siblings came in and said that they finished brushing their teeth, but their toothbrushes still tasted funny...at that, little Miss Kaitlyn began to giggle to me and her daddy...and when I asked her why, she proceeded to tell all of us that she had just washed them all off in the toilet...and as we all chorused in EWWWWWS...she simply smiled and said, "Funny joke, huh mama?"
I promised myself at that moment...I was going to write children's books about her adventures!
Lana
When my brother was in 1st grade, (a long time ago), my parents got a note from his teacher. It said, "Michael got in trouble today for calling Brooke a fart." My mom was HORRIFIED, and sat down to talk to him. She told him, "Michael, we don't use words like that in our house, and we don't call people ugly names." He looked her straight in the eyes and said, "BUT MOM, the Bible says to do unto others what they do to you. She called me a fart, so I called her one back!!"
I took my daughter grocery shopping and she was behaving throughout the whole store. About half way through the store I was carrying her and she looked at me and said "I get treat in this store?" I said "No, you don't get a treat because you are not being very good". She then turned to me and said "But I give you smile" and then proceeded to give me the cheesiest smile with her eyes scrunched up. She then said "Come on, Mama, smile, you can smile!" I couldn't help but laugh at her!
Years ago when our son who is now 21 was 5, we were moving to a new house. As we were packing and loading boxes and furniture, I realized I needed my husband for something. When he didn't answer inside, I asked my son as he came in the door if Daddy was outside. "Oh yes," he said, "He's outside with the girlie." The girlie? What girlie, and why is my husband outside with her? As I hurried out to see what was happening, I had to laugh. Rob was pushing a dolly (hand-truck) up the sidewalk. Nathan knew the hand-truck went by some funny, "girlie" name, he just got confused to which one! Twenty-one years later, we still refer to our hand-trucks as girlies!
Last night I was leaving for Awana at church. In a hurry as usual, I backed right in to my husband's police car. Yes - police car - the one issued by the department. It damaged both mine and his a little bit, but the real kicker was that this was the SECOND time I've done it!! My husband is so gracious. He simply hugged me and said, "That's where I park"...meaning....every single day of the year, THAT spot is where my car is...my police car...THAT spot. I love him! Hopefully we won't be in too much trouble today!
I am going to tattle on my Dad! He does tell this and my kids constantly ask him to tell because he is THE BEST STORY TELLER on this planet! Ok, its affectionately entitled The Rolling Turd Story..(I hope that is clean?!?)Ok so my father was in Salt Lake City on business and it was only a day trip and it was a very important sales call... he was there with a colleague and when they got to their destination he realized he desperately needed to find a toilet. Him and I both have had gall bladders removed and it completely messes with the digesive system. Well he starts the run run ..stop find something to look interested in and squeeze until the urge passes and then start the run run process all over again. Well he made it to the privacy of his stall when he got everything unbuttoned and uzipped and...AAAACHOO, he sneezed. blop blop blop...three turds released and went rolling on the floor under the stall and across the floor, you know that the stall next to him was occupied...Can you just imagine sitting down doing your business and three balls of Yucky come rolling under the stall in front of your feet. Needless to say my father stayed in his new abode for several minutes till the restroom cleared...when he had washed up and left, his buddy was waiting and concerned, completely oblivious to his adventure, but did notice the "chocolate stain" that still remained as a reminder of this for the rest of the trip.
I took my son to the dentist when he was three. I was not allowed in the room for the procedure. I heard laughter and the assistant came out with tears rolling down her face from laughing so hard. My son had asked the dentist why he had so much hair growing in his nose. The dentist replied, because I can't grow any on my head! Thank you for the opportunity to share fun stories. Children are such a blessing!!!
Raising our 3 small children years ago, we had to watch our pennies carefully. The boys considered it a real treat to go to Taco Bell for an unexpected lunch. The rule was that they could have 2 tacos and a small drink. Nothing more. I had to pay cash.
One time my oldest, about 8 at the time, told me "Mom, I can't wait until I am all grown up and old enough to take YOU out to lunch."
Awwww, I thought, how sweet.
"Yep" he said, "I am going to tell you to get 2 small tacos and a small drink."
My 15 year old son has his drivers permit. He drives very well, but does like to go faster than I like. One day on a short trip, I kept going on and on about his speed. Finnally he said in his sternest voice, "If I have to stop this car and pull over, NOBODY gets any ice cream!" I have no idea where he ever heard that before!
My middle child (the one born with a twinkle in her eye)....Conversation one day when she was in kindergarten...
Me.."Cortland, did you get in trouble at school today?"
Cortland.. without missing a beat.. "I think I'll let the Holy Spirit tell you."
At least she had been listening when I told her I had connections in high places and the Holy Spirit whispers things to me!
Blessings!
Teresa
When my precious super strong-willed 14 year old was in Kindergarden his teacher gathered all the children into the story circle and began reading a story. In this story a child wanted some ice cream and began throwing a fit to get it. My boy leans over to the child sitting next to him and says, "That doesn't work, I tried it!" His teacher said that she had to laugh and told him, "You know, Shawn, I bet you have!!" And it's true, the biggest baddest longest temper tantrum he ever had was over ice cream!! LOL Thanks for taking me down memory lane today.
One of the home girls, Lisa
Last year, when my youngest daughter was a first grader and just becoming confident in her reading skills, she grabbed the latest edition of a magazine she receives each month, curled up on the couch and began to read. I could hear her sounding out "ISH...ISH...Isshhh...Mom what does I-S-S-U-E-S spell?" I told her "issues". She preceded to say..."These people want to send me 12 free issues...don't they know I have enough issues without them sending me anymore?"
Blessings!
stephanie
My husband and I were taking our then 3 year old little boy, Alex, and his friend, Hope, out to dinner at McDonald's one night. We drove through a grocery store parking lot on the way to McD's and Hope noticed some little carnival-type rides in the grocery store entry way. She turned to Alex and said, "Oh look, a wittle (little) ride!" He immediately shot back, "We ain't got no money, honey."
Where do you think he had heard that before? :)
We had family fun day at church and everyone was wearing name tags, but I forgot that we all had them on. Well I go to get something to drink and the guy handing out the drinks says "what would you like miss Tina?" We have only been going to this church for about a year so we don't know everyone yet. So I was confused at how he knew my name. Later I asked my friend what the guys name was handing out the drinks and she told me and I was like oh, I don't know him but he knew my name some how. So we were trying to figure out how he would know my name when my friends husband says "Your names on your shirt." We cracked up!!!Blonde--yes.
I have the care of my 5 year old Grandson Wyatt each morning before Kindergarten. One of our favorite morning activities is a rousing game of SORRY.
One particular morning I was having the worst of luck in getting my token out of the home position. Wyatt repeatedly sent me back to start! He was nearly "home" with all four of his tokens, when I was finally liberated and in the running. I declared: "FINALLY, I'm on my way!", at which time Wyatt said while drawing another card for himself, "It's a wicked world out there, Grannie." The wisdom of a five year old!
Just the other night, my son (almost 3), wanting to be just like his daddy who was doing his quiet time, got his Bible book and sat down on the sofa. As he turned pages, he "read" the stories as he knows them. This was a particularly interesting rendition: "God made the Sears Tower. And God said, 'DON'T make the Sears Tower!'" (We drove through Chicago on our cross-country move this summer and pointed it out)
Just a few weeks ago at our Tuesday night service, my sister in law and i were sitting near each other with one of our children between us and Pastor stated turn to Hebrews 9 after we greeted each other and told somebody we love them...well, I heard wrong and turned to my sister in law and mouthed to her 11..to which she gave me the sweetest look ever and said "I love you too" to which i replied back, "Well, I love you but we need to be in Chapter 11" and we giggled about that the whole rest of the evening.
When my son was about five years old we were getting ready for church. He was very unhappy at the thought of having to sit through the service so as we were getting ready for church this particular Sunday my husband encouraged him to participate in the service by singing, standing and sitting at the appropriate times, etc. He agreed, although a little reluctantly, but still, his mood lightened a little and we were off to church. As we exited the car and were walking into church, I said to my son, "Now what did daddy tell you to do in church today?" My son answered, "He told me to irritate!" After getting a grip on my laughter, I said, "Sweetie...daddy told you to 'participate'...not 'irritate'!"
A great friend of mine was quietly nursing her newborn baby over at her sister's house. Her 4 year old niece asked her mom what the baby was doing, and her mom explained the process of nursing. After the little girl understood that the baby was drinking milk, she went up to my friend and asked her, "Do you have any orange juice in there?" I guess she was thirsty, and to a four year old she thought it made sense. After holding back intense laughter, my friend politely said, "No, just milk for the baby, it's just for babies." The little girl walked out of the room, satisfied with her response, and my friend said she just about died laughing when she told her friend the story. So cute.
Well, I really don't know how to tell this one, but here goes. A couple of months ago my friend Troy purchased a new home and we were there working on it after church one Sunday night. We had been working on the house all weekend and his family and mine had been over to see what we had gotten done. Well, that evening I was painting in one of the bedrooms and Troy was working on the plumbing in the bathroom. My family had started coming by again and Troy had the front door open but he has a full storm door that is glass. Now remember this was at night. Light on inside house. We heard a terrible sound that sounded like something at exploded of course Troy went running into the livingroom to find out that my brother Eddie had walked all over the storm door. Actually walked into it but he keep on trying to walk. Well we got a good laugh out of it and so did he. But a couple of weeks later Troy and I were working again I was doing some cleaning and he was checking the locks in the sunroom. Needless to say there is another glass storm door from the sunroom to the kitchen and it now has Troy's imprint. He was looking to his side at another door and walked right into the storm door.
We have got to get some stickers for those doors. It all remindes me of the Windex birds on the power lines.
Becky
Attalla, AL
Okay Beth... You asked for it. The funniest thing God ever did in setting me free was by way of allowing me to be humiliated at the beginning of a Bible study session.
I had this habit of taking things people had given me at church and stashing them in my Bible. Not to mention I was carrying the hefty four volume Parallel study Bible at the time. Well, my Bible was chauk full of notes, cards, letters, bookmarks, notepaper with scribbling on it and my weekly sermon note pages. It just happened to be fully loaded, as I made my way into Bible study that night, I walked up the front collecting checks for the workbooks as I went along and greeting the women who were in attendance. I finally made my way to the stool and music stand sitting at the front ready to begin our session when I set my overloaded Bible on the music stand. I felt panic hit my heart when the stand's top swiveled under the weight of my Bible and study book - flipping over and dumping my Bible and its contents on the floor in front of the women sitting in the chairs nearby. I scrambled to pick up the checks, cards, papers and other flying debris as I tried to laugh off the experience. However, the entire episode was simply moritfying. I hate being in front of people and this was just a confirmation to me of why I should not be. That day, God allowed me to see that I esteemed everything in my Bible (my own thoughts and the approval of others) more than His Word. I went home and safely deposited every last piece of memorabilia from my Bible into a box in my bedroom and allowed my Bible to hold God's Word and along with a few well written notes in the margin and covers... but no more NOTE PAPERS, CARDS or SUCH! He also said, "Be humble, and know that laughter is good for the soul." I laughed with the ladies that night and said, "See what happens when you put everything you think you need in your Bible?"
I have two bookmarks and post it notes on occasion in my Bible but never again will I carry all that junk in my precious Bible.
Last week, we were eating lunch with my four year old nephew Landon. My mom commented that a friend of hers wanted the recipe for the green beans we were eating because my mom had taken them to a party recently. The friend had said they were the "best things she's ever put in her mouth." My nephew, who hates green beans, said (under his breath), "they aren't the best things I've ever put in my mouth."
Julie
My husband and I have three kids, the youngest one was adopted from China. This year, in an effort to expose our 4 yr. old to more of her culture, we've invited a Chinese foreign exchange student to live with us. The Chinese are very serious about their education and our student was quite perplexed to hear that my husband had not gone to college and didn't feel that he had needed to. One day as we were driving in the car, he asked me if I'd gone to college and I said hesitantly yes, I'd had 2 years of college but then met my husband and decided that being a wife and mother was my priority for now and that if I wanted to, someday I could continue my education. As I was wondering what his reaction would be to this, he burst out, "That is cool! You're just like Bill Gates!" I have to say it was the first time in my life I'd been compared to Bill Gates, but looking back on the conversation and at my family, I have to say that Bill Gates has got othin' on me. I have been blessed beyond measure.
I am sooo glad you asked, Beth, because I actually thought of writing you to tell you this story; I just know it has a rediculous-but-perfect-Bethworthy-scriptural-analogy in it somehow!
Here is the story:
At our church, we choose to bring our 2 small children, 3 and 1 year old boys, into the sanctuary with us to worship. It is a very traditional, liturgical service. While our children are used to being in the church with us, and are very good and mostly quiet, they are still wild and squirmy and full-on-toddler boys. This- praise God - is understood and welcomed by our congregation.
A few Sundays ago, I had a rehearsal with the Soprano section of the choir, so my husband brought our 2 boys to church in a separate car to meet me there. When Daddy and the boys came into church, I noticed that Caleb, our 3 year old, proudly brought his mini-keychain-sized-flashlight with him, along with several other toys.
As is customary for our family, we piled into 'our' pew (always one against the wall, of course, so the children cannot escape!) and prepped the gang for worship (ie spread out the baby bibles, crayons, cars, sippy cups, etc.). Usually, my husband and I have at least one wild child climbing all over us throughout our service. Can't you just picture us? Sunday finest, baby giggles, climbing toddler, cars rolling under the pews, teething rings getting tossed at sweet old ladies, goldfish and cheerios everywhere, Amens, and little bowing heads - all rolled into one.
As the sermon began, I just had to slip away to the bathroom. (Sorry, honey! You can handle it, right?) I have to admit, that bathroom was VERY peaceful. Maybe I lingered a few moments. As I was washing my hands, and leaning forward, I took a moment to look in the mirror and assess the situation. I expected to find at least one large chunk of hair out of place... at the very least.
Well. There, in my bra, glowing like a beacon ... was that mini-flashlight. Turned ON!!!!
I had been sitting in church, the entire time, just a-smiling at all of my fellow worshippers, greeting the ushers, and engaging in deep- understanding nods to the Pastor... all the while, with a glowing flashlight beaming out of my cleavage!
(Beth, I just know you have some sort of great analogy by now... and the story does not even end here)
So, as I realized all of this while scrubbing my hands off in the ladies' restroom, I did what only a mother that spends her days confined with 2 small children would do: I went BACK into the church, with the flashlight turned on. On purpose.
You may ask why. Well, in hindsight, I wonder why too...
But I just HAD to show my husband! I just HAD to share this laugh with somebody. It was just too silly to laugh at all by myself!
So, I did. I came back into church with the flashlight, turned on, in my bra... To show my husband. And I was very careful not to bend forward, and not to slouch at all.
While we did share a good chuckle, I guess I did not realize how silly my choice was until I thought: hmmmm, how am I going to turn this thing off? And, hmmmmmm, We have to kneel down at the altar for communion soon. Wonder what the Pastors will think of that lady with the light-up bra????
I hope you enjoyed my story! And even if it does not apply to Breaking Free... please, tell me the Scriptural significance of my glowing bra! Because, I am just SURE that God was trying to tell me something! Hehe. :)
P.S. I WAS able to remove the flashlight by using Christian, our one year old, as a deflector and distraction.
-Darlene and the boys
On my first date with my (now) husband, we stopped in a park that overlooked the city to take a moonlight walk. It had been a perfect date and we were having just the sweetest time, walking and talking. Soon it was time to head home. As I climbed into his car, I tucked one leg under the other. We were only driving a short time when he said, “do you smell something?” It was the unmistakable aroma of doggy doo. We pulled over to see which one of us had stepped in it. I was so embarrassed to see it was me. It was not just on the bottom, but going up the side of my shoe as well. He found a bag in his trunk and suggested we put them there until we got back to my house. I agreed and carefully placed them in the bag. We got back in the car and began driving again, when we realized we could still smell it. By this time, I was getting close to my curfew time so we continued on, (gagging for much of the way) assuming some had gotten on his floor mat. When we got to my house, he turned on his interior light. Neither of us could see it because his upholstery and carpet were dark. I went to get a flashlight and was horrified when I turned it on. It was everywhere! The floor mat, the door, the seat, my socks and even the lower part of my jeans (because of how I’d been sitting) I wanted to CRY! Completely humiliated, I insisted on cleaning it up. I got a bucket and scrub-brush and got busy. He kept trying to help, but just kept gagging. Amazingly, that first date didn’t send him running for the hills! We’ve been married for 24 years now, and we still laugh about that night.
I went into my kindergartener's room this morning to wake him. He is such a cutie, especially when he's asleep. I was sitting there watching him sleep when he slips his hand out from under the covers and points to the door, meaning I was supposed to get out. He didn't open his eyes or move, just pointed to the door.
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